Taint a wish!

[[Te...]]

Well, that's easily granted...but you can never leave, and you just won a year's worth of travel vouchers...

IWIC

Be drinkin' coffee on my front porch in Silverton, watching the snow falling down...

[[...]]

Well, that's easily granted...but you can never leave, and you just won a year's worth of travel vouchers...

IWIC

Be drinkin' coffee on my front porch in Silverton, watching the snow falling down...

 

your wish is granted, but i will be living in your neighbourhood  :laugh:

 

IWIC go to u2 latest concert

[[Ro...]]

Granted- BUT

 

You're stuck cleaning up afterwards.

 

I wish I could...

 

Own a flying saucer shaped house on the Oregon Coast.

[Guest [Or...]]

Wish granted!! But there are always creepy tourists taking pictures of your house and trying to get inside.

 

I wish I could own a tiny French Bistro.

[[Ro...]]

Granted.

 

Alas your only clientele are the workers from Charlie Hebdo.

 

I wish I could have more than one wife.

[[Te...]]

Granted, but they're Siamese sushi twins, and they're armed!!!

IWIC

Spend the night in the Arizona desert...

[[Ro...]]

Granted- but you get to meet a Skin-walker.

 

IWIC

 

Know how to seduce the Siamese Sushi Twins.

[Guest [Or...]]

Granted- but you get to meet a Skin-walker.

 

IWIC

 

Know how to seduce the Siamese Sushi Twins.

 

Wish granted, but it involves chopsticjs, soya sauce, and two pieces of shrimp tempura.

 

I wish I could sleep until this was over.

[Guest [Lu...]]

Granted- but you get to meet a Skin-walker.

 

IWIC

 

Know how to seduce the Siamese Sushi Twins.

 

Wish granted, but it involves chopsticjs, soya sauce, and two pieces of shrimp tempura.

 

I wish I could sleep until this was over.

 

Wish granted, but you accidentally kept sleeping once you were healed, and you woke up at age 55!

 

IWIC

Eat whatever foods I want during this withdrawal and not get revv'd

[[Te...]]

Well, granted, but you aren't allowed to swallow...

IWIC

Take guitar lessons, successfully...

[Guest [Or...]]

Well, granted, but you aren't allowed to swallow...

IWIC

Take guitar lessons, successfully...

 

Wish granted! But its from a toddler.

 

I wish I could be functional!

[[Te...]]

Granted...in a world that can only function dysfunctionally...

IWIC

Find out where I stood...

[[Ro...]]

Granted and  you discover it's a** deep in alligators.

 

IWIC

 

comprehend the mind of a fanatic.

[[Te...]]

Granted...after all, you answered me , didn't you?

IWIC

Find the keys to my car...

[[Ro...]]

Granted

You'll just have to look in the last place you'd think of looking for them.  Check the freezer or your plumber's toolbox.

 

IWIC

 

Read the mind of a housecat- so I can see if they're really interested in passing through the door or just wasting my time and letting cold air in.

[Guest [Or...]]

Wish granted...but they are really just trying to kill you:

 

Cat Diary

 

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

 

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

 

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

 

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

 

DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

 

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

 

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

 

I wish I could meet Abby Lee Miller.

[[Ro...]]

I wish I could

 

comprehend the mind of a Conservative/Libertarian.

[[Te...]]

Granted...but now you ARE one, and THINK like one, and ACT like one...

IWIC

Swing a gavel like a judge!

[[Ro...]]

Granted.

 

But the days of being an auctioneer get tiresome.

 

IWIC

 

Turn my brown thumb into a green one.

[[Te...]]

Granted.

 

"But the days of being an auctioneer get tiresome"

:laugh:

IWIC

 

"Turn my brown thumb into a green one.

Well, sure, granted...just come on over here by the sink...

 

IWIC

Find peace of mind...

[[Ro...]]

Granted.

 

But you're gonna have to come out of that coma sooner or later.

 

I wish I knew how to seduce any woman anytime.

[[co...]]

You can but all you can do is make them play Scrabble. I wish I could play guitar and sing.

[[Ro...]]

Granted- but all you can play is Yemeni folk songs. And sing in Yiddish.

 

I wish I could-

 

Communicate with a whale.

[[Si...]]

What's wrong with Yemeni folk songs?! They're my favorite

 

Wish granted, but the whale will tell you over and over again that based on his extensive scientific research, benzo damage is permanent.

 

I wish I could have a tame, sweet-tempered tiger as a pet.

 

 

[[co...]]

Your wish is my command but your sweet tempered tiger costs more to feed every day than a bad heroin habit. I wish I knew tomorrow's Mega Millions number..