What Can You Not Just Forgive For Once and For All Yet?

[[Es...]]

Thank you, Ruby. I’m also a part of one online support community. It’s really hard for me to talk about all this. I don’t bring it up online. Or in talks with anyone but my husband and pdoc.

 

Husband cannot quite understand. His father was kind of abusive verbally. But he was a very sick and unhappy man. He died a tragic death. My parents have always been thriving. I mean, on the outside. I was thriving before I turned 14. Afterwards, I mostly remember suffering. Always looking for solutions. Always fighting. But the suffering was there all the time.

 

I don’t feel so much alone. It’s rather that nothing can replace parents’ unconditional love and acceptance. I guess we have this inner child, which has been so badly hurt. And the point is to get in touch with that inner child. And to become its own loving parent.

 

I received lots of love from my maternal grandfather. Who knew nothing about the abuse. It was kept secret until psychiatric hospitals started in my teens. Anyway, grandfather still didn’t know. I didn’t tell anyone. Only parents and me knew. Then people in hospitals.

 

Really difficult to talk about this all. I don’t know if forgiveness is the most essential part of it. I don’t focus so much on forgiving or not. I rather concentrate on changing my own life. Trying to stay away from them as much as possible. It’s destructive for me to stay in touch with them.

 

When and if I manage to rebuild my own life. Maybe I will be able to forgive and forget. I feel fully responsible for what I’m doing with my life at present. It’s rather that if all this abuse hadn’t happened, I would be a more or less healthy adult today. Maybe oversensitive. Worse coping skills. But healthy overall. I would have made different life choices. I wouldn’t probably have become dependent on BZD and put on psych meds since my teens.

 

It’s just impossible to talk about it. It’s all too hurtful.

[[be...]]

Estee

 

I said in another thread that I forgave him a long time ago. We are still in touch, but his new wife has the nerve to call me and ask me dog advice. 

[Guest [Ru...]]

I don’t feel so much alone. [...] I guess we have this inner child, which has been so badly hurt. And the point is to get in touch with that inner child. And to become its own loving parent.

 

Estee, this resonates with me so much. I hear you completely. I have a quote on my desktop: 'I can be my own little girl. I can care for and nurture her myself.' This helped me a great deal in the beginning, and still does.

 

Have you tried guided meditation for inner-child healing? I get that not everyone is ready for this kind of work during withdrawal, because it can be so unbelievably painful. And I respect that completely. We're all on a different time frame, and you'll know when it's right for you...

 

As for me, it got to where my parents were endangering my life and sabotaging my withdrawal & recovery. Whenever I saw them, I would be in so pain that I ended up drinking... I knew that I had to go 'no contact' if I ever wanted to have the healthy life I deserve.

 

I love what you say about taking full responsibility for your own life. I think that is key to healing completely, both from c-ptsd, benzos, and all the rest. When I read your thoughts on this, I have no doubt that you'll recover completely in time. Most people just don't get how important that self-responsibility step is...

 

And, if it helps even a little bit: the pain does get better. It really does. And then peace comes. I know it will for you, too.

 

Sending healing thoughts.

[[Es...]]

So I wrote 11 paragraphs in like 5 minutes. A short story of my life. I started having nausea and vertigo. I’m not gonna post it. Mother is my grandfather’s daughter. And I loved my grandfather very much. He was the best person I have ever met in life.

 

Wish I could forgive mother somehow.

 

Take care, Ruby. You are in my thoughts

[Guest [Ru...]]

I understand, Estee. I really do...

 

It's a process - a long one, and a messy one... Just need to keep wading through it.

 

Sending you so much love.

[[az...]]

I feel so bad, I’m still not certain. This must be too hard to figure out. It’s life for me, sometimes I want to observe.

[[az...]]

How to have pain without guilt?

[[az...]]

This is it:

 

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=narcissism+in+parents&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjEqvSO09XaAhUSY6wKHcOcCqQQgQMIIzAA#d=gs_qabs&p=&u=%23p%3DsDc3Vo8jEQ4J

[[Sw...]]

After reading many posts on this thread I echo the thoughts of many.  I cannot forgive psychiatry for prescribing so many psych drugs.  Some to prescribed because the others did not work "well enough" others because I developed issues from the current crop of drugs that were not working.  I cannot forgive as well medical ~ and I do mean medical for not saying anything about it, letting it progress so far that it did and now denying anything happened because of the myriad of drugs taken.  It is an uphill, frustrating battle.  I don't think a lifetime of wrongly prescribed drugs is forgivable.

 

Sweet pea

[[Rx...]]

Even if you forgive a person, I don't know that you necessarily have to forgive some acts committed.

[[be...]]

Even if you forgive a person, I don't know that you necessarily have to forgive some acts committed.

 

[[az...]]

Even if you forgive a person, I don't know that you necessarily have to forgive some acts committed.

 

[[az...]]

 

“Covert Salad” - how covert narcissists use word salad as a tactic.

[[az...]]

 

When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist

[[az...]]

https://youtu.be/geBVVeA-ngk

 

"I See Dead People..." I Mean Narcissists!" They're Everywhere! Uncovering Narcissism

 

 

 

Finally, A Good Gaslighting Explanation! Dysfunctional Relationships & Human Magnet Syndrome

 

[[az...]]

 

Mission Impossible: The Parentified Child

[[az...]]

[[Ma...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

Betsy, he was just a past mistake. We always learn from mistakes. Time to forget him and move on. The world doesn’t revolve around men. Although some of them like to think it does. As to forgiveness. I love this Einstein’s quote: "Strong people forgive. Weak people revenge. Intelligent people ignore."

 

I know it is not easy to just ignore someone who has hurt us. But I’m often wondering. Isn’t it the healthiest coping mechanism. This person doesn’t waste their time and energy on thinking about us. Why should we. I also love this quote: "When the past calls, send it to voicemail. It has nothing new to say."

 

I really like that last quote.  It's so true....

[[az...]]

Thanks

[[az...]]

 

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

[[be...]]

Thanks

 

Me too. I forgot to mention that.

[[az...]]

Thanks

 

Me too. I forgot to mention that.

 

❤️

[[az...]]

I feel so bad, I’m still not certain. This must be too hard to figure out. It’s life for me, sometimes I want to observe.

 

Unconscious. I came to the truth it was unconscious. We have been suffering for years, especially the last weeks.

 

There is much to heal. It will take individual living / individuation and love. I have hope for us and I have hope for miracles for certain— they do exist.

[[Ph...]]

My brother and his wife, who had my dear mother euthanized because she had become an inconvenience.  And save your gasps.  These killings are rampant in our society.  For every defenseless baby that is killed, there is a defenseless elderly person killed.  Anyone who thinks these killings are okay can rot in hell as far as I am concerned.  Your time is coming.  You will become an inconvenience as well.

[[Es...]]

Interesting article about gaslighting. For those dealing with narcissists in their lives.