Love and Support for Bluebell

[[Fl...]]

Great idea Blue,

 

In a way I have lost my mother...slowly and little by little.

 

It is very hard *everyday* to watch what this has done...is doing.

 

In therapy, I had this light bulb moment...I am having to change myself in so many ways to accommodate moms Alzheimer's, and it is not easy. It feels like I am losing a sense of self right along with her.

 

She is the woman who taught me how to do everything I do. She gave me a sense of identity early on, and now, to deal with ALL that she can no longer do OR ALL the ways she does just about everything differently...Well, it leaves me so frustrated, and than I feel guilty for feeling angry.

 

Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease process. Add to that blindness in her left eye and a right eye that is failing, a rare form of peripheral neuropathy, she can't feel her hands or feet, 8 falls resulting in concussion w*post concussion syndrome.  It's just a mess.

 

I will say this...my mother has this *Will*....just sheer will...and that is what has kept her going.

 

Thank you for letting me vent

 

Fluter

[[Bl...]]

 

“I want to tell you how much I miss my mother. Bits of her are still there. I miss her most when I’m sitting across from her.”

 

This is a quote from a daughter whose Mother has Alzheimer's

 

Bluebell

[[Bl...]]

Right now, at this moment, the sadness is back and I am afraid. I am not sure what it is that is making me fearful. Maybe it is not really knowing what I will do with my life now.  I so want to make Mom's house my home and sell my condo. But that probably is not feasible and it hurts a lot. Selling her house will be the last piece of her I still have left. Lord...I feel like such a child!

 

Bluebell

[[Bl...]]

Great idea Blue,

 

In a way I have lost my mother...slowly and little by little.

 

It is very hard *everyday* to watch what this has done...is doing.

 

In therapy, I had this light bulb moment...I am having to change myself in so many ways to accommodate moms Alzheimer's, and it is not easy. It feels like I am losing a sense of self right along with her.

 

She is the woman who taught me how to do everything I do. She gave me a sense of identity early on, and now, to deal with ALL that she can no longer do OR ALL the ways she does just about everything differently...Well, it leaves me so frustrated, and than I feel guilty for feeling angry.

 

Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease process. Add to that blindness in her left eye and a right eye that is failing, a rare form of peripheral neuropathy, she can't feel her hands or feet, 8 falls resulting in concussion w*post concussion syndrome.  It's just a mess.

 

I will say this...my mother has this *Will*....just sheer will...and that is what has kept her going.

 

Thank you for letting me vent

 

Fluter

No reason to feel guilty Fluter. Of course you are going to get angry and frustrated. Taking care of your Mom is challenging. She is not the same person anymore. But I know inside of her is a love for you that will never be lost.

 

Bluebell

[[Ch...]]

Blue, if she left you the house, can you afford it if you get a roommate? 

[[Fl...]]

Right now, at this moment, the sadness is back and I am afraid. I am not sure what it is that is making me fearful. Maybe it is not really knowing what I will do with my life now.  I so want to make Mom's house my home and sell my condo. But that probably is not feasible and it hurts a lot. Selling her house will be the last piece of her I still have left. Lord...I feel like such a child!

 

Bluebell

It's the fear of the unknown Blue,

This has changed everything for you.

The fear is normal.

I wish I was there to give you a hug, and again I say...I am so sorry that you are hurting.

Your Fluter Friend 

http://www.desiglitters.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Hug-From-me-DG123021.gif

[[Fl...]]

 

“I want to tell you how much I miss my mother. Bits of her are still there. I miss her most when I’m sitting across from her.”

 

This is a quote from a daughter whose Mother has Alzheimer's

 

Bluebell

This is 100% truthful.

It's very sad.

Fluter 

[[Bl...]]

Blue, if she left you the house, can you afford it if you get a roommate?

She left it to me and my 3 brothers and sister. I would have to work it out with them. But my gut tells me they would want to sell it and split the money. They do not have the emotional attachment to Mom's house that I do. But who knows. I may be wrong. It has only been a short while since her death and we have not had time to figure things out.

 

Love you,  Blue

[[Ch...]]

