Adult children of narcissists (ACON)

[[Es...]]

Do you guys think that it is true, or approximately true, that narcissists don't like cats? I recently adopted two baby kittens that had been abandoned, and my mother refused to see them (I still hadn't figured out the problem with her narcissism so I invited her a few times).

 

In addition and typically, when my eldest daughter told her that we were in love with the kittens, she translated it negatively, commenting with other people that we were demented because of the cats. She also tried to poison her against those "who treat animals like people," which is how she sees those who treat animals with closeness, affection and care.

 

Narcs always think that they know best. Their opinion is the only valid opinion. And everyone should share their point of view. If a narc doesn't like pets, they would expect everyone else to dislike pets. They don't tolerate people who are different in any way.

 

Animals have great intuitive skills and can sense a disordered personality type quite well. I don't think one can attribute to narcs some special taste preferences. The NPD is just a personality disorder. So these people can have many interests, passions etc. A narc may even own a cattery and take great care of cats. I'm not sure a narc would volunteer in an animal shelter. Although, why not.

 

The most cherished, sacred thing to a narc is the "public image". Everyone has narcissistic traits to some degree. We all want to seem "better" than we really are. In our own eyes. In others' eyes. Being aware of one's own narcissistic traits helps to eliminate them. I guess it gets very extreme and out of control in NPD.

 

A narc has difficulties understanding that other people are not extensions of themselves. That they are separate entities. With different motives, interests, passions.

[[ma...]]

Do you guys think that it is true, or approximately true, that narcissists don't like cats? I recently adopted two baby kittens that had been abandoned, and my mother refused to see them (I still hadn't figured out the problem with her narcissism so I invited her a few times).

 

In addition and typically, when my eldest daughter told her that we were in love with the kittens, she translated it negatively, commenting with other people that we were demented because of the cats. She also tried to poison her against those "who treat animals like people," which is how she sees those who treat animals with closeness, affection and care.

 

Narcs always think that they know best. Their opinion is the only valid opinion. And everyone should share their point of view. If a narc doesn't like pets, they would expect everyone else to dislike pets. They don't tolerate people who are different in any way.

 

Animals have great intuitive skills and can sense a disordered personality type quite well. I don't think one can attribute to narcs some special taste preferences. The NPD is just a personality disorder. So these people can have many interests, passions etc. A narc may even own a cattery and take great care of cats. I'm not sure a narc would volunteer in an animal shelter. Although, why not.

 

The most cherished, sacred thing to a narc is the "public image". Everyone has narcissistic traits to some degree. We all want to seem "better" than we really are. In our own eyes. In others' eyes. Being aware of one's own narcissistic traits helps to eliminate them. I guess it gets very extreme and out of control in NPD.

 

A narc has difficulties understanding that other people are not extensions of themselves. That they are separate entities. With different motives, interests, passions.

 

Yes, I see a narc volunteering in an animal shelter because that can make them look good, and also because they can act as the masters of universe for those poor animals. They say narcissists don't like cats because cats are too independent, they prefer dogs because dogs are needy and can be seen as an extension of themselves. Cats have their own life, although in fact they also depend on their owners for shelter and food, so yes every case will probably be possible.

[[no...]]

dog mom here. well..technically a cat mom, too...though it took awhile for her to gain my trust. she used to fight with the neighborhood cats every night, so she had a lot of battle wounds. one on her tail, rrihgt above her tail area on her back. that's where the fighter bite when they, well...mate. so it was infected and i'd doctor it up, but she'd lick off the medicine and get into new fights and reinfect. so finally i found some colloidal silver spray and tried that...now her fur is almost completely grown back in. she's gotten less sketchy around me, i guess she trusts me now. maybe cause i finally healed her, i dunno...but i think it's kinda strange to put people into categories of narc/non narc based on whether they prefer dogs or cats.

 

by definition, narcs cannot show true love or empathy for another, only fake it to gain approval so they can then manipulate the person for their own desires.

 

i fail to see how being more fond of one kind of animal over another can in any way be linked to whether a person is a narc or not. a person who shows an animal compassion is a kind person. perhaps they enjoy the love the animal gives back in return? does that make them a narc or a psychopath or a schizophrenic or any other labeled mental disorder? seriously? how many nice old cat ladies do you know? how many nice dog mom n pop's do you know? for that matter , how many snake, lizard, frog, hermit crabs, birds, monkeys, squirrels, raccoons, and horse lovers do you know? how are any of them more or less likely to be true narcs?

