I stupidly sold my house during my taper....grrrr! Why wasn't I warned?

[[ga...]]

I am lamenting selling my beautiful, stunning home during my taper because I believed the lie that I couldn't take care of it anymore.  Now I see what a mistake it was, but it's too late.  I wish there was a document on this site that advises people what to do and NOT to do during withdrawal...like don't make any big, life-changing decision unless forced to.  That means, don't sign anything, get divorced, move, sell your house, etc...while you are brain-injured.  It's much better to keep your life as intact as it was before benzos so that it will be there waiting for you when you are through withdrawal.  THEN, you can make decisions clearly. 

 

Of course, there are some things that happen that are unavoidable...like if your spouse leaves you.  Or if your house burns down, etc... But, if there is any choice on your part, WAIT. 

 

How I wish someone had told me that.  Our brains lie to us during withdrawal and we shouldn't act on those lies.  That's what I did, and I can't undo it.  Perhaps someone can learn from my mistake.  Why isn't there a pinned post about this anywhere on the site?

[[Lo...]]

Oh, I am so sorry, gardenlady. I can so much relate. I am fighting as hard as I can to save the house, and my mind keeps telling me throughout the entire taper that I am going to lose it and end up on the streets or worse. This started in 2015 and, as of today, I still have the house. Managed to somehow hang on to it, and now, because the final SSDI decision is late, my brain keeps telling me that I am done and that life is not worth living because the payments will come to late, and I'll never catch up on them, and that I am doomed. Horrible fears I've had to live with for 3 years. I deeply empathize with you. People in real life kept telling me to sell the house, but most of these "normals" have no idea how impossible it is to sell the house with extreme agoraphobic symptoms followed by extreme weakness and extreme panic. 

[[ga...]]

Thanks, LorFree for your response.  I'm so sorry that you are having money problems....as are so many in withdrawal.  It's inconceivable the wreckage that these drugs leave in their wake.  I hope you can hang onto your house, but if you can't for financial reasons, then that's a situation that you have no control over.

 

My mistake was made when I was financially ok.  It was a lie in my brain that told me that the maintenance was just too hard for me as I am a 65 year old single female.  I loved my home and neighbors and had no reason to move except for my lying brain.  I stupidly believed it and am now living in a depressing, dark condo where I hear the neighbors through the wall.  I actually MADE myself move while agoraphobic and tapering.  It was a nightmare and was totally unnecessary!  I even gave away clothes I was still wearing because I wasn't in my right mind.

 

I feel like someone who got drunk, went to Vegas and got married and then woke up to the reality of what he/she did.  Now, I'm in withdrawal and having to face the fact that I will have to move AGAIN because I made such a poor choice buying this condo.  I have no idea where to go...I feel like a gypsy. 

 

In withdrawal, we need to stay in familiar surroundings due to the horror of what we are going through.  I made things worse by moving and now I detest where I live and am still in withdrawal.  If only I had stayed put!!! 

[[be...]]

I’m struggling as well to keep what I have. As a long time member of AA, everyone is told not to make big decisions until one year later. This does not apply directly to benzos, but perhaps wait a year until after you have healed. Ones perspective and being able to think clearly is very important.

 

LF

 

I hope you get your answer sooner rather than later.

[[Gr...]]

I am going to move and my husband and I are going to buy our first house, just as I finish my taper.  I actually did add a few months onto our lease, just so I would be done with my taper before the move, but there's no way I can put it off longer. 

 

The timing is so frustrating.  I actually have hated where I live and the neighborhood for a while now, but mostly during my taper.  I actually wonder how much of my hatred is just part of withdrawal. 

 

 

[Guest [Kp...]]

How I wish someone had told me that.  Our brains lie to us during withdrawal and we shouldn't act on those lies.  That's what I did, and I can't undo it.  Perhaps someone can learn from my mistake.  Why isn't there a pinned post about this anywhere on the site?

 

I take rash decisions even when I am not in taper. Blaming it on taper might not be right for you might have done it anyway. Look at the big picture -- your existence is insignificant and seemingly unimportant in this universe. You have your health, sanity and family. Yo do not need that house to be happy. You never needed it.

[[ga...]]

How I wish someone had told me that.  Our brains lie to us during withdrawal and we shouldn't act on those lies.  That's what I did, and I can't undo it.  Perhaps someone can learn from my mistake.  Why isn't there a pinned post about this anywhere on the site?

 

-- your existence is insignificant and seemingly unimportant in this universe. You have your health, sanity and family. Yo do not need that house to be happy. You never needed it.

