18 Months and Healed

[[va...]]

Thanks for the update Vertigo! It's great to see progress for people in this. I hope it cools down for you some. You can always send the humidity here, I won't mind a bit! I could use some tropical nights here in the Pacific Northwest lol!

 

Looking forward to your 24 months update. xo

[[ve...]]

Thanks for the update Vertigo! It's great to see progress for people in this. I hope it cools down for you some. You can always send the humidity here, I won't mind a bit! I could use some tropical nights here in the Pacific Northwest lol!

Looking forward to your 24 months update. xo

 

Thanks VanGal.  I think the last two summers have  been a time where I've tested the waters a bit in terms of getting out to travel more, some social drinking, and maybe push myself  to get back to a more "normal" life where one is not thinking about benzos or the lost time to the benzo journey.  I've been pretty careful to not "overdo" things too much although I did have a little setback after last summer's travel at 9 months off. I've never had more than 2-3 drinks over three or four hours a couple times a week while traveling, no drinking binges, and I've tried to pace myself and take things in moderation in most regards.  When at home, it's unusual for me to have a glass of wine more than about twice a month This past summer has been a little easier than a year ago but I've had some blues upon my return from the W. Coast.  I really do believe one can expedite healing by being mindful of how and what one eats and drinks, especially in the first year off the benzo.  It can be a little tough when you're traveling and tend to eat out more and have more "treats".  I believe GABA down regulation is real and that it takes time to heal.  I'm not sure if having an occasional glass of wine impedes the recovery or not, but I do feel like I am still healing at 21 months off.  When I have just 2 glasses of white wine, I do notice a mood improvement, but I also notice some blues the day or two afterward.  However, this was the case BEFORE benzos when I would have a couple glasses of wine.  I don't think you'd like this warm humid weather too much, being used to cooler weather there in the Southwest of Canada, VanGal .   In any case,  I hope to have something a little more positive to post  in a few months time .

 

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

I just found out that my father's most recent chemotherapy treatment  this past month did not work as well as expected.  It appears he may need to start a stronger round of chemotherapy this Fall.   Some of you may recall that one of the main stressors that led to my trying that first valium  was my father's ongoing cancer over the last five years.  Although he has been very fortunate to have several remissions since his diagnosis, it has not been without complications such as pneumonia, shingles, staph infection, and some hospitalizations in the last two years that resulted in his needing caregivers at home.  I am grateful to be off the benzo poison and would hope to  never again take a pill to deal with stressful or uncomfortable life situations.  That being said, I wonder how I will cope with the difficult road ahead, as the need for stronger chemotherapy comes up along with the eventual decline of my last parent.  I will no doubt be flying out there some time soon (probably next month), which is also stressful due to financial costs, inevitable jet lag/insomnia, being away from my family and the emotional roller coaster of not knowing if treatments will work.   It is of course nothing compared to being the one with the cancer and having to deal with the illness, unpleasant treatment and face one's mortality.   I guess life can always throw something at you or a family member and we must find a way to manage things as best we can.  I started a thread in "chewing the fat" section on how the benzo experiences impact us and how we deal with future stress and difficult situations in life, sometimes to the point of PTSD.  I don't have PTSD, but I've seen where other members feel very "traumatized".  The stress of the last few years in terms of trying to manage my father's illness and other family issues have  no doubt been taxing. Yet all we can do is keep trying to do our best.

 

Vertigo

[[he...]]

Congrads Vertigo and Thank you for all your support you give everyone here .

 

 

God Bless

Laura

[[le...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I have just read your post and I am so sorry to hear about the chemo for your dad not being successful this last time, therefore necessitating another round.  I know this information hits you when you are not feeling at the "top of your game" and even if you were, facing the (probably) terminal illness of a loved one is a gut-wrenching situation.  I am sure that both you and I, in our own ways, have been mulling over the thoughts about how when withdrawal is over, there will still always be more hard situations to face.  I have thought a lot about how do I live my life without being in constant anticipation and fear of these things...and am still thinking and wrestling with this.  The past 2 days I have had a pretty big setback, and whenever this happens I struggle so greatly with how I am going to face the future.

 

I will be thinking of you...and praying for you and your dad and your family situation, V.  We've walked a long road together and bantered back and forth about many important things.  It looks like there will still be much to "talk" about.

 

~Leena

[Guest [Si...]]

Vertigo,

 

Is the PTSD from w/d or some other event ?

 

Thanks.

