Big decisions ahead- need some advice

[[Fl...]]

I meant, at least go to the job interview for the one job and see if it's what might work for you.

 

Ah, gotcha.

 

I remember when you were up north. It seems being busy sorta helped you then. I think a driving job might be good. Low pressure and still gets you up and out. And even if it's not much money, the task to accomplish is sorta good for the deep down part that needs something positive to do just to do it. I think it's a cool gig and you're getting paid. Even better if you get some good music CDs going or even books on tape from the library or audible.com etc if you're needing something to listen to. Yeah maybe not top paying job, but satisfying and a stepping stone to getting back to who you are. I absolutely think this sounds very cool and multiple levels.

 

I am leaning in that direction. Being a subcontractor who is able to choose my own hours is the ideal compliment to my business. It also isn't something that is cognitively taxing and it isn't too stimulating.

 

Part of me would really like to get a job working around people and in that sense the retail job sounds appealing but I would hate to commit to something that cancels itself out because it takes away from my business. 

[[Be...]]

What does an Amazon Flex driver do?  What would you do at that other job working in the restaurant retail?

[[Fl...]]

What does an Amazon Flex driver do?

 

Deliver packages for amazon or delivering local deliveries from restaurants and stores for prime now.

 

What would you do at that other job working in the restaurant retail?

 

Probably something in retail. I burned out on restaurant work back in the 90's. I also wouldn't be able to handle the stress or the cognitive demands of waiting tables or bartending. Those are a couple of the toughest and most stressful jobs there are in certain ways.

[[Be...]]

FG, hope one of those jobs works out for you. 

 

I remember years ago when I had to wait tables at a pizza place/cocktail lounge for money to pay the rent.  The manager noticed I wore a short skirt the one night and he stared me up and down and said, "You look nice tonight."  In other words, he wanted me to keep wearing short skirts.  Argh. . . . One night I had a tray full of drinks and I was trying to balance it in my one hand.  I went up to the table to start setting down the drinks and I tipped the tray too much and spilled the tray of drinks down the back of a lady there.  Thank God she didn't scream at me.  I did replace the drinks for them.  I'm not cut out for cocktail wattressing.  I did like the atmosphere though and the music.  I remember a night too--it was St. Patrick's day and the green beer was flowing.  A couple was out on a date and it looked to be a first day because they seemed nervous and weren't talking alot.  The lady was all dressed up and when she smiled, her teeth and mouth were all green from the green beer.  I laughed about it.  Her trying to make a first impression on a date.  I don't know if they still serve green beer that makes people's mouths green?  A great night is when someone leaves you a very big tip.  It was good money because you didn't have to pay taxes on all that tip money back then.   

[[Fl...]]

I had some good times in the restaurant/bar biz but I would never do it again. At the end I was bartending 2-3 nights per week and that was literally all I could handle. It taught me a lot, especially about people, but I just couldn't do it any more.

 

At the bar where I worked at any given time there was usually one super cool person I loved chatting with and a bunch of normal, tolerable people that just kind of kept to themselves. The problem is that about half the time there was one or two insufferable idiots who would sit there for hours, and hours and HOURS at a time and there was nowhere to go to escape them.

 

I would say that it was just me, I'm just not enough of a people person to handle a job like that but it has happened to every bartender I have ever know- you get to a certain point where you just can't deal with it anymore. Also, the business in general is extremely stressful. Literally everyone I have ever known who waited tables or tended bar has what we call "server dreams", which are bad dreams about working a service job and not being able to get caught up, no matter what you do. I still talk to half a dozen people I used to work with back in the day and they all still have those dreams 20+ years later.

[[Be...]]

I'll take a Margarita on the rocks with lots of salt, or in the summer, a frozen margarita.  Or else, I'll take a Martini with extra olives.  I used to drink like a fish.  Mostly white chablis wine.  I never liked sweet wine.  Don't tell the bartender or owner of the bar, lol, but I used to take my own wine into the nightclub.  I would fill up two mason jars full of my favorite wine and put it in a big purse and then buy one glass of wine at the bar and then go into the restroom and keep refilling the same glass.  The bar and nightclub was so crowded that no one knew what I was doing.  It saved me lots of $$$.  I only bought one drink all night.  That was back when you could smoke cigs at the club too.  I could never drink without having a cig. with it.  The nightclub used to get so crowded that I'd burn the back of the person in front of me with a lit cigarette, especially when I smoked the long ones--the 100's or 120's.  I had two really nice coats stolen at a bar, too.  It's always your favorite coats that get stolen.  If you don't watch your stuff, someone will steal it.  I had my purse stolen too once when I was very young and stupid about such things.  Now I'm really going off-topic on this thread and hogging it.  Sorry, FG.   

