Still down. There's no bottom

[[ho...]]

So I just got into a serious fight with my parents. Their little dog was barking at something outside, as he stopped I went to go grab food from the kitchen when I was in the kitchen I made the smallest noise and he started barking again. So I walked to my room and ate a sandwich and he followed me. I picked him up to put him outside my room and he growled and tried to bite me. Then my mom got up and tried to tell me that its because I was eating a sandwich in my room and then  tried to say I hit the dog and that's why he was growling. I told her I didn't hit the dog and it turned into a full argument. She then somehow brought me not having a job into the argument  and I got really mad I'm not sure of everything I said but but then my dad came around the corner. And then he started yelling at me that I woke him up when it was my mom who started the whole thing, so I turned and walked to the front door and gave them both the finger and said FUCK YOU. As I was trying to leave my my dad ran after me outside still yelling and told me I was lazy and a bunch of other shit, so I turned and walked towards him, I dindnt know what else to do at the time because I had nowhere to go. I told him "come on old man lets see it, if you want to talk like that to me lets see what you got. I crossed my arms and waited for him to hit me. And he just kept saying your all talk and other things. All while after my mom started the whole ordeal she's sitting in the background trying to act like she had nothing to do with it. So I asked her "what you just like to start fights and walk away? My dad tried to come at me again and I said it louder I said, "come on dude I can feel you want f-ing  hit me swing. He just kept trying to verbally bash me and said I was disrespectful which pissed me off because I felt disrespected when my mom started the whole thing. I feel really bad for things I said and if I should apologize. I just can't take it anymore. They always complain about my problems. And I'm way to tired to put up with their bullshit, they are grown children, even when I tried talking about my mom's drinking "it's not your problem" is what they tell me. Yea watching her drink herself to death is not my problem. And my father's seriously lost his damn mind and drove me crazy. Idk what he thinks but he starts a fight by disrespecting me. Also everytime he somehow manages to make me feel bad because his father beat him when he was a kid.so I got in his face. I'm just done and i still feel like I do everything wrong. And I have this worry of being so mentally messed up that I'll never recover from all of this

[[Ph...]]

Hodge, to some extent I have been where you are now.  When I was a kid, my dad heaped his pain onto me.  At the time I just thought he was an S.O.B.  But I came to understand, finally, that he had been injured by his own terrible childhood.  He had not been shown how to parent.  It's a cycle that can repeat from one generation to the next unless there's some kind of intervention.  There are only three things I can suggest.  One, apologize to your parents for your behavior (even though you know they are just as at fault as you are), show compassion to your parents for their own pain and suffering, and start trying to sell them on the idea of getting family counseling.  I'm sorry this falls short of what you need right now.

 

 

[[Sh...]]

See, I have a different take on this.  You definitely disrespected your parents when you gave them the finger and told them to eff off and then taunted your dad, called him an old man and dared him to hit you. HELLO.  You are the grown kid, you are back living in their house and you are definitely being confrontational and disrespectful.  In other posts, you have said you put holes in the walls and acted violent at times.  No matter how bad you think you have it, your parents get to set the rules and get to do as they please in their own house.  If it is so bad living there, move out.  If you don't have any other options and have to be there, then recognize that you have an obligation to act civilly, follow their rules and <gasp> even maybe do some positive things around the house.  Stop focusing on the ways you think your parents are behaving badly and start focusing on and working on your own bad behavior.  Being in withdrawal doesn't give any of us the right to behave badly.

 

 

[[Fa...]]

See, I have a different take on this.  You definitely disrespected your parents when you gave them the finger and told them to eff off and then taunted your dad, called him an old man and dared him to hit you. HELLO.  You are the grown kid, you are back living in their house and you are definitely being confrontational and disrespectful.  In other posts, you have said you put holes in the walls and acted violent at times.  No matter how bad you think you have it, your parents get to set the rules and get to do as they please in their own house.  If it is so bad living there, move out.  If you don't have any other options and have to be there, then recognize that you have an obligation to act civilly, follow their rules and <gasp> even maybe do some positive things around the house.  Stop focusing on the ways you think your parents are behaving badly and start focusing on and working on your own bad behavior.  Being in withdrawal doesn't give any of us the right to behave badly.

 

 

I really agree with this.

Add in that if Mom is drinking and you would like to help her, realize that she is drinking to cover up pain. Imagibe if her son said to her "Mom, let's get through our trials together. I will be here for you no matter what and I'd like to take some burden off if you by helping around the house and at least trying to work a few hours a week." 

I pray for your family. You only get one and if you push them away you will soon realize how much you needed them.

You CAN be strong no matter how bad you are hurting. You can. You can be the son that is a blessing. It's all in your control.hugs

[[sk...]]

Your parents should have kicked you out a long time ago.  You have no respect nor will you until you have to stand on your own two feet.