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Sorry about the second somewhat gloomy message I sent you this morning. We had a family quarrel going on at the time and I guess I didn't feel exactly like myself.

Anyway, I'm back here now after a nice trip to Wenatchee. So sorry to hear about your Dad's cancer flaring up again. I will pray for your family situation especially tomorow. Also a big prayerful for Leena. So sorry to hear about your setback and the struggles you're having. Our small group is going to be singing at 11:00am mass with 4 part harmony and you know what they say about prayer and singing together!

I'm with you about putting life back together post benzo and all the additional stresses that w/d can cause. I too suffered greatly at the hands of w/d during my taper from time to time and was still working full time, taking care of family, household etc. I'll look at your recent posting on Mon and weigh in.

Don't worry about seeming like a downer. I have plenty of days when I feel this way, particularly when family problems get out of hand!

Until I post back, V, have a great rest of the weekend and I'll blog again soon.

 

 

[[Po...]]

Sorry to hear about all your going thru and yet encouraged by the fact that you are handling  it.  My mom had cancer and chemo, not a fun time for anyone.  I too lived out of town, took off from work to spend time with her until she went into remission.  Thankfully they held my job for me.  I pray God gives you the strength to deal with what comes your way. 

 

P11

[[ve...]]

Some Thoughts on Benzo Recovery

 

1)There is no "normal".  Everyone is different and has a different history to bring to the benzo. Some of the considerations that might impact one's recovery are your age, reasons for taking the benzo, how long on the benzo, dose or multiple times on and off the benzo (sometimes referred to as "kindling"), method of coming off (c/t or taper or both), type of benzo or benzos used,  history of other physical health problems or psychological issues, previous medications, current medications, past and hopefully not present alcohol use, illegal drug use, diet, exercise, family support, how much sleep one is getting off the benzo (sleep heals) and I'm sure there are others.  So you can see, there are way too many variables to predict one's particular course of healing.

 

2)That being said, I've seen many buddies here over the last two years report that it is not uncommon for the initial acute withdrawal phase to take anywhere from about six weeks to six months.  Long term healing of some remaining stubborn symptoms (for some) may last up to about 18 months and still not be considered "protracted".  Some folks feel very good by 3-6 months and do not look back.  Others, like me, needed more time to fully heal.

 

3)During acute initial withdrawal, symptoms tend to wax and wane.  Some symptoms' intensity may not change much at first while others seem to diminish over time.  So by six months, many report only a handful of symptoms that remain while many symptoms have either gone or are greatly reduced.  Some stubborn symptoms may linger for longer.  Some are able to adapt to the symptoms to where the pain may not be as noticeable or annoying as  in the beginning.

 

4)Despite a diminishing of many symptoms, setbacks seem to not be uncommon.  Healing is not linear where one continues from the first month off to improve in a straight line.  In my case and many others, one can take several steps forward and one or two backward.  One can even feel pretty good for a month or two and something might rear it's ugly head again (particularly after a big stress, family event or travel), sometimes stronger than before, but then it eventually settles down.  If you expect a non linear recovery, you will not be surprised or get down if things don't go straight from bad to great and stay there.  Rather, healing seems to be more of  a jig jag effect with ups and downs over the course of the first year with a trajectory of moving forward, despite some setbacks being likely.

 

5)I have read that one is not considered "protracted" if one has symptoms in the first 18 months.  That is not to say that one will feel crappy in all ways for over a year.  However, it is possible that some symptoms may linger, although diminished.  What I have observed is that nerve tingling or burning sensations or other nerve reactions can sometimes last longer while the CNS (Central Nervous System) resets over time.

 

6)Pre benzo issues can impact recovery and be confusing.  I first took valium for some insomnia and anxiety a few years ago.  I always expected that some anxiety and sleep issues might return once off the benzo.  Sure enough they did. At times it was unclear whether how much was "pre benzo" issues from before.    Sleep issues improved within a couple months but anxiety actually got worse at various times in the first year or so.  I think the body and brain sometimes over compensate towards too much reactivity after having been on a numbing pill that blocked emotions and feelings.  I had two mini panics in the first six months off, something I never had before benzos or during taper.  It surprised me but I was able to realize it was an adjustment period.  Some folks report they didn't have pre benzo emotional issues, perhaps they only took the benzo for situational sleep troubles or something else.  I find that there are sometimes underlying emotional issues that can contribute to the sleep problem.  In any case, at some point in recovery, it is not uncommon to want to process some of the feelings of loss,  some aspect of withdrawal, perhaps frustration with some doctors, or concern at how long it might take to heal.  Sometimes one can process things on one's own or one might need help from others.

