Love and Support for Bluebell

[[Bl...]]

Fluter

As caregivers, we always put others first because it is necessary. It is so easy to forget that who we are and what we want or need is important.

 

Blue

[[Fl...]]

Fluter

As caregivers, we always put others first because it is necessary. It is so easy to forget that who we are and what we want or need is important.

 

Blue

Yes Ma'am, no truer words have been spoken.

 

Blue, since I've been on this journey...I am learning that "I MATTER" and "MY NEEDS" are just as important as the needs of everyone I help.

 

It is my opinion...that YOU need/must start your discovery journey, and that will be hard. Blue, I have no idea what my interest me...because just as you said...I've been to busy putting everyone else first.  I do know this...I no longer have a desire to work in the health care field. I don't know what I want to do.  I'm still caretaking, and when that phase ends...I want to do something new...something that I will enjoy. I am working on trying to figure this out.

 

It's what I call "Doing The HARD WORK" and it is hard.

 

Do you...or have you gone to therapy? I'm taking a break right now. It was becoming repetitive.

 

I struggle with my age and thinking my life is over; however, it is not, and in my truth...OUR lives my just be beginning Perhaps the best awaits us Blue 

 

Love to you,

Fluter  :smitten:

[[Bl...]]

Yes. I have gone to therapy off and on through the years working on issues that were directly caused by  my Mother's brother and one of my own brothers. What happened is not my fault, but it still feels like it is sometimes and that I was left a defective human being because of it. I have a good relationship with my therapist and have seen him 2 times since my Mother's death. It surprises me that her death has brought up old stuff again and many mixed emotions. So I have additional "things" to work through with him on top everything else. If you ask me, I would say I am one strong cookie to have survived mostly intact considering what I have been through. This is probably more information than you wanted, but I seem to want to put it out there. Maybe it is because I am not thinking straight right now...I don't know.

Fluter,

If you think this post is inappropriate, please PM me and let me know so I can delete it.

[[Bl...]]

I do not feel good right now. I had an argument with a family member about what he thinks I should do with my future. It did not go well. I am just able to take things a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time as I work through the loss of my Mom. As her caregiver, she was my purpose in life. Now I have to find a different direction to go with my life, but I do not know what that is right now. This is really hard. No Xanax to dull my feelings or give me the false sense that everything is alright. If I can make it through this, I will be a must stronger person for it, but it is so hard!

 

Blue

[[Fl...]]

Yes. I have gone to therapy off and on through the years working on issues that were directly caused by  my Mother's brother and one of my own brothers. What happened is not my fault, but it still feels like it is sometimes and that I was left a defective human being because of it. I have a good relationship with my therapist and have seen him 2 times since my Mother's death. It surprises me that her death has brought up old stuff again and many mixed emotions. So I have additional "things" to work through with him on top everything else. If you ask me, I would say I am one strong cookie to have survived mostly intact considering what I have been through. This is probably more information than you wanted, but I seem to want to put it out there. Maybe it is because I am not thinking straight right now...I don't know.

Fluter,

If you think this post is inappropriate, please PM me and let me know so I can delete it.

Blue,

I do not think the post is inappropriate. What happened in your past is directly impacting you now.

You are free to share with me...as long as you are comfortable, and if you would like to PM me...you are welcome to do that as well.

 

And, yes Blue...YOU ARE STRONG.

 

Nothing that was done to you is your fault...it happened to you, and you survived it.

 

My Dear, you may share as much as you want....It's all good

 

Fluter     

[[Fl...]]

I do not feel good right now. I had an argument with a family member about what he thinks I should do with my future. It did not go well. I am just able to take things a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time as I work through the loss of my Mom. As her caregiver, she was my purpose in life. Now I have to find a different direction to go with my life, but I do not know what that is right now. This is really hard. No Xanax to dull my feelings or give me the false sense that everything is alright. If I can make it through this, I will be a must stronger person for it, but it is so hard!