 

at one time i rescued so many animals that we had an iguana, a mated pair of bearded dragons, 3 dogs (all rescues), 3 poison dart frogs, 13 hermit crabs, several aquariums with different types of fish, 2 zebra finches (both males, oblivious to their sex, they were a bonded pair), an anole lizard who had only 3 feet due to a previous owner slamming a lid on him, and a house full of tropical houseplants.

 

my days were spent cleaning out tanks and habitats, feeding the fishes on zuchinni and squash slices, feeding the iguana on fresh fruit and greens, same for the crabbies, refilling upturned water dishes and returning adventurous escapees to their crabitat, replacing carbon filters and testing water ph, digging worms for the frogies, refilling seed cups and water bottles and swappping out cage liners for the birdies, scooping poop in the back yard, feeding the dogs and refilling their waterbowl, taking the dragons out for walks on the grass with their harness leashes, feeding mealworms and crickets to the anole lizard, and enjoying our little zoo.

 

it was enjoyable work, i found it extremely rewarding. when our electric, water and pet food bills exceeded our income, i cried as i individually found new homes for each of all of our babies. but the point is, i was enriched by the act of taking care of these innocent animal misfits. i never bought a purebreed or bred dogs to make money, i didn't pick pets because of their looks, but because they seemed to have the sweetest and sometimes saddest stories, these were wonderful little beings that i felt compassion for. 

 

if narcs don't like cats, then what does that mean about people who don't like dogs? or what label should people who show less compassion towards fish, reptiles and birds get? 

at some point one is either open-eyed & self-aware or open to suggestion/impressionable.

[[Be...]]

My father always told us he was perfect.  Was he a narc?  Never said he was sorry or admitted he was ever wrong.  Same with my mother.  Never said she was wrong much or sorry.  What about a know-it-all person?  Are they narcs?  I want to know more about what a narc is because I think I've had some in my life.

[[no...]]

My father always told us he was perfect.  Was he a narc?  Never said he was sorry or admitted he was ever wrong.  Same with my mother.  Never said she was wrong much or sorry.  What about a know-it-all person?  Are they narcs?  I want to know more about what a narc is because I think I've had some in my life.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

 

  you may get a good idea from the sources cited in this

[[Al...]]

This article just came out and I find it very telling.  Bolding is mine.

 

 

 

Are You a Narcissist? Here Are 11 Things You Should Ask Yourself.

 

 

You're generous. You're highly sociable. And when you meet new people, you make a damn good first impression, if you say so yourself. But underneath all of that external charm and hearty dose of self-esteem, you might actually be a narcissist.

 

Named after the Greek hero Narcissus, who famously fell so in love with his face in a reflecting pool that he drowned in it, narcissistic personality disorder (or NPD for short) is defined by more than just self-love. According to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), narcissistic personality disorder is defined by a "grandiose sense of self-importance," "a need for excessive admiration," and "a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success [and] power," among other symptoms.

 

“These people have no awareness and no insight into what they do, meaning they feel no guilt or remorse from their actions," says Miami-based psychotherapist Whitney Hawkins, LMFT. According to the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH), approximately 6 percent of the population has NPD, and it is slightly more common among men.

 

It's important to note that there's a distinction between people with narcissistic tendencies and those who have narcissistic personality disorder. Unlike people in the former camp, who might just suffer from an inflated sense of self-esteem, people with NPD often struggle with a less stable sense of identity. "Underneath this tough, boastful exterior is often a very fragile individual who cannot handle criticism or judgment,” she says.

 

Narcissistic personality disorder also tends to manifest itself at an early age. “Narcissism can stem from childhood if the person was either overly pampered or overly criticized. They may be struggling with insecurity, low self-esteem or jealousy. And so in order to combat these feelings they may try and put themselves on a pedestal in an attempt to make themselves feel better,” explains NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW.

 

“The problem with a self-diagnosis of a character/personality disorder like Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that, by definition, you have little to no awareness that you have a problem, meaning that you’re likely to have massive resistance to accepting something that shines a negative light on you,”psychologist Gregory Kushnick tells Men’s Health.

 

It's crucial to note that NPD is a clinical diagnosis, so if you recognize many of the following traits in yourself, it's worth speaking to a therapist and seeking treatment. But if you suspect you might be a narcissist (or that you might be dating one), here are 11 common early warning signs.