 

7)If you had pre benzo issues such as depression or anxiety, recovery off the benzo can be helped if one took time either during taper or afterward to learn some coping skills to deal with stress and how one reacts to problems in life.  Stopping a benzo does not make life stress free. One still needs to know how to deal with challenges.  Some people have benefited from a therapist.  Others like me have taken the time to read up on cognitive therapy techniques, ACT Therapy and try to learn meditation, mindfulness and breathing techniques to cope with situations, hopefully better than before the benzo.

 

8)Others feel that some type of antidepressant may help in that first year of being off the benzo, particularly if depression or sleep become very difficult over time or  "impossible".  Also, some have found that certain types of antidepressants can not only help with sleep, but may also help some of the fatigue or muscle issues.  Some buddies have also been diagnosed with chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia.  Some have been "misdiagnosed" with other illnesses or disease processes so one needs to be careful.  In my opinion, it is important to find a doctor who you trust before adding antidepressants or throwing more medication at what could be "normal withdrawal", even if the withdrawal takes more than six months.  I believe it is a minority of folks who really need the a/d to get through the first year off the benzo.  Many of us have been to doctors who were ignorant about benzo withdrawal and it is sometimes hard to develop trust in another doctor.  Yet it is important to find one you can work with, especially if you might need medical care in the future.  At 21 months, I do not anticipate taking any additional medications. That being said, I do not judge others who might possibly benefit from one.

 

9)It is important to understand that while some folks may feel 90% healed at a few months off, there are a pretty good number who follow a time line that may fit in more with  6-18 months and that is ok too.  18 months is not considered "protracted".  Healing is happening in subtle ways every day, week or month (despite occasional setbacks).  I personally was feeling 80% at six months, 85-90% at a year and I'm still not quite 100%.   However, I had a complication with getting Shingles six weeks post taper.  Some of those nerve issues may not even be "benzo related" although I believe it was the valium taper that made me vulnerable to getting the Shingles virus.  My CNS appears to have  weakened by being on valium, tapering off it and getting Shingles.  My CNS seems to still be healing, but it's been gradual and a process.  

 

10)It seems common to have a thought that one will "never get better" or that things will be "permanent".  Also, some folks tend to over analyze and over think their symptoms.  Hypochondriac feelings can be a part of withdrawal.  This may even border on OCD or some type of obsessiveness or "intrusive thoughts".  One may label things as "horrible" or "intolerable" but one often surprises oneself at how resilient the human physiology is made.   One may also feel some level of trauma in some cases.  I believe these issues can be processed through to where one comes out stronger.  Learning some cognitive techniques or ACT therapy defusion can help. I recommend the book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  Also, "Full Catastrophe Living" or "Wherever you go, There you are"  by Jon Kabat Zinn, along with some of his other books for learning basic mindfulness and meditation.   Attending a meditation and/or yoga class may also be helpful.  Healing happens, perhaps not the same path or the same time frame for all, but we all get there in the end .

 

By the way, I started a thread here in "withdrawal support" last year when I was about three months off called "Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group".  There are many folks who have posted there on how they were doing at various points after the benzo in case anyone is interested.  

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[Ta...]]

Thanks Verigo,

Well put as usual. I feel a lot the same. Like I am forever 'so close' to being fully healed but can't seem to quite get there and any little health issue (even just hormones) brings on a setback.

It is frustrating, but when I think how bad I used to feel, it isn't so bad really.

If only life would cooperate and settle down some so I could finish healing! ; )

I think I need to get some regular exercise again. The nice cool air here in Vancouver helps. I don't miss the oppressive heat of the southwest!

Hope you had a nice summer. Next summer will of course be better!

Cheers,

Tanya

[[fl...]]

All good info and advice V. It is amazing how different each persons reaction is to this stuff. I had a friend that ct'd off of xanax and ativan without ever knowing there was a w/d to benzos. He also drank the whole time taking it and after (going through a divorce+custody etc..). Meanwhile I have lost over a year of my life to the stuff and am still nowhere close to healed.

 

The best advice to find a way to survive however necessary, learn to accept the situation, and stop worrying about how unfair life can be. No matter how bad it gets, somebody somewhere has it worse. At least we're still alive and kicking!

 

Sorry to hear about your dad V, hopefully this next round of chemo will help to improve his condition. Take care.

 

Jeff M.

[[Pe...]]

