Looking for old buddies who quit 2016/17 or 2018?

[[Ma...]]

The better I feel the less I am here. Of course. I have been here every day for more than 4 years now. No one can expect me to keep doing that for the rest of my life. The only reason I am posting so much at the moment is that Corona has brought me into isolation no offense, but I can understand that people never come back, we spend so much life time for the benzo part... I want everyone leave the board as soon as possible and spend more life time in the real world:-) go and you yourself a good life back.

[[La...]]

April 2018 still visiting.... hoping this years the last!

[[mb...]]

jumped off clonazepam november 7, 2017... still plagued with mental symptoms

[[It...]]

I literally got off the next day as you November 8, 2017 and I still have the same persisting symptoms you do DP/DR, cognitive impairment and anxiety. I got off Lexapro and kolonopin.

[[Me...]]

I’d like to bump this and see how you are all doing now

[[Ki...]]

I'm from Nov- Dec 2018 . In much better shape and hopeful about future

[[Be...]]

I've been really sick lately.  Extreme fatigue.  Dizzy.  Brain fog.  Almost to the point where I stay in bed unless I need to get up.  I try to accomplish 1 or 2 things per day but it's really a challenge.  Low pressure fronts seem to make matters even worse.

[[dr...]]

I've been off Benzos since 6/16. i couldn't change my routine for a long time. Now I am off Remeron for 11 months and maybe just starting to sleep a little now.

[[Be...]]

I jumped in April of 2017, mental symptoms still shit but I have seen huge improvements, I can't figure out if I should do trauma based therapy or not or if my brain is still not up to handle intensive therapy.

[[Me...]]

Thanks all! Hopefully you all heal soon!

[[Ta...]]

I jumped in April of 2017, mental symptoms still shit but I have seen huge improvements, I can't figure out if I should do trauma based therapy or not or if my brain is still not up to handle intensive therapy.

 

I jumped in late July 2017 and only was able to start therapy (talking, CBT) a few months ago and I am so grateful I started. My therapist has other clients who have been through benzo hell and is totally sympathetic and brain-informed. If you could start therapy it might be helpful to have someone to talk to- at your own pace of course.

[[Me...]]

I wish therapy would help me.

All my symptoms are physical.

[[Ne...]]

I (ignorantly) CTed a shortish term run with Xanax (about 60 pills over about 6 months). My last morsel of poison was on September 14th, 2018. My symptoms that remain are ALL physical and ALL awful. Other than some occasional DP/DR the first year, I never really had any mental/psychological/emotional symptoms — other than being EXTREMELY PISSED OFF AT BENZOS, of course.

 

=:0]

 

I frequently read people saying that they would rather have mental symptoms over physical (these are the people who have physical) or physical symptoms over mental (the are the people who have mental)...but, in the end, they are BOTH HELL.

 

I would just rather us ALL BE HEALED.

 

And, we WILL.

 

xoxo

Neely

[[Ta...]]

I (ignorantly) CTed a shortish term run with Xanax (about 60 pills over about 6 months). My last morsel of poison was on September 14th, 2018. My symptoms that remain are ALL physical and ALL awful. Other than some occasional DP/DR the first year, I never really had any mental/psychological/emotional symptoms — other than being EXTREMELY PISSED OFF AT BENZOS, of course.

 

=:0]

 

I frequently read people saying that they would rather have mental symptoms over physical (these are the people who have physical) or physical symptoms over mental (the are the people who have mental)...but, in the end, they are BOTH HELL.

 

I would just rather us ALL BE HEALED.

 

And, we WILL.

 

xoxo

Neely

 

Amen.

All symptoms are hellish.

[[di...]]

Meganz, I think you might be surprised at how much it would help to talk it through with a good therapist. I know what you mean when you say that all your problems are physical in nature. I am certainly not contradicting you there. All the ups and downs are bound to take a psychological toll on you, though. It's a mental burden that you're probably used to by now but it is still a strain on your wellbeing.