This is incoherent.  First you write that I'm insignificant and unimportant in the universe.  Is that supposed to make me feel better?  Then you write that I have my health, sanity and family....I don't.  My mind is gone and my family has abandoned me as well as my friends.  I am completely alone.  Then you write that I don't need my house to be happy.  How can one be happy if one is insignificant and unimportant?? 

[[be...]]

I am going to move and my husband and I are going to buy our first house, just as I finish my taper.  I actually did add a few months onto our lease, just so I would be done with my taper before the move, but there's no way I can put it off longer. 

 

The timing is so frustrating.  I actually have hated where I live and the neighborhood for a while now, but mostly during my taper.  I actually wonder how much of my hatred is just part of withdrawal.

 

I am happy for you that you are getting a new place. I think that's great. I had to move from Connecticut to Ohio all by myself during my w/d and I managed to do it. It was not easy but once I signed the agreement I felt great. The hassle is unpacking for me. One never realizes how much stuff you have until you move.

[[2t...]]

How I wish someone had told me that.  Our brains lie to us during withdrawal and we shouldn't act on those lies.  That's what I did, and I can't undo it.  Perhaps someone can learn from my mistake.  Why isn't there a pinned post about this anywhere on the site?

 

-- your existence is insignificant and seemingly unimportant in this universe. You have your health, sanity and family. Yo do not need that house to be happy. You never needed it.

This is incoherent.  First you write that I'm insignificant and unimportant in the universe.  Is that supposed to make me feel better?  Then you write that I have my health, sanity and family....I don't.  My mind is gone and my family has abandoned me as well as my friends.  I am completely alone.  Then you write that I don't need my house to be happy.  How can one be happy if one is insignificant and unimportant??

 

That's what benzo brain will do to you??

 

I also made a big decision to move when I was 4 months post jump, I did massively miss calculate the length of time for renovations and cost but luckily it still seems to have been a good decision and should pan out okay.

Please anyone reading this thread do not do anything that puts you in financial jeopardy while tapering or healing.

2trusting

[[Ro...]]

Gardenlady,

 

I sure resonate with you!!  I was newly retired and wanted to move out of state.  Found a super home but made up excuses why it was wrong.  Now I am mostly through the healing and see what a huge mistake it was.  The homes are now out of my price range.  So I am like you, only with opposite decision!  I feel for you.  Going backwards and with a dark, noisy condition would not be good.

 

I did smaller stupid thins like expecting to die soon so gave away about 1000 books, clothing I can't replace, things from my deceased parents.  What I would pay to have them back.  I totally agree there Sophocles be a major post here warning/advising us to not make any rash decisions, big or small, while going through this.

 

I am so sorry for you!  I, too, lost a couple of good friends through this.  I guess i became too boring for them.  I am totally alone and still sick enough to not being able to go out and make friends or create a life.  Sure sucks!  ☹️

[Guest [ch...]]

Me too - I also stupidly sold my house during my benzo nightmare. I'm in an apartment now. When I sold the house, it was worth about 500K. Now, due to the hot Boston real estate market, it's worth about 1 million. Which means I couldn't possibly buy it back (or anything similar) now.

 

[[Sh...]]

Gardener, I'm sorry you made some decisions during withdrawal that you now regret. During acute withdrawal, I sold my big house and downsized into a much smaller cottage that I renovated to suit me exactly. Best decision I've ever made real estate wise. The big house was pretentious, had a big mortgage, required a lot of personal time and effort, and was expensive to keep. My smaller cottage is charming, peaceful, requires very little effort in comparison, and  is mortgage free, and I feel so cozy in it.  Sometimes our decisions turn out well and sometimes they don't whether we are in withdrawal or not. But in general it is wise to put off any big decisions during this stressful time if you can. Many here don't have that option and have been forced into difficult housing situations.  I'm not sure a big red flag warning posted on the forum would have much effect.

 

She

[[be...]]

Me too - I also stupidly sold my house during my benzo nightmare. I'm in an apartment now. When I sold the house, it was worth about 500K. Now, due to the hot Boston real estate market, it's worth about 1 million. Which means I couldn't possibly buy it back (or anything similar) now.

 

So ya must be a Sox fan.

 

Connecticut doesn’t have a team but we sure are expensive to live here, just like beantowm.

[[Lo...]]

I actually tried to relocate a couple of years before the benzos, and that relocation backfired big time, and the emotional and financial consequences were too much. I am figuring that if the relocation/attempt at moving backfired in my baseline state, it makes no sense for me to try to move now. I do agree with what Betsy mentioned about AA principles and not making hasty decision. I was forcing myself to work while already in withdrawal (I didn't know what was going on). A strategically planned leave of absence 3 months before I had no choice but to take one would have saved me physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I kept pushing and literally collapsed. It probably added 2-3 years to my recovery timeline. I was too sensitive to benzos to begin with, and I was especially not meant to go above 0.5mg of ativan. It turned extremely toxic in doses > 0.5mg for me. The extremeness of the experience was horrific. 