 

Blue

Everyone always seems to think they know what's best for US.

 

I have to ask...is your relatives life all in order? What you decide to do is none of there business. I hope you don't mind me saying that.

 

One sec, min, day at a time is best!!! Take this at your own pace and NO one else's. Turn a deaf ear Blue...I've learned to do this, and it helps.

 

Yes, finding a new direction in life is hard. I"m working on this too   Do you still like being in the health field? I do not; however, it's what I know. Maybe it's time to learn something new

 

You do not need Xanax...you will deal with and FEEL these feelings, and YOU will get thru this.

 

I  hope you have a peaceful evening...and may Peace find you in your dreams 

 

http://img1.sendscraps.com/se/019/098.jpg

 

Fluter 

:smitten: :smitten:

[[Bl...]]

Good night. Thank you for all your support. If it gets to be too much Fluter because you have your own "stuff" to deal with, please, just let me know first. I will be okay....sad, but okay. I mean this. I am not being a martyr. I also am not asking for reassurance that you are willingly supporting me. I truly care about your well being.

 

Blue

[[be...]]

Blue, the world is full of buddies like us, that have had to deal with some real darkness that was not our fault, I carried the burden for years and it did impact my life, but I was pleased to have a Student Psych Social worker for one year and in that year I cried more tears  that could have helped drought ridden states to regroup. But I came out of that time, with the knowledge that it was not me and that it was time for me to pick up and live my Life with Love and Acceptance, and it made all the difference in the World. No pills, just plain old "Talk Therapy" I am a better person for it.

 

Once you get more time under your belt with the loss of your Mother, these other things will leave also, it just takes time, It took me a whole year to remove my Mothers things from her room and I cried the whole time I was packing and sorting and looking at the things she had saved over the years, I came out of that room with the knowledge that I could go on and Live my Life, and yes my Mother was gone, but she was always with me in my Heart and I felt her presence over and over throughout the years, right there beside my Father and my little beloved Dog Portia. Things will and do get better, Hang on. :smitten:

[[Bl...]]

Blue, the world is full of buddies like us, that have had to deal with some real darkness that was not our fault, I carried the burden for years and it did impact my life, but I was pleased to have a Student Psych Social worker for one year and in that year I cried more tears  that could have helped drought ridden states to regroup. But I came out of that time, with the knowledge that it was not me and that it was time for me to pick up and live my Life with Love and Acceptance, and it made all the difference in the World. No pills, just plain old "Talk Therapy" I am a better person for it.

 

Once you get more time under your belt with the loss of your Mother, these other things will leave also, it just takes time, It took me a whole year to remove my Mothers things from her room and I cried the whole time I was packing and sorting and looking at the things she had saved over the years, I came out of that room with the knowledge that I could go on and Live my Life, and yes my Mother was gone, but she was always with me in my Heart and I felt her presence over and over throughout the years, right there beside my Father and my little beloved Dog Portia. Things will and do get better, Hang on. :smitten:

I love you Begood. I am sorry we had similar life experiences. I am hanging on to the what you have shared with me and that it will get better. I feel pretty bad right now. I do wish I did not feel such a sense of abandonment today. That is so selfish of me and I hate selfishness. I also wish I knew what would make me feel more comfortable and accepting of all the feelings that are coming to me. They have become even more intense after the discussion I had with a family member yesterday.

 

I am hanging on to the faith and hope that it will get better. Thank you for your support and for sharing your own life experiences with me.

 

Blue

 

[[be...]]

Blue, the world is full of buddies like us, that have had to deal with some real darkness that was not our fault, I carried the burden for years and it did impact my life, but I was pleased to have a Student Psych Social worker for one year and in that year I cried more tears  that could have helped drought ridden states to regroup. But I came out of that time, with the knowledge that it was not me and that it was time for me to pick up and live my Life with Love and Acceptance, and it made all the difference in the World. No pills, just plain old "Talk Therapy" I am a better person for it.

