What Can You Not Just Forgive For Once and For All Yet?

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This: https://debrakaplancounseling.com/emotional-incest-the-covert-abuse-in-the-relationship/

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TOO MANY SUFFER TOO MANY DIE

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My ex.

 

 

NPD relationship = need for pills for severely debilitating GAD and PTSD from abuse.

 

 

http://www.thisisinsider.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder-signs-2018-4

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https://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/i_am_fishead

 

I Am Fishead (Doc.)

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https://www.vevo.com/watch/taylor-swift/bad-blood/USCJY1531563

 

 

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http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/The-Emotionally-Incestuous-Mother.php

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Google search 3:16p

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=emotional+incest+mother+severely+damages+daughter&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari

 

HELP ME GOD— HELP GET ME AWAY FROM HER!

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Parentifucation

[[Aj...]]

Myself for not appreciating how good my life was before I got ill and, thus, contributing to my getting ill in the firstvplae.

 

Doctors for their disbelief and the way they have treated me over the last 22 years. I feel that I have been gaslighted by the medical profession.

[[li...]]

I am having trouble forgiving my Father, who led one of those Crazy Christian Cults (similar to Westborough Baptist Church) that fostered so much hate, fear and anxiety.  I lived in fear everyday that God was going to strike me dead for every tiny infraction.  I know the stress of Religious abuse contributed to my Crohn's disease, and a lifetime of anxiety.  It has taken years of therapy to even function normally.

[[Es...]]

Estee - thank you so much for sharing openly. It seems many of us are dealing with this heartbreak. I feel the same thing as you when I think of the sunny, trusting little girl I used to be... 

 

My mother falls on the severe end of the psychopathy spectrum. It took this withdrawal experience for me finally to acknowledge that she has never loved me (she is unable to) and that, in fact, she tried to kill me on more than one occasion. This realisation has left me reeling in the darkest place I have ever been. But I do know that if I can work through this during withdrawal, I will be reborn with a strength and hopefulness that few will ever experience. And I will be truly healed.

 

This site has been helpful to me: https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

 

The forgiveness issue is a tough, tough one. I'm not there yet. Not by a long shot. I try to see it as a process, a work in progress... For now, I prefer terms such as 'letting go', 'walking away', 'moving on'... For me, going 'no contact' recently has been absolutely essential.

 

Love, strength, and peace to everyone going through this.

Lara

 

Ruby, thank you for this post. I know the site you mentioned. Have you read Danu Morrigan’s book? It has helped me a lot. I finally understood what NPD is all about. Both my parents have it. But I’ve only been close with mother since age 16. I turned to her for comfort actually. Which was a huge mistake.

 

I went "low contact" in 2016, after the hospital. I cannot imagine going "no contact". That would be too difficult for me. My pdoc was right that when I become benzo free, I would also progressively free myself from this relationship.

 

You are fortunate to have a supportive husband. My husband cannot offer me the support I need. He’s now the closest person I have in life, however. I think he doesn’t understand the abuse I’ve been through. He’s got his own problems. Not enough mental strength and maturity to support me.

 

That makes me feel very much alone. Just me and my Kitty. No God either, as I’m not able to believe. At least I no longer delude myself that mother loves me. I’m not looking for all those "foster moms" anymore. They have their own, loved, beautiful and healthy daughters. I guess all this stuff wasn’t real. I have to live with this pain and loneliness. That’s all. I will never feel alone as long as I have my Kitty.

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My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

[[Ma...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

I am so sorry, that must be so hard, we love you   

[[az...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

I am so sorry, that must be so hard, we love you 

 

Yes.

[Guest [Ru...]]

Ruby, thank you for this post. I know the site you mentioned. Have you read Danu Morrigan’s book? It has helped me a lot. I finally understood what NPD is all about. Both my parents have it. But I’ve only been close with mother since age 16. I turned to her for comfort actually. Which was a huge mistake.

 

I went "low contact" in 2016, after the hospital. I cannot imagine going "no contact". That would be too difficult for me. My pdoc was right that when I become benzo free, I would also progressively free myself from this relationship.

 

You are fortunate to have a supportive husband. My husband cannot offer me the support I need. He’s now the closest person I have in life, however. I think he doesn’t understand the abuse I’ve been through. He’s got his own problems. Not enough mental strength and maturity to support me.

