18 Months and Healed

[[Co...]]

Hi Vertigo, Im so happy you consider yourself healed. That is wonderful. Thankyou again for always being there to reassure me and offer helpful suggestions. I think you should feel very proud of yourself for all the effort you put in to help your BB. Take good care. Colleen

[[uw...]]

THANK YOU for sharing your success story! You are a true inspiration to many on here, and proof that things do get better and we do heal!

 

Wishing you many wonderful things in your benzo-free years to come!!! 

[[da...]]

Wow!

Thank yo so much for sharing your success story!

 

Congratulations!

 

-Dan

[[Sh...]]

Yay Vertigo!

So happy to read your success story! 

I am right behind you by a few weeks and though I dont post anymore I am always lurking the success stories:)

Not recovered but compared to where I was a year ago I am ecstatic to be where I am today! 

Still feel I have a ways to go~everything is right under the surface now and if I can keep the stress low I do just fine:)

Take care and wish you nothing but the best!

XXXX

Shelley

 

 

[[ve...]]

Thank you all so much for all your kind words .  I have been very blessed to meet so many good and caring people here at BenzoBuddies these past couple years.  The worst time of my life was in the Fall 2009 as my taper ended and  those first few months afterward, mostly related to all the family stress surrounding my sick parent and a difficult sibling (not as much to do with withdrawal after finishing the taper since I did go slow and that helped ).  That being said, the whole situation was very taxing and then the Shingles virus in January 2010 was like a one/two punch.   So many of you were there for me as well, you know who you are :mybuddy:.  I am glad if I was able to give back even a fraction of all the support I received here during some really rough times.  Anyhow, I'm not leaving the forum but I do have some plans to travel this summer and get out and enjoy life .  I will try to check back from time to time, particularly those who may still be tapering or some who are already in the "post benzo" healing phase.   I will hope to blog with some of you this summer.  I will also try to pop in to check on the "post benzo freedom Support Group" thread in the "withdrawal support" section of forum, as AfterU999 mentioned.  Today is the actual 18 month date .  I am grateful for the progress that has been made thus far and optimistic about the coming days ahead.  I wish anyone who is still tapering or done tapering but still struggling, to keep hope alive, things will get better!

 

Also a few words about alcohol.  I'm not a heavy drinker, mostly a social drinker (one to two glasses of wine maybe once or twice a month for the most part). I intermittently consumed alcohol in the first year off and I feel it was a mistake that led to several setbacks, particularly last summer.  I didn't drink all that much either.  However, for what it may be worth, I strongly suggest abstaining for the first year post taper.  Also, for some reason, I think red wine was more of a problem for me and my GI system. I also had a few sinus infections last year, which is not uncommon.  However, I would like to add that whenever I take an antibiotic, I A)avoid quinolones and B)take a good probiotic such as "Culturelle" which is available over the counter.

 

Finally, many thanks to Colin and all the moderators who give so generously of their time and energy to keep this site going.

 

 

Vertigo

[[ki...]]

 

Congratulations V 

[[ib...]]

Hi V,

 

Congratulations, you deserve it.  Like everyone else I too am so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet you.  You definitely were my life line and continue to be. Wishing you nothing but the best.

 

Ibmom 

 

[[Ja...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

So wonderful to read your success story and through your words it shows that in time, healing does take place. Thank you, it gives me a great deal of hope.

 

We've crossed paths only recently and in this short time, you've had a direct impact in helping me as I start my taper. Know that your kind words and way of sharing your experiences has helped me manage through a rough phase. And your story shows how you have to remain flexible in balancing health during life situations that will occur. Reading that you continued forward while managing a great deal of stress shows your strength and and belief that you will reach this very bright spot or time when you can say you are truly healed 18 months out. You have come through a long journey and I am happy for you! And, you'll be happy to hear...my refrigerator is fully of healthy options these past few weeks because of your great advice! 

 

I wish you much happiness in your life. Thank you for all that you've given and for your generous support to myself and others.

 

God bless,

 

Jan 

[[ch...]]

Thanks vertigo for sharing your story. You have been a big help around the forum. I have seen you come a long way since I have been on BB. I am confident you will continue to heal as more time passes. Thanks again for the story !

 

Chrisw

[[...]]

Hey Vertigo...CONGRATS!  This past year has been a crazy one and I've watched you struggle through your recovery.  I'm just so happy for you.  It's amazing to see someone come this far!

 

Thanks for the support you've given me along the way. 

 

Enjoy your benzo free, symptom free life!   

 

L

[[ca...]]

