Find a NY Doctor- NEW INFO

[[Ka...]]

Off topic, but I have a question for you.  What's the best advice anyone has ever given you?

[[Lu...]]

To have gratitude, even when facing a lot of losses...to still see what there is to be grateful for.

[[Ka...]]

What are you grateful for?

[Guest [pu...]]

To have gratitude, even when facing a lot of losses...to still see what there is to be grateful for.

 

Maybe use this as a foundation to rebuild, and reframe your life. No one here can do the leg work for you. I spent a month researching specialist, and finally found an incredible addiction psychiatrist who is very benzo-wise. Regardless of their specialties in addiction, they are not going to take on a patient who is not serious about their recovery- They can loose their license over-prescribing. Stabilizing, and taking care of your your basic needs should be #1 priority right now. -Maybe cut some of the time you spend on here posting, and utilize the time to start researching, making phone calls, what ever you have to do. By doing this, you put yourself back in the drivers seat of your life. Continually asking us to find someone for you (which many people have provided resources that you refuse) I believe, robs you of your journey to learn that you can be a resourceful, responsible, accountable person.

Maybe think about attending a 12 step or S.M.A.R.T recovery meeting, as it's a great way to learn life coping skills and provide some structure. Plus it's at no cost, and you will receive the real life one-on-one contact you seem to be desperate to obtain.

 

[[Lu...]]

Thanks for the suggestions.

I have done an exhaustive search myself for a doctor. There are major life stressors going on right now- and I am trying to "unfreeze" and deal with them. Think major stuff...I know everyone has them also, but this is a mess!

What doctor have I refused that was actually a possibility?

I received 1 private message with a doctor's name- I need to find out if my insurance covers him, and he is far away from me.

I've done so much leg work. With no transportation, it's been so hard. I'm barely eating!

I'm glad I'm not in an earthquake, but honestly, it's not easy being here compared to many people.

[Guest [pu...]]

It can be a long tedious process no doubt, and it may take sometime to find exactly what you are looking for. Before trying to find the "perfect" doctor/therapist, take some time for reflection and write down a list of things you would like to address in therapy, goals you would like to accomplish, so on and so frth.

 

Therapy is a mutual working relationship. You have to work with them. They're not going to be able to magically fix your suffering. They can guide you in the right direction, but it comes down to you and the work your willing to put into the process.

[[Lu...]]

I understand. Believe me, I understand about therapy.

I need to find the therapists.

So, I guess this request to the community is, firstly, to help find a doctor, and then, if someone knows

of a good therapist. I wrote back to the person who messaged me to ask about therapists as well.

Thank You.

[[Ch...]]

Hey Lucero,

Just thinking about you…hope you're out and about.

[[NY...]]

Hey Lucero,

Just thinking about you…hope you're out and about.

 

Hey Lucero.

 

Thinking about you too.  Can you give us a peep, or PM me? Thank you 

 

Just want to know you = safe.

 

Your friend,

WR

[[Lu...]]

I've frozen up emotionally after trying to coordinate my move yesterday.

I am overloaded. Trying to hide- major amount of emotionally upsetting work to do.

I'm not well now.

I don't think I can do this- am spiraling down emotionally.

And I am feeling like I can never be OK-

I really had a meltdown last night, and am now paralyzed.

There are major repercussions if I don't get this done-

but first and foremost, I am a basket case, I'm sorry to say.

[Guest [Mi...]]

I've frozen up emotionally after trying to coordinate my move yesterday.

I am overloaded. Trying to hide- major amount of emotionally upsetting work to do.

I'm not well now.

I don't think I can do this- am spiraling down emotionally.

And I am feeling like I can never be OK-

I really had a meltdown last night, and am now paralyzed.

There are major repercussions if I don't get this done-

but first and foremost, I am a basket case, I'm sorry to say.

 

Hey, Lucero.

 

I'm in the process of moving myself, and I'm currently surrounded by mostly empty moving boxes because it's really hard finding the motivation to pack. But I'm doing a little bit each day. Even if it's just one box, it's still better than nothing.

 

What stage of the moving process are you in? Are you packing boxes or is that part done?

[[Lu...]]

It has to be done by Wednesday. I am at the beginning stages, but I don't live in the old place.

I've fallen hard into my old coping skills, because I feel so hopeless-

hiding, not eating. It's going really badly now- I don't know how I'm going to recover.

[[Lu...]]

I'm not doing things in correct, proper ways. I know better, but change is so hard, and I seek relief from pain and insecurity at the expense of recovery,

Here's an interesting article about this:

http://ryuc.info/common/creativity_perspective/origin_warm_fuzzy_feel.htm

I'm drowning right now.

I didn't want this on the find the doctor thread- but it may get seen here.

P.S. I don't necessarily agree with the second part of the article.

[[Lu...]]

I found that reading that article a few times actually made it less "out there" and quite applicable.

Can I be presumptuous and say that maybe a good way for a person to get through withdrawal

is to make sure that they have meaning and purpose in their life?

I don't; so that's why I'm drowning right now.

I went through hell for months, and almost killed myself,

and now am facing huge situations which may not be so huge

if I was living life creatively.

I'm really scared, and have really fallen apart.

Without a purpose, every stressor or side effect becomes major.

.....and I'm still looking for a doctor in the area, if possible.

[[Lu...]]

