Lack of tolerance here and elsewhere

[[lo...]]

I spend too much time online campaigning, I witness the lack of tolerance for the views of others every day.  I see it on Twitter, I see it on Facebook and I see it here.  I am fed up with it.  I see people making a reasonable comment and before they know it they are being slammed for it just because someone disagrees with what they have said.  I am starting to feel it is not safe to voice an opinion on this forum and it is better just to keep quiet.

[Guest [Sk...]]

I spend too much time online campaigning, I witness the lack of tolerance for the views of others every day.  I see it on Twitter, I see it on Facebook and I see it here.  I am fed up with it.  I see people making a reasonable comment and before they know it they are being slammed for it just because someone disagrees with what they have said.  I am starting to feel it is not safe to voice an opinion on this forum and it is better just to keep quiet.

 

:'( :'( :'(  sadly I agree with you so I have stopped posting much on the support board, just read lots, and maybe play on the just for fun board

out of fear of being  slammed just because maybe I dont express myself to everyones liking or it is read the wrong way as has happened sadly.

 

Like you I often dont feel safe saying much now either.

 

And I do see it happening often to others also, so I just back away, keep quiet, having become a "lurker" and then  log out and try to keep on keeping on my own way.

 

I am glad you posted this as I was starting to feel that it was maybe me  :-\

 

Kinda Glad it is not just me  however feel sad for others whom get the same feeling if they post too

 

I appreciate all your posts,  often so full of advice and wisdom, as I am sure many other "lurkers" do too.

so rest assured you help many often.

 

:hug:

 

 

[[lo...]]

Thank you so much, Sky-blue, I too thought it was maybe just me!!  I don't really post a lot except in my blog, a safe space I hope for all who visit it.  I have just noticed too many "put-downs" recently and experienced it myself.  Of course we will have different opinions about subjects, but that is different.  It is rather sad if people feel they can only "lurk" and not participate. 

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

[Guest [Sk...]]

I have looked at it often  as everyone is at vastly  different places in their healing,

some in waves, some confused and in doubt,  some in pain, some in anger, some in despair, etc etc,

and feel a loss, of some sort,

so it gives them some sort of strange power to attack others often  with no tolerance

for where or how their words might effect another, in their stage of this horrendous journey.

 

It doesn't excuse the lack of tolerance however helps "me" move on and listen to my own wisdoms

 

guess we are all different and for me it is safer to read or lurk maybe so I can read posts like yours

which have so much valuable information shared.

 

thank You Fiona 

 

  Skye

[[Lo...]]

I do understand. With anonymous sites, and delicate matters such as mental health, physical health and prescription drug dependence, there is a lot of stigma, even within the communities themselves.

 

For me, it gets triggering and tiring because so much talk centers on prescriptions and Rx histories and milligram counts, etc and it honestly gets tiring and draining, and situations are devoid of context (which is to be expected with anonymous sites). But then again, it's difficult for me to interpret other people's situations and needs and vice versa.

 

It really just gets very depressing and lonely, and as more symptoms hit on the way down, I just feel less inclined to post and be active. Activism is wonderful, but it is hard to be an activist when sick and not believed. That's all  :'(

[[lo...]]

I do understand. With anonymous sites, and delicate matters such as mental health, physical health and prescription drug dependence, there is a lot of stigma, even within the communities themselves.

 

For me, it gets triggering and tiring because so much talk centers on prescriptions and Rx histories and milligram counts, etc and it honestly gets tiring and draining, and situations are devoid of context (which is to be expected with anonymous sites). But then again, it's difficult for me to interpret other people's situations and needs and vice versa.

 

It really just gets very depressing and lonely, and as more symptoms hit on the way down, I just feel less inclined to post and be active. Activism is wonderful, but it is hard to be an activist when sick and not believed. That's all  :'(

 

I am sorry you are finding it so hard, it is lonely and depressing, I guess I am feeling pretty low myself at the moment.  Stuck in bed, relying on the internet for communication and I have just been put down again on Twitter for voicing an opinion.  People seem to think they have the right ...

