Big decisions ahead- need some advice

[[Fl...]]

Doesn't this suck, our limitations.  Before these stupid pills ruined my brain, I had time to do everything I wanted to.  Now I'm a prisoner in my own body.

 

I would be road rage-ey with or without the benzos, although I am sure the health issues do make it worse. Actually that is one of the reasons why I would really like to move away from here. The traffic has gotten so bad over the past 5-10 years and it isn't going to get any better. It was a huge shock to come back to this after I spent 5 months living up north in a farm community a few years ago.

[[be...]]

Doesn't this suck, our limitations.  Before these stupid pills ruined my brain, I had time to do everything I wanted to.  Now I'm a prisoner in my own body.

 

I would be road rage-ey with or without the benzos, although I am sure the health issues do make it worse. Actually that is one of the reasons why I would really like to move away from here. The traffic has gotten so bad over the past 5-10 years and it isn't going to get any better. It was a huge shock to come back to this after I spent 5 months living up north in a farm community a few years ago.

 

Same thing happened to me FG when I moved from Ohio back to my home state, Connecticut. Now I'm back in Ohio and really enjoy the land, animals, no traffic and NO noise!

[[Fl...]]

If I weren't single and if I didn't have a business that requires me to be in an urban area I would seriously consider moving to a rural area. I grew up on a farm but I have lived in an urban area of close to 3 million people for the past 30 years. I didn't realize how stressful the city is and how much I enjoy the peace and quiet of the country until I escaped for several months.

 

My uncle is from a small town. He was here for the holidays and told me several times that he would never live here because of all of the traffic and nonsense. Matter of fact my other uncle (who is a farmer) was here for my dad's funeral last year and he said the exact same thing I think they might be onto something.

[[Be...]]

I have alot of traffic, noise and nonsense around me.  It's bad for the brain and overstimulation.  Nature is the place to be.  I grew up on a quiet street that had a dead end for many years, so very little traffic.  They put a development in down the road and the traffic increased.

[[Fl...]]

I don't have any stats to back this up but I would be willing to put money on psych drug use being much lower in rural areas than it is in the cities. So much less to be stressed about when there aren't people piled on top of you.

[[Se...]]

I don't know about that FG, there is more psych drug use in rural states where there is a lot of poverty (Appalachians for instance), I think they lead the way in antipsychotic use.

 

That being said, I know that going down to the barn is good for my soul.  I couldn't function in a big metropolis.  I live in the burbs and I even find that stressful.

 

 

Ali

[[Fl...]]

I don't know about that FG, there is more psych drug use in rural states where there is a lot of poverty (Appalachians for instance), I think they lead the way in antipsychotic use.

 

That sounds plausible for specific areas and opiates are probably also a big issue in those areas but I wonder if that holds true for rural america as a whole as far as psych drugs are concerned. There are HUGE chunks of the US that are rural and the Appalachians aren't an accurate representation of that. I'll bet there are stats out there regarding this but I don't have time to dig into it.

[[Be...]]

I've lived in a poor area now for decades.  Nearly everyone where I live is on welfare/disability and most of them are on psyche drugs.  Poor people usually have mental illnesses and are on psyche drugs.  Being poor is extremely stressful.  You're forced to live close to one another in a small home with no privacy and close to other nabes.  Always worried about paying your bills and putting food on the table.  I know what I'm saying because I live among them.  Living in a rural area would be nice.  It costs alot of money to live in a rural area with lots of land around you for privacy.  I think the people who don't take drugs so much might be those who have enough money to live comfortably and have good supportive families and are blessed.  Some people do lived charmed lives.  Luck of the draw.  Why are some people born into good and loving families while some aren't?  Our lives are predestined from birth to some extent.  If we're born into misfortune and abuse, etc. are lives are fixed to some extent.       

[[Ga...]]

Country boys is a good example of life in the Appalachians. It was on Frontline

 

I felt so sorry for the one, Chris

 

I hope he made it.

[[Fl...]]

Poor people will always have more problems for various reasons but rural isn't the same as poor. I could be wrong about psych drug stats regarding rural populations but I grew up in rural areas and it definitely isn't all poor.

[Guest [mu...]]

If I weren't single and if I didn't have a business that requires me to be in an urban area I would seriously consider moving to a rural area. I grew up on a farm but I have lived in an urban area of close to 3 million people for the past 30 years. I didn't realize how stressful the city is and how much I enjoy the peace and quiet of the country until I escaped for several months.

 

My uncle is from a small town. He was here for the holidays and told me several times that he would never live here because of all of the traffic and nonsense. Matter of fact my other uncle (who is a farmer) was here for my dad's funeral last year and he said the exact same thing I think they might be onto something.

 

I've lived in cities and suburbs and absolutely hated both. I need to be surrounded by nature, not people or infrastructure.

 

I currently live in a rural area close to a bigger college town. These hilltowns are full of both rich and poor, liberals and conservatives, old and young, hippies and more traditional types. It feels like the best of all worlds and my husband and I love it here, but MA is generally too expensive and restrictive for our plans (we'd like to buy a lot of land and build an off-grid home someday). We're planning to move up to northern VT as soon as I'm recovered, into an even more rural area. I can't wait.

