Adult children of narcissists (ACON)

[[Tr...]]

I wrote this in another thread:

 

My dad was a chairman of "Home and School". But at home he was a completely different person. I was so afraid, because he always threatened to hit me, even if I hadn't done anything. He never said he loved us, he was so aggressive. So I was always scared, and just wanted to hide. And he hit my mom, and sisters. He threw out my boyfriends, especially if they smoked. He screamed, and I was so ashamed. I really hated him, and wanted him to die.

 

But then he got a stroke, and became a completely different person. I was so sad, and visited him every day.

I asked if he wanted to read the newspaper (which he did upside-down). We didn't understand what he was saying. But for a moment, he was back in for real. He looked at me, smiled and said: "I'd rather look at you."

When he was almost unconscious, I took his hand. I asked if he knew who I am. He replied, very kindly: "Anna, my beloved little one".

And that's my memory of him.

 

He lived for 3 months, and was so changed. And I think there was a meaning to this: forgiveness, so important. I feel so strong that he is with me, and protects me. But it is a spiritual story. So now I can say that I love him. This allows me to move on. 

[[no...]]

Some people have full blown natcissistic personality disorder and some of them are malignant narcissists. If we have been dealt the terrible cards of growing up with one of these, nobody has the right to deny our reality. We are not judging, we are finally discerning.

 

bolded emphasis mine.

i totally agree, it is not judgement, but rather discernment.

[[no...]]

Why does anyone need to know about my mother, too? nomoredrugsforme just ubruptly asked after ignoring me in other ways. But took major interest in this... I get it, but let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

because you brought it up. you had previously posted in other places on BB that you used to think your mom was a narc but no longer do. i was asking for clarification. this is a support group for Adult Children Of Narcissists.  so the question for clarification is logical.

 

as to your wording above concerning me personally:

nomoredrugsforme just ubruptly asked after ignoring me in other ways. But took major interest in this... I get it, but let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

...simply asking for clarification, because you posted two directly opposite statements about your mom being a narc or not, is not "taking major interest in this". i have a moderate interest in getting the facts straight so that i understand what you're talking about and in the right context. words are important.

 

if you are upset because i haven't commented on the majority of your posts, then that is a personal issue. i read a lot of comments by a lot of people, but i only comment on things that i feel apply to me or that i can contribute to helpfully in some way.

 

in your own words:

let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

to which i completely agree, ...sometimes it is wise to avoid excessive contact with certain people who may interfere with one's mental stability. especially in wd.

[[va...]]

Girls let's not fight. We have enough with wd and our narc parents.

 

The "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life.

[[fo...]]

I hit reply but I just need to make a post actually. I started reading the "will I ever be good enough" book and I can't keep reading it. When she talks about forgiveness and not creating victims, I just want to scream. I have tried to forgive my mom my whole life. I have minimized the extreme abuse that I suffered as a kid, and made all kinds of excuses for her. I have been there for her emotionally, and when she had two brain surgeries I was the adult child who was always there.

She has blamed my depression and anxiety on genetics on my father's side. She has never taken responsibility for the abuse she perpetrated upon me and my sister. She will apologize for things but it's always minimal, and then at some point later she ends up taking it back.

Everything is about her all the time. She has never supported me in my educational or career endeavors. I have done everything on my own without any financial support from her.

I truly feel like she has tried to destroy me since I was born. I have never been able to fully assign blame to her because I always felt guilty and bad for her. She is now nearly 72 years old and her health is failing. I feel extreme guilt about not having her in my life, but I can't continue to allow her into my life at the expense of myself.

I have never put myself first. I have always put others before me. I never thought that I was worth really giving a second thought to. Now for the first time in my life I can really see the damage that her abuse has done to me. I want to live and be free from her. And for me at this point that does not include forgiveness.

How can I forgive when I haven't even really grieved the abuse I've suffered at her hands? I feel that first I need to show compassion towards myself and fully acknowledge that the struggles I've had for my entire life- this self hate and the self rejection- are not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me to ever be medicated for.