[[Lo...]]

I do understand. With anonymous sites, and delicate matters such as mental health, physical health and prescription drug dependence, there is a lot of stigma, even within the communities themselves.

 

For me, it gets triggering and tiring because so much talk centers on prescriptions and Rx histories and milligram counts, etc and it honestly gets tiring and draining, and situations are devoid of context (which is to be expected with anonymous sites). But then again, it's difficult for me to interpret other people's situations and needs and vice versa.

 

It really just gets very depressing and lonely, and as more symptoms hit on the way down, I just feel less inclined to post and be active. Activism is wonderful, but it is hard to be an activist when sick and not believed. That's all  :'(

 

I am sorry you are finding it so hard, it is lonely and depressing, I guess I am feeling pretty low myself at the moment.  Stuck in bed, relying on the internet for communication and I have just been put down again on Twitter for voicing an opinion.  People seem to think they have the right ...

 

Sorry to hear about this, lookingforward. Sadly, in the world out there, people tend to want to reframe our individual experiences in ways that mimic their understanding of how things should be. And there is nothing that can make them change their minds, unless they have very, very similar lived experiences and views about life and things in general. And since each of us is unique, it is hard to find similar people.

[[lo...]]

Hi Lorazepam, I am very fortunate to have very good friends in real life and some good Buddies here who keep me going, I should maybe cut back on my engagement online otherwise.  It is tiring and disheartening ... 

[[Lo...]]

Hi Lorazepam, I am very fortunate to have very good friends in real life and some good Buddies here who keep me going, I should maybe cut back on my engagement online otherwise.  It is tiring and disheartening ...

 

Glad you have people around you. I have done my best to warn people about the dangers outside of this realm, and while some people were really appreciative to hear what I had to say, many were sort of looking at it as "it's not in my backyard" problem. People need to fully hear and entertain both sides of the story, and I don't think that's happened. And there is a lot of fear at bottom of it, and I think that's why it is so difficult to have good, quality conversations. I hope you feel more vital again soon, and I very much appreciate your efforts. If there had been more people like you talking about this, the whole rise and resurrection of dangerous pharmaceutical drugs over the last 10 years would have been met with a lot more skepticism, and people would have been much more mindful about what treatments are beneficial, what treatments are harmful, and how to avoid grey areas that can lead to much protracted suffering, misery and prolonged disability.

 

[Guest [Sk...]]

I do understand. With anonymous sites, and delicate matters such as mental health, physical health and prescription drug dependence, there is a lot of stigma, even within the communities themselves.

 

For me, it gets triggering and tiring because so much talk centers on prescriptions and Rx histories and milligram counts, etc and it honestly gets tiring and draining, and situations are devoid of context (which is to be expected with anonymous sites). But then again, it's difficult for me to interpret other people's situations and needs and vice versa.

 

It really just gets very depressing and lonely, and as more symptoms hit on the way down, I just feel less inclined to post and be active. Activism is wonderful, but it is hard to be an activist when sick and not believed. That's all  :'(

 

I am sorry you are finding it so hard, it is lonely and depressing, I guess I am feeling pretty low myself at the moment.  Stuck in bed, relying on the internet for communication and I have just been put down again on Twitter for voicing an opinion.  People seem to think they have the right ...

 

Sorry to hear about this, lookingforward. Sadly, in the world out there, people tend to want to reframe our individual experiences in ways that mimic their understanding of how things should be. And there is nothing that can make them change their minds, unless they have very, very similar lived experiences and views about life and things in general. And since each of us is unique, it is hard to find similar people.

 

Lookingforward, you have made tremendous progress already, and hopefully more are just around the corner for you too.  Glad you have many good friends in real life.  we all appreciate you words often.

