is anyone codependent on here?

[[fe...]]

The past year has been quite an experience. Dependence to benzos, cold turkey withdrawal, near death experience, only to wake up and realize that no one cares what happened to me.

The past 2 weeks, for some reason, I heard I might be codependent. Looking back, I had a horrible, sad, childhoid. My father was an alcoholic. The bills went unpaid, the electricity got turned off, food was scarce.

What I'm trying to say is, I have realized why I was so anxious, and why I took benzos to cope. I think it's good to get to the source of the problem.

My next move is to learn what recovery involves.

[[Ch...]]

Someone with whom I developed an ongoing dialogue with here had a very similar story.  After trying a number of coping strategies, he ultimately found that AA for families really filled a need for him and helped him tremendously in coming to terms with his father's alcoholism.

 

Have you gone that route yet?

The past year has been quite an experience. Dependence to benzos, cold turkey withdrawal, near death experience, only to wake up and realize that no one cares what happened to me.

The past 2 weeks, for some reason, I heard I might be codependent. Looking back, I had a horrible, sad, childhoid. My father was an alcoholic. The bills went unpaid, the electricity got turned off, food was scarce.

What I'm trying to say is, I have realized why I was so anxious, and why I took benzos to cope. I think it's good to get to the source of the problem.

My next move is to learn what recovery involves.

[[be...]]

Yes, I was the poster child for this. I got out of that trap by al anon meetings, even tho I did not have a problem. It's for people who are co-dependent because of family/friend drug issues. Like you, my dad was an alkie and when he got drunk he went into rages. All of the kids were terrified of him. But he was a good doctor so food/housing were great. But I spent most of my HS years sleeping on the couch of my best friend, that family was a life saver for me. I'm sorry to say that I am happy he is dead. He cut us out of his will anyway, and gave the money to a friend. He was worth millions when he died. Bah on him!

 

Betsy

[[fe...]]

Thanks for the comments. I'm going to join al anon. I don't do well in groups because of my anxiety though.

[[fe...]]

Challis, I haven't gone to any meetings yet because I just found out I'm codependent. I'm excited, but also scared to face my past head on and that's what I'll have to do.

Betsy I'm so sorry for your misfortune. Have u gone to meetings?

[[be...]]

Challis, I haven't gone to any meetings yet because I just found out I'm codependent. I'm excited, but also scared to face my past head on and that's what I'll have to do.

Betsy I'm so sorry for your misfortune. Have u gone to meetings?

 

Yes, I have gone to meetings. I'm sorry, I did not mean NA, but rather al anon. Both are different places and if you go to NA they will automatically label you an addict and tell you just to get rid of your benzos ASAP.  Sorry for the mis understanding on my part.  I read that you are scared of crowds now. I'm sorry for this. That can be difficult to handle. But the people in al anon are like extra specially nice and you don't have to tell them your benzo story because it is not about you, rather those who have mistreated you. The teach you to be not codependent. That is there mission, unlike AA, who wants to keep you from drinking again. I'll admit, the first time I went I was scared. But people came up to me and were super nice and gave me all sorts of literature to read. And unlike AA, it is not a huge crowd. The places I went to maybe had 10-12 people there. Mostly women. They understand you just like here, where people understand you because they have gone through what you have gone through. So they are very sympathetic. There are a couple of type of meetings: women only, men only, and mixed groups. You have nothing to lose but one hour of your time. I also go to AA and I think the implied rule is you donate $1 to help defray costs like coffee. If it were me, I would give it a shot. Well, I guess it was me because I gave it a shot as well. Good luck! I think you'll be a better person for going. I've taught myself to forget about dad because it is in the past and he can no longer be nasty to us kids and the money is gone. I can't change that. That's the the al anon motto: You cannot change others behavior; you can only change your own.

 

Betsy

[[az...]]

I'm attending al-anon and also reading "Codependent No More" as I can. Both are great. (Though I find a bunch of help from aa and NA as well but that's because I'm what they call a "double (or, triple) winner.

[[fe...]]

I guess I'm a triple too lol..benzos, alcohol, u name it..

[[Ch...]]

Challis, I haven't gone to any meetings yet because I just found out I'm codependent. I'm excited, but also scared to face my past head on and that's what I'll have to do.

Betsy I'm so sorry for your misfortune. Have u gone to meetings?

 

Try not to let anticipatory anxiety get the best of you.  I would guess once you make it to the first meeting, the rest will be much easier. 

[[fe...]]

Thanks Challis, I'm not like most people. It doesn't get easier. But I know I have to do this.

[[be...]]

Hi: Challis is right. Once I got inside the door, all anxiety went away. It's really a great group.

 

Betsy

[[Ch...]]

Hi: Challis is right. Once I got inside the door, all anxiety went away. It's really a great group.

 

Betsy

 

I never get tired of seeing these words. 

[Guest [Le...]]

Hi: Challis is right. Once I got inside the door, all anxiety went away. It's really a great group.

 

Betsy

 

I never get tired of seeing these words. 

 

:laugh:

[[be...]]

[[Fa...]]

I had no psychiatric issues before, but since tapering off benzos I'm pretty sensitive to abandonment.

And the idea of having a few people really caring about me scares me. It's what happens to most people with an introvert personality, I guess. But it's also human nature: everybody would feel more vulnerable when your body isn't something you can't really rely on anymore.

[[be...]]

I'm sure once you heal it will go away. I'm a blabbermouth, so I don't get that feeling.

Betsy