What's wrong  is that I am an adult child of an extremely abusive, narcissistic mother. And until I fully embrace that and let go of any self-blame, I will never be able to get to a place of forgiveness.

The journey at this point in my life is a journey to find an embrace myself. Not to worry about my mother's feelings I've been doing that my whole life.

[[va...]]

I hit reply but I just need to make a post actually. I started reading the "will I ever be good enough" book and I can't keep reading it. When she talks about forgiveness and not creating victims, I just want to scream. I have tried to forgive my mom my whole life. I have minimized the extreme abuse that I suffered as a kid, and made all kinds of excuses for her. I have been there for her emotionally, and when she had two brain surgeries I was the adult child who was always there.

She has blamed my depression and anxiety on genetics on my father's side. She has never taken responsibility for the abuse she perpetrated upon me and my sister. She will apologize for things but it's always minimal, and then at some point later she ends up taking it back.

Everything is about her all the time. She has never supported me in my educational or career endeavors. I have done everything on my own without any financial support from her.

I truly feel like she has tried to destroy me since I was born. I have never been able to fully assign blame to her because I always felt guilty and bad for her. She is now nearly 72 years old and her health is failing. I feel extreme guilt about not having her in my life, but I can't continue to allow her into my life at the expense of myself.

I have never put myself first. I have always put others before me. I never thought that I was worth really giving a second thought to. Now for the first time in my life I can really see the damage that her abuse has done to me. I want to live and be free from her. And for me at this point that does not include forgiveness.

How can I forgive when I haven't even really grieved the abuse I've suffered at her hands? I feel that first I need to show compassion towards myself and fully acknowledge that the struggles I've had for my entire life- this self hate and the self rejection- are not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me to ever be medicated for.

What's wrong  is that I am an adult child of an extremely abusive, narcissistic mother. And until I fully embrace that and let go of any self-blame, I will never be able to get to a place of forgiveness.

The journey at this point in my life is a journey to find an embrace myself. Not to worry about my mother's feelings I've been doing that my whole life.

 

This speaks so many truths that it should be the front page for this group. It's late and I can't write much, I'm going to bed. But you're so right. So much forgiving and accepting the unacceptable. And we still have to be talking forgiveness even in a support group. If someone wants to forgive good for them. That energy has to be put into loving ourselves and reparenting ourselves. We wouldn't have to do all this loving ourselves and reparenting ourselves thing if those who raised us hadn't made an effort to destroy us. To bring us down instead of bringing us up. The effort has to be put into lifting us up from the mud, not into forgiving. I think it's God's task to forgive, not mine. I'm not interested. I would, IF I had ever hear "I'm so sorry for all I did to you. I regret it so much". That would make it possible. But of course that's never going to happen and I have to live with the fact that they don't even care.

[[va...]]

I agree, valiumnomore.

 

I logged on to see what I can say to dismantle the possible attack... It's really fine. It wasn't about posts on bb, nomoredrugsforme--it never has been this for me. I don't expect anyone to read or reply to what I post, it was the brief personal contact we had. I don't see where I mentioned my mother here on this thread, I used "family."

 

There is a lot to psychology, you may have others interested or curious about whether their parents were/are on the NPD spectrum... plus, withdrawal is confusing. Well, you may or you may not have others who are searching for the truth of their situation(s). Already someone who has been confused and seeking and curious (me) has been treated quite harshly for maybe not making the classification of actually having a parent with NPD. I said that I feel there are confusing/confounding factors in life, I still believe this. Having had an on/off relationship for 6 1/2 years with someone on the NPD spectrum which got me to the place where I needed serious help and so was prescribed a benzodiazepine, has led me to ask many questions. Like, how on earth did I end up with someone like that? How did my life end up this way? Etc.

