Love and Support for Bluebell

[[Fl...]]

Dear Bluebell,

 

At the suggestion of BeGood...we have started this thread for all to help you through the loss of your lovely mother.

 

Come here when you need to chat, and  be lifted up, and always know that you are loved.

 

Grief is as individual as our finger prints. No two people deal with it the same; however, the one thing we all need is love, kindness, empathy, a friend, and an ear to listen when we need to talk.

 

You are not alone!

 

Love you my Friend,

Fluter 

 

[[be...]]

Dear Bluebell,

 

Please know that you are not alone, and that I am thinking of you.

 

[[Fl...]]

Good Morning Bluebell,

 

Just buzzin bye to say "HI".

 

How are you today?

 

I'm thinking about you...right now

 

Sending YOU...WARMTH, LOVE, & LIGHT.

 

EVERYTHING will be ok 

 

I happen to love the group MercyMe. So, I will leave you now...with this song!

 

Love you Dear  

 

[[Bl...]]

Dear Bluebell,

 

Please know that you are not alone, and that I am thinking of you.

 

Thank you BeGood.

[[Bl...]]

Good Morning Bluebell,

 

Just buzzin bye to say "HI".

 

How are you today?

 

I'm thinking about you...right now

 

Sending YOU...WARMTH, LOVE, & LIGHT.

 

EVERYTHING will be ok 

 

I happen to love the group MercyMe. So, I will leave you now...with this song!

 

Love you Dear  

 

I am feeling kind of numb and tired. I do not know if that is part of grief or if it is depression brought on by loss. Sorry I cannot be very giving, philosophical  or courageous right now. But please know I appreciate the support and, of course, the beautiful song you picked out for me.

 

Maybe I will be better tomorrow.

 

Love, Blue

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Good Morning Bluebell,

 

Just buzzin bye to say "HI".

 

How are you today?

 

I'm thinking about you...right now

 

Sending YOU...WARMTH, LOVE, & LIGHT.

 

EVERYTHING will be ok 

 

I happen to love the group MercyMe. So, I will leave you now...with this song!

 

Love you Dear  

 

I am feeling kind of numb and tired. I do not know if that is part of grief or if it is depression brought on by loss. Sorry I cannot be very giving, philosophical  or courageous right now. But please know I appreciate the support and, of course, the beautiful song you picked out for me.

 

Maybe I will be better tomorrow.

 

Love, Blue

Blue,

You have noting to be sorry for, and of course you feel numb, tired, and sad!

You job right now it just to...be.  Be whatever or however you need to be at any given moment.

We are not looking for giving, philosophical, or courageousness.

This is just a place to come, and no that we care, you are thought about, and we will try and help you however, we can.

Hang in there my friend...tomorrow is a new day. For now, just get through this one.

Love to you Blue,

Fluter 

[[Fl...]]

Mornin Blue

 

Just for you...

 

Hummingbirds are so beautiful!

 

Warm Comforting Hugs straight to you!

 

Fluter  :smitten:

 

http://www.designore.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/1164.jpg

[[Bl...]]

Beautiful Fluter. There are many hummingbirds in my Mom's backyard. They love the Cape Honeysuckle flowers.

It is weird today. I can't seem to get warm enough. I have no fever so I do not think I am sick. I do not know what it is that is causing this.

 

Blue

[[be...]]

Hi Bluebell, wrap yourself up in a warm blanket or big sweater and if you can have some Hot Tea and put some socks on and get warm and cozy, it will also make you feel better.

[[Bl...]]

I will try that begood. I want to feel better. I have a couple of things today that need to be done. I really do not want to be seen shivering for no good reason when I go out in public.

 

Love you begood and Fluter. I appreciate you both being here for me. I did not realize how hard this would be. I knew my Mom was in the final years of her life. But a part of me thought that if I took good enough care of her, she would live to be 100 years old. My head knows I took the best care of her that I could. But a part of me still feels like I failed her....that I could have done better.

 

Blue

 

[[be...]]

I will try that begood. I want to feel better. I have a couple of things today that need to be done. I really do not want to be seen shivering for no good reason when I go out in public.

 

Love you begood and Fluter. I appreciate you both being here for me. I did not realize how hard this would be. I knew my Mom was in the final years of her life. But a part of me thought that if I took good enough care of her, she would live to be 100 years old. My head knows I took the best care of her that I could. But a part of me still feels like I failed her....that I could have done better.

 

Blue

You did not fail her, you are just Mourning now, and will be, pull up the good times that you had with your Mother, and when you see a butterfly or feel the whispers of a breeze on your cheek, she is there with you, she would not have had such good care other than with you and I Nursed my Mother for Five years, but I knew that I had done my best, that takes a load off of me and it should you too, but you may not be ready to admit that yet, take each day as comes and do the best you can. Remember the Good Times.

[[Bl...]]

I hope the good memories come soon. Right now all I can remember is my role of being her caregiver. And as much as I loved her, she had a hard time being supportive of me when I was growing up. But I know she did the best that she could and she did love me in her way.