I am wandering through this alone sadly and like lorazepamfree find depressing and lonely at times especially in a wave.  Your posts are a ray of sunshine often at these times

 

Lorazepamfree  I agree  with the sentiments I highlighted above.  Thanks for saying what I think also.  Hope things improve for you soon.

 

Hi Lorazepam, I am very fortunate to have very good friends in real life and some good Buddies here who keep me going, I should maybe cut back on my engagement online otherwise.  It is tiring and disheartening ...

 

Glad you have people around you. I have done my best to warn people about the dangers outside of this realm, and while some people were really appreciative to hear what I had to say, many were sort of looking at it as "it's not in my backyard" problem. People need to fully hear and entertain both sides of the story, and I don't think that's happened. And there is a lot of fear at bottom of it, and I think that's why it is so difficult to have good, quality conversations. I hope you feel more vital again soon, and I very much appreciate your efforts. If there had been more people like you talking about this, the whole rise and resurrection of dangerous pharmaceutical drugs over the last 10 years would have been met with a lot more skepticism, and people would have been much more mindful about what treatments are beneficial, what treatments are harmful, and how to avoid grey areas that can lead to much protracted suffering, misery and prolonged disability.

 

 

You say it so much better than me Lorazepamfree.  thanks for being You. 

 

[[no...]]

Fiona  you have been a wonderful help and an amazing friend  to many of us on here  even while you are still suffering yourself and I hold you in very high regard for all that you do trying to get help in the real world for people all around the world with Benzo problems And I've had some kicks to the head for trying to be helpful as well which is no help when your going through it as well for trying to be helpful or having an opinion which EVERYONE is entitled to .

 

But I try to remember  ( very hard when your effed up as well some day's ) that most of us on here are really sick  ( well withdrawing/healing/ long term recovering) and some of us more sicker than we realize , but there's more people grateful for your opinion  and help than against.  I have found the trick is to have your say then as soon as someone refutes what your saying don't argue your case just don't bother with whatever particular thread it is and take time off from the forum if you need to do so  if people  are triggering you off.

 

And besides that I've seen many others other get abused for trying to be helpful so its really a common thing on here, so please don't think people are singling you out , I get like it on times so I do understand  I just avoid getting caught up in the conflict by not shooting back and avoid certain people with a ''God complex'' who are suddenly all knowing and ''withdrawal and healing experts'  ' when their personal thread gets popular 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[lo...]]

Nova

 

Thank you so much. Such good advice.  I definitely don't feel singled out, I know it happens to many, not just here of course, social media is worse and that is where I spend much of my time.  Of course I keep harassing the medical profession on Twitter so no doubt they could accuse me of similar.  They dare not mention the word antidepressants in the UK without being harangued.  They rarely mention benzos except as a means of diverting attention away from antidepressants. I feel I am justified in what I do there and it is not personal.  Our campaign continues and will continue.  It is true that everyone here is sick, including me,  and we all say things we later regret but it is a pity when conversations are derailed for no good reason.  A break is the best idea.

 

Love Fiona 

 

 

[[Mr...]]

Hello from Mrs Badger,

 

I am a newbie and only just joined, but am well familiar with intolerance, judgement and strong opinions and that is just from my own family! My mother thinks that Benzo withdrawal equates to cutting out sugar and my partner, who is in the medical profession, calls Panda, as he thinks I can only survive in a specific environment. Both are impatient for me to get better and think that if I was stronger mentally I would get better quickly!  Needless to say I have to work very hard to keep a lid on it most of the time.

 

I just wanted to say that there are still people out there who have empathy and understand and social media has created an environment where people can be as cruel and mouthy as they want to be, I.e. a Troll, and suffer little consequence or understanding of the offence or hurt they cause. I am sure most people use it to vent out their own unhappiness, fears and frustrations, and we just need to be careful what we expose ourselves to in our sensitised state. I am sure you know this already.

