Are there any poets out there? Any artists or writers?

[[Ca...]]

Hello, I was hoping that maybe this could be a little community talk space for poets and writers and artists in this attempt to deal with benzo withdrawals and the artist-specific related anxieties that come with it.

 

I have tried writing this post three times, but then became too anxious that I was revealing too much about my anxieties, which is one of my other anxieties.

 

 

Hello, so I shall introduce myself. I am a poet, have been published in a few small press online lit mags, and writing poetry is everything to me and has been since I was thirteen. I started taking clonazapam at sixteen after a traumatic incident and about two months later, I began writing again. I got off of it fully for the second attempt in January-- I relapsed a year ago, not actually realizing that I was addicted to it and just thought it would be best to get back on it as I was not sleeping and was having trouble leaving my dorm without having a panic attack-- and I am still writing.

 

 

So, fellow followers of a curious light,, introduce yourselves... 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

You're very brave to post this while you're experiencing symptoms since fear is such a huge component of this process, good for you. 

 

Here are a few posts from some current and former members, perhaps we can add your work to this thread.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=201168.0

[[Br...]]

Hi Catalyst,

 

Well, I wouldn't identify myself to others as an artist but I paint or draw everyday.  It is absolutely essential to my emotional and physical well being.  So yeah, I'm a fellow follower of a curious light but I'm not seeking the spotlight or limelight!

 

I have a special place in my heart for poets.  There's a poet in my life who lives and breathes poetry, too.

 

I love language and one of the many things about Benzos that has pained me is its stultifying effect on my vocabulary.  I'm 7 1/2 months off now and words that had been lost in the dull muck of benzo suppressed brain function are coming back to me now.  I'm elated over this!

 

Where are you in your benzo journey? 

 

One other thing, I hope you will begin to feel more comfortable sharing about your anxieties here -  so many of us understand and relate.

 

Take care,

Brighterday

 

P.S. I love the axolotl!

[[Aj...]]

Only managed to write one short poem since 2017 - brain addled.

 

On Hold

 

 

Today the sun shines

And the roads are quiet.

The planes sit heavy on the ground,

The air is clear and sweet.

Except...

 

There are no children playing in the street.

And dogs are growing wild at windows.

 

The shop girl’s hands are weapons.

I watch the apple pass from hers to mine

And place it in my bag like a grenade.

 

As nature goes about her work.

The world is holding its breath.

[[Wi...]]

Hello! I'm a writer, but my writing have been so bad the past years - I have hardly written anything and I realize now that it is because of my Valium use. It completely killed my creativity. Anyone else that have big problems being creative when using benzo? 

[[Aj...]]

Today I wrote a rough draft of a poem

 

 

Did you see her suffer?

That agonising that shrieks and wails

Like wild animals dying in traps

Or a poisoned child in a war zone.

That crushing terror that maims the world

Destroys its shape until reality itself is nothing

But torture.

 

Did you see her pressed in upon herself

As the world dissolved and flew apart?

Did you hear her?

Did you really hear her?

 

Did you wait and wait for her to return to you

Like a small child in the eternal night?

 

How terrifying the sun can be

After such ordeals.

And how surprising the old world is

Viewed anew.

 

She knows this now.

She is reborn from the tortuous fire.

Her ashes are recast to the wind of freedom

Where all things are possible.

 

This is how goddesses are born!

[[or...]]

On Hold

 

 

Today the sun shines

And the roads are quiet.

The planes sit heavy on the ground,

The air is clear and sweet.

Except...

 

There are no children playing in the street.

And dogs are growing wild at windows.

 

The shop girl’s hands are weapons.

I watch the apple pass from hers to mine

And place it in my bag like a grenade.

 

As nature goes about her work.

The world is holding its breath.

 

Thank you, Ajusta.

 

Your poem spoke to me.

 

 

Katz

[[Aj...]]

Thanks!

 

I know they are very ‘free form’ all can do atm.

[[tr...]]

Ajusta - I'm crying...literally. What you wrote - wow. Felt that pain...

 

 

You all made me think. I used to write all the time in my teens and early adult years..I got away from it. Poetry mostly too. Maybe I should start again.

 

[[or...]]

Give it a go, Trina! We'd be happy to read your poetry.

 

 

Katz

[[be...]]

I was a career reporter for a about 30 years. I took early retirement due to deadline stress which is what got me here in the first place. I’ve chosen another career. But my friends hunt me down anytime they need to write something or edit one of their articles. Now I hide....

[[Aj...]]

One from 2016 before I stupidly tried to get off of the diazepam.

 

 

Free

 

There is a part of us that lives

At the limits.

Where skin almost ends

And air begins.

Where we blend

Atomically

With everything.

Our border porous,

Open and free:

Exchanging parts of ourselves

With the sky and the sea.

And the infinite.

 

 

 

And a recent one for George Floyd - had already out this in blog.

 

‘I can’t breath.’

 

The filth of gutter in my face.

The weight of knee upon my neck.

The noise of cars and people pleading.

The sound of my own voice receding.

Tell my kids I love them, Momma.

It can’t be my life is over.

It can’t be that death’s upon me.

But the weight’s so heavy on me.

Pressing down upon my straining.

There is no more breath remaining.

He must feel my body breaking.

The shudders that my breath is making .

I can’t breathe, am I still speaking?

Can they hear my voice still pleading?

Lips pushed to the filthy gutter.

Please don’t let me die here,

 

Momma!