Congrats Verti! I am so very happy for you! Thank you for all the support you have given me and others. I wish you well, enjoy your beautiful healed life!  :yippee:

[[ve...]]

Thank you again for all your positive feedback.  I would just like to add that I feel that a "healed" life from benzos is not a stress free one.  I still have big challenges to work through in terms of coping with some very significant illnesses of our elderly parents.  My father has cancer and is expected to need chemotherapy in a few months and my mother in law has recently taken a downturn in her health.  I have no illusions that life will be easy moving forward, wasn't before benzos and not gonna be afterward. I still have days where anxiety spikes, but I believe much of it is no longer physical withdrawal or a result of a benzodiazepene impacting my CNS .  That being said, while I feel significantly better than a few months ago and 18 months ago when I finished my taper, some aspects of life have actually become harder these past few months.  I know you all mean well with your encouraging words and they are appreciated.  And it is beautiful to be off benzos, don't get me wrong .  That being said,  just a reality check- life off benzos while dramatically better in so many ways, can still be a struggle at times.  I am very grateful that I am not on a mind numbing benzo to meet these current challenges.   I hope I don't sound like a grinch, but  I think it's important to put that out there, not as any form of discouragement, but so folks will have realistic expectations.  Healing off benzos while something to look forward to and celebrate, should not be equated with an erasure of previous nor current challenges or problems to deal with in life. Also, I view at least one gauge of healing as in part,  getting out and challenging oneself in different ways and seeing how one responds to stress without the benzo that previously calmed the nerves artificially.  So going back to work whether for money or volunteer basis, getting out there socially, traveling, facing difficult family situations or visits rather than avoiding them... can "test the system".  To be clear, I'm not suggesting that anyone throw themselves in a hornet's nest one or two months off the benzo but maybe 6, 9 or 12 months off, gradually get out there and try things that might stir things up a bit.  Each challenge or stressful situation dealt with head on even if not perfectly, is a step closer to authentic healing.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[JJ...]]

Vertigo, i'm so happy for you and this brings me hope today, when I really need it. at 7 1/2 months out I'm suffering a lot lately. I know you've had ups and downs in your healing and I need to be reminded that there is no set path of healing, it can fluctuate and it doesn't mean it's NEVER going to get better, which is where I tend to take it.  you have stayed the course and been so helpful to so many, including myself, along the way. thank you and congrats on your healing!

J.

[[Ta...]]

Vertigo-

 

Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty.  I agree that we shouldn't expect life post benzos to be perfect.  I hope things continue to get better for you as time goes on and I wish you luck in your future endevours.  Thank you for your encouragement in the early days of my taper, it was much needed and appreciated.

 

take care,

Tamzo

[[Ta...]]

Congrats John,

Best wishes in your new stronger, better than ever life!

Puts a new perspective on everything doesn't it? Like life is in colour now.

-Tanya

[[pa...]]

Hi V! I got your 2nd PM!

I just thought I'd reply to you here... I agree with your assesment that a benzo free life is not necessarily a stress-free one. You know from following my blog how things developed for me. For the first few months, I was unstopable. Then, there were some issues that popped up that seemed to take the wind out of my sails as the year closed. What seems to have affected me was that I became a person who was easily overwhelmed by problems. There are some health conditions that I face, a fair helping of 'difficult people encounters' that left me feeling vulnerable, and also finacial/health care worries. Had I not fallen so deeply last Jan, I would have posted a success story by now as I told you before. Your answer back to me said it best in that there is no race in posting one and also that there are many factors that can affect a 'total success'.

I've said this before, V, but you are a true 'benzo warrior' and I salute your progress, your giving of your time to help others, and also your bravery in facing some very difficult situations with your extended family!

What I will pray for you now is a closure to some of the things you've had to face these last few years. I say this not only because I'm a compassionate human being who's been through benzo w/d, but also because I went through a very similar set of circumstances. It seems one can wish for things like that to end, but it always seems like they'll end when there ready to and I salute your patience and willingness to see the task through. You also have a heartfelt devotion to seeing to it that your father has THE best quality of living through these last years of his life. I tell you that as far as saints go, V, you are certainly one of them!

Again, best wishes! I know that I will continue to see you around here and I feel that my 'success story' will be a future one here on the forum for sure!

[[ve...]]