 

My husband and I have lived in small houses and apartments for the entire 17 years we've been together (from a shared dorm room to 450-850 square feet), and I think it's absolutely ideal to live this way. My favorite house we lived in was only 500 square feet, and we both worked from home then too. Bigger isn't always better.

 

Anyway, the path you're on sounds good to me, FG.

 

[Guest [mu...]]

I don't know about that FG, there is more psych drug use in rural states where there is a lot of poverty (Appalachians for instance), I think they lead the way in antipsychotic use.

 

That sounds plausible for specific areas and opiates are probably also a big issue in those areas but I wonder if that holds true for rural america as a whole as far as psych drugs are concerned. There are HUGE chunks of the US that are rural and the Appalachians aren't an accurate representation of that. I'll bet there are stats out there regarding this but I don't have time to dig into it.

 

This is something I looked into awhile back with benzos: http://www.mdedge.com/clinicalpsychiatrynews/article/84298/pulmonology/benzodiazepine-prescribing-rates-highest-south

 

[[Fl...]]

I've lived in cities and suburbs and absolutely hated both. I need to be surrounded by nature, not people or infrastructure.

 

I don't mind living in the city itself if it's a nice area that is close to good restaurants and such, being close to interesting things kind of makes up for the crowds, but suburbs are my idea of hell. Live in a cookie cutter house and have to drive miles past strip malls to get to crappy chain restaurants if you want to go out to eat? No thanks. I think at this point in my life I would prefer to live in the country but I would take the city over these awful suburbs any day.

 

When I was staying up north in country a few years ago I camped at a campground one night and I remember thinking to myself how I would love to live there in a tiny house. Hanging out by the fire pit on a chilly night listening to the coyotes howl....that was pretty awesome.

[Guest [mu...]]

I agree... suburbs and strip malls are the worst, most soul-killing places of all (I grew up in one). I think an older European city might work for me, or perhaps just a quiet, tree lined city street. When I lived in Boston I was in the most densely populated area possible, on a busy road with bars right next door (and everything that entails) and ambulances constantly going by and car alarms that would sometimes go off all day / all night long, 10 feet from my window. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort making these raised vegetable beds in the backyard and brought in high quality soil for them (the ground soil was contaminated with lead), and then the building next door started doing renovations and kicked up more lead and ruined my garden. Anyway, it wasn't for me. I have a deep need to work the land and to live in a more natural setting.

 

Have you looked into moving to a college town in a rural area? I really think they offer the best of all worlds: good dining, culture, music, events, opportunities for work and learning and meeting people, etc - and yet it's easy to escape to the woods for hiking or home building.

 

 

 

[[be...]]

I live in a rural area but have places close by. Others are far away, like those dreadful malls. So I'm rural but not poor. Lots of land, animals etc., which I love. I hate living so close to somebody that you can see him in the shower through your window. Ugh!!!!

[[Fl...]]

Have you looked into moving to a college town in a rural area? I really think they offer the best of all worlds: good dining, culture, music, events, opportunities for work and learning and meeting people, etc - and yet it's easy to escape to the woods for hiking or home building.

 

Unfortunately I don't think a big move is really in the cards for me right now. I am thinking about moving about 80 miles north on the coast where a buddy of mine lives, but that is only because I would still be able to get back over to this area a couple of times per week. It's not as crowded there as it is here but it's not exactly "the country" 

 

At this point in time I really need to stay within a reasonable drive of the area I am in now. I can reliably source plenty of inventory for my business here and probably could in many other areas but I have a routine down in this area and I can't afford to throw my brain too many curve balls. Moving out of state would complicate things even more. The great thing about my tiny house idea is that I can live just about anywhere once it's done. I just need to get it built and get over the first obstacle, which is actually moving SOMEWHERE out of the place I am at now.

[[Fl...]]

Well, here goes nothin'. Today I applied for a trailer loan. If I had to guess whether or not I will get approved I'd guess it's maybe 50/50. Honestly I don't really know but I would like to think there is a chance.

 

I have been planning on going this direction for a couple of years now and I am not sure if I will be able to run my business at the capacity I am at now while living in a tiny house but I'm gonna go for it and figure out how to make numbers work down the road. I don't really have a lot of choices and no matter how I look at it it makes sense for me to keep my bills as low as possible right now, and this is the best way to do that outside of getting a roommate (and I have already decided that that is NOT an option for me).

 

My buddy offered to let me build it at his house, so that takes care of that issue. He lives over an hour away but I think I could make it work by sleeping in the trailer at night and working on it during the day on weekends. I don't know how long it will take to build but I would like to think that I could do it in a month if I can spend two 10-12 hour days each week on it.

 

So.....wish me luck. Hopefully I am not biting off more than I can chew 

[[be...]]

FG:

 

Wishing you luck! If you can't mange those hours just slow down and rest. It's not going anywhere. I hope you get that loan! Why don't you check your credit score for free on Credit Karma?