The stress is too much! I have to move all my things, and I had a nervous breakdown in the old place. I can't face packing my stuff, and my new place obviously has had a rodent and bedbug problem.

I am losing it....

I don't know what anyone would write to me that they haven't already. I am so paralyzed! Help!

[[Lu...]]

I have been struggling to have motivation my whole life, and now I feel like a total failure.

I am broken and purposeless.

Some of it is explained in that previous post with the article link.

My name was actually given to me to mean "bright light in the sky",

but I don't feel that anymore.

I feel worthless.

No one likes a quitter- I just feel so broken and empty.

That article explains a lot- although you have to ignore the more esoteric parts, in my opinion.

Please, people, I need to be rescued from this spiral downward.

I just do things for myself- there is no one in my life- it is such an empty existence.

[[Su...]]

Lucero,

 

I feel for you and I commend your honesty in this forum.  It seems you are suffering from a similar trifecta as I am, chemical and situational depression.  I am sure you are here for a reason.  I can feel your light.  Maybe helping someone or something else will help you to keep going, to feel some purpose.  When I push myself and venture out, I tend to have interactions with people that remind me of my light.  Sometimes I hit NA meetings and reach out to others who are suffering with chemical depression.  When I am at my worst, helping to lift someone else up is my best medicine.

 

 

[[Lu...]]

I'm getting totally screwed by my previous landlord. She and her family are making me move so that they can enjoy their 10 acres with a nature preserve as a neighbor, and their private in ground pool. I end up in a bedbug and mouse infested apartment full of pesticides that are making me sick, and the benzo withdrawal hell as I try to lower my dose.

I have lived in that area/community since 1991, and I have alienated most people because of my problems, and I'm just sick about it.

I feel like such a loser- ostracized- basically left to die.

I talked to some people I hadn't talked to in a long time today, and they were gracious enough, but they are all busy with their families and work, and I just don't fit in because I am so unstable and damaged. I feel like a total failure. How am I ever going to get off benzos? and have a life?

[[Lu...]]

nobody's here anymore.

[Guest [Mi...]]

nobody's here anymore.

 

I'm not sure what you need from us, Lucero. We can give you tapering advice, but we can't pack up your stuff.

 

I think I've mentioned that I'm also in the process of moving. I set out 3 - 5 boxes a day to pack before and after work. Sometimes I meet my goal, sometimes not. But I'm a lot farther along than if I hadn't forced myself to do it.

 

I'm not looking for some esoteric purpose in it. I just want to keep my stuff.

 

My advice would be to go to your old place and just take the stuff that has real "meaning" to you - pictures, favorite CD's, books, etc.

 

Don't plan on staying a long time, since it seems to be a trigger for you.

 

Just get the important stuff. Everything else can be replaced. It may help to have some of your stuff around your new place so it will feel more like home. I know it's not what you're used to, so having some familiar things around will be comforting to you.

 

And don't forget to stop by the grocery store. I really think part of your problem is you're not eating and keeping your blood sugar consistent.

 

 

[[Lu...]]

I didn't take care of anything today, including myself. There's a war going on inside of me- to persevere versus to give up.

[[Ch...]]

Persevere, Lucero.  Once you get your stuff, you can relax a bit.  The anxiety and anticipation of having to do this is really unsettling you right now, or that's my guess.  I feel much better after I make myself do something I don't want to do.  Before I do it, I can really torment myself about it.

[[Lu...]]

I agree with you, Challis, about getting things done.

There's something else going on here. I have no idea what my life will be like once I get things done.

I have no plans or goals, so not getting things done, paradoxically, gives me something to do! To obsess and torture myself.

That article I posted explains this a lot. Here's the link again:

http://ryuc.info/common/creativity_perspective/origin_warm_fuzzy_feel.htm

Any comments are welcome. I am really destroying myself, and I think alienated some people who were trying to help.

[[Ch...]]

The warm fuzzies...I was a K/1 teacher before I retired, so I'm pretty familiar with those.  And yes, I get what you're saying, benzos do give a temporary warm fuzzy feeling and are therefore hard to give up if that's what fills you up.

 

I was actually thinking about that feeling last night, can't remember why.  Xanax did give me a warm glow about the world for an hour or so after I took one.  It was a nice feeling, no doubt about it.  All the cares seem minor and easily surmountable, everything is simply easier to cope with.  It would be great if this was a feeling we could duplicate with our own brain chemistry, wouldn't it?

 

 

As far as the future, what have you been interested in in the past?  Hobbies, music, art, fix-it stuff?

[[Lu...]]

If I gave up on putting myself under tremendous pressure all the time to get something life-changing done (like this move or finding a better place to live with a therapist who would cure me, so my life isn't RUINED FOREVER), then I would have to be in the moment.

I am terrified of being free. I am terrified of being me. I am terrified of being here, in the moment.

So I have taken benzos to dull that terror, and it hasn't worked.

And all people do when they suggest mindfulness is scare me.

I'm terrified in the moment. All the authors- Jon-Kabat Zinn, Echard Tolle, Ram Dass, all scare me.

Because the moment has scared me since I was a child, alone.

I thought primal therapy would help me with this. It didn't...not yet.

I just lie in bed, terrified....and then obsess about the pressures on me.

The present scares me too much. I try to close my eyes and make it go away.

This has been a lifetime affliction.

I believe it relates to not feeling loved as a child.

Does anyone relate, or have a way out?