 

Once you get more time under your belt with the loss of your Mother, these other things will leave also, it just takes time, It took me a whole year to remove my Mothers things from her room and I cried the whole time I was packing and sorting and looking at the things she had saved over the years, I came out of that room with the knowledge that I could go on and Live my Life, and yes my Mother was gone, but she was always with me in my Heart and I felt her presence over and over throughout the years, right there beside my Father and my little beloved Dog Portia. Things will and do get better, Hang on. :smitten:

I love you Begood. I am sorry we had similar life experiences. I am hanging on to the what you have shared with me and that it will get better. I feel pretty bad right now. I do wish I did not feel such a sense of abandonment today. That is so selfish of me and I hate selfishness. I also wish I knew what would make me feel more comfortable and accepting of all the feelings that are coming to me. They have become even more intense after the discussion I had with a family member yesterday.

 

I am hanging on to the faith and hope that it will get better. Thank you for your support and for sharing your own life experiences with me.

 

Blue

It is the stress of confrontation and you have to either deal with it head on and say OK, so that is how you feel, OK this is how I am thinking and then poof give it to the Universe and continue on your Journey, you and only you can decide how much time you want to spent on negative behavior from others, if you do not embrace it then you become stronger and can and will handle everything in its due time.

[[Fl...]]

Good night. Thank you for all your support. If it gets to be too much Fluter because you have your own "stuff" to deal with, please, just let me know first. I will be okay....sad, but okay. I mean this. I am not being a martyr. I also am not asking for reassurance that you are willingly supporting me. I truly care about your well being.

 

Blue

BlueSki,

 

I will always be honest with you...ok.

 

I do not feel you are trying to be a martyr.

 

Everything is good. Were ok  

[[Fl...]]

Blue, the world is full of buddies like us, that have had to deal with some real darkness that was not our fault, I carried the burden for years and it did impact my life, but I was pleased to have a Student Psych Social worker for one year and in that year I cried more tears  that could have helped drought ridden states to regroup. But I came out of that time, with the knowledge that it was not me and that it was time for me to pick up and live my Life with Love and Acceptance, and it made all the difference in the World. No pills, just plain old "Talk Therapy" I am a better person for it.

 

Once you get more time under your belt with the loss of your Mother, these other things will leave also, it just takes time, It took me a whole year to remove my Mothers things from her room and I cried the whole time I was packing and sorting and looking at the things she had saved over the years, I came out of that room with the knowledge that I could go on and Live my Life, and yes my Mother was gone, but she was always with me in my Heart and I felt her presence over and over throughout the years, right there beside my Father and my little beloved Dog Portia. Things will and do get better, Hang on. :smitten:

For you BeGood,

   

 

I love talk therapy...it was invented for a reason, and it truly helps.

I'm sorry you were hurt!

I believe it helps to share...it lets us know...WE are not alone, and WE can heal 

Peace to you...Fluter 

[[be...]]

Blue, the world is full of buddies like us, that have had to deal with some real darkness that was not our fault, I carried the burden for years and it did impact my life, but I was pleased to have a Student Psych Social worker for one year and in that year I cried more tears  that could have helped drought ridden states to regroup. But I came out of that time, with the knowledge that it was not me and that it was time for me to pick up and live my Life with Love and Acceptance, and it made all the difference in the World. No pills, just plain old "Talk Therapy" I am a better person for it.

 

Once you get more time under your belt with the loss of your Mother, these other things will leave also, it just takes time, It took me a whole year to remove my Mothers things from her room and I cried the whole time I was packing and sorting and looking at the things she had saved over the years, I came out of that room with the knowledge that I could go on and Live my Life, and yes my Mother was gone, but she was always with me in my Heart and I felt her presence over and over throughout the years, right there beside my Father and my little beloved Dog Portia. Things will and do get better, Hang on. :smitten:

For you BeGood,

   

 

I love talk therapy...it was invented for a reason, and it truly helps.