She did teach me to love nature. She also taught me to love animals, especially cats. She loved cats! She just did not know how to teach me to love myself and have confidence in myself. I had to learn that on my own and I am still not good at it. I keep trying though, but it is not easy some days.

 

Blue

[[be...]]

I hope the good memories come soon. Right now all I can remember is my role of being her caregiver. And as much as I loved her, she had a hard time being supportive of me when I was growing up. But I know she did the best that she could and she did love me in her way.

She did teach me to love nature. She also taught me to love animals, especially cats. She loved cats! She just did not know how to teach me to love myself and have confidence in myself. I had to learn that on my own and I am still not good at it. I keep trying though, but it is not easy some days.

 

Blue

Well, it sounds like you have had to climb some rough Mountains, but the fact that you keep trying is the Key, everything takes time, and you need to have some real Hugs and Know that you are going to be OK, Life is never easy, we all must and do go through some things that no one wants to go through, but coming out on the other side, we gain strength, be patient with you and know that you deserve the best in Life.

[[Bl...]]

http://www.allgraphics123.com/ag/01/13232/13232.gif

 

Blue

[[be...]]

http://www.allgraphics123.com/ag/01/13232/13232.gif

 

Blue

Thank you Angels are so Precious.

[[Fl...]]

I want to feel better. I have a couple of things today that need to be done. I really do not want to be seen shivering for no good reason when I go out in public.

 

Blue, nothing about this is to be rushed. It's simply one second at a time. You do what you can in the time frame that works for you. Stress will cause that cold sensation, and Blue, you have been under stress for quite a while. It will take your body some time to come to terms with what you are going through.

YOU are probably feeling the shivering internally. I doubt anyone around you will notice...it's you who thinks they will.

I like what BeG said...wrap yourself in warmth...maybe try a heating pad. I find it to be very soothing to my CNS.

 

Love you begood and Fluter. I appreciate you both being here for me. I did not realize how hard this would be. I knew my Mom was in the final years of her life. But a part of me thought that if I took good enough care of her, she would live to be 100 years old. My head knows I took the best care of her that I could. But a part of me still feels like I failed her....that I could have done better.

 

Of course this will be hard for you! This is your mother we are talking about. You have spent your lifetime with her, and than you cared for her in her later years.

 

I remember you telling me about when you would go spend the night with her. Blue, you can not care for someone on this level for all these years and it not be hard. Even when we are anticipating the passing of a loved one...it is NEVER easy to say good bye.

 

They take flight, and travel on to heaven...where they will wait for us. There pain is no more; however, ours is beginning on a whole new level. We are left here to pick up the pieces and morn there loss.

I know for a fact that you took exceptional care of your mother. Blue...this my friend...was out of your control. Please try and accept that you did the VERY BEST you could, and your mother knows how much you loved her!

 

I ask you this...how much better could you have done? Something tells me you would have to dig deep to give me an answer. Perhaps you were impatient, perhaps you raised your voice, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. We are human, and we are not with out our mistakes. You can not allow this to devalue all that you've done.

 

You know that I am like you, and I 2 am caring for both mom and dad. I have thought about this so much over time. "If I do the best I can...THEY will be okay". I now know...it doesn't matter how much I do...when it is there time...they will go. Personally for me Blue...I take comfort in knowing that I have done my very best. Yes, I will mourn, and be so, so sad; however, I do not question the kind of daughter I have been, and IMO, you shouldn't either.

 

Part of this grief...is "The What If's". I feel it happens to most of us.

 

I remember when Mark passed away, and I questioned, and what if'ed myself to pieces. Many would say to me...you will heal in time. Blue, I used to hate when someone told me this; however, after all these years I can actually say to you...IN TIME...things will calm down, and on some level you will be able to accept what has happened. It will not be easy, and you will NEVER forget.

 

Maybe when you feel up to it...journal, and write down all the GOOD things you shared with your mother. It may help you put some of this into perspective.

 

I would love to hear some things about your mom Did she love the birds like you do? Just share something with me...if you'd like.

 

Love you Blue,

Fluter 

 

[[Fl...]]

I hope the good memories come soon. Right now all I can remember is my role of being her caregiver. And as much as I loved her, she had a hard time being supportive of me when I was growing up. But I know she did the best that she could and she did love me in her way.

She did teach me to love nature. She also taught me to love animals, especially cats. She loved cats! She just did not know how to teach me to love myself and have confidence in myself. I had to learn that on my own and I am still not good at it. I keep trying though, but it is not easy some days.

Blue,

I can not begin to tell you how or stories parallel each other.

All this caregiving has impacted me. The lines become blurred. Are we daughter's OR caregivers?

I struggle with many of the same things you do.

I have learned to set boundaries...it was a must.

I, as you, love nature...it's our healing place...go there.

Hmm, we both choose professions that had us caring for others. So, we have very kind, and giving hearts...remember that about yourself.  Not many could do what you, Begood, and myself have done. Please be proud of yourself for this.