 

I have been confused about the narcissism in my family and in others... as a matter of fact, human culture and narcissism/NPD as a whole are affecting all of us. This doesn't take away from the experience of actually having one as a parent, or delegitimize the need for a thread like this. There are many angles to this, and it's helpful for there to be the possibility to communicate different understandings/questions/concerns. People are going to have questions. Maybe you will handle things differently next time. You come off as being quite bossy--to me. As if you know it all about the things you "know" and there is no other way around it. No possible alternative perspectives or experiences, or paradox.

 

I didn't feel respected by the (energy especially) of the question, and by your energy at other times. I have no issue leaving you alone from here.

 

Mon pilot, I want you to feel respected. Just ignore if you feel attacked ok? You're so sweet and you take so much trouble for everyone. I'm tired I'm going to bed and praying for sleep.

[[no...]]

Girls let's not fight. We have enough with wd and our narc parents.

 

The "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life.

 

hey val

 

i see that you and mon pilote are becoming "fast friends" good for you!

 

just because it makes you feel uncomfortable to see two individuals that you "know" from this board having a conversation that is triggering you emotionally, doesn't mean we are "fighting". i merely asked for clarification because of two oppositional posts by mon concerning whether she is the adult child of a narcissist or not. since this is a support group for ACON's, it is a relevant and legitimate question. i have been polite in all of my posts with her as is trackable by reading any and all of my posts under my profile page. everyone's posts are available for view under their own profile page by clicking on their screen-name. there is no "fight" here. if it were an an "attack" a mod would have nipped it in the bud.

 

as to the "forgiveness pushing" you made mention of...i would not and HAVE NOT suggested forgiveness on this support group as it is not always the safest or healthiest thing in my opinion for one dealing with narc parents. however you may be referring to my speaking of forgiveness in another context entirely on another support group or thread?  in that case it doesn't apply. 

 

[[no...]]

I logged on to see what I can say to dismantle the possible attack... It's really fine. It wasn't about posts on bb, nomoredrugsforme--it never has been this for me. I don't expect anyone to read or reply to what I post, it was the brief personal contact we had. I don't see where I mentioned my mother here on this thread, I used "family."

 

There is a lot to psychology, you may have others interested or curious about whether their parents were/are on the NPD spectrum... plus, withdrawal is confusing. Well, you may or you may not have others who are searching for the truth of their situation(s). Already someone who has been confused and seeking and curious (me) has been treated quite harshly for maybe not making the classification of actually having a parent with NPD. I said that I feel there are confusing/confounding factors in life, I still believe this. Having had an on/off relationship for 6 1/2 years with someone on the NPD spectrum which got me to the place where I needed serious help and so was prescribed a benzodiazepine, has led me to ask many questions. Like, how on earth did I end up with someone like that? How did my life end up this way? Etc.

 

I have been confused about the narcissism in my family and in others... as a matter of fact, human culture and narcissism/NPD as a whole are affecting all of us. This doesn't take away from the experience of actually having one as a parent, or delegitimize the need for a thread like this. There are many angles to this, and it's helpful for there to be the possibility to communicate different understandings/questions/concerns. People are going to have questions. Maybe you will handle things differently next time. You come off as being quite bossy--to me. As if you know it all about the things you "know" and there is no other way around it. No possible alternative perspectives or experiences, or paradox.

 

I didn't feel respected by the (energy especially) of the question, and by your energy at other times. I have no issue leaving you alone from here.

 

i'm going to address the unfair statements you made about me above.

 

firstly, the search terms i used to try to find your posts (where you were stating that you used to think your mom was a narc but now you don't) weren't the right terms to search with, or you have gone back and deleted or edited those parts out of the posts, so that they no longer pull up on a search. whatever. i really do not care at this point. somehow my asking for clarification- on whether or not you changed your mind about your mom's narc status- has descended down into you accusing me of "attacking", "harshly treating" you somehow, and then finally you making character assasinations against me.  what a mess!

