Where's The Humor In All This?

[[so...]]

I know we're all miserable, but let's look on the bright side. 

 

1.  I never spend money on clothes anymore.  I live in my nightgown and rarely leave my bed unless I have to pee or burn some toast to eat.

 

2.  My gas bill is next to nothing because I don't use the stove anymore to cook.  I don't cook because then I'd have to eat.  Eating makes me sick.

 

3.  I save money on food.  See number 2.  I cook for my dog every day.  He eats better than I do.

 

4.  I don't have memory issues.  I remember what I had for breakfast.  The eggs and oatmeal are still stuck to my robe.

 

Please join in everyone and add to the list.

 

 

 

[[so...]]

5.  I haven't had sex since 2010, but the last time I did, I got a UTI.  Look ma!  No more UTIs!

 

6.  I don't have to rummage through bathroom drawers looking for toenail clippers.  If I bend down, I fall over.  Don't want to risk it.  Since withdrawal, my toes would probably look like Chinese almond cookies anyway, and that's if I could find a heavy duty hacksaw to get the job done.

 

7.  I don't have nerve pain.  I'm numb from the kneecaps down.

 

8.  I have pulsatile tinnitus 24/7, but I'm hiring a voice coach to train my tinnitus to sound like Barry White.

 

9.  I don't need to set my alarm anymore.  My cortisol surges wake me up from a dead sleep every morning at 4am.  I don't have anywhere to go anyway.

 

10.  My water bill is next to nothing.  I don't shower.  We are in the middle of a drought and I'm doing my part to save the planet.

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

EPIC.

 

My favorites are numbers 9 and 10. 

 

Shower?  What is a shower?

 

Take good care of yourself.

Kian

 

 

 

 

[[so...]]

Thanks, Kian.  Glad I'm not alone in the hygiene department.

[[lo...]]

1.  I hardly spend money any more.  I am hardly out of bed.  I can't go to the hairdresser (once in 24 months) so have saved loads

    of cash.

 

2.  It is quite possible to live a good life from bed as long as you have a laptop to do your shopping, emails, banking, Skype,

    Facebook, BB, Twitter and so on.  It can get so busy online you forget there is a real life.

 

3.  I live in my nightgown too.  Have much less laundry to do. 

 

4.  I don't cook either.  Push something in the oven and pull it out again. 

 

5.  No one phones now except by prior arrangement.  No one visits either except by prior arrangement.  I have total control over

    who I communicate with and when.  I rather like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It's GROUNDHOG DAY!

 

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Hahaha, Fiona! 

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11.  I save money on the hairdresser.  I'm waiting for long gray wiry witch hair to come back in style.

 

12.  I don't do many dishes.  I don't eat much.  When I do eat, it better be microwaveable on a paper plate.

 

13.  I'd call myself a cheap date because I don't eat much or drink anymore.  But then I don't date.  See hygiene comment above.

 

14.  I don't worry about exercise.  The anxiety keeps me pacing in my backyard for hours.

 

15.  I never oversleep.  In fact, I don't sleep at all.

[[Ch...]]

 

I LOVE this thread!!

 

1. Saved money by not buying shampoo or soap because I rarely showered or washed my hair.

2. Ditto razors.  Epic leg hair.  Ew.

3. Saved money by not washing my clothes or sheets for weeks on end.

4. Saved wear and tear on my shoes because I never went out of the house.

5. No wear and tear on my car's tires because, well, see #4.

6. Ditto for oil changes and car repairs.

7. Lower electric bills because I couldn't bear bright lights.

8. Saved money on any form of entertainment.

9. Did absolutely nothing worthwhile for months, so no money spent on frivolities like crafts and hobbies.

10. Read no books, money saved.

 

[[so...]]

OMG Challis!  We should be roommates!!!!  Hahaha!! 

[[...]]

16.  whenever i get sick, i visit Dr. Google.  He really understands me more than any other doctor and no insurance is required.

[[so...]]

Dr. Google.  Is he part of Obamacare?

[[so...]]

I used to love the movie "Groundhog Day."  I can't bear to watch it now!

[[...]]

Dr. Google.  Is he part of Obamacare?

 

no, but that reminds me of number 17.

 

17.  i never use up the 350 minutes on my free cell phone, because i rarely leave the house mostly bed ridden.

[[Ch...]]

I used to love the movie "Groundhog Day."  I can't bear to watch it now!

 

ACK!  Me EITHER!  (smacks head)

 

[[...]]

I used to love the movie "Groundhog Day."  I can't bear to watch it now!

 

ACK!  Me EITHER!  (smacks head)

 

sorry.    i tried. 

[[so...]]

It's a great movie, Kian!

 

So happy you aren't wasting your free cell phone minutes.  I have nobody to call and nobody calls me anymore.  I still pay a $70 cell phone bill.  I need my BB access and can't get out of bed.

[[...]]

18.  i now consider movies like Lassie and Bambi to be suspense/thrillers. 

[[so...]]

OMG, Kian.  I wet myself.

[[so...]]

I'd like to say I'll have to change my sheets, but I know I won't.

[[so...]]

19.  I don't worry about gas prices.  I can't drive.  I have all the gas I need, anyway.  In my lower intestines.

[[so...]]

20.  I'm going to make a fortune someday writing horror stories.  I just have to transcribe my intrusive thoughts.

[[so...]]

Freddie Krueger is Mother Goose compared to my looping thoughts.

[[...]]

21.  i no longer consider movies like "The Twilight Zone" to be science fiction.

 

 

 

http://pretendcity.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Mother-Goose.png

[[so...]]

Hahahaaaa!  Twilight Zone is a documentary...of my life.