[[Be...]]

FG, Did you apply for your jobs yet?

[[Fl...]]

FG, Did you apply for your jobs yet?

 

I submitted a request to amazon, nothing more I can do. The other place is having a job fair next weekend, I might go apply even if I decide not to go that direction.

[[Se...]]

FG,

 

I really think that whatever you can do to start back "out there" in the real world, being with people, can only be good for you as long as it is not uber stressful.

 

I think of it as priming the pump.  My self esteem really quickly improved once I was back working and interacting with people again.  If I were you, I'd leap at the chance to do a few part time things.  Don't worry that this isn't perhaps your ideal job, initially I was aiming at something not too stressful that I knew I could do even on the crappy days.

 

I think that by putting yourself out there, things will become clearer for you and it will bring unexpected dividends.  That is what happened for me.  I'm still not 100% healed but it has brought me back into life, nudged me back towards normalcy.  For that, I am profoundly grateful.

 

Opportunities will come your way but I'm convinced that we all have to start moving out of our "comfort zones" as we heal, as we are able, in order for this to happen.  Nothing bad happens to you when you are tucked away (so long as you have a roof over your head and food) but nothing good can ever really happen either.  There is something magical about starting to take those steps, starting to make an effort, starting to take a chance - I cannot explain this well but I truly believe that somehow this shifts the energy in our existence and as a result, opportunities come our way.

 

This transition from being cloistered away to heal back to everyday real life is a tough one.  I've written this past 5 months about needing my weekends to rest for the weekdays and feeling at times as if I am simply existing to work.  But I AM doing it and that part feels very good after so many years of disability.  I don't think of myself as a disabled person although truthfully the disability has been profound at times.  So recapturing some agency, starting to make stretch goals, tackling life again - all of this has helped my psychologically beyond measure.

 

I'm 56, FG, and I've been out of the work force since my late husband's suicide 7 years ago.  I'm convinced that if I can do it, anyone can.

 

I really applaud you for trying and for pushing yourself to do this even though you aren't 100% yet.  I think this is important.  You are young and you have the rest of your life ahead.  I learned a lot about myself from this experience and most of all, I know that I have hope and grit.  You need both and I believe you have both in abundance.

 

Fingers crossed for you.

 

 

Ali

[[Fl...]]

FG,

 

I really think that whatever you can do to start back "out there" in the real world, being with people, can only be good for you as long as it is not uber stressful.

 

I think of it as priming the pump.  My self esteem really quickly improved once I was back working and interacting with people again.  If I were you, I'd leap at the chance to do a few part time things.  Don't worry that this isn't perhaps your ideal job, initially I was aiming at something not too stressful that I knew I could do even on the crappy days.

 

That's the trick, finding something that allows me to earn more money and preferably rebuild my social life, but not if it adversely affects my current business and health. The retail thing would be great for getting my social life back on track, I am just not sure if it would be too much stimulation for me, I am not sure if my brain would be able to handle some of the work involved and I am worried that the cumulative effect of this would be that my business would suffer and it would defeat the purpose. No point in putting in extra hours if I am going to make less money.

 

I guess I can't really know until I try. It's just a big commitment to make with these unknowns cause it will affect other decisions I am making as well.

 

The amazon gig would be pretty much ideal except that it won't really help me get my social life back on track. I guess I am going to try to work multiple angles and see what pans out.

[[Se...]]

I vote for small things that are more social.  Even a few regular hours somewhere each week - slowly but surely expanding your social circle, getting you out in the world.  And the key is "regular" so that you get to know people over time, and they get to know you.  And something you hopefully will enjoy.

 

Even doing some regular volunteer shifts can prime the pump.  It doesn't have to be paid employment.  Just don't get stuck in a back office where you won't see anyone.  Make sure whatever you chose (and maybe a few thing) are out in more people-facing roles.

 

For me, the barn is a big part of my social sphere, people are very friendly and always glad to chat.  My other avenue is going to church.  I'd call myself spiritual, not religious, but the local Anglican church congregation is where I've met some lovely people through volunteering - again focused on more social aspects of that volunteering.  I've also met some great people through my in person benzo support group - truly awesome people.  And I'm starting back to running in a group, that will give me yet another small avenue.

