Where's The Humor In All This?

[[so...]]

I'm on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

[[so...]]

I can fit quarters in my face wrinkles, I need them for the laundromat.  Oh wait.  I don't do laundry.  I'm rich!

[[so...]]

I don't have a problem meeting strangers and going to new places every day.  My DP/DR makes me meet a new person and go to strange places every day.

[[...]]

Kian, I hope you know I was kidding.

 

i almost didn't snap.  are you paranoid you freaked me out?

 

now i'm paranoid i just freaked you out. 

 

are you ok?

 

i hope i didn't offend you? 

 

oh no!  now the world is coming to an end!

 

help me!

 

help me!

 

help me!   

 

are you ok?

 

 

[[so...]]

Hahahaaa, Kian. Is it paranoia, dp/dr or are you really trying to kill me?

[[Be...]]

I don't have to go for a boat ride out on the high seas.  I'm already boaty here at home on dry land.

 

I don't need to go to an amusment park and get on some wild poorly-timed rickety ride at night and get dizzy.  I've got that going on all the time here at home on my couch.

 

I don't have to trim my fingernails or hangnails, I just bite them off from all the anxiety.  Maybe I'll start biting my toenails too if it gets really bad.    Hope no one was eating while reading this, I don't want to make them more nauseated.

 

 

[[ml...]]

[[Be...]]

I like this thread.    It's different. 

[[Sh...]]

I don't have a pet tiger.  Those are claw marks from me demonically scratching of all the itches.

 

She

[[be...]]

"I have not been drinking"OFFICER" I always walk this way", honestly officer give me a breath test, you want me to walk again and focus, ok, is that better, what you are taking me in and I haven't been tested""", call BB they know what I am talking about, what did you say Officer, you don't care, You know for sure I am drunk""""' 

[[...]]

Ok seriously this is so funny I love it. I have nothing on any of you I love it. It is hilarious and brings a smile to my face.

 

All of you guys crack me up

 

 

[[so...]]

funny be good and she.  Need to change my pull-up Depends.  Or not.

[[so...]]

My family says my dog smells.  They don't know it's me.  Poor Opie getting blamed.

[[Be...]]

I'm  now from being housebound for over 2 years and still benzo and Z-drug sick  . . .

 

Out raking the leaves in my crocs in the dark and tripping over the rake and leaves.  Not a drop of alcohol or drugs in my system.  I'm benzo 

 

Always saying "Jesus help me" all day and especially while I'm trying to walk up the hill up the street to go get my mail, fighting the dp/dr trying to navigate the ground moving, quashing the fear and anxiety.  Nabe looked at me today like I was    I'm benzo 

 

Benzo induced OCD so bad now that I spent an hour scratching the name and logo of my car insurance company off my keychain.  They scare me with their excessively high rates and I'm on a disability pittance, so I had to remove their name from my sight from mailbox keychain.  I'm benzo   

[[so...]]

Becks,

 

I had to take my lawyers card off the fridge because it sent me into looping thoughts about going to jail.  I'm the one who is suing.  I'm Benzo 

 

I went to my granddaughter's soccer game and cheered like a mad woman when the other team scored a goal.  I'm Benzo 

 

I used the park bathroom today and couldn't figure out how to use the hot air dryer on my hands.  I twisted the nozzle up and it turned on and blew me back into the stall.  I'm Benzo 

 

Opie lost another rotten tooth today.  I freaked out thinking it was mine.  I'm Benzo 

 

 

[[lo...]]

You are all so funny.  :D

[[Be...]]

I've lost so much weight now that my pants that used to be too tight are falling off me now and I wore them outside to rake the leaves today and they nearly kept falling down and coming off.  Then I ended up stepping in cat shit and got it all over my shoes and pants that were dragging on the ground.  I guess I could laugh about it, but my OCD is so bad that it really made me extremely panicky having to spend the evening cleaning cat shit off my pants and shoes.  I just brushed and brushed that cat shit off my shoes until I was sick.  Nothing is ever clean enough with this OCD now.  Poop landmines all over the damn yard.  It's hard enough trying to rake leaves with the competence of a a five year old now and being so sick and then dealing with landmines from the nabe's cats.

 

I wish some other bb's would join in on this thread?  It's all so ridiculous now what these drugs have done to me that I have to make fun of it. 

[[be...]]

I've gained so much weight so my fashion style is sweatpants.

I saved electricity because the last time I vacuumed was last Christmas.

I've saved on razors so now people can camp on my legs.

I saved money on a laptop/iPad because I am too broke to buy them.

I've saved $$ on a hair dresser because now I cut my own hair. And that ain't a pretty sight.

I've saved my strength because now I only go grocery shopping once a month. Most of the bags stay in my car.