 

I try not to shield myself from everything as I know having a certain amount of thicker skin helps, but I also switch off when someone pretty odious is on their soapbox.

 

I am also bedbound most of the day right now and I agree about the internet being a window out to the world. I tried to get out yesterday and burned with pain and panic all day.

 

I hope it comforts you to know that someone is out there that understands you and how you feel. I too get angry at nastiness or strong judgements, but for my own inner calm I try to let it go.

 

Sending best wishes to you and calming thoughts.

 

Mrs Bxx

 

 

 

 

[[lo...]]

Thank you so much, Mrs B.  I am sorry that your family are intolerant and I can only imagine what it must be like to have a partner in the medical profession!!  Social media is a dreadful place at times.  I am sorry you are  bed bound for now, I hope it won't be for too long.  I also hope that you will be able to get out without it being such an ordeal.  I also went out yesterday and i really didn't feel well so that upset me greatly as I have had one or two better days recently.  Sadly, I am pretty dependent on the internet as I have difficulty watching TV, have difficulty walking and being on my feet, have cognitive issues, so it is very difficult to pass the time in other ways.  And of course I like to have contact with people. 

But as you say it is best to let things go .. or just take a break, do something else. 

 

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[[Sa...]]

Fiona I just want to say how grateful I am for all your campaigning and taking on the vipers nest of social media. I cannot imagine that environment. I no longer have active social media accounts and I can’t say I truly miss them although they are a great platform.  Personally I do not have the temperament to speak in such a calm clear confident and rational manner as you do so very very well. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit beat up, unfortunately and invariably there will be conflict and rudeness, that’s the nature of social media.

 

I hope you take a short break, gather yourself and get right back to harassing the medical profession. Yours is an incredibly powerful voice and I so admire what you’re doing for all of us. It truly would be a further tragedy if you allowed this to silence your voice.

 

I hope some easier days return quickly for you. 

 

[[lo...]]

Thank you so much, Saga, you are so very kind.  I rarely used social media before I tapered off the benzodiazepine, it was of little interest to me apart from my Facebook page where I maintain contact with friends and relatives who live a distance away from me.  Don't worry, I won't be keeping silent, far from it.  There is too much at stake right now in the UK, the campaign has created considerable waves, there is no doubt about that and we cannot let the momentum drop.

 

I have just encountered more intolerance on these boards today ...  >

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

[[be...]]

I have seen it here too, a mean-spirited, passive-aggressiveness that in my mind has nothing to do with being sick and angry.  My inclination is to back off BB and like Skyblue, just read and not post much....rather go plant some seeds in the back alley garden, watch them grow..... I'm on the shy side anyways.  As for Facebook and Twitter, it's out of the question for me, as much as I'd like to help get the word out in more ways, there's no way I could take the abuse.  There are so many awful people out there.

 

Grateful for the clearly, consistently good people here. 

 

 

[[lo...]]

I have seen it here too, a mean-spirited, passive-aggressiveness that in my mind has nothing to do with being sick and angry.  My inclination is to back off BB and like Skyblue, just read and not post much....rather go plant some seeds in the back alley garden, watch them grow..... I'm on the shy side anyways.  As for Facebook and Twitter, it's out of the question for me, as much as I'd like to help get the word out in more ways, there's no way I could take the abuse.  There are so many awful people out there.

 

Grateful for the clearly, consistently good people here. 

 

Thanks, benzohno, since I started this thread I have been made aware of another thread which has simply appalled me. Mean-spirited, passive-aggressiveness says it all. perhaps I am reacting so badly because of the way my doctors have behaved .. passive-aggressive is the correct description.  I used to be on the shy side, not sure if I still am or not, difficult to tell, my brain has been  chemically altered and I am not the same person in many ways, though in the important ways I still am.  I still however get very upset when I see people being put down ... it is often someone else and not me.  It is a real shame. 

 

Hugs

 

Fiona   

[[Ph...]]