 

There are so many unexpected dividends from making these efforts - you truly do not know where this will lead when you start out.  Don't be afraid to try and don't be afraid to change things up until you find something that clicks.  You've got so much to offer.  A few years from now, this will all be like a bad nightmare I think, already I can feel the horror of this suffering starting to fade.

 

Just being willing to put yourself out there takes real guts.  You've got so much to offer.  Don't worry about the cognitive "deficits" - trust me, most people working are sleep deprived and stumbling through their existences, it makes me laugh.  No one really notices my cognitive impairments, I'm not programming moon shots these days!

 

 

Ali

[[Fl...]]

One more option that I have been kicking around is selling at the flea market. Right now I do online sales and a few online initiated/in person fulfilled transactions. I already have the inventory and a van to move my product so I wouldn't need much to get it rolling.

 

The BIG issue with that is that is that I would need to leave the house about the time I normally go to bed so I would miss one night of sleep every week. I could probably solve my immediate money issues doing that, but that's a rough way to do it. I think I would enjoy it other than the missing sleep and being out in the heat, I'm just not sure it is compatible with my health and everything else.

[[Be...]]

When I was healthy I used to do a delivery route 7 days a week for years.  It was good exercise because I had to lift stuff and walk alot.  I never had a day off though.  It was newspaper delivery to stores and newsracks decades ago.  I used to say that I got paid to exercise.  The money was good because I was an independent contractor. 

[[be...]]

Hey FG:

 

I get your dilemma. I know what Florida is like, and I know you have family/friends there. But since my income is limited because I had to quit my job to take care of mom, I moved from CT (very very expensive) to Ohio. I know ppl rag about this state but it is really quite nice and very cheap to live. So I bought a very nice condo for $80,000 while the same in CT would cost about $700,000. I know you cannot afford $80,000, but I know once two of my brothers rented small cottages on large home property very cheaply. And they paid month to month. They even got a lower rate for doing yard work. I think you need to take it one step at a time. Not buying/building and increasing your business at the same time. I think that would cause undo stress, FG. 200 sq feet is very small. I think my place as small and it's 1,500 sq feet. I suppose that's because my childhood home is very large. Since your mom is thinking of selling, can she loan you some money to get started? Trailer parks are an option of course but from what I have seen they are close together and who knows how much no ice your neighbor will make? And probably a lot of barking dogs. Do you have friends to stay with until you make a decision? Or is mom waiting a while? If you have good credit and not a lot of payments to make, a loan may be possible? If you can pay it back? I would hope that your mom would have money left over from selling her place, unless she still has a large mortgage? Just a thought...........

[[...]]

FG, been talking to you a lot in my head, unable to execute though, so I love it when others help me out.

 

Yes, yes!!!  To everything SS is trying hard to impress upon you.  Nice, SS, and very happy for you.   And, Bets, triple yes to all the practicalities!  This, in particular:

 

I think you need to take it one step at a time. Not buying/building and increasing your business at the same time. I think that would cause undo stress, FG. 200 sq feet is very small.

 

You talking it out like this also shows how this nightmare affects us to the very core ... loss of confidence, self-esteem, self-doubt, fear of failure (success?), depression, indecisiveness, etc, etc.  Any "normal" person who's been out of work (for instance) for an extended period of time, you'll find the same personality changes in them too, including often becoming cognitively "slower".  Don't harp on that last one, okay, I understand your situation is entirely different, just trying to say I think moving in this direction can only help, definitely not hurt!

 

I like the flea market idea, solve immediate financial issues, and you'd enjoy it and you're your own boss and you're surrounded by people.  But they come and go so wouldn't be too annoying for you, lol.  And it's one day a week only.  AND it's a spin-off of your present business, right, so really an expansion of sorts.  Perfect.  No?  And socially too.  You'll get to talk shop with the other vendors, shoot the sh*t, etc, and who knows what might come of that ... not only socially but business-wise as well.

 

I don't know the zoning details and what exact products you sell but even regular bi-weekly "garage sales" could be an idea, a way around it, dunno?  Repeat customers?  Bulk baby diapers, cleaning products, etc.  You could get an email list going letting people know what "specials" you have.

 

Aaarg, I'm actually getting excited for you and a little/a lot jealous too and feeling so sorry for myself now :'(  Cos this sounds like so much fun to me, I'd be living vicariously through you.