Congratulations Vertigo!  I think that was an important statement, that healing can happen in the 2nd year.  That is of major importance for people who are still struggling father out.

 

Also, the fact that things began to turn around with diet and exercise, I have noticed the same thing.  This advice may help the masses! 

 

I am very happy for you that you are feeling well enough to post a success story.  I was surprised at your ending statement, I don't see how you could have possibly offended anybody, you are a very caring person IMO!

[[pa...]]

Happy Laboy Day V!

A very thorough and thoughtful post about recovery. I read so much there that makes sense. There hasn't/isn't always been 'linear' healing that has occured with me through this process. Lots of ups and down, setbacks, moving forward; it's all been there.

If I were to describe my course, I would say that the first 6 months, I felt pretty unstopable. At 6 months off, I started to have some difficulties. This coincided with my descision to c/t remeron. Although I was on very low amounts, the cut really did affect me. Unfortunately, I rarely get good guidenace from the doctors at my medical center who insist that it was 'just a placebo affect'. The 6-12 month time fame for me seemed to go from difficult to worse with the 10-12 month period being a draery one indeed. I think that there were many stressful issues I was dealing with at the time that I just wasn't prepared to take on. This had a way of overwelming me to the point that I couldn't sleep and actually developed a fear of not going to sleep.

Fortunatly, I rebounded from all that. Although I continue to take small amounts of remeron, I still feel that I have made great progress since last Jan-Feb. Yes, preserverance, healing does happen in the 2nd year... I can testify to that!

Anyway, V, you have certainly come a long way on this forum since I met you. One again, I congradulate you on your thoughful posts and taking the time to illustrate how recovery may go. It sounds like you still have outside challenges to deal with right now. My wish for you in the meantime is a nice Holiday well spent with family!

Take good care and I hope to hear more from you soon!

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Tanya, Pangelingua, Floydhead, Perseverance, Popcornlady, Sigma, Leena, Helpme123 and the rest.  Many thanks for your kind words and comments.

 

Glad you made it to Vancouver and are enjoying some cooler weather Tanya. We enjoyed our trip out there.  You make a good point about how hormones and different things can cause a surge in symptoms, yet when put in perspective, may  not be quite so "bad" when compared with some other parts of the early taper or if one did a c/t.   Sometimes a surge in symptoms can feel pretty strong too, but there is hope that things will settle down with time.

 

Many thanks Leena for your kind words and keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers.  Yes, the challenges, some of which we faced before benzos, do not go away nor do new ones stop coming.  I hope your recent setback has started to settle down.  As you said, we have metaphorically weathered a storm that has brought many of us closer together.  I've been reading about the fires in Texas and hope that a real storm will drop some rain on Texas soon!

 

I hope your mother continues with her remission, Popcornlady.  It is a challenge to go through benzo withdrawal while also managing the stress of having a sick parent.  Glad you were able to keep your job and that your mother is healing now.  Good luck with the rest of your taper .

 

Sigma, I don't believe I had PTSD.  The thread I started in "Withdrawal support" which is now in "Chewing the Fat" section of forum,  is about how the benzo journey can in some ways "feel" traumatic.  Some may actually have been diagnosed with PTSD, others may feel traumatized by different aspects of the situation and not meet the definition of PTSD by the DSM IV.  I discuss in that thread in some detail what aspects of my benzo journey felt traumatic.   Thanks for your post and continued success with your taper.

 

Hope you also had a nice Labor Day weekend Pangelingua. We had some rain from Tropical Storm Lee but were fortunate to not have any roof damage from a few tornados that hit the area.   Mother nature is ultimately very powerful, eh?.  You are an example where your surge from months 10-12 was very hard felt, although some of it involved tapering another medication which I think can be difficult and can impact withdrawal and recovery off the benzo.  Others have more easily tapered off an a/d and felt better.  It seems very individual and so many variables like other stresses going on at the time, other health problems... I recall you had back pain and some challenges at work that may have contributed additional stress.  I also had a seback in months 8-9 after some family stress, health issues for my father, travel and perhaps a few too many treats and spirits while out of town.  I also get pretty  significant jet lag when I travel to the W. Coast. I know how just a few days of less and less sleep can cause all sorts of issues.  Sometimes we just have to  accept that sometimes things might reverse for a while.  I know it's a cliche, but sometimes it's not that we fall down but how and what we do to get back up that counts.