 

I'm not saying that I think you need therapy based upon what I read. Nothing like that. Just that if you're open to the idea of therapy and it's available to you, you might see a benefit from it. I think that's true for many people who have been through the kinds of things that we have been through.

[[Me...]]

No I really don’t think I’d need it. In windows I feel great.

It’s the waves of dizziness lately that have me losing hope and feeling frustrated. When the physical symptoms lighten off, I am 100% normal. That’s why I think therapy wouldn’t work for me. I don’t really need anyone to talk to unless I’m in a wave and they come and go so often now I could never schedule an appointment and predict how I’d feel that hour

[[Ne...]]

Meganz, I think you might be surprised at how much it would help to talk it through with a good therapist. I know what you mean when you say that all your problems are physical in nature. I am certainly not contradicting you there. All the ups and downs are bound to take a psychological toll on you, though. It's a mental burden that you're probably used to by now but it is still a strain on your wellbeing.

 

I'm not saying that I think you need therapy based upon what I read. Nothing like that. Just that if you're open to the idea of therapy and it's available to you, you might see a benefit from it. I think that's true for many people who have been through the kinds of things that we have been through.

 

Diaz-e-BAM —

 

I, like Miss Meganz, am one of those whose symptoms are almost solely physical. I am lucky enough to see both a therapist AND a psychiatrist weekly (two of the best in the country, in fact) and I can talk and talk and talk — and they can listen and believe me (which they both DO)...and in the end, when I sign off after my ZOOM appointment with them, I am STILL dizzy (which I have been for a year and a half), my entire body is STILL buzzing internally, my legs are STILL spasming and twitching of their own volition, my left toes are STILL curling and contracting by themselves, and my entire nervous system STILL feels like it is coated and encrusted with jagged, shimmering shards of glass, etc, etc, etc.

 

I am lucky enough to be FULLY heard and believed and supported by both of my mental health doctors, all of my physical health doctors, and by all of my loving and supportive friends and family (which is tragically SO much more than SO many on these boards can say, unfortunately)...but in the end, no matter how well I eat and how much I sleep and how much I stay away from all substances and supplements that might hurt me and hinder my healing and how much I hope and pray to my goddesses...I am STILL PHYSICALLY F***ED UP. And, speaking only just for myself, no amount of talk therapy is going to change that.

 

When I am in a GLORIOUS Window...I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN. I barely even THINK about this HELL. That’s how I KNOW for sure that my issues are ALL physical.

 

But, perhaps I am just talking out my dizzy ass and  speaking from a place of great privilege. Could very well be. LOL. I just want my AWESOME old life back and for us ALL to be healed.

 

Much love to you.

 

xoxo

Neely

[[di...]]

@[Me...]

 

Makes sense. To be honest, I'm kinda talking to myself. I think I should seek therapy for PTSD but something is holding me back. I think that therapy can be very powerful and even healthy people could benefit from seeing a good therapist. But I don't know how to find a good therapist in my price range, if that is even remotely realistic. I would have done it by now if I wasn't dealing with the NHS. I can't stand dealing with the NHS!

 

@Neely

 

I wasn't meaning to imply anything like "it's all in your mind". I tried to emphasise that's not what I meant by suggesting that therapy might be a good idea for anybody who's been through the sort of thing we've been through. I'm really not suggesting that a talking therapy could touch severe physical symptoms. More that it could help you to cope with the mental side of having physical issues and everything else related to withdrawal and knock on effects. That could be valuable for some people.

 

[[Me...]]

It’s ok bam!!! I know with Covid it’s hard to find a therapist in person and then depends on insurance but I do hope you find one if that’s what you need.

We all classify as PTSD cases.

You can’t leave this without PTSD.

I think that’s why some don’t post success stories

[[Ne...]]

@Meganz

 

Makes sense. To be honest, I'm kinda talking to myself. I think I should seek therapy for PTSD but something is holding me back. I think that therapy can be very powerful and even healthy people could benefit from seeing a good therapist. But I don't know how to find a good therapist in my price range, if that is even remotely realistic. I would have done it by now if I wasn't dealing with the NHS. I can't stand dealing with the NHS!