 

Final note.  Important one.  Your motivation issues.  Big, big problem, right?  How to work on that?  Would it help starting a daily log here where we could cheer you on?  One major take-away for me from listening to Dr Claire, cos can apply techniques to so many other areas of life, is to look at everything as "practising".  When we're practising, we never fail.  So what I'm trying to say is you'll no doubt have some worse days than others where you can barely get one task done, and that's okay, just let it be, say it as it is, no beating yourself up ...  and simply pick up the next day.  We're all human, we're all in essence very much the same at the end of the day.  Make sense? 

 

Hope I did an okay job with this, sorry, really struggling my end.  Keep talking it out, FG. 

 

[[Fl...]]

Hey FG:

 

I get your dilemma. I know what Florida is like, and I know you have family/friends there. But since my income is limited because I had to quit my job to take care of mom, I moved from CT (very very expensive) to Ohio. I know ppl rag about this state but it is really quite nice and very cheap to live. So I bought a very nice condo for $80,000 while the same in CT would cost about $700,000.

 

I would love to try a fresh start somewhere else and I would seriously consider it if I had use of my brain but I think having to uproot and figure everything out in a new area would be too much for me. FL is getting expensive (at least in the decent urban areas) but it isn't $700,000 for a decent condo so I'm not even sure how much cheaper I could live anywhere else. If I were renting a house or condo I could probably find places for half of what they rent for here but if I go with my tiny house idea I would probably only save a couple hundred per month, max. And if I move up north the heating bill in the winter would probably eat into that savings a fair amount.

 

I think you need to take it one step at a time. Not buying/building and increasing your business at the same time. I think that would cause undo stress, FG.

 

I agree, but I am pretty much out of time and I need to do something. If I don't build my own place I will end up paying for it in rent over the next couple of years. It would buy me some time to go that route but if I go that direction I am concerned that it will put me into a situation that is tough to get out of.

 

200 sq feet is very small. I think my place as small and it's 1,500 sq feet. I suppose that's because my childhood home is very large.

 

I had a 1700 square foot place and it was way too much space for me. When I moved in I remember thinking to myself "Wow, now I have to buy a bunch of crap to fill up all of this empty space. That kinda sucks." I eventually moved into a 500sq ft condo and although I thought I would hate it, I ended up liking that more than any place I have ever lived.

 

200 square feet is small for sure but I am positive that I would be perfectly content in that amount of space if I didn't have the business. Matter of fact it's pretty appealing to not only have a place that is very easy to maintain but is also fully mobile- if I don't like where I am living I hook up and move somewhere else.

 

Since your mom is thinking of selling, can she loan you some money to get started?...Do you have friends to stay with until you make a decision?

 

I have options for places to stay. I won't be homeless, but I really don't want to ask any favors of anyone and I am trying to avoid putting myself into a temporary situation that might even make it harder to get to where I really need to be.

 

I like the flea market idea, solve immediate financial issues, and you'd enjoy it and you're your own boss and you're surrounded by people.  But they come and go so wouldn't be too annoying for you, lol.  And it's one day a week only.  AND it's a spin-off of your present business, right, so really an expansion of sorts.  Perfect.  No?  And socially too.  You'll get to talk shop with the other vendors, shoot the sh*t, etc, and who knows what might come of that ... not only socially but business-wise as well.

 

Yea that idea has a lot of things going for it. When I am sourcing inventory for my business now I pass up a ton of stuff that would probably sell well in a flea market setting. It's a great fit for my current business.

 

The big sticking point for me, and it is very big, is the fact that it isn't compatible with my current schedule. I do most of my work late in the day and I sleep late. I have what they call delayed sleep phase disorder and although I can force myself into getting up early, I always feel some degree of pain when I do. And of course that is exacerbated since I have been sick.

 

If I did this I would have to leave home at 5-6am?? and that would mean very little or no sleep for me. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be that big of a deal but I know how my body reacts now when I miss sleep- it basically sends me into a wave for a few days. I had a day where I missed sleep over the holidays and I did pretty well, but I think that was because I was in a partial window at the time. I am just afraid to push my luck and even if I manage to power through it for awhile, what will it do to me over time yo-yoing around like that?

 

I don't know the zoning details and what exact products you sell but even regular bi-weekly "garage sales" could be an idea, a way around it, dunno?  Repeat customers?  Bulk baby diapers, cleaning products, etc.  You could get an email list going letting people know what "specials" you have.