 

1) The Conversation Is Always About You

People with narcissistic personality disorder like to lead the conversation at all times. For instance, if someone is talking to you about a health scare they had, you might let the conversation drift back to your own stressors at work, says Hershenson.

 

If you find yourself changing topics to revert back to something you were saying, or if you aren’t listening attentively to other people’s problems and are more focused on sharing your own, it could mean you have narcissist tendencies. (Either way, it's extremely off-putting.)

 

2) You Feel Uncomfortable Focusing on Others

Beyond bringing the conversation back to yourself, do you also feel mentally bothered when you’re focusing on someone else? If you’re a narcissist, you will have “difficulty letting other people be the center of attention. Mental discomfort when other people are in the spotlight and you are on the sideline,” Kushnick says. It may even go as far as to feel like a personal attack when people aren’t paying attention to you.

 

3) People Love You

If you believe you make a powerful first impression where people literally flock to you, you could have underlying narcissistic qualities. Sure, you could just be a likable person, but people with narcissistic personality disorder go out of their way to make over-the-top, charming impressions on those they meet.

 

“They are very likeable...at first. If people seem to gravitate towards them and they are well liked on first impression, but over time their interaction with others becomes a negative experience. they may be a narcissist,” says Hershenson.

 

4) You Expect Others to Put Your Needs Before Their Own

When it comes to friends and family, you’ve always put your needs above theirs. Then, even after you’re in a romantic relationship, as a narcissist you’ll still have a habit of putting your own needs first. You most likely expect your partner to meet your expectations and do the things you want to do, Kushnick said.

 

5) You Are Always Right

Well, if you think your opinion is always right, why wouldn’t you expect others to adjust to your wants and needs? As a narcissist, you state your opinions more as a fact than a point of view. As Kushnick said, “Pathological certainty is when someone seems like they’re in the business of making other people bad or wrong. It’s as though they’ve made the choice to be right instead of happy. Many narcissists always have to be right.” If you’ve found this to be the case for you, evaluate why you feel that way and if it’s coming from a narcissistic place.

 

6) You Can Do No Wrong

People with narcissistic personality disorder don’t know how to to take responsibility for their actions. So if someone gets mad at you, you might point the finger at others defensively, or you might lie and make up excuses to avoid being blamed or judged. “They tend to victimize themselves. If nothing is ever their fault, and they tend to feel like they are misunderstood or not valued, this may be a sign of narcissism,” says Hershenson.

 

7) You Love Luxurious Things

To a degree, the above is a no-brainer - I mean, who doesn’t love nice things, right? But if you're constantly spending money outside your means, it could mean trouble, particularly if you do so as a way of showing off your status to others. For instance, if you’re with a group of people and you're ordering a bottle of wine at dinner, you might feel compelled to buy the most expensive one on the list - even if it's not a special occasion.

 

“They are materialistic and like to display a high status and emphasize their prestige. If they flash new purchases or brag constantly, they may be a narcissist,” says Hershenson.

 

8 ) You Can’t Take Criticism

If you’re unable to tolerate even the most gentle constructive criticism, that's a problem. Sure, most people don’t like criticism, says Hershenson, but narcissists are “hyper-sensitive” to it. So if you “throw tantrums or cry when criticized,” or retaliate by “intimidating and bullying others,” that's a red flag.

 

9) You Think You’re Truly Special

It's not just a healthy dose of confidence. “Someone with NPD will exhibit grandiosity and high sense of self importance. They believe they are unique and superior,” says Hawkins."They may live in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur by ignoring key facts or reality that negates their ‘uniqueness.’" These fantasies might be related to “success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance,” says Hawkins. If you truly believe you deserve special treatment, that points to a narcissistic personality.

 

10) You Must Be More Successful Than Those Around You

Have you noticed that you only feel successful if those around you are doing worse? Do you may even have a sense of entitlement that you should be more successful than others? According to Kushnick, if you feel like you and your partner can’t be successful at the same time and are constantly making sure you’re doing better, that may be a sign you’re a narcissist.

 

11) You Take Advantage Of Others

Often, people with narcissism or NPD might hold deep-rooted jealousy towards others and assume that others are jealous of them as well. As a result, they might exploit people around them and disregard other people's feelings.

 

If you think you have these tendencies, it’s worth seeking help from a therapist. While it’s challenging to commit to treatment and you might never get rid of your narcissistic tendencies completely, you can work on becoming more self-aware as to how you affect others.

