When I Feel Most Alone

[[re...]]

I think

for me it's when I find something beautiful, so beautiful that it transforms me, and

I need to share it with someone, but I realize that out of the hundreds of people

I live with and work with, talk with and pray with, I don't know one, not one,

who could or would appreciate such beauty.

 

We live in ugly times, surrounded by

an ugly culture, by art that is ugly

not by accident but by design

which is meant to make us

ugly - and is succeeding.

 

[Guest [Le...]]

What you expressed here is a thing of beauty in itself.

 

I feel this every day, and I’m completely alone in it.

 

[[re...]]

What you expressed here is a thing of beauty in itself.

 

I feel this every day, and I’m completely alone in it.

 

 

It's why I keep coming back here, I think. There are a few people here. 

[[se...]]

This is me too.  I was surprised at first, then confused, then shocked, then alone, and I just learned to keep these things to myself.  Although I still try to this day and I still get surprised and confused they can't relate and it saddens me every time. When I see things like this, I feel it so deeply and I forget I'm probably the only one.

 

I felt so odd for so long until I found this forum.  I realized there are some others here who feel similar things as me but it's a much smaller number of people than I ever imagined. I don't think I'll ever meet someone similar to me this way by chance in real life.

[[or...]]

I don't think I'll ever meet someone similar to me this way by chance in real life

 

I agree, seltzerer. I've given up looking.

 

Aww, Leslie, red . . .  :'( Do beautiful things make you cry? They do me. Poetry, a certain light on the hills, the deer that just appear out of the forest. I do a lot of crying. I'm not sad . . . just overcome by beauty. I know what you mean, red.  Who could you tell?

 

Katz

[[re...]]

Do beautiful things make me cry? Beauty is the only thing that makes me cry, ever.

[[co...]]

It has guided my dysfunctional life...

 

Beauty right here on BB...who woulda ever guessed.

 

When I'm able to admire a bird in flight, those magical beings living truly in the moment, it gives me courage to face the coming storm.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[[mo...]]

I think

for me it's when I find something beautiful, so beautiful that it transforms me, and

I need to share it with someone, but I realize that out of the hundreds of people

I live with and work with, talk with and pray with, I don't know one, not one,

who could or would appreciate such beauty.

 

We live in ugly times, surrounded by

an ugly culture, by art that is ugly

not by accident but by design

which is meant to make us

ugly - and is succeeding.

[[bl...]]

Go outside and find five  Beautiful things anything?  It will help with racing thoughts flashbacks etc. K still in recovery

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Red...

 

By title, I first started thinking “Me, me, me”,, -what do I miss out on, what could I get/have that would make ME feel better..??

 

I soon realised that yes, its the ability to give and share that “completes” me... Its also where Im most vulnerable and “weak”...

 

I blame so much on growing up so isolated by location, but two threads today (ty Seltz), have me questioning the extent of this..

 

I look back, and I started the dive/fishing gig to give and share what I love so much, -The remote isolation of the untouched Great Barrier Reef.. (insert link to Kato Reef) if I knew how..)

Yes, these are the thoughts and memories that bring true emotion now...

Perhaps the sharing and acceptance from others of our deepest, rawest “gift”..??

 

TBH, I feel the rest of the world might as well be on another planet most of the time...

 

I do know I will look at my next potential partner in a whole new way..!! Not too sure on the “opposites attract” theory anymore...!!

 

Thanks..

 

[[re...]]

I look back, and I started the dive/fishing gig to give and share what I love so much, -The remote isolation of the untouched Great Barrier Reef.. (insert link to Kato Reef) if I knew how..)

Yes, these are the thoughts and memories that bring true emotion now...

Perhaps the sharing and acceptance from others of our deepest, rawest “gift”..??

 

Cato Reef

 

 

[[Ca...]]

I look back, and I started the dive/fishing gig to give and share what I love so much, -The remote isolation of the untouched Great Barrier Reef.. (insert link to Kato Reef) if I knew how..)

Yes, these are the thoughts and memories that bring true emotion now...

Perhaps the sharing and acceptance from others of our deepest, rawest “gift”..??