 

nobody is here to attack anyone. this isn't a place to tear down fellow children of narcissists. i joined this support group to SUPPORT each other, as we are all wounded warriors, emotionally. i feel that everyone has something valuable to contribute to the group, if we feel safe to speak up. however, you accused me of things that i never did. in all fairness you owe me an apology.  but i don't expect or need one. it would show strength of character if you admitted the truth, that i never attacked you, that i never treated you harshly, and that you were out of line for resorting to namecalling and the rest. like i said, i don't expect this from you.

 

the topic of this support group is likely to be very triggering for many people just because it's the nature of the beast we're dealing with, and have dealt with, for much of our young and adult lives. i respect that. i also expect the same in return. i would never try to publicly humiliate anyone here by attacking their character, or making false claims of bullying. in return i would greatly appreciate it if noone tries that crap with me.

 

and since i am big enough now to stand on my own 2 feet, i say this directly, don't mess with me by using the same tactics that my narc parents used on me, to try to force me into silence. those tactics would be: accusing me of things i never did (lying/gaslighting), rounding up the other aquaintances/family i have against me (triangulation), publicly shaming me (shaming/humiliation), and telling innacurate descriptions of me to others to make themselves feel bigger/better by comparison (grandstanding).

 

thanks to everyone for bearing with me as i stand up for myself. i realize that this may be triggering for some of us. but as i progress with healing from parental narc abuse, it is extremely important that i don't allow others to silence me using thier same exact methods.

[[Es...]]

I wrote this in another thread:

 

My dad was a chairman of "Home and school". But at home he was a completely different person. I was so afraid, because he always threatened to hit me, even if I hadn't done anything. He never said he loved us, he was so aggressive. So I was always scared, and just wanted to hide. And he hit my mom, and sisters. He threw out my boyfriends, especially if they smoked. He screamed, and I was so ashamed. I really hated him, and wanted him to die.

 

But then he got a stroke, and became a completely different person. I was so sad, and visited him every day.

I asked if he wanted to read the newspaper (which he did upside-down). We didn't understand what he was saying. But for a moment, he was back in for real. He looked at me, smiled and said: "I'd rather look at you."

When he was almost unconscious, I took his hand. I asked if he knew who I am. He replied, very kindly: "Anna, my beloved little one".

And that's my memory of him.

 

He lived for 3 months, and was so changed. And I think there was a meaning to this: forgiveness, so important. I feel so strong that he is with me, and protects me. But it is a spiritual story. So now I can say that I love him. This allows me to move on. 

 

So glad to see you posted here, Translator. I'm wondering if your Father criticized you. I'm very self-critical. I have always been either criticized or idealized by Mother. Much more often the first. It's impossible for me to accept certain things about myself. In order to change something, one needs to first accept it. I just don't know how. I'm utterly self-destructive. Yes, I wanted to die all my teenage years.

[[Es...]]

Girls let's not fight. We have enough with wd and our narc parents.

 

The "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life.

 

Yes, I second this. I have projected negative feelings towards Mother on so many women in my life. Cannot even count them. As well as the "foster mothers".

 

I often got furious at some woman and only later realized this was the fury against Mother. It's impossible to have this intensity of feelings towards a stranger. I find forgiveness impossible.

[[Es...]]

I guess we need to make the survival of this support group a priority. It's more important than our subjective feelings or perceptions. Feelings are just visitors. They come and go.

 

I often feel attacked or manipulated or ignored. IRL or on the net. Usually by other women.

 

I have realized these are mostly psychological projections. The wounds are very deep and don't want to heal. An incredible amount of negative energy, that I direct either towards others or towards myself. More often towards myself.

 

I logged in here and started reading. I cannot even describe the level of self-destructive energy I'm feeling today. Cause I'm not as I "should" be. As she wants me to be. She lives in my head and will never leave. I look at myself with her eyes. Talk to myself with her voice. I punish myself cause I feel I deserve it. In psychology, this is called the Inner Critic. This monster that will stay in my head as long as I'm alive.