 

And if you think you know someone who’s a narcissist, it's important to set boundaries, says Hershenson. Speak to them calmly and don’t engage in arguments or attacks, as narcissists don’t really listen or hear you when you speak negatively about them. Be firm, and remember it’s OK to disengage and end the conversation.

 

From: https://postnewsd2.blogspot.com/2019/09/are-you-narcissist-here-are-11-things.html

 

 

Sound familiar?

[[ma...]]

dog mom here. well..technically a cat mom, too...though it took awhile for her to gain my trust. she used to fight with the neighborhood cats every night, so she had a lot of battle wounds. one on her tail, rrihgt above her tail area on her back. that's where the fighter bite when they, well...mate. so it was infected and i'd doctor it up, but she'd lick off the medicine and get into new fights and reinfect. so finally i found some colloidal silver spray and tried that...now her fur is almost completely grown back in. she's gotten less sketchy around me, i guess she trusts me now. maybe cause i finally healed her, i dunno...but i think it's kinda strange to put people into categories of narc/non narc based on whether they prefer dogs or cats.

 

by definition, narcs cannot show true love or empathy for another, only fake it to gain approval so they can then manipulate the person for their own desires.

 

i fail to see how being more fond of one kind of animal over another can in any way be linked to whether a person is a narc or not. a person who shows an animal compassion is a kind person. perhaps they enjoy the love the animal gives back in return? does that make them a narc or a psychopath or a schizophrenic or any other labeled mental disorder? seriously? how many nice old cat ladies do you know? how many nice dog mom n pop's do you know? for that matter , how many snake, lizard, frog, hermit crabs, birds, monkeys, squirrels, raccoons, and horse lovers do you know? how are any of them more or less likely to be true narcs?

 

at one time i rescued so many animals that we had an iguana, a mated pair of bearded dragons, 3 dogs (all rescues), 3 poison dart frogs, 13 hermit crabs, several aquariums with different types of fish, 2 zebra finches (both males, oblivious to their sex, they were a bonded pair), an anole lizard who had only 3 feet due to a previous owner slamming a lid on him, and a house full of tropical houseplants.

 

my days were spent cleaning out tanks and habitats, feeding the fishes on zuchinni and squash slices, feeding the iguana on fresh fruit and greens, same for the crabbies, refilling upturned water dishes and returning adventurous escapees to their crabitat, replacing carbon filters and testing water ph, digging worms for the frogies, refilling seed cups and water bottles and swappping out cage liners for the birdies, scooping poop in the back yard, feeding the dogs and refilling their waterbowl, taking the dragons out for walks on the grass with their harness leashes, feeding mealworms and crickets to the anole lizard, and enjoying our little zoo.

 

it was enjoyable work, i found it extremely rewarding. when our electric, water and pet food bills exceeded our income, i cried as i individually found new homes for each of all of our babies. but the point is, i was enriched by the act of taking care of these innocent animal misfits. i never bought a purebreed or bred dogs to make money, i didn't pick pets because of their looks, but because they seemed to have the sweetest and sometimes saddest stories, these were wonderful little beings that i felt compassion for. 

 

if narcs don't like cats, then what does that mean about people who don't like dogs? or what label should people who show less compassion towards fish, reptiles and birds get? 

at some point one is either open-eyed & self-aware or open to suggestion/impressionable.

 

Saying that narcissists don't like cats is different from saying that people that don't like cats are narcisssists, nomoredrugsforme. One thing doesn't imply the other. But as we said I believe that some narcissists may like cats. Narcissists only love themselves but they may appreciate the power they have over the animal, the love it shows for them, or the opportunity to be seen as nice caring people. Dogs are more affective than cats but they are also more demanding, so many narcissists may indeed prefer cats. Not the case of my mother, though. She hates all types of pet

[[ma...]]

My father always told us he was perfect.  Was he a narc?  Never said he was sorry or admitted he was ever wrong.  Same with my mother.  Never said she was wrong much or sorry.  What about a know-it-all person?  Are they narcs?  I want to know more about what a narc is because I think I've had some in my life.

 

You have also covert narcissists (like my mother) who are harder to spot but as much or even more damaging than the others. See a discussion about covert narcissists in the following link:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/toxic-relationships/201901/all-you-should-know-about-covert-narcissist

[[Be...]]