 

That makes me feel very much alone. Just me and my Kitty. No God either, as I’m not able to believe. At least I no longer delude myself that mother loves me. I’m not looking for all those "foster moms" anymore. They have their own, loved, beautiful and healthy daughters. I guess all this stuff wasn’t real. I have to live with this pain and loneliness. That’s all. I will never feel alone as long as I have my Kitty.

 

Estee, I'm so sorry you feel so alone. I wish I could reach out and comfort you... Please know that you matter. You matter immensely. You have insight and gentleness, and this world needs that so much.

 

And Kitty...you both make me smile. You know, my cats are helping me through this, too. More so than anyone (except for my husband). I've read of many on here who have been abandoned by all their loved ones and 'friends' on this journey. It's unbelievably common, sadly. To me, that shows how real and precious the love between us and our animal babies are - much more so than that between many humans. So you are not alone. You are loved and needed (by Kitty and the rest of us), and you can get healthy once again. The pain is not forever. You have much to offer.

 

I have not yet read Danu's book, but her site has helped me learn much about NPD. I've used it (and a few others) for about a year now to come to terms with the situation with my parents. I cried and raged during all this time, and really worked hard to try and find a solution...

 

But I finally realised that I could not expect something from people who are simply not willing and/or able to give it. I deserve better. We all do. Hence, for me, no contact. It took a long time, and it hurt so much I thought it would kill me at times. And I'm not saying it is right for you, or anyone else. But I am slowly finding a level of peace I've never known before.

 

'Low contact' is a valid and sensible option, and I agree with your pdoc that you'll find closure in your own time. You are aware and you are brave. That's what matters most. For now, just keep taking gentle care of yourself.

 

As for God: I can only tell you that I'm not big on 'faith'. I can't 'feel' God in this (or 'believe' in him) at all - if anything, I have attacks of rage against him. But He seems to put up with me anyway  I've cycled through phases in my life...agnosticism, outright rejection, etc. But withdrawal has brought me to my knees many times, and I started praying/begging for help without believing any of it. My husband, who was brought up atheist, grew so desperate he's been doing the same... And what do you know - every time we do, we seem to stumble across another vital little missing piece in my healing puzzle... So. That's all I know.

 

I have a hunch that if God's out there, he's got your back anyway. Seems to me he neither needs nor requires our faith. That brings me peace.

 

Sending you much love.

[Guest [Ru...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

Benzogirl, I'm so sorry. I've read some of your posts... For what it's worth: I think you're strong and you ROCK... He just couldn't live up to that. You deserve better.

[[Mo...]]

The doctor who prescribed them in the first place: "They may be habit forming."

The doctor who let me stop taking them without warning: "Just give it a few days."

The former I’m beginning to forgive, the latter also gave me an AD that sent me to a psych ward. Bit harder to forgive him.

[[be...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

Benzogirl, I'm so sorry. I've read some of your posts... For what it's worth: I think you're strong and you ROCK... He just couldn't live up to that. You deserve better.

 

Thank you all who posted your support for me. I think I am strong, I forgive him and what's best when he left the house I felt as if a monkey was off my back. God works in mysterious ways.

[Guest [Ru...]]

 

Thank you all who posted your support for me. I think I am strong, I forgive him and what's best when he left the house I felt as if a monkey was off my back. God works in mysterious ways.

 

'Monkey' is right.

 

And my benzo brain is now kicking in - at first glance, I read your sentence as 'God works in monstrous ways.' Indeed. 

[[be...]]

 

Thank you all who posted your support for me. I think I am strong, I forgive him and what's best when he left the house I felt as if a monkey was off my back. God works in mysterious ways.

 

'Monkey' is right.

And my benzo brain is now kicking in - at first glance, I read your sentence as 'God works in monstrous ways.' Indeed. 

 

:D

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Cheating ex wife

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Got Ya! Maybe she and my X could get together.............

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Got Ya! Maybe she and my X could get together.............

 

       

[[Es...]]

My husband who refused to even acknowledge that I was sick but on top of that when I was at my lowest he slept with another.

 

Betsy, he was just a past mistake. We always learn from mistakes. Time to forget him and move on. The world doesn’t revolve around men. Although some of them like to think it does. As to forgiveness. I love this Einstein’s quote: "Strong people forgive. Weak people revenge. Intelligent people ignore."

 

I know it is not easy to just ignore someone who has hurt us. But I’m often wondering. Isn’t it the healthiest coping mechanism. This person doesn’t waste their time and energy on thinking about us. Why should we. I also love this quote: "When the past calls, send it to voicemail. It has nothing new to say."