 

Some people seem to do well with garage sales but I have never been able to make more than $60-$80. A lot of people who are in this business do have multiple outlets they sell on, whether that be ebay, amazon, etsy, craislist, offerup, facebook, antique malls, consignment shops etc. My issue is that I can barely keep up with one selling venue. I think I would be able to pull off the flea market deal but it really trips up my brain trying to keep track of listing items on multiple websites.

 

Aaarg, I'm actually getting excited for you and a little/a lot jealous too and feeling so sorry for myself now :'(  Cos this sounds like so much fun to me, I'd be living vicariously through you.

 

Maybe we should be business partners! Two handicapped people should be able to accomplish what one normal person can, right? 

 

Final note.  Important one.  Your motivation issues.  Big, big problem, right?  How to work on that?  Would it help starting a daily log here where we could cheer you on?  One major take-away for me from listening to Dr Claire, cos can apply techniques to so many other areas of life, is to look at everything as "practising".  When we're practising, we never fail.  So what I'm trying to say is you'll no doubt have some worse days than others where you can barely get one task done, and that's okay, just let it be, say it as it is, no beating yourself up ...  and simply pick up the next day.  We're all human, we're all in essence very much the same at the end of the day.  Make sense? 

 

I wish that kind of thing worked for me but it never really has. My motivation is like a switch- a chemical switch. Or maybe I should say a "dial" since it isn't always a 100% on or off thing. If I get a little boost I am able to get more done but on a bad day, especially when I get hit with physical symptoms.....ugh.....it's all I can do to drag myself to do the bare minimum I have to do.

 

This is one thing I really, really miss. I used to be very ambitious. I always had some kind of project going on. It was something that I didn't even have to think about, it felt like I was on autopilot. It was completely natural. Now it feels very artificial. Everything is a chore. Sometimes I can build a little momentum by starting when I don't feel like doing something but it just isn't sustainable.

 

Man, what happened to the real me? 

 

 

[[...]]

I have options for places to stay. I won't be homeless, but I really don't want to ask any favors of anyone and I am trying to avoid putting myself into a temporary situation that might even make it harder to get to where I really need to be.

 

I like the flea market idea, solve immediate financial issues, and you'd enjoy it and you're your own boss and you're surrounded by people.  But they come and go so wouldn't be too annoying for you, lol.  And it's one day a week only.  AND it's a spin-off of your present business, right, so really an expansion of sorts.  Perfect.  No?  And socially too.  You'll get to talk shop with the other vendors, shoot the sh*t, etc, and who knows what might come of that ... not only socially but business-wise as well.

 

Yea that idea has a lot of things going for it. When I am sourcing inventory for my business now I pass up a ton of stuff that would probably sell well in a flea market setting. It's a great fit for my current business.

 

The big sticking point for me, and it is very big, is the fact that it isn't compatible with my current schedule. I do most of my work late in the day and I sleep late. I have what they call delayed sleep phase disorder and although I can force myself into getting up early, I always feel some degree of pain when I do. And of course that is exacerbated since I have been sick.

 

If I did this I would have to leave home at 5-6am?? and that would mean very little or no sleep for me. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be that big of a deal but I know how my body reacts now when I miss sleep- it basically sends me into a wave for a few days. I had a day where I missed sleep over the holidays and I did pretty well, but I think that was because I was in a partial window at the time. I am just afraid to push my luck and even if I manage to power through it for awhile, what will it do to me over time yo-yoing around like that?

 

Keep "practising", FG.  Try it out a few times maybe.  What if it gets easier and easier over time instead of harder and harder?  Maybe re-read SS's post over and over.   What's the worst that can happen, your worst fear? 

 

 

Aaarg, I'm actually getting excited for you and a little/a lot jealous too and feeling so sorry for myself now :'(  Cos this sounds like so much fun to me, I'd be living vicariously through you.

 

Maybe we should be business partners! Two handicapped people should be able to accomplish what one normal person can, right? 

 

I wish, I wish!  We'd have some fun, I think. I'll do the people/sales/marketing end, I get energized by people ... you can do the deliveries and paperwork, lmfao!  Oh, if I weren't trapped inside a pathetic, broken, derelict body.  :'(

 

 

Final note.  Important one.  Your motivation issues.  Big, big problem, right?  How to work on that?  Would it help starting a daily log here where we could cheer you on?  One major take-away for me from listening to Dr Claire, cos can apply techniques to so many other areas of life, is to look at everything as "practising".  When we're practising, we never fail.  So what I'm trying to say is you'll no doubt have some worse days than others where you can barely get one task done, and that's okay, just let it be, say it as it is, no beating yourself up ...  and simply pick up the next day.  We're all human, we're all in essence very much the same at the end of the day.  Make sense? 