I think my parents and one sister and my one "friend," Gerry have narc tendencies rather than being full-blown narcissists.  They do have some of those traits like always having to be right, can't take criticism and get angry when anyone wants to give them any constructive criticism.  My cat Lily hates Gerry and never wants to be around him when he comes by, but loves my other friend Steve.  Steve's not a narcissist. 

[[no...]]

dog mom here. well..technically a cat mom, too...though it took awhile for her to gain my trust. she used to fight with the neighborhood cats every night, so she had a lot of battle wounds. one on her tail, rrihgt above her tail area on her back. that's where the fighter bite when they, well...mate. so it was infected and i'd doctor it up, but she'd lick off the medicine and get into new fights and reinfect. so finally i found some colloidal silver spray and tried that...now her fur is almost completely grown back in. she's gotten less sketchy around me, i guess she trusts me now. maybe cause i finally healed her, i dunno...but i think it's kinda strange to put people into categories of narc/non narc based on whether they prefer dogs or cats.

 

by definition, narcs cannot show true love or empathy for another, only fake it to gain approval so they can then manipulate the person for their own desires.

 

i fail to see how being more fond of one kind of animal over another can in any way be linked to whether a person is a narc or not. a person who shows an animal compassion is a kind person. perhaps they enjoy the love the animal gives back in return? does that make them a narc or a psychopath or a schizophrenic or any other labeled mental disorder? seriously? how many nice old cat ladies do you know? how many nice dog mom n pop's do you know? for that matter , how many snake, lizard, frog, hermit crabs, birds, monkeys, squirrels, raccoons, and horse lovers do you know? how are any of them more or less likely to be true narcs?

 

at one time i rescued so many animals that we had an iguana, a mated pair of bearded dragons, 3 dogs (all rescues), 3 poison dart frogs, 13 hermit crabs, several aquariums with different types of fish, 2 zebra finches (both males, oblivious to their sex, they were a bonded pair), an anole lizard who had only 3 feet due to a previous owner slamming a lid on him, and a house full of tropical houseplants.

 

my days were spent cleaning out tanks and habitats, feeding the fishes on zuchinni and squash slices, feeding the iguana on fresh fruit and greens, same for the crabbies, refilling upturned water dishes and returning adventurous escapees to their crabitat, replacing carbon filters and testing water ph, digging worms for the frogies, refilling seed cups and water bottles and swappping out cage liners for the birdies, scooping poop in the back yard, feeding the dogs and refilling their waterbowl, taking the dragons out for walks on the grass with their harness leashes, feeding mealworms and crickets to the anole lizard, and enjoying our little zoo.

 

it was enjoyable work, i found it extremely rewarding. when our electric, water and pet food bills exceeded our income, i cried as i individually found new homes for each of all of our babies. but the point is, i was enriched by the act of taking care of these innocent animal misfits. i never bought a purebreed or bred dogs to make money, i didn't pick pets because of their looks, but because they seemed to have the sweetest and sometimes saddest stories, these were wonderful little beings that i felt compassion for. 

 

if narcs don't like cats, then what does that mean about people who don't like dogs? or what label should people who show less compassion towards fish, reptiles and birds get? 

at some point one is either open-eyed & self-aware or open to suggestion/impressionable.

 

Saying that narcissists don't like cats is different from saying that people that don't like cats are narcisssists, nomoredrugsforme. One thing doesn't imply the other. But as we said I believe that some narcissists may like cats. Narcissists only love themselves but they may appreciate the power they have over the animal, the love it shows for them, or the opportunity to be seen as nice caring people. Dogs are more affective than cats but they are also more demanding, so many narcissists may indeed prefer cats. Not the case of my mother, though. She hates all types of pet

 

well you asked the question when you posted it:

 

Do you guys think that it is true, or approximately true, that narcissists don't like cats? I recently adopted two baby kittens that had been abandoned, and my mother refused to see them (I still hadn't figured out the problem with her narcissism so I invited her a few times).

[[Be...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids. 

[[no...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

several usa presidents

[[Ga...]]

My one sister in law is a Narcistist.

I thought she was nice but I wasn't around her much.

 

This last time I realized how sick she was. My dad had just died and she didn't even want to talk about it. Instead she went on and on about HER family who I don't even know.

The attention always has to be about HER.

My one brother makes good money but she keeps him broke because she has to have the best of everything.

 

She's also a hypochondriac. she's a mess.