 

Yes, healing can happen in the second year , Perseverance.  So many folks on forum and on the "post benzo freedom" thread in withdrawal support have posted about this.  As for my comment in the original post of this thread about forgiveness if I "offended anyone", I have at times had strong opinions in some of my posts about such things as "when and whether it is prudent to updose", "merits of reinstatement", "avoiding c/t"...  There have been some healthy debates on some of the threads I started such as the "cold turkey" thread in withdrawal support section of forum and more recently, the PTSD and trauma thread which is now in "Chewing the Fat" section of forum.  I think respectful debate is healthy but sometimes when one is riled up in withdrawal, comments can be taken personally.  So anyway, it doesn't hurt to say that I meant no harm or offense with some of my threads or comments .

 

Thanks for your post, Jeff/Floydhead.  I think your friend who did the c/t and continued to drink and not feel strong withdrawal, is probably in the minority.  Also, drinking can continue to stimulate GABA so that there may not be a full withdrawal until the drinking stops.  That being said, there seem to be some lucky folks who are able to get off the benzo with relative ease.  No doubt it is frustrating to "lose" a year or more to tapering and/or recovery off the benzo.  One doesn't have to stop one's life completely though.  I know you've been a father and done your best this last year.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's "good enough".  I think it is a valid point that harping on "how unfair" something is/was does not help us to get well.   (Self and other) acceptance and forgiveness seem to work a little better .  Thanks for the well wishes regarding my father.  His last blood test was a little more encouraging so we'll see how the next couple of weeks goes.  Either way, I'll probably fly out there this fall.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

 

 

[[ga...]]

Excellent advice, as always, V. I will check out those food/vitamins supplements, but I hope they aren't overly expensive. I find my local natural food stores likes to stick it to the local yuppies. 

I tried a testosterone cream a few months ago. At first, it was great, but later it just ended up making more tired. I agree - Stress at work/home & constant travel can have a big negative impact in terms of daily fatigue. Lack of sleep, of course, promotes significant daily fatigue. I taken vitamins & minerals daily but haven't taken a separate Vitamin D supplement or tried your "Amazing Grass". What do those do for you ? I unfortunately love coffee & have to have my daily cup. I'm trying to steer clear of the brown sodas. I can drink beer, wine and mixed drinks but usually tap out at 2 glasses. I'm sure a part of this daily fatigue is leftover from the benzos, but aging definitely plays a significant part. Perhaps there is no complete solution to this fatigue, but if I can at least control/minimize the daily effects, I would be a "happy camper". 

Rock on and Go Packers, 

George

 

Thanks guys.  I just want to respond about the diet and exercise issues that Gagger, Ruth and a few others mentioned.  It's been a couple weeks back from summer travel and I'm feeling some rebound effects from the extra sweets, increase in caffeine, some alcohol... I've encountered some blues this past week, partly from cabin fever in that it's been very hot and humid here this past week.  I've recently read a few posts of buddies who took trips and returned home in a funk, as Ruth/Hoping mentioned.  This has happened to me in the past, even before benzos.  I think it is a fine line when one travels and one wants to enjoy the sights and also the culinary experience.  My wife is a coffee drinker so we're often stopping at coffee shops around 3 or 4PM for her caffeine boost and sometimes something sweet. It takes a lot of discipline to not join in.  This can throw me off although I tried to stick with tea on most occasions. For some reason, coffee is just not the best thing for me but I sometimes think it'll be ok and invariably end up with feeling the impact when I return from traveling.  The GI system acts up a bit if I don't taper off the coffee over a period of weeks.  The jet lag can also impact things too.  I've experienced some blues and fatigue the past week after several weeks of active running around and traveling. This happened to me last summer at nine months off, but on a larger scale.  I don't blame this on benzos.  It's something that happened after long trips long before I ever took valium.  However, I think coffee and alcohol can stir up symptoms (no pun intended) so just be aware as you get farther off the benzo, that it is possible that what you eat and drink can cause some mild or even moderate relapses in certain types of symptoms.  I think they can resolve but there is always a price to pay for the decisions we make.  The last month I've experimented with MACA which is an herb supposed to help raise energy levels by balancing hormones/testosterone (which some men over 40 may have lower levels) but I can't recommend it as I would like a blood test to first confirm  no negative liver impact from it.  I've only been taking it for a few weeks.  I wanted a boost while traveling and it seems to have helped a bit but I may stop it in a couple weeks.  Its still early for me to tell so again, I can't recommend it.  It might be impacting my mood, could be tolerance build up too, you never know for sure with an herb.

