Big decisions ahead- need some advice

[[Fl...]]

I don't know what part of Florida you live in but working outside most of the year is warm to brutal..  Are you sure you are physically up to building a house in the Florida sun?  Personally, I would just rent something about the same size as the tiny house to make sure that's what I wanted before I had a big investment of $$ and energy into it.  I thought the RV was a good idea.

 

Well, I won't be building a full-on house and if I start to go that direction I plan to do it soon so I should be able to avoid the heat. I should also be able to build much of it in the AC, since the outside will already be done when I get it.  Trust me, I have factored that in. I LOATHE the Florida heat.

 

The underlying thread in your posts is that you want to build a tiny house. I've seen some programs about it, and I think it would be great! Keep your eye on that, and the other things will fall into place. Somehow you'll be able to get the money together, and your business will do well, too. It's a big decision, but if it's something you want to do, I say do it!

 

If I could count on everything falling into place I would probably start moving in that direction but I have a lot of "ifs" hanging in the air right now. Wouldn't be too big of a deal if I was better at planning and solving problems but I don't want to get in a bind and not be able to figure out a way to get out of it.

[[Ge...]]

 

 

Well, I won't be building a full-on house and if I start to go that direction I plan to do it soon so I should be able to avoid the heat. I should also be able to build much of it in the AC, since the outside will already be done when I get it.  Trust me, I have factored that in. I LOATHE the Florida heat.

 

 

 

I was trying to reconcile your dislike of the heat with building a house.. but it sounds like you have a plan..  In that case go for it.. and please do a blog post so we can see it 

[[Be...]]

FG, how far up north is your mother planning to move?

 

If you guy any home make sure it has a darn good roof on it.  I've had my share of roof leaks in this place.  It ruins everything. 

[[Ga...]]

I don't know what part of Florida you live in but working outside most of the year is warm to brutal..  Are you sure you are physically up to building a house in the Florida sun?  Personally, I would just rent something about the same size as the tiny house to make sure that's what I wanted before I had a big investment of $$ and energy into it.  I thought the RV was a good idea.

 

Well, I won't be building a full-on house and if I start to go that direction I plan to do it soon so I should be able to avoid the heat. I should also be able to build much of it in the AC, since the outside will already be done when I get it.  Trust me, I have factored that in. I LOATHE the Florida heat.

 

The underlying thread in your posts is that you want to build a tiny house. I've seen some programs about it, and I think it would be great! Keep your eye on that, and the other things will fall into place. Somehow you'll be able to get the money together, and your business will do well, too. It's a big decision, but if it's something you want to do, I say do it!

 

If I could count on everything falling into place I would probably start moving in that direction but I have a lot of "ifs" hanging in the air right now. Wouldn't be too big of a deal if I was better at planning and solving problems but I don't want to get in a bind and not be able to figure out a way to get out of it.

 

I hear ya on the heat.

 

I hate it!!

[[Be...]]

I always thought living in the Carolina's might be nice.  Moderate temps so don't have to spend alot of money on electricity to cool or heat a place.  Up north here in Pennsylvania, it costs alot of money to heat your home during the winter. 

[[Fl...]]

FG, how far up north is your mother planning to move?

 

Midwest.

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

You've got alot to think about for sure.  Yikes. 

[[Ru...]]

Hope you are getting some inspiration here FG.

 

Firstly, you should try living in the UK! You'd soon dream of that Florida heat I promise you. That being said, if it is really that debilitating then it should be a priority to move somewhere a tad colder. Just remember sometimes the grass is always greener.

 

Secondly, I read a quote recently which said that it is usualy the smallest decisions in our lives that have the biggest consequences (taking an early turning on a road, leaving the house five minutes late etc). Now, whenever I have a big decision, I remember this quote.

 

Lastly, you really want to make this tiny house so I think you should be putting all of your energy into this. I can hear your enthusiam in your posts and I think it would be something wonderful to do.

 

Good Luck.

[[Fl...]]

Hope you are getting some inspiration here FG.