Just thought I'd pop in at 20 months off the benzo beast.  Thanks everyone for your encouragement, particularly the last six months where I feel I made it past that final hurdle of healing, where one gets out there more, whether for work or travel or with family or other stressful situations....  I'm currently doing some summer travel.  These are some very long days of sightseeing and being on my feet for hours and hours, carrying a backpack with water, windbreaker, umbrella since it can rain anytime out here and can be tiring. I'm not quite ready to say I'm 100% but was pretty close on many days .  Sometimes I get a little foggy with regards to finding directions on a map .  I've been able to drink some wine in moderation.  My anxiety seems to be manageable for the most part. I've been able to stay with friends for part of the trip and although it can be stressful to stay at somebody's home, I feel it was good to push myself to get out there again.   After a long day of sightseeing, taking buses and monorails in crowded markets and so forth, one sometimes needs to rest, at least this former benzo head .  So it was a little tiring sometimes to have to socialize and go out to dinner with friends after some long days on our feet.  And then there's the sweets and snacks that one finds oneself indulging in on vacation .  I had made good progress getting to a point where my blood sugar was stable and blood pressure in check the last six months.  Last summer at about 10 months off, the return to caffeine and some alcohol was a little too much for me so I had to take a break and focus on nutrition and exercise more since last summer.  This summer at 20 months, I seem to be holding up, even with some small amounts of caffeine and a glass or two of wine maybe every other day or second day.   I'm not saying anyone should imbibe.  For some, it's better to abstain after benzo freedom.  Overall, I'm feeling about 90% on many days, sometimes higher.    My father is undergoing chemotherapy this month too, so that may be a factor in my current mood as well.  Hopefully some healthier eating and getting back to regular exercise will help improve things in the coming days and weeks.  Thanks Mike for your encouragement and thank you all for following my benzo saga.  Stress and anxiety are just something that many of us have to deal with, some are more sensitive to it than others.  I can relate to becoming a person overwhelmed with problems, Pangelingua.  I agree that this is a journey that takes a lot of patience.    For the most part, many symptoms can and do go away.  Eventually, it can be beneficial to get out there and expose oneself to social situations, maybe take some short trips to start, and expose oneself to more stress than usual, including (when one feels ready) somewhat difficult or toxic family situations to see how you can deal with it.  Life has its share of risks whether on or off benzos .   All my best to everyone.  Keep on battling.  It's worth it to get off the poison pills.  

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

[[ja...]]

...Mr V....

 

Im so happy for you ! What a Inspiration to me and so many others..

Im almost 15 months free of c/t and what a difference.

Im most excited because no im not 100% yet but you give me Hope I will be!!!

So Glad you popped in ..Miss you Veritgo~John

 

~Jenny

[[st...]]

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Saw your latest post and just wanted to reply back.

I'm so glad to hear that your vacation is going well and that you are able to get out and do as much as you do. As I said in my PM, your trip sounds like trips we used to make years ago and haven't been able to do for awhile. I do miss them. Part of the reason we don't is finaces but I'm very hopeful that I will be working more often in the near future and then we can be more flexible with our budget. Also, neither my wife's or my energy levels is quite what it used to be. I'm hopeful that that will change also.

Mostly, I want to say that I'm happy to hear that you and family are enjoying yourselves here in the PacNW! It is a lovely part of the country and the nature that abounds here is really good for healing and for the soul. Wev'e had quite a bit of rain this summer and cooler than normal temps. We usually manage to sneak in a heat wave or two before it's over.

Congradts on your ongoing recovery. Don't feel bad about occasional indulgences! I think we all need them from time to time in order to feel human!

Best wishes to you and family as you enjoy the rest of your vacation and have a safe trip back!

[[Ta...]]

Vertigo-

 

Thanks for the candid updates.  It's so nice to hear that you are out there on vacation with your family, eating and drinking all kinds of stuff, sleeping (more or less).  I know it took you some time to heal, but it's good to know that we do eventually recover the parts of our selves that we lose to the benzos.  I hope things continue to get better and better!

 

Tamzo

[[Ho...]]

Thanks Verti - for coming back and keeping us posted on your progress.  It means alot to us.  I am so glad that you have your life back and that you are able to do all the things you are doing.  I took a trip to Maine for two weeks (I'm now at 10.5 months benzo free) but it was way too much for me - although I had windows every night, the wave I went into when I returned has  been horrible.  Don't forget us.....come back and let us know how you are doing.

Love Hoping2BFree

thanks for all your help to me through our journey.....appreciate you!!!!

 

[[ga...]]

Hey Vertigo,

 

Glad things are going so well for you. I've read some of your old posts about diet & exercise when dealing with fatigue, which are very helpful. I plan to get serious the end of next month & get on a diet/exercise routine. Which foods, vitamins, minerals, etc have you found most benefical in restoring your energy ?

 

I was benzo free April 1st 2010, but I still wrestle with this last withdrawal symptom - Daily fatigue. I'm really hoping diet & exercise are the keys. To add even more insurance, I will be doing a body flush also (Master Cleanse), which will no doubt get all those decades of toxins outta my body.