 

@Neely

 

I wasn't meaning to imply anything like "it's all in your mind". I tried to emphasise that's not what I meant by suggesting that therapy might be a good idea for anybody who's been through the sort of thing we've been through. I'm really not suggesting that a talking therapy could touch severe physical symptoms. More that it could help you to cope with the mental side of having physical issues and everything else related to withdrawal and knock on effects. That could be valuable for some people.

 

Oh, Bam...I TOTALLY knew what you were saying and didn’t think for a MOMENT you were implying anything untoward, Sugar! I think I might just be talking out my ass today. Rambling about this and that just out of sheer frustrated rambliness. LOL. You are a darling and I would just like to thank you for being so kind and helpful. And on your other subject above...I am ABSOLUTELY RIDDLED with PTSD. How could someone POSSIBLY NOT BE after surviving this?

 

All my love to you.

 

xoxo

Neely

[[di...]]

Oh, I'm glad about that! I fell asleep not long after that post, so it's fair to say I wasn't at my sharpest. I read your post as if you were mad at me LOL. I thought you were offended by my suggestion of seeking mental health support for help with physical problems, like it meant that I wasn't taking it seriously. A total misread. Now I see that you were just adding your related experience. I would add that you describe the unrelenting nature of it very well. I'm sorry you're going through that. Dental pain for a few weeks is my closest related experience, so I know that I don't get it. I had jaw inflammation for a while and it was quite tender, but I could zone it out fairly easily. It only gave me a big problem if I crunched it while eating, which was a rare occurrence. Other than that, it was a dull ache that was a little tender to the touch. Nice that it's gone but it didn't torture me.

 

The extremes for me are still psychological. I'm not too worried about putting this behind me in the future. I say that I should seek therapy even though I don't think I need it. I am motivated in part by practical reasons. I get state benefits because I'm unable to work due to my illness. I think that my condition may be up for review soon, so it will help if I am under medical care again. It's the right thing for me to do because I'm really not close to being ready to work again. I am alright for the most part but I do a lot of things to actively ensure that I will be alright. It's no accident. I don't believe that I can make it work with a job. I could not possible offset the impact that the stress of a job would have. If I had to do it, I would survive, but I believe it could get messy. I am slowly gaining strength and resilience. I believe that I will soon be almost ready. I don't think therapy for PTSD will make it happen much quicker but it might create a money problem for me if I don't let the system know I have PTSD. I just need to keep things steady for a little while longer.

 

Apologies for the misunderstanding. I am rambling a lot too these days 

[[...]]

Hey Gang!

 

29th of May 2017... I am headed towards 44 months off in a week's time. That will amount to 3 years and 7 months! And I keep telling myself I am glad I didn't know back then how I'd be this far out... I was hoping to start being a bit more like myself within the months after not being on this poly-med cocktail 

 

Well, anyhow. We are healing and have been now for quite a while. That DOES amount to SOMETHING! 

 

If you are around Lexxant, I hope you are doing much better, Buddy, and I wanted to say thank you for initiating this thread too. It was a great idea, because most people from those days are (thankfully!) off in the world living their lives. Sure, there might still be some symptoms to deal with now and then, for some, but so much more manageable that they can comfortably forget a little about logging into BBs. That's my wish for everyone on this forum! 

 

Regarding the matter of therapists, Neely, you are SO LUCKY to have found doctors who validate you! Oh my Goodness, how I envy you! I've stopped wishing for any of that to happen to me. I tell myself that my energy is much better put into other things rather than trying to convince anyone that what I am going through is real, and yes, caused by the meds, and yes, still withdrawal this far out, and yes yes yes, that we do get better and heal!!! And F* NO, don't tell me that I am not trying hard enough!!! (I still hear that from some family members and it angers me so much... and hurts even more...  :'() - BUT what matters is that WE KNOW. WE BELIEVE.

 

And having Buddies by your side... all I can say is THANK YOU, my Friends. To all of those who have ever crossed my path and with whom we have shared some words of support and comfort: THANK YOU  :smitten: I feel so grateful... 