 

Firstly, you should try living in the UK! You'd soon dream of that Florida heat I promise you. That being said, if it is really that debilitating then it should be a priority to move somewhere a tad colder. Just remember sometimes the grass is always greener.

 

I would love to move to another country if I had the brain power to make it happen.

[[Ch...]]

Hope you are getting some inspiration here FG.

 

Firstly, you should try living in the UK! You'd soon dream of that Florida heat I promise you. That being said, if it is really that debilitating then it should be a priority to move somewhere a tad colder. Just remember sometimes the grass is always greener.

 

I would love to move to another country if I had the brain power to make it happen.

 

If I were younger and in better health I'd like to get a homestead grant. It would satisfy my quest for a simpler lifestyle although I'd miss the company of others.

 

Anyway don't sell yourself short. You DO have the brain power. 

[[Be...]]

You can buy my old trailer I live in here in PA.  In fact, I'll pay you to take it off my hands.  lol. 

[[Fl...]]

You can buy my old trailer in live in here in PA.  In fact, I'll pay you to take it off my hands.  lol.

 

Sounds like a bargain!

[[Se...]]

I've always thought that trying to find an arrangement where you get a place to live for some light duties might be the way to go.

 

I know sometimes on craigslist you can find a situation where there are seniors wanting to age in place with a bit of light help offering room & board (often a separate suite) and some $.

 

Also, websites like yardandgroom.com have postings for farm help, often you get a place to live in exchange for some help with feeding & turnout.  Nothing that can't be learned easily.

 

It might be the way for you to go - you could get situated, start building your tiny house and also run your business part-time.

 

I know that long ago you talked about working - manual labour - and how you felt really well while doing it.  I'm inclined to think that this is good for you in a small limited way - I know that my duties down at my barn are good for me too and kept me sane even in the worst of withdrawal.

 

The other thing I would say is that I've been surprised how I have genuinely done much better than I expected going back to work fulltime at this stage.  I'm not 100% well yet but I'm largely coping well and I rest up on the weekends.  So I surprised myself and I'm glad that I took the challenge.

 

I know a while back you had the chance to work with a family friend.  Maybe that option is still open?

 

I know that working has given me more self esteem, a chance to interact with people I like and has helped me to get back into the "normal" swing of things.  It is not what I'd like to do eventually - I'd like to go back for a masters in counselling - but for now, it is not too challenging mentally and a good fit and I've done better than I could have imagined a year ago.

 

Just food for thought.

 

https://www.yardandgroom.com/Job/United-States/Florida/Kennel-And-Ranch-Helper/221062

 

I think there are some more flexible living options available once you start looking for them.  I agree that being on your own would be good for your social life, it would help you to start nudging your life towards the day you will be well again.

 

Whatever you decide, I am glad that you are healing - albeit slowly.  You've helped a lot of people during this healing time too.

 

Hope you keep us posted.

 

 

Ali

[[Fl...]]

I've always thought that trying to find an arrangement where you get a place to live for some light duties might be the way to go.

 

I know sometimes on craigslist you can find a situation where there are seniors wanting to age in place with a bit of light help offering room & board (often a separate suite) and some $.

 

Also, websites like yardandgroom.com have postings for farm help, often you get a place to live in exchange for some help with feeding & turnout.  Nothing that can't be learned easily.

 

It might be the way for you to go - you could get situated, start building your tiny house and also run your business part-time.

 

Thanks for the suggestions 

 

I thought about trying to find some kind of trade out arrangement and I am still open to that. My biggest issues are the fact that I have limited cognitive energy to devote to other projects and I require certain things in order to be able to run my business effectively so that limits my options with anything I might consider.

 

As much as I enjoy my business it really is a PITA in a lot of ways and it takes everything I have just to keep it afloat and growing at a slow pace. Since I started it my social life and hobbies have suffered. As in, I don't really have a social life or hobbies. I only have a limited amount of cognitive energy. It has very slowly improved, but for most things if I want to tackle something new, the energy to do that has to come out of something else 

 

I know that long ago you talked about working - manual labour - and how you felt really well while doing it.  I'm inclined to think that this is good for you in a small limited way - I know that my duties down at my barn are good for me too and kept me sane even in the worst of withdrawal.