 

I just wish this group could somehow go on and attract other survivors of narcissistic abuse from BB. I'm in such a group on another site. But those women often don't have problems with psych meds. They have managed to attain some degree of normality in life.

 

I have seen so many disagreements in that group. We are all deeply wounded. Taught not to trust anyone. Expecting to be attacked from everywhere. Let's keep this in mind. It's easy to get flooded by emotions. Except that the person who gets on our nerves ATM isn't exactly the right person. This is what life has taught me at least.

[[va...]]

Girls let's not fight. We have enough with wd and our narc parents.

 

The "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life.

 

hey val

 

i see that you and mon pilote are becoming "fast friends" good for you!

 

just because it makes you feel uncomfortable to see two individuals that you "know" from this board having a conversation that is triggering you emotionally, doesn't mean we are "fighting". i merely asked for clarification because of two oppositional posts by mon concerning whether she is the adult child of a narcissist or not. since this is a support group for ACON's, it is a relevant and legitimate question. i have been polite in all of my posts with her as is trackable by reading any and all of my posts under my profile page. everyone's posts are available for view under their own profile page by clicking on their screen-name. there is no "fight" here. if it were an an "attack" a mod would have nipped it in the bud.

 

as to the "forgiveness pushing" you made mention of...i would not and HAVE NOT suggested forgiveness on this support group as it is not always the safest or healthiest thing in my opinion for one dealing with narc parents. however you may be referring to my speaking of forgiveness in another context entirely on another support group or thread?  in that case it doesn't apply.

 

No more drugs, the forgiveness comment had nothing to do with anything you said. About the other thing you say about me having to do this and that... I just pass. You tend to be confrontational but I really pick my battles. I have enough on my plate to jump every time someone feels like having an argument. I have real problems to deal with.

[[va...]]

I guess we need to make the survival of this support group a priority. It's more important than our subjective feelings or perceptions. Feelings are just visitors. They come and go.

 

I often feel attacked or manipulated or ignored. IRL or on the net. Usually by other women.

 

I have realized these are mostly psychological projections. The wounds are very deep and don't want to heal. An incredible amount of negative energy, that I direct either towards others or towards myself. More often towards myself.

 

I logged in here and started reading. I cannot even describe the level of self-destructive energy I'm feeling today. Cause I'm not as I "should" be. As she wants me to be. She lives in my head and will never leave. I look at myself with her eyes. Talk to myself with her voice. I punish myself cause I feel I deserve it. In psychology, this is called the Inner Critic. This monster that will stay in my head as long as I'm alive.

 

I just wish this group could somehow go on and attract other survivors of narcissistic abuse from BB. I'm in such a group on another site. But those women often don't have problems with psych meds. They have managed to attain some degree of normality in life.

 

I have seen so many disagreements in that group. We are all deeply wounded. Taught not to trust anyone. Expecting to be attacked from everywhere. Let's keep this in mind. It's easy to get flooded by emotions. Except that the person who gets on our nerves ATM isn't exactly the right person. This is what life has taught me at least.

 

Estee you are right. The inner critic is terrible. Please please watch richard grannon on YouTube, especially his videos on reparenting the inner child. You will improve I promise. And Lisa a romano. Those two are very helpful. You're right about the group too but we'll manage.

[[Es...]]

I guess we need to make the survival of this support group a priority. It's more important than our subjective feelings or perceptions. Feelings are just visitors. They come and go.

 

I often feel attacked or manipulated or ignored. IRL or on the net. Usually by other women.

 

I have realized these are mostly psychological projections. The wounds are very deep and don't want to heal. An incredible amount of negative energy, that I direct either towards others or towards myself. More often towards myself.

 

I logged in here and started reading. I cannot even describe the level of self-destructive energy I'm feeling today. Cause I'm not as I "should" be. As she wants me to be. She lives in my head and will never leave. I look at myself with her eyes. Talk to myself with her voice. I punish myself cause I feel I deserve it. In psychology, this is called the Inner Critic. This monster that will stay in my head as long as I'm alive.

