Guest [jc...] Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 My older sister has always tried dominate me since we were children, and was quite successful at it when I was younger. She claims to love me and tells me that all the time, but I feel her "love" for me has always been conditional on my being somewhat dysfunctional. I don't think she's even aware of this. I've gotten to the point where I can't stand any interaction with her, and fortunately she lives many states away from me. But she sends me gifts on holidays and always sends me flowers on my birthday. This year I was able to afford to send her some gifts and she responded with a flowery email that she "broke down in tears because she was so touched". I asked her if she would be with her kids for Christmas and she said yes. But she never bothered to mention that she was spending the holiday at the beach with my brother and his family. (I found this out through my mother). It was very blatant that she was attempting to hide it since me and my son had not been invited. It left a very bad taste in my mouth and pretty much ruined my Christmas. I'm to the point where I feel she is toxic to me, but my birthday is coming up and she will probably send me flowers. I just want her out of my life. I don't want to feel any hatred towards her I just feel I would be healthier without having to deal with her ever again. I just don't know how to convey this. I feel like just ignoring her would be passive aggressive. I thought I would post this in case anyone has had a similar experience and possibly some insight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Lo...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 The awful thing about benzo wd is that we can see all the stuff we've put up with and all the abuses done by others, but they are totally magnified by the withdrawal, and we are also 1000 vulnerable, too. Keep in mind that you have no "teflon coating" to absorb the shocks. That's why it's so hard. You may still need her in your life.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sh...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 JC I'm sorry you are having conflicted thoughts and feelings about your sister. I don't think we can trust our emotions and perceptions whilst in withdrawal. They are raw and all over the place due to our damaged nervous system. We are often overly sensitive to slights and hurts whether they are real or perceived. I have intrusive thoughts about all my relationships and I tend to obsess and replay slights and hurts and magnify them considerably, when the reality is much different when I am thinking rationally. I'm not saying that you don't have issues with your sister, but if I were you, I wouldn't burn any bridges until I was further along in the healing process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 My brother lives right in my house and we only talk via email. Imagine that? Never mind benzos. He refuses to talk about them or help me in any way. :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[4G...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Bloody Hell, Bets! How do you cope with that?! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [jc...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I feel bad that I even posted this, as it is very negative and ugly. My family is beyond dysfunctional, 8 kids in the family and most of them won't speak to each other. I am not going to cut the cords with my sister, I just need to find a way to stop letting her get to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Bloody Hell, Bets! How do you cope with that?! x Gilly: I can't cope with this. This has been going on for years. He has alienated everybody in our neighborhood with nasty emails to them. And they blame me for not stopping him. Luckily, he is rarely home as he has a long commute and then hides in his bedroom or office. He's on 4 ADs plus that awful Abilify and they make him very hostile. He used to see my pdoc be he refused to give him any meds, as he is anti-med. Pdoc said he just needs therapy, which he was willing to give, free of charge. Then he went to see a pill pusher, who was my pdoc's resident at Yale. He said he barely passed her. I steer clear of him. He won't even reply to my, "good morning." Bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sh...] Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I feel bad that I even posted this, as it is very negative and ugly. My family is beyond dysfunctional, 8 kids in the family and most of them won't speak to each other. I am not going to cut the cords with my sister, I just need to find a way to stop letting her get to me. JC don't feel bad about posting your struggles with your family. That's what this forum is for. You are not alone in all this. I can so relate to your family dynamics. There are 7 of us and I would say we are dysfunctional too in the way we deal with each other. There is always some drama or another going on. When you were hurt because you weren't invited to the beach for Christmas, that has happened to me too. Being deliberately left out of things is so hurtful! I too have one sister who is on the outs with 2 of us and she often hosts family occasions we are not invited to. I try to ignore it all but its hard to do even when we are healthy and not in withdrawal! She Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [jc...] Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Thanks She, sorry to hear you're having to deal with this stuff as well. Yes, it's painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ga...] Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Bets, I laughed when u said you only email your bro who lives in same house. I can see how it happens. I haven't seen my older bro in 10 yrs. My younger bro is so nice though. He gave hubby rides to store, etc after his mild stroke. He brought heater over when I told him I was too afraid to use heat here. He's just nice. JC, I've never had a sister but it seems like alot of ppl have sisters and don't get along. It's sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[la...] Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 As the older sister, of 10 well my brother and sisters feel the same way, I found out my personality is Mastermind and we are misunderstood people we just want the best in everyone even if it is not in us, and come off wrong or like a lecture, so us masterminds get a bad rap, I do love them, too much actually. And get called names, and it hurt so bad we end up on meds, I have been the Rock and that has made some jealous, the ones alway asking for money or this or that,,, I usually question why they have such a need, and when I find out well you just got tatoos and have 4 kids and you need my hard earn dollars for your bills,,,,,hmmmm so I just don't say sure anytime like I used to. This New years my brother whom lives on the street whom I let stay with me, awhile he had to go after sticking a knife at his throat then told me "you don't know what I can do to you" is the same one who calls me crying, for funds and how all the things I bought him got stolen,,,,so this New years I got a call and this loving brother said Kiss my White A__ So it is not all that great being the older one, if I had a choice I be the baby he got his way all the time. but then again he is an addit so guess no winning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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