Time will tell, Blue.  Maybe they will allow you a life estate if they are well off enough to do so.  When my mom passed away, we wanted our stepfather to stay in her house the rest of his life since he'd lived there for 33 years and was in his 80s.  We did it because we loved him, and in the end the house sold for a couple hundred thousand more than it was worth a few years earlier due to property increases in the Bay Area. 

 

Love,

Chal 

[[Bl...]]

Well, it is another morning again and they seem to be the worst. But I think maybe they are getting better. I am going for a massage today and later out with a friend for dinner. These are not huge outings, but they are outing none the less. I still havent gotten a manicure or my eyebrows threaded. I am going to start to look like a billy goat with untrimmed hooves soon. At least I care what I look like. I have just got to put the caring into some kind of action.

Things that are easy to do

take care of Mom's 3 cats

take care of my dog and 2 cats

sit outside in Mom's backyard and drink my morning coffee

get dressed

cry

worry

chat on here

It is easy to make plans for the future, but hard to carry them out right now

good intentions with little follow through

 

Blue

[[Bl...]]

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/082014/1407689652_sloth_cuddles_cat.gif

 

Animated gif of a sloth and cat that are friends. Amazing!

 

Blue

[[be...]]

[[Bl...]]

Beautiful. I love the rainbow bridge. It has comforted me when I have lost beloved pets. Now perhaps I not only will see them coming towards me when it is my time, but also people who have gone there too when they have left this earth. I can just picture my Mom surrounded by the animals she cared for so much.

 

Blue

[[ca...]]

Blue, not sure what to say just know your Mother will walk with You in Your heart everyday ~ Huggs ~CD

[[Bl...]]

Blue, not sure what to say just know your Mother will walk with You in Your heart everyday ~ Huggs ~CD

Thank you CD. What you said is so true and is of great comfort to me. ~Huggs~ back to you~Blue

[[Fl...]]

It is easy to make plans for the future, but hard to carry them out right now

Blue,

This is really a profound statement for me.

I struggle with this everyday!

I am in the same boat that you were in. One thing that causes me such fear is the day my parents are gone...I will also lose my income (as I was hired through a home health agency to be there provider), and that scares the heck out of me.

I have my degree as an Occupational Therapy Assistant; however, Blue...I am not interested anymore in the medical field. I would like to do something I enjoy, and I haven't a clue what that would be.

I"m not having a good day today. My mother just finished telling me just how mean and hateful I am, and that is very difficult to hear day after day. I'm a "hateful little shit"!

I've been dealing with her for 26yrs, and I'm growing weary.

 

You go and YOU ENJOY your massage and YOU ENJOY that dinner out with a friend. It is good for you to be around others. Just be kind to yourself and have the best kind of day that you can.

 

Love you...Fluter 

[[Bl...]]

It is easy to make plans for the future, but hard to carry them out right now

Blue,

This is really a profound statement for me.

I struggle with this everyday!

I am in the same boat that you were in. One thing that causes me such fear is the day my parents are gone...I will also lose my income (as I was hired through a home health agency to be there provider), and that scares the heck out of me.

I have my degree as an Occupational Therapy Assistant; however, Blue...I am not interested anymore in the medical field. I would like to do something I enjoy, and I haven't a clue what that would be.

I"m not having a good day today. My mother just finished telling me just how mean and hateful I am, and that is very difficult to hear day after day. I'm a "hateful little shit"!

I've been dealing with her for 26yrs, and I'm growing weary.

 

You go and YOU ENJOY your massage and YOU ENJOY that dinner out with a friend. It is good for you to be around others. Just be kind to yourself and have the best kind of day that you can.

 

Love you...Fluter 

Oh Fluter! What a horrible thing for your Mother to say to you. I am so sorry. Not one little mcg of it is true. This is you.

http://www.allgraphics123.com/ag/01/13856/13856.jpg

You are a strong, good and intelligent person Fluter. You will find your way and make a life for yourself. Maybe you will have to go back into the medical field for just a bit so that you will have income to live on. But at the same time, you could explore other options and discover something you love doing.