 

Still thinking about going that direction but I'm not sure how it would work out only doing it on a part time basis. Consistency seems to be the key- when I was doing manual labor work I did well when I was busy all of the time but as soon as I slowed down things didn't go so well. Not sure how it would now that I am healed a little more but I want to be careful not to get into a situation where I commit to something that I can't follow through with if my body can't handle it.

 

The other thing I would say is that I've been surprised how I have genuinely done much better than I expected going back to work fulltime at this stage.  I'm not 100% well yet but I'm largely coping well and I rest up on the weekends.  So I surprised myself and I'm glad that I took the challenge.

 

I feel the same way. I am sure having this business has helped me. I can't say it has helped my healing but anything we can do to pass the time, forget about symptoms for awhile and keep the blood flowing has to be doing us some good.

 

I know a while back you had the chance to work with a family friend.  Maybe that option is still open?

 

I decided not to pursue that. The more I drilled down into the details the less I thought it would work for me. I could make decent money but I would have no opportunity for a social life. I don't mind working a lot but I think at this point it is as important as ever to have some balance in my life. It has been a long time since I have been able to socialize and date like I want to and those things are a priority to me at this point. Just need to figure out how to make enough money to live AND have a life outside of work. That's the challenge.

 

I know that working has given me more self esteem, a chance to interact with people I like and has helped me to get back into the "normal" swing of things.  It is not what I'd like to do eventually - I'd like to go back for a masters in counselling - but for now, it is not too challenging mentally and a good fit and I've done better than I could have imagined a year ago.

 

I didn't realize just how much this experience has destroyed my confidence and self esteem until I got back out and started socializing again. This was before I started my business and I quickly realized that I had NOTHING to talk about. Everyone else was living what seemed to be a rich, full life and they had plenty of things that allowed them to relate with others. It was bad enough that my social skills were rusty, I also had to deal with the fact that I had been a shut-in for the past couple of years. That kind of isolation and inactivity messes a person up in many ways.

 

I agree that being on your own would be good for your social life, it would help you to start nudging your life towards the day you will be well again.

 

I have thought about this a lot recently and I think my living situation has taken a bigger toll on me than even I realize. I get along fine with my mom, but what 40 some year old dude could be happy living with his mom in a town that he hates? She doesn't like to eat the same foods I do, she has a completely different schedule, she has dogs that bark when I am trying to sleep and make a mess all over the floor, my bedroom is hot and stuffy most of the time, the tv is usually blaring half of the day and she keeps a bunch of unnecessary lights on in the house day and night.

 

I would give just about anything to have a place of my own where I have complete control over the environment, complete control over my schedule and if I don't want to see or hear from another human that day I have that option. I think I would be much more productive and much happier.

[[Be...]]

FG, sounds like you have SOS, Sensory Over Stimulation, living with your mom and dog at the house?  I live alone and would be even more of a basketcase if I lived with someone else here who makes alot of noise.  My energy is so low anyway.

[[Fl...]]

FG, sounds like you have SOS, Sensory Over Stimulation, living with your mom and dog at the house?  I live alone and would be even more of a basketcase if I lived with someone else here who makes alot of noise.  My energy is so low anyway.

 

I agree. And the thought of getting back out on my own immediately makes me feel better until I snap back into reality when I realize that making that happen is a very complicated process.

 

My poor brain just wants a break but you can't put life on pause indefinitely. My lack of forward momentum over the years is finally catching up with me.

[[Be...]]

My poor brain needs a break, that's for sure.  I've had that lack of forward momentum too since I got off these poisons.  Now I feel like I'm seriously backsliding.  Life on this earth is stressful for everyone even those who are very healthy.  Those with any disabilities have it rough if they don't have someone taking care of them, like me.  Most of my stress has to do with having very little money to live on now since I'm only collecting a pittance on SSDI and have lots of bills to pay and keep track of even with autopay.  I don't have much money left over each month after paying all my bills.  Living on my own is very stressful now and it used to be a piece of cake just about 4 years ago until these pills ruined me.  Moving is a very big deal.  Alot to think about and do if you move.  I was young and healthy when I moved in here; I was only 26 years old and I could handle all the responsibility of moving.  I could never move again without tons of help with this low mental functioning now. 