I said to you the other day, and I will voice it once again...Now, as you heal will be your time to discover all the good things about yourself and there are many.

I like to say "We are a beautiful messy work in progress"!  You will figure all this out when the time is right.

I believe in you...YOU are an amazing woman!

Love you,

Fluter 

 

[[Fl...]]

Hello Bluebell...

 

I see you

 

AND

 

I'm sending you a sweet kitten HUG

 

[[Bl...]]

Hello Bluebell...

 

I see you

 

AND

 

I'm sending you a sweet kitten HUG

 

Everything you said comforted me Fluter and rang so true. You are very wise. Living through painful times and surviving shapes us into what we are today.

 

I see you too and I am giving you a warm, loving hug.

 

Your friend, Blue

[[Bl...]]

Mom and I watched TV together every night from 8 to 10. Every night since her death, I have fallen asleep on her couch. Several times when I have woken up, I have thought things like "I need to give Mom some water" or  "She needs milk of magnesia tonight".  I have also thought "Why isn't she hooked up to a monitor?" But then I look over to her chair and realize she is no longer there. I feel surprised and saddened.

I know I should go back to living in my own home, but I am not ready. When I go there to take care of my pets, I feel like I am just visiting. Maybe an arrangement can be made with my siblings that allows me to stay here and sell my condo. I have brought it up with my sister who is the executor of Mom's Estate and we will explore the possibility.

It would be nice to live here where it is quiet. There is a covered patio in the backyard  where I could enjoy the outdoors. There are nightly visitors of possums and sometimes raccoons. During the day, there are birds, butterfly's and an occasional squirrel.

I shall see if it is a possibility. I trust my sister to do the right thing. My Mom appointed me as the durable power of attorney for health care and my sister for the financial. I think she chose wisely. My sister owns a couple of rental properties along with her husband and I am in the medical field.

 

Blue

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Hello Bluebell,

 

I'm thinking about you!

 

AND

 

I'm sending you warmth and sunshine!

 

Love you,

Fluter 

 

[[Fl...]]

Mom and I watched TV together every night from 8 to 10. Every night since her death, I have fallen asleep on her couch. Several times when I have woken up, I have thought things like "I need to give Mom some water" or  "She needs milk of magnesia tonight".  I have also thought "Why isn't she hooked up to a monitor?" But then I look over to her chair and realize she is no longer there. I feel surprised and saddened.

Blue...All of those things that you did daily became a habit...your routine.

So, yes, of course this is how you feel.

Let me share this with you...After Mark died...Oh it had been about 6 wks. I picked up the phone and called him at work. The dispatcher answered the phone, and I asked him if I could speak to Mark. Than, BAM...the harsh realization...he wasn't there. What had I done? Just like any other day...I was calling him. Blue, I was so embarrassed once I realized what I had done.

 

I know I should go back to living in my own home, but I am not ready. When I go there to take care of my pets, I feel like I am just visiting. Maybe an arrangement can be made with my siblings that allows me to stay here and sell my condo. I have brought it up with my sister who is the executor of Mom's Estate and we will explore the possibility.

I understand this as well. Your moms home became your home too.

It would be nice to live here where it is quiet. There is a covered patio in the backyard  where I could enjoy the outdoors. There are nightly visitors of possums and sometimes raccoons. During the day, there are birds, butterfly's and an occasional squirrel.

This sounds very nice for you Blue. Don't forget the hummingbirds

I hope your siblings will let this happen for you.

I shall see if it is a possibility. I trust my sister to do the right thing. My Mom appointed me as the durable power of attorney for health care and my sister for the financial. I think she chose wisely. My sister owns a couple of rental properties along with her husband and I am in the medical field.

This is just my opinion...I feel you had the more taxing part of this journey.

I have one brother who said he moved back from Oregon to help me...not so Blue. He would have already put my parents in a Nursing Facility...had I not set everything up (as in) Durable Power of Attorney. So, I am happy to hear that you feel your Mother made the right choice.

 

So, what kinds of TV shows did the two of you watch??

 

Remember...one step at a time, and there will be days you do not feel like making any steps, and that is OK

 

Fluter  :smitten:

 

[[Bl...]]

We watched movies on the Hallmark and Lifetime channels. We also liked "Criminal Minds", "Blue Bloods", NCIS, "The Mentalist", "Ghost Whisperer"  or "Father Brown". There were others, but these are all that come to mind right now.

http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/poems/poems37.jpg

 

Blue

 

[[Fl...]]

We watched movies on the Hallmark and Lifetime channels. We also liked "Criminal Minds", "Blue Bloods", NCIS, "The Mentalist", "Ghost Whisperer"  or "Father Brown". There were others, but these are all that come to mind right now.

http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/poems/poems37.jpg

 

Blue

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Hallmark channel.

My girls always make fun of me; however, I always say...there is NOTHING like a happy ending...right

We nature lovers feel deep...and love strong...it's a fact!

 

Blue, You are Strong, You are Wise, You are Beautiful, and YOU are IMPORTANT!

 

Fluter 

[[Bl...]]

 

Blue