Does anyone else have an underweight child?

[Guest [jc...]]

I have a wonderful son who is 21 who is terribly underweight.  He was always on the thin side and was a very picky eater.  I indulged his pickiness by never forcing him to eat things he didn't want to and being a short order cook, fixing whatever he would eat.  I thought I was doing the right thing.....now I feel guilty and fear I reinforced the problem.  He does not have any other physical problems and he does not abuse drugs or alcohol.  He is a college student and is doing well.  This bothers me so much, sometimes I wonder if I'm  being neurotic....but whenever I see him he looks to me like he's been in a concentration camp.

[[Te...]]

If he appears to be genuinely happy and well-adjusted and is actually eating his food and not just pretending to eat, without knowing anything else about him, I could say it sounds as if he's doing fine. If he were doing poorly in school, that would be a red flag. If his behavior changed and he started having emotional swings, that would be another red flag. The raging hormones, nervous energy, and a naturally high metabolism cause younger people to look really thin when in fact they're doing well all along. And since in the U.S. so many people are overweight, skinny people can stick out easily in a crowd. I was watching a baseball game one time, and one of the guys on a team looked really thin compared to everyone else. I started wondering about him but then realized that he's perfect for the team - probably the fastest runner and is very good at what he does. He's just naturally thin, and it works in his favor.

[Guest [jc...]]

Thank you for answering.  I think part of what bothers me is that when I see him, which is only about twice a year as he lives in another state, he really does not seem to have an appetite.  He is very figity, lots of nervous energy, but he has always been that way  When I say he is very thin, I bought him a pair of size 28 pants for Christmas and they were swimming on him.  I think he is generally well adjusted, but we are close and when we have talked recently he has expressed what seems like mild depression to me.  I have asked his father to take him to the doctor about this and he says "what are you talking about, he looks fine".  His father and my father were both very thin at that age, so I think part of it is genetic.

[[Te...]]

Yes, it definitely sounds like it's genetic. I can understand your worry about the depression. It's so hard to get info out of sons at certain times. My son was going through a very rough patch in high school, and he wouldn't talk about it until a long time afterwards. My two cents is that if you can keep in good communication with your son, which it sounds like you're already doing, that will definitely help him. Just knowing that he has a strong support system in you will give him strength. It would be great if you could ask outright what is going on and be given a straight answer back. But that's not the case so much of the time. I end up trying to find out things by listening closely to the way my son's voice is over the phone or by asking him questions that skirt around the issue. But that can backfire because my son finds out what I'm doing. Sometimes I just come right out and tell him what I'm worried about. It usually starts an argument because he doesn't want to hear it, but then somehow he spills the beans. But this isn't always successful. I'm like a helicopter mom and always have been. I feel embarrassed for being that way, but my brother died at 7, and ever since then I've been very aware of how life can be so fleeting. That's been a burden to my son, I'm sure. I end up talking to him almost every day.

 

 

[Guest [jc...]]

Thank you Terry.  I worry because I had to go off Ativan when I found out I was pregnant.  I was down to .5 mg at the time but I went through a horrible withdrawal while i was pregnant and I had horrific anxiety and he was so active in the womb and then had terrible colic as an infant and ended up being very hyper as a young child.  I wonder if I may have done damage to him  I know what you mean about the helicopter thing....he is my only child and I probably worry about him too much.  He will be coming to visit next week and I will try to talk to him more about whats going on with him.

[[Te...]]

My son is my only child also. I think we tend to get very worried easily about them. My lay opinion, for what it's worth, is that even if your son might have been affected in any way by the Ativan w/d, it wasn't long-lasting. My son had awful colic for 2-3 months after I had a C-section and was given IV drugs in the hospital for it. I think drugs caused part of it, but since the drug was only given when I was in the hospital, I don't know what caused his colic. It was such a rough period, as I'm sure you know about.

 

I hope that when you see your son next week, you'll feel at ease by what he tells you. Guys go through ups and downs and a lot of times won't say anything, so we're left to guess and sidestep and go in circles trying to figure it out!

[Guest [jc...]]

Thank you Terry   How old is your son?

[[Te...]]

My son is 24. I was one of those older parents, just shy of 38 years old when he was born. 

[[ba...]]

hi good morning Mrs. JC,

 

when i saw your story it reminded me of my great grandfather he lived to be 89 years old. from until i was little until he died and seeing all the old photos of him he was always quite skinny my mom said he never weighted more than 120 pounds . he would walk and travel alot by himself he would take off for weeks on foot or bus i remember he wasnt a good driver though one time he was driving me mom and my grandma were in his huge very old 70's car going shoping in mexico he kept bumping the car in front of him in mexico lol

 

when i was younger i worried my parents that i was getting too skinny  my parents got me ice cream and make shakes from it for me to have and they added a raw egg in there to fatten me up . im still thin my weight stays close to 100pounds even though i have donuts in the morning sometimes or have some in afternoon as a snack , most days i eat just 2 meals a day im just not hungry i still have vitamins since i know i need them since i dont eat veggies or fruits often. there are times i feel like fatigued or feel like xanax withdrawal feelin and if i eat i a meal i feel ok

 

i think your son will be ok mrs JC ,

katie

[Guest [jc...]]

Thank you Katie.  I like the story about your great grandfather.   I hope you will be feeling 100% soon and your appetite will be back.

[[ba...]]

hi mrs Jc ,  i hope your son is doing wel and you 2 stay close

[Guest [jc...]]

Thanks BA, he came to visit and we had a great time.  I miss him now.