 

Betsy

[[Fl...]]

That was easy. The lender called me today. They approved me for a loan and it is more than I think I am going to need, which is nice because it may allow me to wrap some of the improvements I want to make into the loan.

 

So now, the work begins. First I have to decide exactly what I want on the trailer and who I am going to buy it from. I have a basic idea of how I want to build out the interior but there are a lot of details that will need to be worked out. Gotta make some phone calls to secure my build site. The trailer build will take 2-3 weeks so I will have some time to get everything set up but this is a big project for someone who only has half of a brain 

 

Time to get to work!

[[Fl...]]

FG:

 

Wishing you luck! If you can't mange those hours just slow down and rest. It's not going anywhere. I hope you get that loan! Why don't you check your credit score for free on Credit Karma?

 

Betsy

 

Been on credit karma for a few years. The score isn't really accurate since they use their own scoring model (most lenders use FICO) but it is useful for keeping an eye on things and spotting trends. I do get my FICO score with my discover card so I actually have access to that as well.

[[be...]]

FG:

 

Wishing you luck! If you can't mange those hours just slow down and rest. It's not going anywhere. I hope you get that loan! Why don't you check your credit score for free on Credit Karma?

 

Betsy

 

Been on credit karma for a few years. The score isn't really accurate since they use their own scoring model (most lenders use FICO) but it is useful for keeping an eye on things and spotting trends. I do get my FICO score with my discover card so I actually have access to that as well.

 

Congrats on the loan! Now you have the money to get where you want. I do agree that they use FICO scores and I try to stay off CK because every time you log in, your score goes down. I guess you are good at fixing things. Me, I can't change a light bulb. Remember not to overdue it as you don't want to rev your symptoms. You seem like a go-do-it fellow to me, so I'm sure you'll get it done and then can get out of the place where you live now.

 

Betsy

[[...]]

Awesome news, FG.  Just AWESOME!  So very, very thrilled for you.

On to the next chapter.  You'll do just great, I just know you will. 

 

[[La...]]

Sorry if my answer goes off-topic or is a little bitter, but I can´t help being terrified when I read that you still have big benzo problems after 70+ months off. I´m on my 34th and have lost all my faith in ever being completely normal again. Cases like yours confirm my despair (sorry). I´ve managed to have always a place to live despite the storm of withdrawal, but I fear one day losing my good luck (it´s been only that), ending up in 3 more years exactly in your situation.

 

You, who started the great thread on protracted success cases, can you still believe in total recovery for all? Weren´t many of those great, brilliant and enthusiastic messages premature? I´m just asking, don´t missunderstand me. But could all of those success-story people, one year after continue assuring us they were completely healed?

 

Some hope to this poor soul would be appreciated, thanks!  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

[[Fl...]]

I do agree that they use FICO scores and I try to stay off CK because every time you log in, your score goes down.

 

I don't see why your score would drop when you log into CK unless they factor that into their scoring model, but I don't see why they would. It wouldn't matter anyway because most lenders don't use that score. With most scoring models the only way an inquiry affects your score is if it is a hard inquiry where you are specifically applying for credit. If a lender pulls it to send you offers or if you pull your own score it doesn't count against you. Neither does an insurance inquiry.

 

I guess you are good at fixing things. Me, I can't change a light bulb. Remember not to overdue it as you don't want to rev your symptoms. You seem like a go-do-it fellow to me, so I'm sure you'll get it done and then can get out of the place where you live now.

 

I used to do some cool things in my pre-benzo life. I have rehabbed, repaired and remodeled houses, designed and built retail stores and I have experience in custom auto fabrication. It's gonna be a challenge with my cognitive issues but hopefully I can draw on some of that experience 

 

Awesome news, FG.  Just AWESOME!  So very, very thrilled for you.

On to the next chapter.  You'll do just great, I just know you will. 

 

 

Thanks! It's nice to feel like something is going my way for a change 

 

You, who started the great thread on protracted success cases, can you still believe in total recovery for all? Weren´t many of those great, brilliant and enthusiastic messages premature? I´m just asking, don´t missunderstand me. But could all of those success-story people, one year after continue assuring us they were completely healed?

 

Some hope to this poor soul would be appreciated, thanks!  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

 

I think it is possible to have symptoms that persist for a very long time (I am probably getting to the point where I can qualify for that) and even Ashton states that it is possible to have some issues that persist indefinitely, but based on the evidence I have seen having been in the support community for a long time I believe that the vast majority of people heal up pretty good by the 5 year mark and a few still have problems after the 5 year mark but it is pretty rare to see anyone still having serious issues after about 7 years or so.

 

So I think we have to look at it as "the long term prognosis is good" instead of "I might not heal". Either way the result may be the same- long term symptoms, but it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we are going to be severely ill for the rest of our lives, and I don't believe that will be the case for most people. At this point I am not convinced that I will ever get back to my pre-benzo self but I don't believe that means that I am doomed to suffer forever.

[[Be...]]

Good luck with your new home plans, FG.