I'm sorry you were hurt!

I believe it helps to share...it lets us know...WE are not alone, and WE can heal 

Peace to you...Fluter 

Exactly, thanks and Peace with you. I just hi jacked that cute pic of the two baby mice sleeping hope you do not mind, but I thought I would fess up.

[[Fl...]]

 

 

I just hi jacked that cute pic of the two baby mice sleeping hope you do not mind, but I thought I would fess up.

Of course I don't mind you using it...its 2 cute to pass up.

Have a great day BG 

 

[[Bl...]]

https://goo.gl/images/sUxJ9E

 

I want to share the above  with you. Please click on it to open it up

 

Blue

 

 

[[Bl...]]

 

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

 

Quote from Rumi

 

Blue

[[be...]]

https://goo.gl/images/sUxJ9E

 

I want to share the above  with you. Please click on it to open it up

 

Blue

Perfect

[[be...]]

 

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

 

Quote from Rumi

 

Blue

[[Fl...]]

https://goo.gl/images/sUxJ9E

 

I want to share the above  with you. Please click on it to open it up

 

Blue

Isn't this the truth.

We can not go around it, over it, under it, WE must go through it

[[Fl...]]

 

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

 

Quote from Rumi

 

Blue

Very nice quote Blue.

Thank you for sharing 

 

I'm sending you a huge field of "Bluebells" they are quite BEAUTIFUL...just like you 

 

 

I feel like I wish we could have a lovely picnic right in the middle of this field...it looks so peaceful 

[[Bl...]]

 

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom.

 

Quote from Rumi

 

Blue

Very nice quote Blue.

Thank you for sharing 

 

I'm sending you a huge field of "Bluebells" they are quite BEAUTIFUL...just like you 

 

 

I feel like I wish we could have a lovely picnic right in the middle of this field...it looks so peaceful 

Love the Bluebells. A picnic sounds lovely.

 

Blue

[[Bl...]]

Good morning,

Another almost confrontation with a long time friend (40 years) last night, She thought it was long enough (it has been 10 days),  since my Mother passed away and that I should move back to my house and start working full time. I am not ready yet and I told her so. She kept pursuing it in that disapproving, you have to do it or else, tone she can get in her voice. It started to get heated between us. I managed to pull back so that I could  diffuse the situation before we both hung up on each other. I told her I was not ready to talk about it and could we please change the subject to something like what she did at work today.  She but, but , butted me, and then did as I had ask. We even made plans to go out to dinner together next week. At the end of our conversation, she apologized for getting mad at me and I to her.

Today is a little better. I have not started off in tears. I actually enjoyed having a cup of coffee on the patio and listening to the birds chirp and sing. Mom's 2 cats were milling around me, asking for their breakfast. It felt more like a normal day and I saw its beauty. It was good to be able to enjoy the moment.

 

Blue

[[Bl...]]

PS: I am even thinking of having a manicure and having my eyebrows threaded today. I doubt this is the end of my grief, but I am grateful for the respite.

 

Blue

[[Fl...]]

PS: I am even thinking of having a manicure and having my eyebrows threaded today. I doubt this is the end of my grief, but I am grateful for the respite.

 

Blue

Good for you Blue...

I"m glad you let yourself enjoy the moment.

Go treat yourself to some pampering...it's ok.

Often people mean well; however, no one has any idea what you have dealt with over the years. Perhaps your friend just wants you to be happy and be able to get your life back.  A friendship for over 40 yrs...that is priceless.

If you get that pedicure...do something daring. Get a color that you wouldn't normally get. Spring is right around the corner...be daring

 

Have a great day....what ever you do

 

Hugs from me...Fluter 

[[Fl...]]

Here ya go Blue...I think this is so much fun!!!

 

My girls do it all the time.

 

Just have fun with it

 

I LOVE THESE TOES...there happy feet 

 

http://img.allw.mn/content/jl/dw/yrch5dzb55949c39d1989497836667.jpg