 

I just wish this group could somehow go on and attract other survivors of narcissistic abuse from BB. I'm in such a group on another site. But those women often don't have problems with psych meds. They have managed to attain some degree of normality in life.

 

I have seen so many disagreements in that group. We are all deeply wounded. Taught not to trust anyone. Expecting to be attacked from everywhere. Let's keep this in mind. It's easy to get flooded by emotions. Except that the person who gets on our nerves ATM isn't exactly the right person. This is what life has taught me at least.

 

Estee you are right. The inner critic is terrible. Please please watch richard grannon on YouTube, especially his videos on reparenting the inner child. You will improve I promise. And Lisa a romano. Those two are very helpful. You're right about the group too but we'll manage.

 

Yes, I will. Like in AA. The survival of the group is more important than any personal disagreements. I really hope this group will go on. We need each other. The BZD are the result of the abuse we have suffered. This is how I see it. I will try to follow even if I don't post.

[[Es...]]

I hit reply but I just need to make a post actually. I started reading the "will I ever be good enough" book and I can't keep reading it. When she talks about forgiveness and not creating victims, I just want to scream. I have tried to forgive my mom my whole life. I have minimized the extreme abuse that I suffered as a kid, and made all kinds of excuses for her. I have been there for her emotionally, and when she had two brain surgeries I was the adult child who was always there.

She has blamed my depression and anxiety on genetics on my father's side. She has never taken responsibility for the abuse she perpetrated upon me and my sister. She will apologize for things but it's always minimal, and then at some point later she ends up taking it back.

Everything is about her all the time. She has never supported me in my educational or career endeavors. I have done everything on my own without any financial support from her.

I truly feel like she has tried to destroy me since I was born. I have never been able to fully assign blame to her because I always felt guilty and bad for her. She is now nearly 72 years old and her health is failing. I feel extreme guilt about not having her in my life, but I can't continue to allow her into my life at the expense of myself.

I have never put myself first. I have always put others before me. I never thought that I was worth really giving a second thought to. Now for the first time in my life I can really see the damage that her abuse has done to me. I want to live and be free from her. And for me at this point that does not include forgiveness.

How can I forgive when I haven't even really grieved the abuse I've suffered at her hands? I feel that first I need to show compassion towards myself and fully acknowledge that the struggles I've had for my entire life- this self hate and the self rejection- are not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me to ever be medicated for.

What's wrong  is that I am an adult child of an extremely abusive, narcissistic mother. And until I fully embrace that and let go of any self-blame, I will never be able to get to a place of forgiveness.

The journey at this point in my life is a journey to find an embrace myself. Not to worry about my mother's feelings I've been doing that my whole life.

 

You don't have to agree with everything Karyl McBride says. The first time I picked up this book. I was in so much denial that I said to myself: "What a ton of BS." And just returned the book.

 

Some more terrible things had to happen before I gave it another chance. I was already in this other group for daughters of women with NPD. They were recommending it. Our stories were so similar. It was all unbelievable. I thought maybe I'd give it a try. I first read Danu Morrigan's book, though.

 

I have listened to Karyl McBride's book maybe 20 times. Each time I feel like I'm going insane because of Mother. I pick up this book.

 

I left BB last Autumn also because I couldn't talk about my relationship with Mother on one blog here. Which is especially dear to me. I was afraid of being judged and rejected.

[[va...]]

Mon pilote you're not going anywhere. This group needs you and your pure intelligence and loving energy.

 

Estee I don't see such fierce fights on Fb acons groups. I think it's happened more quickly in this group. Estee we must be in different groups 

[[no...]]

 

(i like Dr Les Carter a lot. this one he's talking about setting boundaries with a narc)

 

 

this is a very helpful technique when finding oneself the target of a narc

 

[[va...]]