 

 

[[Al...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

 

Probably at least one person on this thread. 

[[Be...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

 

Probably at least one person on this thread. 

 

  You're too funny.  I can admit when I'm wrong and be ok with it and also I will say I'm sorry if I think I've hurt someone.  Maybe I'm a narcissist and refuse to recognize it in myself.

[[We...]]

One thing I'm sure of...what I learned about narcs, I learned the hard way.  Lots of pain and suffering.  A lifetime of it.  It wasn't until much later in life, AFTER the decades of abuse, that I started reading the books and articles that helped me piece together what was REALLY going on, and thus helped me begin to call back my very soul. And all that is what got me on the benzos in the first place a couple of years ago.  Very long story.

 

The pain of surviving narc abuse is as bad and as real and as benzo recovery, it's not an intellectual exercise, though it eventually becomes one, once you learn to spot them and take your power back.  And even those books/articles...they only scratch the surface of the reality of living the nightmare.  Just like benzo recovery.  But once you see it, you can't un-see.  It was after living the nightmare that all those book and articles made sense and helped me see how patently predictable these predators are.  For they are indeed predators.  But utterly small and ridiculous little trolls.  I've seen a couple on this forum targeting individuals...following them around the forum and taking every opportunity they can to insult, diminish, demean, harass...etc. etc.

 

Very sad.  To those in the know, they become so obvious it's pathetic..  Which is really what they are.

 

Peace and strength to all the REAL narc survivors here.  Only we know what it is like.

[[Al...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

 

Probably at least one person on this thread. 

 

  You're too funny.  I can admit when I'm wrong and be ok with it and also I will say I'm sorry if I think I've hurt someone.  Maybe I'm a narcissist and refuse to recognize it in myself.

 

 

 

No, Becksblue, you're not a narcissist. 

 

Far from it!

[[gr...]]

I hit reply but I just need to make a post actually. I started reading the "will I ever be good enough" book and I can't keep reading it. When she talks about forgiveness and not creating victims, I just want to scream. I have tried to forgive my mom my whole life. I have minimized the extreme abuse that I suffered as a kid, and made all kinds of excuses for her. I have been there for her emotionally, and when she had two brain surgeries I was the adult child who was always there.

She has blamed my depression and anxiety on genetics on my father's side. She has never taken responsibility for the abuse she perpetrated upon me and my sister. She will apologize for things but it's always minimal, and then at some point later she ends up taking it back.

Everything is about her all the time. She has never supported me in my educational or career endeavors. I have done everything on my own without any financial support from her.

 

 

I couldn't agree with you more. My mother is dead but narc father whose 91 still abusing me. I moved in with him to take care of him and his verbal abuse triggered my c-ptsd so bad. I just had to see him at my daughters wedding - he has caused gaslighting between them and me and my parneter of 10 yrs who has done so much for my kids. It's time to think of ME for the 1st time in 56 years not everyone else!!! I need to learn how to care for myself. This is making my wd sx worse. My memories of abuse and reabuse.

 

 

 

I truly feel like she has tried to destroy me since I was born. I have never been able to fully assign blame to her because I always felt guilty and bad for her. She is now nearly 72 years old and her health is failing. I feel extreme guilt about not having her in my life, but I can't continue to allow her into my life at the expense of myself.

I have never put myself first. I have always put others before me. I never thought that I was worth really giving a second thought to. Now for the first time in my life I can really see the damage that her abuse has done to me. I want to live and be free from her. And for me at this point that does not include forgiveness.

How can I forgive when I haven't even really grieved the abuse I've suffered at her hands? I feel that first I need to show compassion towards myself and fully acknowledge that the struggles I've had for my entire life- this self hate and the self rejection- are not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me to ever be medicated for.

What's wrong  is that I am an adult child of an extremely abusive, narcissistic mother. And until I fully embrace that and let go of any self-blame, I will never be able to get to a place of forgiveness.

The journey at this point in my life is a journey to find an embrace myself. Not to worry about my mother's feelings I've been doing that my whole life.

 

Edit: fixed quotes

[[We...]]

foolscape...you are pretty much summing up my story....thank you.

