Inappropriate Sex Talk

[[4G...]]

I have a guy from Mental Health Services who is supposed to be my support worker. I have seen him three times now and he has talked to me explicitly about sex. I think I should tell my Psych Nurse, who is also a man, but I am afraid that I will end up in a court case or something. I am not strong enough to do that. I should have told this guy not to talk about that the first time he said something but I was shocked. If I don't report him and I say I don't want to see him any more then Services will wonder why I don't want to be helped. What do you think I should do?

[[Er...]]

You have to report it.  If he's doing it with you, he's doing it with others.  It's sickening how people in such positions can do that.  Good luck.

[[4G...]]

Thanks Eric. I know in my heart that I should but I'm not strong enough to deal with it if it comes to him being dismissed. It is making me worse.

[[Er...]]

Thanks Eric. I know in my heart that I should but I'm not strong enough to deal with it if it comes to him being dismissed. It is making me worse.

 

You have to do what's best for you so if you really feel like it will set you back, I understand not doing anything.  Maybe next time record it and wait until you feel better to bring it up to the board.

[[be...]]

I think your first thought is right.  You should tell your Psych nurse. Although I do not know the context of the entire conversation with the person from the mental health agency, but if it made you feel uncomfortable it is probably inappropriate. I am so sorry that you have been put in this situation by someone else's inappropriate behavior.  You can also ask your nurse how he would proceed with severing the relationship with the guy from mental health.

[[az...]]

I know that you don't want to make a big deal, you don't have to... He has done this to himself. Report and don't feel obligated to do anything more. Also try not to feel any shame- this has nothing to do with anything you have done, but it shouldn't happen- ever. His misstep. Wow- doing this with psych patients. He should be ashamed. I'm sure the other workers there will be glad to know. They should also understand that this is something you can't deal with right now, and they will know how to handle this... This is a big deal and extremely uncalled for. You have enough to deal with and this is not your fault.

 

If he was ever worried about keeping his job he should have sought help for himself and never given in to such inappropriate action... Against people who are struggling emotionally and mentally who's lives are being held in the balance.

[[co...]]

I'm in agreement with Azalea. I know it's hard but don't feel guilty- you didn't do anything wrong. And you are probably preventing him from doing something worse to someone else down the line, so maybe that knowledge will make you feel better. Good luck whatever you decide.

[[4G...]]

Azalea, I guess you know one of the reasons I posted earlier now. I had to build myself up to ask this one.

 

I am far from being a prude and am not easily offended. This stuff is really not someone just having a joke. It would be inappropriate for me to put it on here. So how come I know that and he doesn't?

 

I have worked with children and elderly people before and have the training for this kind of thing. I know this would be 100%  Inappropriate.

 

Thank you so much for your support. Gilly x

[[4G...]]

Confused, thanks for your support. I know that offenders do tend to get even worse if no action is taken and I would be part guilty then for not reporting.

 

That will most probably be the factor that makes me report him.

 

Thanks for your help.

[[...]]

If you have a phone you can download an audio app and record what he says.

Just in case he accuses you of lying.

[[az...]]

You got it. I've been through this with a school teacher when I was in the fifth grade and only just reported it in the last year. I had felt so much shame and I never did a thing to bring it about.

 

Similar, but physical happened at two separate jobs when I was in my early twenties. Again, I am very professional and always wear appropriate attire and behave rather conservatively- especially at work or school. I'm not prideful about it, but enjoy being appropriate, polite, contained, civilized and proper! In romantic relationships I am not even much for public display of affection, at all.

 

I was shocked when these things happened, as I do not comport myself in a way that invited anything of the sort!

[[az...]]

Also, just to be clear- I ain't no prude either! But most know the difference between harmless, purposefully ridiculous banter and when things get out of hand.

 

My psych doctor and I joke, but I feel totally respected and know that he is not directing anything out of bounds at me. Heck, even my caseworker and I do too... We laugh often, but it's innocent and never purposefully directed anywhere sexual. The things we joke about are really stupid- and it's so clear that we know how to be respectful to one another. I think it's the tense-ness and serious nature of being in a psych situation that has us laughing sometimes, because they see that I'm a pretty awake and aware person and the whole situation or various aspects of it just tend to give rise to much needed moments of levity. This isn't always the usual situation, but it's a case where no one is crossing any lines or even trying to, humor just happens.

[[4G...]]

Well, that's exactly it. You can have a laugh. In fact, it's better if you do have a laugh, but the important thing is boundaries. Most of us know where the boundaries are.

 

Some people don't know where the boundaries are. But the really dangerous people are the ones who know exactly where they are but choose to ignore them. And that is abuse.

[[az...]]

Well, that's exactly it. You can have a laugh. In fact, it's better if you do have a laugh, but the important thing is boundaries. Most of us know where the boundaries are.

 

Some people don't know where the boundaries are. But the really dangerous people are the ones who know exactly where they are but choose to ignore them. And that is abuse.

 

Yes. Agree 100%.

[[be...]]

I had that problem a while ago every time I had to interview an exec from Paramount. He got so ugly and swore like a trooper. I then taper recorded his comment via a phone hookup and played it to his boss. He is still looking for a job. The nice thing about this is that you can keep it to yourself and bring it out in the open. If you felt it was inappropriate, then it was. I also agree that you should tell that nurse, male or not. You do not deserve this, Gilly.

 

Betsy

[[4G...]]

Thank you everyone for getting back to me. I am seeing my Psych Nurse tonight. Gilly x

[[be...]]

Let us know how it goes. No night time visits here. Mostly doctors check out a 6 p.m.

[[4G...]]

Guys, thank you for confirming what I should do re my Support Worker (so called). Well, I have written down my complaint about him and I don't ever have to see him again.

Plus, the wheels will be put into motion for his boss to do what he needs to do when the boss gets back from holiday a week on Monday. That gives the pervert a week to sweat about it.

Much appreciate your support.

Gilly x

[[az...]]

Well done Gilly !

[[be...]]

Good job. I hope he gets fired.

[[wa...]]

If you have a phone you can download an audio app and record what he says.

Just in case he accuses you of lying.

OOps no -- there are laws about recording parties without their knowledge!  Depends on the state.  Keep records or what he said and when - email them to yourself to date it.  You are allowed to request a different staff person.  Let them ask why.  Maybe they won't.  In the US - all staff are ultimately answering to the psychiatrist MD -- you may have to request to explain this situation to the psch M.D. - or even their superior.  Gill - I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  WBB

[[be...]]

WBB is right. As a reporter I often have to use a tape recorder via a phone hookup. I have to tell them in advance that I am taping them. Else it will not hold up in court. Reporters have to testify or refuse to often. You have to do the same in person if the recorder is hidden in a purse. But these are US laws. Don't know if Brits have to do the same. I hope it works our for you, Gilly.

 

Betsy

[[4G...]]

Oh gosh! It all sounds a bit James Bond to me! But I wrote it all down and I was so scared. But I have faith in my Psych Nurse. He will see that it gets to his boss. Just unfortunate that boss is on holiday next week.

 

Still, Peter says that the pervert won't be coming here again, so that's something. And now, if anyone else complains, he has previous history of it.

 

I don't think he will get fired. But he should be given a warning. Shouldn't be working in this type of job.

Thanks everyone. x

[[be...]]

Good luck, Gilly. You are doing the right thing. I can't wait him to come back from vacation. Then he'll really need another one.

Betsy

[[4G...]]

Thanks Betsy. It was hard to report him but necessary. Hugs. Gilly x