I have seen it here too, a mean-spirited, passive-aggressiveness that in my mind has nothing to do with being sick and angry.  My inclination is to back off BB and like Skyblue, just read and not post much....rather go plant some seeds in the back alley garden, watch them grow..... I'm on the shy side anyways.  As for Facebook and Twitter, it's out of the question for me, as much as I'd like to help get the word out in more ways, there's no way I could take the abuse.  There are so many awful people out there.

 

Grateful for the clearly, consistently good people here. 

 

Thanks, benzohno, since I started this thread I have been made aware of another thread which has simply appalled me. Mean-spirited, passive-aggressiveness says it all. perhaps I am reacting so badly because of the way my doctors have behaved .. passive-aggressive is the correct description.  I used to be on the shy side, not sure if I still am or not, difficult to tell, my brain has been  chemically altered and I am not the same person in many ways, though in the important ways I still am.  I still however get very upset when I see people being put down ... it is often someone else and not me.  It is a real shame. 

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

 

Fiona, please direct us to the mean spirited passive aggressive thread that appalled you.  Which thread is it?  Let's root out these bad actors. 

[[Ph...]]

I spend too much time online campaigning, I witness the lack of tolerance for the views of others every day.  I see it on Twitter, I see it on Facebook and I see it here.  I am fed up with it.  I see people making a reasonable comment and before they know it they are being slammed for it just because someone disagrees with what they have said.  I am starting to feel it is not safe to voice an opinion on this forum and it is better just to keep quiet.

 

Fascinating.  We need a safe section here where it is understood that a person can make a [reasonable] comment without fear of reading a dissenting response.  I put [reasonable] in brackets of course because what is reasonable for one may be unreasonable to another.

 

It's interesting though, this shaming word "intolerant," or in this context "lack of tolerance."  Its a new thing, a new use of an old word which in itself has a sort of "slamming" effect on those who can't quite get their minds right...or left...or whatever.

 

How is it "not safe" to voice an opinion here?  Are the moderators failing to keep us sufficiently safe?  When does a forum reach a level of safety where it ceases to be a forum at all?

[[lo...]]

I spend too much time online campaigning, I witness the lack of tolerance for the views of others every day.  I see it on Twitter, I see it on Facebook and I see it here.  I am fed up with it.  I see people making a reasonable comment and before they know it they are being slammed for it just because someone disagrees with what they have said.  I am starting to feel it is not safe to voice an opinion on this forum and it is better just to keep quiet.

 

Fascinating.  We need a safe section here where it is understood that a person can make a [reasonable] comment without fear of reading a dissenting response.  I put [reasonable] in brackets of course because what is reasonable for one may be unreasonable to another.

 

It's interesting though, this shaming word "intolerant," or in this context "lack of tolerance."  Its a new thing, a new use of an old word which in itself has a sort of "slamming" effect on those who can't quite get their minds right...or left...or whatever.

 

How is it "not safe" to voice an opinion here?  Are the moderators failing to keep us sufficiently safe?  When does a forum reach a level of safety where it ceases to be a forum at all?

 

This has nothing to do with the moderators who do a great job.  I use the word intolerant because I can't think of another one, lacking in kindness perhaps, over-critical, judgemental ... all these things. I have seen several examples recently of people being put down and criticised for saying something perfectly reasonable ... I thought this forum was about being kind and supportive to one another. It is fine to disagree I don't have a problem with that.    I know on Twitter we are all fair game sadly ..that is the nature of social media ... but here I don't like to see it.  I am not going to give details of examples but I am disappointed that people here can be so hurtful and insensitive to others because many people here are very vulnerable as I am too, thought not nearly as vulnerable as I was in the first few years. 

 

I usually stay on the protracted board and in the campaign groups .. perhaps I should stick to those.  I generally don't encounter this lack of sensitivity there.  And my blog of course. 