[[no...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

several usa presidents

 

other famous ones include for instance, (most kings, queens, and world leaders, anybody with "the Great" after their name)

 

...Adolf Hitler, Joseph Mengele, Vladimir Putin, Hillary Clinton, Joan Crawford ("Mommie Dearest" expose by her adopted daughter & Faye Dunaway played Joan in the movie), also Faye Dunaway, Jim Jones, Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, Liberace, Ted Bundy, Auguste Rodin, Joel Osteen, Roman Polanski, Martin Shkreli (oh boy THIS guy..smh google the lil bastard and watch his smirking face as he denies and mocks those who need to take medications),

 

Nikki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Quentin Tarantino, Alexander the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Charlie Sheen,  Ike Turner, OJ Simpson, Donald Trump, Simon Cowell, Julius Caesar, King James, Joseph Stalin, Paris Hilton, Madonna, Henry VIII, Woody Allen,  Oprah Winfrey, John Wayne Gacy, Meryl Streep,  George W Bush & George H Bush, Catherine the great, David Koresh, Charles Manson, Warren Jeffs,

 

all Popes (anyone who thinks that you must go thru them to get to god), (most tv evangelists), T. D. Jakes, Ted Haggard, Rick Warren, Oral Roberts, Paul & Jan Crouch, Tammy Faye Bakker, Carman, Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Jerry Falwell, Marilyn Hickey, Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer, Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart, Robert Tilton,

 

Ted Nugent, Phil Spector, Mariah Carey, Morrissey, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Page, Michael Jackson, Stevie Nicks, Lady Gaga, Freddie Mercury, Rhianna, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Celine Dion, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Christina Aguilera, Diana Ross, Barbra Streisand, Cher, Debbie Harry, Chrissie Hynde, Courtney Love,

 

Martha Stewart, Shia LeBeouf, Val Kilmer, Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal, Sharon Stone, Lindsay Lohan, Christian Bale, Bruce Willis, Jennifer Lawrence, Kris Jenner, Naomi Campbell, Chris Brown, Adam Levine, Gwyneth Paltrow, James Franco, Shannen Doherty, Robert Downey, Jr., Ariana Grande, Snoop Dogg, Queen Elizabeth, Lil Wayne, Vanilla Ice, (a lot of famous rappers)....

 

for a start. 

 

 

[[ma...]]

Who are some celebrities or people I might know in media who are narcs?  I think I read that Madonna is one?  I know she has relationship problems with her kids.

 

 

 

  You're too funny.  I can admit when I'm wrong and be ok with it and also I will say I'm sorry if I think I've hurt someone.  Maybe I'm a narcissist and refuse to recognize it in myself.

 

If you were a narcissist you would never admit that possibility. So don't worry, you're not one

 

This being said, I learned that if we are raised by a narcissist we'll most likely acquire at least a few narcissistic traits (called "fleas"). I'm trying to correct mine

 

[[We...]]

My cat is a total narcissist 

[[no...]]

If you were a narcissist you would never admit that possibility. ...

This being said, I learned that if we are raised by a narcissist we'll most likely acquire at least a few narcissistic traits (called "fleas"). I'm trying to correct mine

 

the second part about aquiring fleas/narcissistic traits from being the child of a narcissist, i totally agree with. it's admirable that you're working on bettering the negative traits acquired from your parent, i really think it's hard as hell to do, and nobody really seems to give credit when you're doing that work. (at least in my experience) i guess they don't know how hard it is, unless they've been in your shoes.  the way you described acquiring the narcissistic traits was really good.

 

the first part of your quote above (bolded by me) is basically true, but for one very important exception:  there are a few real narcs who learn the lingo and study the characteristics so that they can mask them in themselves! they can and do fool a lot of unsuspecting people.  shadey, right? so they might say something like "I wonder if I might be a narcissist" out loud publically or in front of their target/s in order to have others assure them that no indeed they are not. it's part of the whole smoke n mirrors illusion they put on. the difference is, a real narc may say the words in front of a select target or group but they will never ask it of themselves genuinely and sincerely, because they would never actually admit to themselves that there is anything wrong with their personality fundamentally. real narcs are incapable of finding real fault with themslelves. they can only act as if they have some kind of flaw to garner sympathy, while secretly they scoff at the very idea.  (i do not mean to point a finger at anyone, just important to note the difference.)

 

on the other hand, if you find yourself asking yourself "Am I a narcissist?" then the answer is most emphatically NO! because a true narc cannot think there is anything fundamentally wrong with their own personality.

 

[[Be...]]

Name some narc celebrities or people I might see on TV so I can understand the NPD better. 

[[no...]]

Name some narc celebrities or people I might see on TV so I can understand the NPD better.

 

already did.