 

Gagger,  as far as foods and vitamins to restore my energy, I think a balanced diet with ample vegetables and fiber, low sugar, adequate protein and as few refined sweets is helpful.  I stay away from sodas but I do have a weakness when it comes to dark chocolate .  I also have experimented with some green smoothies using things like Amazing Grass.   I try to eat protein and carb together for meals and snacks and healthy fats like olive oil, flaxseed, almonds.... I try to avoid transfats, fried foods and partially hydrogenated poisons. I take a multivitamin, magnesium and calcium supplements, coq10 and a few other things.  I think it's important to drink ample water too.    I've had some issues with afternoon fatigue for some years so it's nothing I can attribute to benzos.  I believe regular exercise can help keep energy at higher levels too, as well as some daily exposure to the sun.  I sometimes take a supplemental Vitamin D if it's winter and I'm not outdoors as much.  Some folks can't tolerate vitamin D or B complex if it's too soon after taper ends.  Anyway, I think it's all individual as to what works best for you.  I'm not up on master cleanses or body flushes but I do find a hot tub or warm bath to sometimes be relaxing .

 

I know what you mean Pangelingua about not having quite the energy as in the past years.  I think it's normal to slow down a bit, regardless of the impact on the CNS that the benzo experience may still leave us with.  I also agree with some of your previous posts that some of us are a little more sensitive to stress than others.

 

Hiya Jenny. So happy to read your success story at 15 months .  I hope you'll continue to heal as you also get out more and challenge yourself in the coming months. Congrats Tamzo on your recent benzo freedom .  I hope this summer and Fall will bring much healing and peace to you. I'll try to post another update when I get to 24 months.

 

Best wishes to all,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi George. I hear ya about the health food store costs.  Wholefoods is not cheap either .  You can find some good prices on Amazon sometimes.  Also, some vitamins might be reasonable at a place like Trader Joes.   I agree that travel can impact fatigue, especially if it is fairly frequent.  Amazing Grass gives me more greens than I would normally be inclined to consume.  I think it has helped me to stay healthy and catch less colds in the past nine months,  although I have one at the moment .  I seem to be rebounding from this one without getting a sinus infection (so far).  Maybe it's true what they say about eating your veggies .   I did find that the MACA herb was not all it was cracked out to be.  I stopped taking it a couple weeks ago and my mood has improved.  Good to stay clear of the brown sodas, George.  I do too.  I also stay away from beer as the carbonation does not agree with my reflux, but I seem to do ok with wine in moderation once in a while.  I had my first "real drinks" over this past summer but like you, feel I need to keep things in moderation and stop at 2.  Had a martini twice this summer  and it was pretty tasty. Hope you find some answers regarding the fatigue.  I'll be happy to hear any feedback if you do.  That was a great game against the Saints last weekend and fun to watch.  Pack looked good.  Saints need to work on their pass defense.

 

Have a great weekend,

 

Vertigo

[[ga...]]

Hi Vertigo - I try to get my vitamins & supplements at Costco in bulk. However some of this specialty items, I may have to check out Trader Joes, Amazon or ugh, my local natural health food stores. My gut feeling says weight loss, exercise & diet are key to getting over this daily fatigue. I'd still like to try the body flush thing after I get to a target weight. I got on the Atkins diet last week but went after it too fast & became dizzy most of the week. I'm pulling back this week a bit & rereading some of his tips.

 

Love martinis, especially apple martinis ! I had champagne this Summer which didn't have a negative effect on me. I'm starting to drink red wines again, which is a real pleasure (ie. White wine only was starting to get old). Yes, the Packers/Saints game was exciting right up until the end. Looking forward to the Pack having another great year. 

 

Have a good week, 

George

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo - I try to get my vitamins & supplements at Costco in bulk. However some of this specialty items, I may have to check out Trader Joes, Amazon or ugh, my local natural health food stores. My gut feeling says weight loss, exercise & diet are key to getting over this daily fatigue. I'd still like to try the body flush thing after I get to a target weight. I got on the Atkins diet last week but went after it too fast & became dizzy most of the week. I'm pulling back this week a bit & rereading some of his tips.

 

Love martinis, especially apple martinis ! I had champagne this Summer which didn't have a negative effect on me. I'm starting to drink red wines again, which is a real pleasure (ie. White wine only was starting to get old). Yes, the Packers/Saints game was exciting right up until the end. Looking forward to the Pack having another great year.  