[[Fl...]]

The more I think about it the more I am leaning toward making this a multi-step process.

 

I could find a cheap place to live for now, maybe even a place that has some space that would allow me to build my tiny house when I am able to get some more cash together. That will buy me some time to regroup and reevaluate. Who knows, maybe things will take a different direction in the coming months.

[[Be...]]

Maybe someone has a house with an apt. unit attached to it? 

[[Fl...]]

I am probably going to have to find something that is far outside of the city. Rent is getting insane around here.

[[Be...]]

Housing is insanely expensive and it's expensive as hell to live on your own with all the other costs.  I own my mobile home, but I pay about $340/month lot rent just to put my mobile home on a piece of dirt and they even charge me $5/mo. for my indoor cat.  Plus, when living on your own in a house, you have to pay for sewer, water, trash.  I have to pay for these now for my mobile home.  I fork over about $410/mo. to the park owners for all that.  Most people have a mortgage to pay, too.  Not to mention the electric, gas, cable, phone, internet service, property taxes, full-coverage car insurance on a newer car; groceries; clothes; other miscellaneous items.  Also repairs to home and car.  Car just needed new rotors and brake pads to pass inspection.  Inspection, $50.  Oil change, $25.  Rotors and brake pads, $110. and no labor charge since my friend did it.  It would have cost me over $300. if the garage would have done it.  And I only net about $1100/mo. now on SSDI.  I have to apply for all kinds of financial assistance--electric, cable, food stamps, so a bunch applications to fill out each year.  Alot of people have health insurance costs, too.  I can't afford it, so don't have outpatient health insurance.  Now I'm having problems with my one autopay bill not paying from my bank acct. and I can't get it resolved.  Gotta balance your checkbook too and keep track of all your finances when you're on your own.  Living in your own place, you gotta cut the grass usually and take care of outdoor stuff.  Lawnmowers and gas cost money.  I had to work full-time to be able to support myself on my own and this is the cheapest living anywhere around here.  Apartments cost even more each month, about double the rent I'm paying now here.  It was alot to take care of here on my own when I was healthy.  It's an incredible struggle for me now with low mental functioning.  It's very stressful.

[[Fl...]]

I just signed up to become an Amazon Flex driver. I don't know if or when I will hear back from them but it would be a great way to supplement my business income making deliveries on my own schedule.

 

I am also considering applying for a part time job at a new restaurant/retail establishment that is opening here in the next few months.

 

Positives:

- A club that I am a member of is already tied in with this company so I kinda have an "in".

- It is a few miles from the area I want to move to.

- Would be good to get out of the house and meet new people and regain some semblance of a social life.

- Might help me regain some interest in my motorcycle hobby.

 

Negatives:

- I have been self employed for 20 years and working for someone else for minimum wage? Not exactly good for morale.

- Not sure what kind of work will be involved or how well I will be able to handle it. I am still limited as to how much stimulation I can handle and if a job zaps me of my energy to the point where I lose money with my business....well....that isn't going to work for me.

- Reduced flexibility that could negatively affect my business.

 

Any thoughts?

[[Be...]]

Keep checking into it and getting more info. and then make a decision.  At least you're trying to move forward, so that's good.  I hope it works out for you. 

[[Fl...]]

Keep checking into it and getting more info. and then make a decision.  At least your trying to move forward, so that's good.  I hope it works out for you.

 

I don't think there is any way to check into it. It's either apply for a job and see what happens or not.

[[Be...]]

Keep checking into it and getting more info. and then make a decision.  At least your trying to move forward, so that's good.  I hope it works out for you.

 

I don't think there is any way to check into it. It's either apply for a job and see what happens or not.

 

I meant, at least go to the job interview for the one job and see if it's what might work for you.