 

Blue

 

 

 

 

[[Bl...]]

My emotions leveled off during the day. But I spoke to my sister tonight about the house again. It does not seem like we can keep it in the family. We would have to come up with 100,000 dollars to pay off the reverse mortgage, and it does not sound like we as a family could do that. I could sell my condo and come up with it. But the bottom line is I need the money from the sale of the house to help with my retirement. It is not what I want, but right now there does not seem to be another way.  The thought of getting Mom's house ready for sale is very overwhelming. And it hurts a lot to even think of selling it. Along with my Mom, the house has been the place where our family came to be together at Christmas, Mom's birthday and Mother's day.

I think my 3 brothers will just drift away from me. It does not seem like we have been close for a long time. When we have been together in the past, I feel awkward and I do not know what to say to them or they to me. We are so different from one another. Different people and different genders

 

Blue

[[Bl...]]

http://www.allgraphics123.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/SunFlowery-Good-Morning-540x341.jpg

 

Your friend,

 

Blue

[[be...]]

http://www.allgraphics123.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/SunFlowery-Good-Morning-540x341.jpg

 

Your friend,

 

Blue

[[ca...]]

Blue, thank you for the warm good morning wish and hi to beegood , Fluter and anyone else who passes on thru today. Blue here is a song that rips deep in my heart every word of it rings true to me ~ https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-vz-vz&hsimp=yhs-vz&hspart=vz&p=house+that+built+me+miranda+lambert#id=1&vid=eda2e5a559911d6317b8c480b4e63b02&action=click

[[Bl...]]

Blue, thank you for the warm good morning wish and hi to beegood , Fluter and anyone else who passes on thru today. Blue here is a song that rips deep in my heart every word of it rings true to me ~ https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-vz-vz&hsimp=yhs-vz&hspart=vz&p=house+that+built+me+miranda+lambert#id=1&vid=eda2e5a559911d6317b8c480b4e63b02&action=click

And me too CD. Love you for sharing it

 

Blue

[[Fl...]]

What a lovely good morning BlueSki

 

Thank you!

 

How was your evening? Did you get that manicure and go to dinner?  If so, how was it?

 

Are you sleeping? I dreamed all night. I was exercising  talking to my girls  apparently working up a storm    I think I'm still tired 

 

I don't know if I ever spoke to you about my dear friend ED? We actually dated for 4 years and have had a friendship for 20 years. I loved him very much. He has had health problems since I have known him...he passed away in November. I was devastated Blue. I always thought things in our lives would go full circle and we would come back together in the end. It was not to be. He was only 56. I am so sad about this, and I miss him everyday!!!

 

I understand your pain...

 

My oldest graduated with her Master's (Psychology) in August, and she is working on a business plan, and wants me to help her...Uggh, I will do it; however, I'm not looking forward to it. Once I get started...I'm sure I will be fine What we won't do for our kids...right

 

Thank you so much for the beautiful image and kind words...I appreciate them and you.

 

I hope you have an easy day, and just allow yourself to go with it...where ever this day takes you

 

Morning BeG...I hope you have a nice Saturday.

 

Hi CanDoSkie How you doSkie? You always pick some really nice songs. I like Maranda...she has many. One that you played for me quite some time back was by Patty Griffin "When It Don't Come Easy". EVERYTIME I hear this...I think about you.  So, this morning I am sending it to you, and saying....I know this has been one difficult journey, and yet, you are still on it, and doing it EVERYDAY....It's called "The Hard Work" for a reason.

Sending you positive vibes and continuing friendship!

 

For all who pass this way...Bless Your Hearts and Let these Friendships sustain us and pull us along these rocky roads of life.

 

Love and Flutership to all  :smitten:

 

[[be...]]

Hi Blue, Can and Fluter, reading, just got in will write more later, Can love that song, and so glad Blue's place is growing, thanks fluter for the song. Later Girls... :smitten:

[[be...]]

Blue,I remember when a Buddie here left this on my Oldies Thread, it was a low time for me, and out of no where this wonderful soon to be New Friend, made me feel better. So going to leave it for you, passing the Song Forward.