 

Glad I continue to drop by this board & get such great support and ideas. V, you have been a proverbial gusher of great info. Much thanks !!! 

 

George

[[ve...]]

Thanks guys.  I just want to respond about the diet and exercise issues that Gagger, Ruth and a few others mentioned.  It's been a couple weeks back from summer travel and I'm feeling some rebound effects from the extra sweets, increase in caffeine, some alcohol... I've encountered some blues this past week, partly from cabin fever in that it's been very hot and humid here.  I've recently read a few posts of buddies who took trips and returned home in a funk, as Ruth/Hoping mentioned.  This has happened to me in the past, even before benzos.  I think it is a fine line when one travels and one wants to enjoy the sights and also the culinary experience.  My wife is a coffee drinker so we're often stopping at coffee shops around 3 or 4PM for her caffeine boost and sometimes something sweet. It takes a lot of discipline to not join in.  This can throw me off although I tried to stick with tea on most occasions. For some reason, coffee is just not the best thing for me but I sometimes think it'll be ok and invariably end up with feeling the impact when I return from traveling.  The GI system acts up a bit if I don't taper off the coffee over a period of weeks.  The jet lag can also impact things too.  I've experienced some blues and fatigue the past week after several weeks of active running around and traveling. This happened to me last summer at nine months off, but on a larger scale.  I don't blame this on benzos.  It's something that happened after long trips long before I ever took valium.  However, I think coffee and alcohol can stir up my symptoms (no pun intended) so just be aware as you get farther off the benzo, that it is possible that what you eat and drink can cause some mild or even moderate relapses in certain types of symptoms.  I think they can resolve but there is always a price to pay for the decisions we make.  The last month I've experimented with MACA which is an herb that I heard was supposed to help raise energy levels by balancing hormones/testosterone (which some men over 40 may have lower levels) but I can't recommend it as I would like a blood test to first confirm  no negative liver impact from it.  I've only been taking it for a few weeks.  I wanted a boost while traveling and it seems to have helped a bit.  I may stop it in a couple weeks though.  Its still early for me to tell so again, I can't recommend it.  It might be impacting my mood to the down side, could be tolerance build up too, you never know for sure with an herb.

 

Gagger,  as far as foods and vitamins to restore my energy, I think a balanced diet with ample vegetables and fiber, low sugar, adequate protein and as few refined sweets is helpful.  I stay away from sodas but I do have a weakness when it comes to dark chocolate .  I also have experimented with some green smoothies using things like Amazing Grass.   I try to eat protein and carb together for meals and snacks and healthy fats like olive oil, flaxseed, almonds.... I try to avoid transfats, fried foods and partially hydrogenated poisons. I take a multivitamin, magnesium and calcium supplements, coq10 and a few other things.  I think it's important to drink ample water too.    I've had some issues with afternoon fatigue for some years so it's nothing I can attribute or "blame on"  benzos.  I believe regular exercise can help keep energy at higher levels too, as well as some daily exposure to the sun.  I sometimes take a supplemental Vitamin D if it's winter and if I'm not outdoors as much.  Some folks can't tolerate vitamin D or B complex if it's too soon after taper ends.  Anyway, I think it's all individual as to what works best for you.  I'm not up on master cleanses or body flushes but I do find a hot tub or warm bath to sometimes be relaxing .

 

I know what you mean Pangelingua about not having quite the energy as in the past years.  I think it's normal to slow down a bit, regardless of the impact on the CNS that the benzo experience may still leave us with.  I also agree with some of your previous posts that some of us are a little more sensitive to stress than others.

 

Hiya Jenny. So happy to read your success story at 15 months .  I hope you'll continue to heal as you also get out more and challenge yourself in the coming months. Congrats Tamzo on your recent benzo freedom .  I hope this summer and Fall will bring much healing and peace to you. I'll try to post another update when I get to 24 months.

 

Best wishes to all,

 

Vertigo

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you sooner. I'm not sure how long you check the forum now but if it's not to late, I want to let you know that I've just posted in the chewing the fat section. The post is called, "What is the ideal personality type". You can check it out when you get a chance.

In the meantime, I wish you some peaceful downtime! Vacations can be stressful, post benzo, or other things considered. I'm glad that you're safely back home.

Thanks for your former messages to me and also for the update on your dad's house. It sounds like the house went from "needs major work" to "needs some T.L.C. I'm sure the house value has gone up since you have been working on it. And I'm certain that your dad's quality of living has too!

So great to see you back again. I look forward to more blogging with you in the future V!