Estee I'm so sorry you've gone through so much suffering. She's really done a number on you. Please, don't ignore the sources I have you to reparent the inner child. If you do it consistently you will feel better but it takes a lot of effort to beat decades of faulty programming. You can do it and love your life again. I was so much better with these teacher's advice. Then I crashed into bwd but that's a different episode.

[[va...]]

No more drugs, I also like less Carter but now I focus more on the ones that teach reparenting. But he gives helpful advice to deal with my family.

 

I hope you guys like the holistic psychologist. I find her teachings on Instagram life changing.

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ln_M3gIrf/?igshid=19tg0yp87ebf0

[[ma...]]

I'm too tired to write in English directly, so I used google translator.

 

This fight is ruining this thread, which should serve to support us on such a painful aspect of our lives. The children of narcissistic parents have many problems and one of them is that they often cannot debate civilly. I myself often fall into this mistake in my life. But the idea here is to improve. In particular, we have no right to demand consistency from other members, especially aggressively, everyone is free to change their minds, to make mistakes or simply not to explain themselves.

 

I would be very grateful if everyone could delete your posts that contain this fight. Lets start all over again?

 

 

Why does anyone need to know about my mother, too? nomoredrugsforme just ubruptly asked after ignoring me in other ways. But took major interest in this... I get it, but let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

because you brought it up. you had previously posted in other places on BB that you used to think your mom was a narc but no longer do. i was asking for clarification. this is a support group for Adult Children Of Narcissists.  so the question for clarification is logical.

 

as to your wording above concerning me personally:

nomoredrugsforme just ubruptly asked after ignoring me in other ways. But took major interest in this... I get it, but let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

...simply asking for clarification, because you posted two directly opposite statements about your mom being a narc or not, is not "taking major interest in this". i have a moderate interest in getting the facts straight so that i understand what you're talking about and in the right context. words are important.

 

if you are upset because i haven't commented on the majority of your posts, then that is a personal issue. i read a lot of comments by a lot of people, but i only comment on things that i feel apply to me or that i can contribute to helpfully in some way.

 

in your own words:

let’s call it all for what is. Human beings behave in strange ways.

to which i completely agree, ...sometimes it is wise to avoid excessive contact with certain people who may interfere with one's mental stability. especially in wd.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Valiumnomore: You had written "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life".

 

I didn't mean to try to influence you. We all have a free will. Maybe, I just had to tell my story to feel better? But I'm too sick to have enough power to discuss this. So this was just a temporary post.

[[va...]]

Valiumnomore: You had written "forgiveness pushing" is another one I really get tired of at this point in life".

 

I didn't mean to try to influence you. We all have a free will. Maybe, I just had to tell my story to feel better? But I'm too sick to have enough power to discuss this. So this was just a temporary post.

 

Yes Translator I was angry at your advice on forgiving. I think it's cool that you had that beautiful experience at the end of your dad's life that made it possible for you to forgive. We all have different paths and forgiveness can't be a pill that suits all. We are all here for the same reason but we do not know what the others have gone through. No hard feelings though. As long as nobody tells me that I have to forgive I'm in. If this is going to become a "forgiveness" thread, then I'm out.

[[Tr...]]

OT.

Valiumnomore: Now I'm getting older, and I'm no longer angry (if it's not about harming animals or children). I think it's wasted time and energy. Especially if I can't do anything about it. And now this is important, the nervous system is so sensitive. Then I just hurt myself, and feel bad. Why should I do that? I'd rather focus on what makes others, and myself, happy. Then I sleep well. And I don't have much more to say about this. 

 

[[ma...]]

Do you guys think that it is true, or approximately true, that narcissists don't like cats? I recently adopted two baby kittens that had been abandoned, and my mother refused to see them (I still hadn't figured out the problem with her narcissism so I invited her a few times).

 

In addition and typically, when my eldest daughter told her that we were in love with the kittens, she translated it negatively, commenting with other people that we were demented because of the cats. She also tried to poison her against those "who treat animals like people," which is how she sees those who treat animals with closeness, affection and care.