 

Cato Reef

lol.. Good “Catch”..

(Spelling)

And Ty for the link..

 

 

[[be...]]

I think benzos did only one thing positive. Red, they make us survivors appreciate little things that others take for granted. The smell of fresh cut grass, a hawk flying, looking for a meal, autumn in New England, the clean feeling of a hot bath and shampoo. The way your hair looks after a great cut. NY style pizza for me. A morning yawn. I will never take these things for granted. I once asked my pdoc if he ever bothered to appreciate these  things and he said no. I pity him. We do this alone and I’m glad.

[[re...]]

I think benzos did only one thing positive. Red, they make us survivors appreciate little things that others take for granted. The smell of fresh cut grass, a hawk flying, looking for a meal, autumn in New England, the clean feeling of a hot bath and shampoo. The way your hair looks after a great cut. NY style pizza for me. A morning yawn. I will never take these things for granted. I once asked my pdoc if he ever bothered to appreciate these  things and he said no. I pity him. We do this alone and I’m glad.

 

And a nice nap. I really appreciate a nice nap now, after losing that ability for so long. Don't you?

[[be...]]

Yes. My hubby said naps are the best because they are free, healthy and don’t bother anyone. I had a nice one yesterday.

[[Cu...]]

Someone shared this w/me.  re: music.  I think Dhani Harrison's love for his Dad, George Harrison, is a beautiful thing.  I've known about his tribute concert to his Dad & that he's big in the music word; but, I never would have come across this on my own.  I was touched w/the beauty of the scenery & photography.  I've been fortunate to have visited a number of beautiful places & have filled photo albums w/these precious memories.  I know I'll never be traveling far again.  I appreciated that they shared it w/me & firm believer in paying it forward:  Enjoy 

(He sounds so much like his Dad.)

 

         

 

[[Cu...]]

Less "Deep".

 

This is an isolating experience.  It doesn't need be "all" your current experience, however.  Look for online Communities suited to your particular interests.  I'm not referring to social platforms (i.e. facebook, instagram, etc.)  There are themed-specific Communities, just as BenzoBuddies is themed.  There will be an assortment of forums & threads, just like here.

 

There are a number of entertainment-based communities (google to find based on your own interests), which can provide countless hours of distraction & a feeling of camaraderie outside of the benzo world.  Generally, I've found members well-behaved, adhering to community policies.  (Very few trolls.)  Administrators keep up & will remove questionable/inflammatory posts.  I've seen the arguments on youtube & I imagine social networks to be similar.  I don't want to be engaged in online trolling/sniping.  View 'em first, before joining up. "Try 'em on".  Highly recommend. 

 

[[Ta...]]

Someone shared this w/me.  re: music.  I think Dhani Harrison's love for his Dad, George Harrison, is a beautiful thing.  I've known about his tribute concert to his Dad & that he's big in the music word; but, I never would have come across this on my own.  I was touched w/the beauty of the scenery & photography.  I've been fortunate to have visited a number of beautiful places & have filled photo albums w/these precious memories.  I know I'll never be traveling far again.  I appreciated that they shared it w/me & firm believer in paying it forward:  Enjoy 

(He sounds so much like his Dad.)

 

         

 

Lyrics:

All those dreams they take from you when you're young

And all those dreams, you can feel yourself waking up

Go to work, declare yourself a better man when you're down

The motorways are never gonna take you to where you want

The race

erase it

Bathed in light, the fire

Don't chase your mind's desire

The game is our design

I'm fine behind the blind

The race

erase it

The race

erase it

The race (yeah)

The race (yeah)

The race (yeah)

Erase it

 

I am really feeling the lyrics on this right now.

Thank you for sharing this!

[[NY...]]

Great thread.  Yep, I'm moved to tears many times a day, even in this crappy wave.  Cried this morning as I was telling my cat how much gratitude I felt that he's been by my side through all of this.  It's hard to wear head phones/listen to music in public, bc I'm either moved to tears, or want to sing our loud, bust a move  .  Witnessing acts of kindness, or the fun absurdity of Halloween decorations,  etc.  I love it all.  And yeah, I simultaneously feel worse than I ever have