 

Have a good week,  

George

 

Hi George.  I found Atkins to be a little intense.  I prefer Protein Power by Eades.  I lost weight too quickly and found that it spiked anxiety for a few months.  There were some other things going on at the end of last year in terms of stress,  but I'm pretty sure it was not good to go all out low carb.  One can make moderate changes and get into shape a little more gradually.  I like the Kavli crackers. You can buy them online in bulk on Amazon.  Just reducing bread and cereal made a big difference.  I forgot about Costco. Yep, we are members there too.  In fact, was there yesterday and cheated with one of the $1.50 hot dogs .  Glad you are able to enjoy some red wine in moderation.  The Packers are going to have a good season, as long as they stay healthy and minimal injuries.

 

Good luck with your weight loss and hope the fatigue diminishes with time,

 

Vertigo/John

[[mt...]]

HI John

Thought I would bop by and say hi!  Hope you had a good summer.  I am sad to see it passing by...Fall is definately in the air.  I may be off to Florida at the end of the month.  I am not looking forward to flying and feel a little anxious about leaving my little coccoon I have createdhere at home.  I must say that after a lfetime of running around and burning the candle at both ends I am a bit suprised to find myself so content to be at home, quiet and alone. 

 

For the past month I have been meditating on friday evenings and a few "miracles" have appeared in my life.  I hope to extend my meditation practice in the upcoming months.  Might be useful for flying....

 

So far I continue to feel pretty well.  Still sensitive to stress but overall I am feeling well.  Tomorrow I am getting blood drawn so I can get an idea of where I stand compared to pre-taper!  I think its a good idea to get assessed and continue forward with a bit more information on any areas that need attention.

 

Glad you continue to heal and be patient.  One day you will be back to 100%!

Keep on truckin

All my best to you

Mimi

 

[[ve...]]

HI John

Thought I would bop by and say hi!  Hope you had a good summer.  I am sad to see it passing by...Fall is definately in the air.  I may be off to Florida at the end of the month.  I am not looking forward to flying and feel a little anxious about leaving my little coccoon I have createdhere at home.  I must say that after a lfetime of running around and burning the candle at both ends I am a bit suprised to find myself so content to be at home, quiet and alone.  For the past month I have been meditating on friday evenings and a few "miracles" have appeared in my life.  I hope to extend my meditation practice in the upcoming months.  Might be useful for flying....

 

So far I continue to feel pretty well.  Still sensitive to stress but overall I am feeling well.  Tomorrow I am getting blood drawn so I can get an idea of where I stand compared to pre-taper!  I think its a good idea to get assessed and continue forward with a bit more information on any areas that need attention.  Glad you continue to heal and be patient.  One day you will be back to 100%!

Keep on truckin

All my best to you

Mimi

 

Good to see your latest news Mimi. Glad you are overall feeling well and thanks for the update.  Hope your blood test turns out well.  The meditation sounds like a great way to heal.  I hope you find the strength to make that trip to Florida.  I believe that challenging yourself to get out of the cocoon a little bit, may be the next step in your healing process.  I will be doing some travel in the next few weeks as well.  Hard to believe Thanksgiving is around the corner.  Fall is definitely in the air here as well.  I hope the heat and humidity are less severe in Florida as it has been much milder weather here.

 

Take care,

 

V

[[ga...]]

 

Hi George.  I found Atkins to be a little intense.  I prefer Protein Power by Eades.  I lost weight too quickly and found that it spiked anxiety for a few months.  There were some other things going on at the end of last year in terms of stress,  but I'm pretty sure it was not good to go all out low carb.  One can make moderate changes and get into shape a little more gradually.  I like the Kavli crackers. You can buy them online in bulk on Amazon.  Just reducing bread and cereal made a big difference.  I forgot about Costco. Yep, we are members there too.  In fact, was there yesterday and cheated with one of the $1.50 hot dogs .  Glad you are able to enjoy some red wine in moderation.  The Packers are going to have a good season, as long as they stay healthy and minimal injuries.

 

Good luck with your weight loss and hope the fatigue diminishes with time,

 

Vertigo/John

 

Hi John,

 

Atkins is quite intense, especially during the Induction phase. I do get major periods of fatigue,

as my body cries out for sugar. However, I find that exercising and frequent meals help a lot.

 

I also have a lot of stress going on at work, but I am trying to not let it get me off track.

It's too easy to say "Work is just too demanding to be on a diet/exercise routine" then give

up. Work is always going to be there, and it probably will continue to be hard on many days,

so I have to just deal with it. Yes, cutting out the breads and the sugar drinks helps a lot.