 

I wish that kind of thing worked for me but it never really has. My motivation is like a switch- a chemical switch. Or maybe I should say a "dial" since it isn't always a 100% on or off thing. If I get a little boost I am able to get more done but on a bad day, especially when I get hit with physical symptoms.....ugh.....it's all I can do to drag myself to do the bare minimum I have to do.

 

This is one thing I really, really miss. I used to be very ambitious. I always had some kind of project going on. It was something that I didn't even have to think about, it felt like I was on autopilot. It was completely natural. Now it feels very artificial. Everything is a chore. Sometimes I can build a little momentum by starting when I don't feel like doing something but it just isn't sustainable.

 

Man, what happened to the real me? 

 

Any mention of physical symptoms and I have nothing to offer.    At a loss with my own.  :'(  But yours aren't 24/7, so there's that, nothing wrong with having a bad day here and there!

 

I hear you, FG, it's like trying to re-adjust and find your footing as a totally different person.  I can only imagine the frustration, it's a mourning of our old selves.  Just awful.  Don't be scared, keep pushing it gently, gently.  Do you do Sudoku or any other brain workouts? 

[[Fl...]]

Do you do Sudoku or any other brain workouts?

 

I'm afraid the day to day details of my business don't leave me much energy for extra workouts. I guess you could say that work is a workout. I am pretty sure the cognitive demands of the business are the reason why my hobbies and social life have hit the skids over the last year or two. I just don't have it in me to multitask and compartmentalize and organize like a normal person so when I get done working all I want to do is stare at the tv or computer or listen to podcasts.

[[Be...]]

FG, for socializing, maybe you can find a group of people who meet each week or occasionally? Political groups, stuff you're interested in? They even have dining clubs in my area where people meet once a week at a different restaurant.  I even went to a drumming group in the summer that met each week by the river.  check out meetup.com for your area. 

[[be...]]

FG, for socializing, maybe you can find a group of people who meet each week or occasionally? Political groups, stuff you're interested in? They even have dining clubs in my area where people meet once a week at a different restaurant.  I even went to a drumming group in the summer that met each week by the river.  check out meetup.com for your area.

 

Sounds like a plan. Good luck, FG. If you made it through this mess, even though you are bad off, I think you'll find a solution and it will all work out. fwiw~I wrote about marketing all of the time, to the point where companies wanted to hire me, so we can partner too! Good luck and best wishes. :smitten:

[[Fl...]]

Finding a way to socialize isn't really the problem. The problem is logistics with where I currently live and the energy I have to devote to that activity. I am already a member of a couple of meetup groups but since I started this business I haven't been able to keep up with that.

[[Be...]]

Finding a way to socialize isn't really the problem. The problem is logistics with where I currently live and the energy I have to devote to that activity. I am already a member of a couple of meetup groups but since I started this business I haven't been able to keep up with that.

 

okey, dokey.  Hope you can work it out somehow. 

[[Fl...]]

okey, dokey.  Hope you can work it out somehow.

 

I'm trying. It just seems like and insurmountable task sometimes.

 

Tomorrow I am going to try to get over to another shipping company to see about a different contract delivery gig. If I take on one of these delivery positions I guess I am going to have to get over my tendency to get agitated in traffic 

[[be...]]

okey, dokey.  Hope you can work it out somehow.

 

I'm trying. It just seems like and insurmountable task sometimes.

 

Tomorrow I am going to try to get over to another shipping company to see about a different contract delivery gig. If I take on one of these delivery positions I guess I am going to have to get over my tendency to get agitated in traffic

 

Breathe Breathe. 

[[Be...]]

okey, dokey.  Hope you can work it out somehow.

 

I'm trying. It just seems like and insurmountable task sometimes.

 

Tomorrow I am going to try to get over to another shipping company to see about a different contract delivery gig. If I take on one of these delivery positions I guess I am going to have to get over my tendency to get agitated in traffic

 

Breathe Breathe. 

 

Doesn't this suck, our limitations.  Before these stupid pills ruined my brain, I had time to do everything I wanted to.  Now I'm a prisoner in my own body.