 

Warm healing hugs to all 

 

Julz xx

[[Ne...]]

Hey Gang!

 

29th of May 2017... I am headed towards 44 months off in a week's time. That will amount to 3 years and 7 months! And I keep telling myself I am glad I didn't know back then how I'd be this far out... I was hoping to start being a bit more like myself within the months after not being on this poly-med cocktail 

 

Well, anyhow. We are healing and have been now for quite a while. That DOES amount to SOMETHING! 

 

If you are around Lexxant, I hope you are doing much better, Buddy, and I wanted to say thank you for initiating this thread too. It was a great idea, because most people from those days are (thankfully!) off in the world living their lives. Sure, there might still be some symptoms to deal with now and then, for some, but so much more manageable that they can comfortably forget a little about logging into BBs. That's my wish for everyone on this forum! 

 

Regarding the matter of therapists, Neely, you are SO LUCKY to have found doctors who validate you! Oh my Goodness, how I envy you! I've stopped wishing for any of that to happen to me. I tell myself that my energy is much better put into other things rather than trying to convince anyone that what I am going through is real, and yes, caused by the meds, and yes, still withdrawal this far out, and yes yes yes, that we do get better and heal!!! And F* NO, don't tell me that I am not trying hard enough!!! (I still hear that from some family members and it angers me so much... and hurts even more...  :'() - BUT what matters is that WE KNOW. WE BELIEVE.

 

And having Buddies by your side... all I can say is THANK YOU, my Friends. To all of those who have ever crossed my path and with whom we have shared some words of support and comfort: THANK YOU  :smitten: I feel so grateful... 

 

Warm healing hugs to all 

 

Julz xx

 

JULZ! Oh, my stars...I seriously feel like I am meeting a CELEBRITY! LOL. I am SO honored to finally make your esteemed acquaintance.  I have been reading and devouring and deconstructing and taking notes on your posts since the very first day I signed onto these boards. You and your words have helped me SO MUCH. So, THANK YOU FOR THAT!

 

I am sorry to hear that you are back in the bastard weeds this far out...but it does sound overall like you are at least moving in the right direction — as are we all. Though, of course, not NEARLY fast enough. I am 27 months out and I STILL wake up everyday in UTTER DISBELIEF that I am still enduring this madness. It is just INCOMPREHENSIBLE that 60ish pills could do this to a human — and yet, here I am. Weak, shaky, dizzy, queasy, foggy, spasmy, TEMPESTY. STILL. But, it is ALL OF YOU who are so generous with your words and experiences, who many days keep me going. Yes, my family, my friends, and my doctors actually BELIEVE ME...but, no matter how hard they might try...they can NEVER EVER EVER fully understand the HORROR and TORMENT of this beast in the same way that someone who has experienced it can. It is just impossible. I know that if I had never gone through this myself, I NEVER COULD HAVE BELIEVED IT TO BE POSSIBLE...because it just simply is NOT POSSIBLE TO SUFFER THIS LONG and THIS HORRIFICALLY FROM AN INJURY THAT WILL NOT ACTUALLY KILL YOU.

 

And yet...here we all are. Relentlessly on these boards...trying to save ourselves and each other from one of the worst experiences many of us will EVER endure and survive. But, we WILL survive. I say it to myself EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY:

 

This B**** WILL NOT BEAT ME.

 

HA!

 

And she WON’T.

 

xoxo

Neely

[[Ca...]]

Think im about 30mths off V..??

-Then the lyrica...

-Then the dreaded direct cross from Buprenorphine back to Oxy, and my final taper to med free..

 

Now a bit stuck, all the nasty words apply, but iv come this far and know my path, -Keep fighting till the jobs done, kinda thing.. 

 

Forgive me, I only read the last page...

-A big HI to Julz and Everyone..

 

Merry Xmas to All..

 

Splat..

[[Be...]]

I feel like I’ve lost so much, my youth, my beauty, maybe my ability to ever have children or be independent again, my brain is broken my body isn’t strong like it should be for 28, I just want to give up today, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m too tired and too sad and I just feel broken