My car always says tire pressure low. I tried to use the air hose but it only removed more air from my tires.

I've saved money on dry cleaners so I walk around in sweaters with old, dry oatmeal on them.

I stink. Not my dogs. That's because doing laundry is not in my game plan.

The hair in my arm pits can beat the hair of a football player.

I save $$ on scripts because I assume I am having trouble peeing when I actually have a UTI.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

"I'm letting my hair grow out, but last night while I was combing it, something was stuck to the comb, and I had to put my glasses on and lo and behold, it was a Valium, and it was just tiny, but I parted my hair in different places, and what the heck, they are planting a V garden in my hair. and they are all in different stages of growth, so what could I do?, I got the best thing I could find at the drugstore. LICE REMOVER, you should have seen them all falling out of my Hair, they quickly turned to lig, and then I was free of them, I am now bald and wearing a swimming cap and other hats on my head, I will not let them grow in my hair garden'''''''''''

[[so...]]

Wow, begood, you're a walking pharmacy.

[[so...]]

benzogirl,

 

I haven't vacuumed in so long I can see Christmas tree pine needles from two years ago in the canister.

 

I'll see your sweat pants and raise you an XXL holey robe with mashed potatoes stuck to the zipper.

 

I need new glasses, but can't get myself to the eye doctor.  I have to slant my glasses on my nose to see anything.  The protective coating on my glasses is peeling off.  I look like I have six eyeballs and lash dandruff.

 

My dog's poop in the backyard is the only fertilizer I can afford.

 

I thought I had withdrawal induced asthma, but I was just choking on a dog hairball under the covers.

 

 

 

[[...]]

benzogirl,

 

I haven't vacuumed in so long I can see Christmas tree pine needles from two years ago in the canister.

 

I'll see your sweat pants and raise you an XXL holey robe with mashed potatoes stuck to the zipper.

 

I need new glasses, but can't get myself to the eye doctor.  I have to slant my glasses on my nose to see anything.  The protective coating on my glasses is peeling off.  I look like I have six eyeballs and lash dandruff.

 

My dog's poop in the backyard is the only fertilizer I can afford.

 

I thought I had withdrawal induced asthma, but I was just choking on a dog hairball under the covers.

 

Sofa

 

You're in big trouble.

 

You sound a little holier than thou with your robes and linnen. 

 

 

 

http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/files/2015/02/wpid-Photo-20150226224611631.jpghttp://cdn.muslimmatters.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/holier_than_thounuts.gif

[[be...]]

"I'm letting my hair grow out, but last night while I was combing it, something was stuck to the comb, and I had to put my glasses on and lo and behold, it was a Valium, and it was just tiny, but I parted my hair in different places, and what the heck, they are planting a V garden in my hair. and they are all in different stages of growth, so what could I do?, I got the best thing I could find at the drugstore. LICE REMOVER, you should have seen them all falling out of my Hair, they quickly turned to lig, and then I was free of them, I am now bald and wearing a swimming cap and other hats on my head, I will not let them grow in my hair garden'''''''''''

 

hehe heh heh. :laugh:

[[be...]]

benzogirl,

 

I haven't vacuumed in so long I can see Christmas tree pine needles from two years ago in the canister.

 

I'll see your sweat pants and raise you an XXL holey robe with mashed potatoes stuck to the zipper.

 

I need new glasses, but can't get myself to the eye doctor.  I have to slant my glasses on my nose to see anything.  The protective coating on my glasses is peeling off.  I look like I have six eyeballs and lash dandruff.

 

My dog's poop in the backyard is the only fertilizer I can afford.

 

I thought I had withdrawal induced asthma, but I was just choking on a dog hairball under the covers.

 

Sofa

 

You're in big trouble.

 

You sound a little holier than thou with your robes and linnen. 

 

 

 

http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/files/2015/02/wpid-Photo-20150226224611631.jpghttp://cdn.muslimmatters.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/holier_than_thounuts.gif

 

Kian: You sound like my pastor.  Are you holier than thou?

[[be...]]

benzogirl,

 

I haven't vacuumed in so long I can see Christmas tree pine needles from two years ago in the canister.

 

I'll see your sweat pants and raise you an XXL holey robe with mashed potatoes stuck to the zipper.

 

I need new glasses, but can't get myself to the eye doctor.  I have to slant my glasses on my nose to see anything.  The protective coating on my glasses is peeling off.  I look like I have six eyeballs and lash dandruff.

 

My dog's poop in the backyard is the only fertilizer I can afford.

 

I thought I had withdrawal induced asthma, but I was just choking on a dog hairball under the covers.

 

Same here with the needles. I still see some in my radiator. You got me on the XXL, because that size would fall down and then everybody camping on my legs would be found out. Can I kiss your robe?