Costco is great, especially their bulk vitamin/supplements area. I used to love their pizza

slices, but I have to resist that now. Having red wine is great, but unfortunately, Atkins

says no to that for now. Packers will have another great season.

 

Good luck also on your search for the fatigue cure. I hope you find it soon !

 

George/Gagger

[[te...]]

So good to hear healing happens!!

[[Ly...]]

So glad to hear that!

[[ve...]]

Well, it's been about six months since I posted here last.  We've gone through two more seasons (Fall 2011 and Winter 2012) and Spring approaches, almost a year since I wrote this story.  I am currently 28 months off valium.  My signature still reads 95% healed and I'd say that's still accurate.  However, I do not consider myself "protracted".  I have basically two  symptoms that I had before benzos and a third that is still impacting me somewhat. 

 

The first is anxiety.  I still have this in the mornings, maybe about 10-15% higher than before I took that first valium almost four years ago, hard to believe it's been that long.  I've read many books on the subject and the best one I've found is "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety" by Orsillo and Roemer.  CBT type approaches didn't work so well for me.  ACT seems to have been more helpful.  I think acceptance in general is a better way to go than judging yourself for having this or that anxious thought... A year ago, I had my last big setback at around 14-15 months off.  Anxiety was about twice as high as it is today so there's been steady progress.  Also, I no longer view the elimination of anxiety as the goal.  I hope to continue to build my coping skills and acceptance of challenges that come up in the future.

 

The second issue remaining is consistent sleep.  I first took valium for some anxiety over a family situation (posted earlier in this thread) which was also impacting my sleep.  I was waking up at 2 or 3AM and not getting back to sleep for several hours.  Thankfully that is no longer the case and has not been for some time.  About a year off valium, I engaged in a moderate exercise program/low carb diet which left me 30lbs lighter but I started to wake up at 5:00 or 5:30AM every morning even though I did not have to be up before 6:45AM most days.  This went on for the next year.  Recently I started trying melatonin and experimented with a few other supplements such as L-Tryptophan, as per the book "The Mood Cure".  I've been able to sleep 6-7 hours and past 6:00AM even before the recent daylight savings time change.  So things have been improving.  Unfortunately, I did gain back about half the weight in the last year but maybe more carbs have helped in some way.  I would like to lose about 10lbs before summer, wel'll se if I can make that happen.

 

Finally, there seemed to be an overall greater sensitivity to stress in the second year off.  I can't really explain it but it's as if smaller things yield a more intense or quicker reaction than before.  I've read in a few places that this can be normal to have that vunerability.  That being said, I've been challenging myself to do more things that I did not feel ready to do even a year ago.  For example, I'm coaching my son's soccer team and I have recently exposed myself to some new career opportunities.  And despite wanting to procrastinate, I took the bull by the horns and had a colonoscopy after turning 50 recently.  Despite several GI issues over the last couple years, all was normal.  By the way, I requested Propofol rather than Versed during the procedure, which I believe impacts GABA receptors.  I made it clear to the GI specialist and the anesthesiologist that I have an "allergy" to benzodizapenes and that I did not want any pre sedatives.

 

I feel very fortunate to be off the benzo.  No matter what stress may come up, I know I will never voluntarily take a benzodiazapene in the future.  I first took valium because of stress associated with the complications regarding a parent who has had cancer.  There were some very stressful family situations and decisions to be made in the last five years, but I now know that taking a pill to numb the stress or the pain is not the answer.  I don't know if I'll change that signature to 100% one day, not sure if I'll be around forum much longer.  If I remember, I'll try to come back and post this Fall at 3 years. 

 

If you are currently tapering or finished and still suffering withdrawal and wondering if it's worth it, I can say that it has been for me.  I can't imagine being stuck on the benzo poison for the rest of my life.  I knew after a few months that it was bad news.  It took a little over a year after my first dose four years ago, but the worst is well behind me as it will be for you one day soon.  And even if it takes a year or two, it's worth it!!!

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

[[pa...]]

Hi V! Thanks for the update!

So glad to hear that things are going well for you. I am right behind you timewise and I am experiencing similar healing.

 

I too have an extra vulnerability to stress. There seems to be a temper issue that I sometimes have over trivial things and I've kept the phrase 'I'm sorry' as part of my daily script with family!

 

There are many similar issues you've dealt with that I myself am all too familiar with... You seem to have reached the point where (like myself), these are mostly behind you and now it's more about getting on with family and home.

 

Best to you as you continue this journey, V and thanks so much for being a huge part of this forum and helping others!