[Guest [ch...]]

Me too - I also stupidly sold my house during my benzo nightmare. I'm in an apartment now. When I sold the house, it was worth about 500K. Now, due to the hot Boston real estate market, it's worth about 1 million. Which means I couldn't possibly buy it back (or anything similar) now.

So ya must be a Sox fan.

Well, if I were a baseball fan I'd be a Sox fan. But I prefer chess. I'm a fan of Fabiano Caruana who just won the chess candidates tournament for the right to challenge Magnus Carlsen for the world championship. https://www.chess.com/news/view/breaking-caruana-wins-fide-candidates-tournament

Connecticut doesn’t have a team but we sure are expensive to live here, just like beantowm.

Yep. So, can I come live with you?

 

[[Lo...]]

Maybe I should have started a thread and named it "I stupidly kept my house way before benzos". Back in 2005, long before the benzoland, I could ever eaily sold it with very good profits, and bought a house that's a 2 minute walk from an Amtrak station. Would have made my commute time to many places I worked a breeze. In retrospect, it would have saved me of countless commuting frustrations in my last 2 jobs.

 

Cars are meant for nice weekend trips and exploring around. Amtrak and light rail/subways are commuter's heaven...

[[be...]]

Me too - I also stupidly sold my house during my benzo nightmare. I'm in an apartment now. When I sold the house, it was worth about 500K. Now, due to the hot Boston real estate market, it's worth about 1 million. Which means I couldn't possibly buy it back (or anything similar) now.

So ya must be a Sox fan.

Well, if I were a baseball fan I'd be a Sox fan. But I prefer chess. I'm a fan of Fabiano Caruana who just won the chess candidates tournament for the right to challenge Magnus Carlsen for the world championship. https://www.chess.com/news/view/breaking-caruana-wins-fide-candidates-tournament

Connecticut doesn’t have a team but we sure are expensive to live here, just like beantowm.

Yep. So, can I come live with you?

 

Chessplayer:

 

I believe I recall in another thread that you said sex was not a problem. So yes, you can live in my barn,  but you have to pay taxes.

 

I can’t play chess anymore because I was forced to play 3-D chess with some old guy when I worked for IBM. I never did get the hang of it.

[[be...]]

Maybe I should have started a thread and named it "I stupidly kept my house way before benzos". Back in 2005, long before the benzoland, I could ever eaily sold it with very good profits, and bought a house that's a 2 minute walk from an Amtrak station. Would have made my commute time to many places I worked a breeze. In retrospect, it would have saved me of countless commuting frustrations in my last 2 jobs.

 

Cars are meant for nice weekend trips and exploring around. Amtrak and light rail/subways are commuter's heaven...

 

Yes LF. I don’t think I would have survived without the NY Subway 🚇.

[Guest [ch...]]

Maybe I should have started a thread and named it "I stupidly kept my house way before benzos". Back in 2005, long before the benzoland, I could ever eaily sold it with very good profits, and bought a house that's a 2 minute walk from an Amtrak station. Would have made my commute time to many places I worked a breeze. In retrospect, it would have saved me of countless commuting frustrations in my last 2 jobs.

 

Cars are meant for nice weekend trips and exploring around. Amtrak and light rail/subways are commuter's heaven...

 

True. I bicycle to work. Much lower stress level.

[Guest [ch...]]

Chessplayer:

I believe I recall in another thread that you said sex was not a problem. So yes, you can live in my barn,  but you have to pay taxes.

Umm, I didn't mean sex with sheep...

[[be...]]

Baa!

[[al...]]

Gardenlady,

I hope that you a least got a good price for your home. Perhaps you will enjoy your next home even more and it will all have been a good thing.

[[Ni...]]

Benzo's make us act and do things we usually wouldn't.

 

I for one have made HUGE mistakes in regards to finance and business, horrible decisions only a manic person or psychopath would make. Decisions i don't even remember making, which now haunt me and cause irrepairable lifechanging problems. I'm in seriously deep shit, thank you benzo's.

[[be...]]

Benzo's make us act and do things we usually wouldn't.

 

I for one have made HUGE mistakes in regards to finance and business, horrible decisions only a manic person or psychopath would make. Decisions i don't even remember making, which now haunt me and cause irrepairable lifechanging problems. I'm in seriously deep shit, thank you benzo's.

 

Me too. I’m skating on thin ice.