 

 

[Guest [Sk...]]

 

This has nothing to do with the moderators who do a great job.  I use the word intolerant because I can't think of another one, lacking in kindness perhaps, over-critical, judgemental ... all these things. I have seen several examples recently of people being put down and criticised for saying something perfectly reasonable ... I thought this forum was about being kind and supportive to one another. It is fine to disagree I don't have a problem with that.    I know on Twitter we are all fair game sadly ..that is the nature of social media ... but here I don't like to see it.  I am not going to give details of examples but I am disappointed that people here can be so hurtful and insensitive to others because many people here are very vulnerable as I am too, thought not nearly as vulnerable as I was in the first few years. 

 

I usually stay on the protracted board and in the campaign groups .. perhaps I should stick to those.  I generally don't encounter this lack of sensitivity there.  And my blog of course.

 

agree  Fiona 

 

Perhaps  lack of compassion or

any  understanding that many people are not all like them,

and think and express themselves differently too

 

a lack of  empathy

 

an inability to see other peoples point of views, or see things from many angles and allow that without critiquing the comments

 

inability to see others side of things or read things with a different perspective

 

These are all different words that can be used,

 

however they are only words  much like the " shaming "  word  or  "slamming" effect all just different words

presented in another format.  Its how one reads and understands such words

 

Also some people often just like to create dissension and be heard  at times too sadly.

 

[[lo...]]

Thanks, Sky-blue, I am so disheartened tonight .. it is extremely sad for a support forum.

 

I am very very fortunate to be supported in real life by true friends.  So very very fortunate indeed.

 

Thank you for being so supportive always.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Fiona darling I have sent you a pm to ease up the pain a little bit

 

I dont think its about tolerance at all, its about being polite or not.

I even dont know if I am a tolerant person.. still wondering about that, but I know whats polite or not, or respectful ..

 

I am a big fan of the american comedian Tina Fey. Do you know her?

She is the director/main actor of 30rock, a funny sitcom, and in one episode really Mr. Trump plays himself a little part. So she met him. She prepared and politely said hello and welcome and nice to meat you... His first answer was that her dress was nice and she should wear more stuff like that.

She talked about this situation in an interview and wondered when we reached the point that we are allowed to tell other people what we think without any filter or thought before doing it. Like we were 3 years old.

 

This comes into my mind ever since I have seen it in TV and I am reading weird posts here on the board.

People think they are president or suffering (or both?) and thats enough to tell others what they think in a really not polite way.

 

So whenever I am told "oh, then you are stupid" - I now have to react and tell little Trumpi like I was a nanny: "Look. What you are doing is not okey. Its inpolite and hurting people. I want you to apologize. okey?"

 

god..

(To whom it may concern. I will not travel to the US and tell politicians how to behave. I am too busy. I am in wd. Thanks )

[[lo...]]

Thanks, Marigold, I guess it is about manners quite often but it is more than that.  It is what I encounter in the consulting room, the passive aggressiveness, thinly disguised, silencing the voice of the patient, all sorts of unpleasant ways of maintaining the upper hand, often done with a smile.  I follow two psychiatrists on Twitter, they work hand in glove, they are bullies and that seems to be their primary purpose, to belittle, silence, discredit.  Narcissist doctors, powerful people, abusing that power to the detriment of so many.  I spend too much time observing the ugly side of human behaviour ... I wish I could get away from it but I cannot, the campaign is too important. It is clearly getting to me though.

 

I do not know Tina Fey but I can imagine Trump saying that.  He is coming to the UK and to Scotland also.  I wish he would stay at home.  I also wish he did not have a Scottish mother ... It makes me feel bad. 

 

> > >

 

Sorry ... I am being very impolite here.

 

;) ;) ;)

 

What I would love is to have a normal life ... be with friends .. go for coffee .. travel ... meet new people .. visit art galleries ... paddle in the sea ... enjoy conversation .. have a laugh ...