Family tragedy...I really need someone to tell me it'll be ok

[[Le...]]

I just found out that my aunt was killed in a car accident, I think I'm in shock right now. I had a panic attack and I took my nightly kpin dose, I'm scared to experience this grief, let alone without the cushion of being numbed by these damned drugs, fir the first time in a long time I feel like I actually want to take more to be numb. I know this is wrong, so I'm here trying to write it out. I'm just lost, last time we spoke we talked and laughed over the phone for hours, she was such a light in my life. How do you deal with loss and grief like this? Especially, at such a fragile time in my own life, I feel more than helpless. I don't even know how I feel...

[[of...]]

I just found out that my aunt was killed in a car accident, I think I'm in shock right now. I had a panic attack and I took my nightly kpin dose, I'm scared to experience this grief, let alone without the cushion of being numbed by these damned drugs, fir the first time in a long time I feel like I actually want to take more to be numb. I know this is wrong, so I'm here trying to write it out. I'm just lost, last time we spoke we talked and laughed over the phone for hours, she was such a light in my life. How do you deal with loss and grief like this? Especially, at such a fragile time in my own life, I feel more than helpless. I don't even know how I feel...

 

I’m so sorry hun. Sometimes life is just so damn hard and makes no sense. Still I pray.

Words won’t help I know. I lost my Mom in May. I can only tell you will get thru it one moment day at a time. It will come in waves and then your body will protect itself and shut the wave down. You will be ok.

It is a wonderful testimony to your aunt that she meant so much to you.

Sending you much love and hugs and prayers for comfort and strength.

[[Le...]]

Thank you, my boyfriend fell asleep holding me and  feeling a little more at ease. My whole body just hurts now from shaking so hard. I know it'll take time to pass, it just doesn't even seem real. thsnk you for reaching out, it really does help.

[[of...]]

Thank you, my boyfriend fell asleep holding me and  feeling a little more at ease. My whole body just hurts now from shaking so hard. I know it'll take time to pass, it just doesn't even seem real. thsnk you for reaching out, it really does help.

 

I’m glad you have someone there with you. It’s so important. Be gentle with yourself. Try to get some rest if you can.

[[Le...]]

Thank you, my boyfriend fell asleep holding me and  feeling a little more at ease. My whole body just hurts now from shaking so hard. I know it'll take time to pass, it just doesn't even seem real. thsnk you for reaching out, it really does help.

 

I’m glad you have someone there with you. It’s so important. Be gentle with yourself. Try to get some rest if you can.

 

 

Thank you, I'm really sorry about your mom, I truly am. There's just no way to prepare for this, I hope the days and weeks to come bring some peace and closure. I just feel blank right mow. There's 2000mi between my dad and I, I wish I could be with him.

[[Ic...]]

I think the desire to be numbed to it is natural to most people in difficult times, but only by letting yourself work through the grief in a very raw way can you heal.

When there was a tragic loss in my family recently, I remember a moment when the sun was setting and I just watched the orange deepen and let all the feelings wash over me. I breathed deeply. Didn’t hold anything back. Prayed.

If you can find that place of peace, and just let the grief wash over you as you keep your eyes and mind focused on the beauty of that place of peace.

When I was on the benzos, one of the things it robbed me of was the ability to cry. I don’t very often, but during the numbing relief of the benzo, I never did once. When I came off, I felt once again the blessing of crying and hurting through grief and anxiety instead of numbing it. The real emotions, even with the pain - that’s part of this experience of life. Life is ever changing and so many things we love fade away. And we fear change and can’t bear to process the loss and the void it leaves. But if you can focus on the gratitude for the beauty of the blessing that has passed, and embrace the grief for the loss, the stage of grief will resolve itself in your mind, as you let go and wrap that phase of your life up in memory.

I’m so sorry for your loss. But watch the sunset if you can, remembering that even as one day with all of its joys and adventures is forever over, the sun will rise again. And it’ll be beautiful.