Sexual activity

[[pe...]]

George Michael ~ I Want Your Sex

 

 

 

http://img.youtube.com/vi/YRnzxB_VyRM/0.jpg

 

 

 

[[sn...]]

Remember this one? Fiona and Kip Winger-Everything You Do-You're Sexing Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQv2Uiu0iL0

[[Fl...]]

Remember this one? Fiona and Kip Winger-Everything You Do-You're Sexing Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQv2Uiu0iL0

HEY SNOW,

FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THIS SONG....HEY, I GET THE PICTURE 

ME LIKIE

 

OH, AND PD...I COULDN'T AGREE MORE 

 

FB

[[sn...]]

Remember this one? Fiona and Kip Winger-Everything You Do-You're Sexing Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQv2Uiu0iL0

HEY SNOW,

FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THIS SONG....HEY, I GET THE PICTURE 

ME LIKIE

 

OH, AND PD...I COULDN'T AGREE MORE 

 

FB

[[va...]]

so many people seem to think that this song is simply a sex partying song

or whatever. actually, this song is about someone who is extremely depressed

and hates this life and their only way they can escape all that

and be free for a moment of their benzo hell

is through sex....

 

p.s. this is how you write a song that deals with sex...

 

 

im not giving a link to that song because its too hot....

[[va...]]

so many people seem to think that this song is simply a sex partying song

or whatever. actually, this song is about someone who is extremely depressed

and hates this life and their only way they can escape all that

and be free for a moment of their benzo hell

is through sex....

 

p.s. this is how you write a song that deals with sex...

 

 

im not giving a link to that song because its too hot....

 

 

so here is another comment on this X song:

 

it's a sexual song , but in a darkest sense.

like the type of sexual encounter you wake up

the next day feeling guilty and dirty about.

but i don't think that the song is really about sex.

deeper than that ....

 

[[va...]]

so many people seem to think that this song is simply a sex partying song

or whatever. actually, this song is about someone who is extremely depressed

and hates this life and their only way they can escape all that

and be free for a moment of their benzo hell

is through sex....

 

p.s. this is how you write a song that deals with sex...

 

 

im not giving a link to that song because its too hot....

 

 

so here is another comment on this X song:

 

it's a sexual song , but in a darkest sense.

like the type of sexual encounter you wake up

the next day feeling guilty and dirty about.

but i don't think that the song is really about sex.

deeper than that ....

 

 

other people suggest that this X song is:

 

about him using sex with a women he is obsessed with to cure

his depression

<...> he is pleading with her

to let him ***** her, hoping for some emotional release...

<...>

he is telling her she can have everything

just let him have his release...

 

 

oh yeah, another person actually saw the core of

sexual relation:

 

when you hate yourself you get intimate with your partner

its a sort of cry for help...

gradually

the disgust you feel towards

yourself drives

you into a state of primal animalistic lust....

<...>

eventually

it gives you partial relief

as it distracts

you from the mess in your head...

 

 

 

 

 

[[cr...]]

Here it goes. Heads up using this as a soundboard.

After starting this a few months ago I'm in a dating dilemma. I just got onto Tinder this past weekend. Got a match Sat., messaged lets call her Alissa, Sunday and immediately we hit it off. We got one another's humor, had some similar interests and she even mentioned we should meet soon (which is usually a hurdle for us guys). Monday (yesterday) we texted some more and she asked me out, ha. I had a really poor week cog fog and speech wise, but was feeling somewhat confident after a feel good Sunday.

 

Sparks were flying via text. In person, completely different story. I wasn't overly anxious but any normal first date anxiety was exaggerated, which of course, increases my cog/speaking s/x. Early on, it was apparent I was not delivering. I struggled to get questions out. I couldn't calibrate properly. I was basically interrogating her, firing questions at her, because its difficult for me to talk at length. Dating game wise, that's not that good.

 

This confident, controlled, witty side of me that Alissa saw via text was not there. (For one I have ample time to respond during text). The tone was boring and serious. Any story I tried to share, an attempt to be normal and share the load of the conversation, was lackluster and fizzled out with not giving her a good chance to continue it. Awkward pauses and silences. No conversational flow. Her starting to talk at length because she sensed I wasn't going to lead conversation. Thing is, she was talking about topics I enjoyed which are normally the moneyball for me. In my prime, I could have talked at length about these and really show her my interests and personality. I don't know about anyone else but telling a story is nearly impossible. I can talk about concrete things. But anything with creativity or memory is difficult. Plus my tonality isn't there. I focus so much on articulation and getting the words out that I can't add inflexion to make any story sound pleasing.

 

It was difficult to watch me from my increased objective perspective. But I've gotten good at acceptance, so I just watched this debacle with a slight sense of humor, irony and the oh f*ck it. Here's a girl that I'd love to get to know, has qualities I'm looking for and I'm just incapable at communicating well at a basic level.

 

It reminds of this benzo recovered person's blog post about speech dysarthria . I may have posted this in another thread

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141013171231-201733615-it-gets-better-speech-psych-drug-withdrawal-symptoms-dysarthria

 

In the past, I didn't have this big of a speech problem. I was ok with girls, was briefly in sales as well as a political door-to-door canvasser. I spoke well in those situations. These speech limitations are extremely frustrating and depressing. I chose to get a drink with her because I think its casual dating scene. But also drinking improves my speech. Yes, this goes for everyone, but for me its like zombie mode, to hey he's kinda normal once beers are him. Thing is during w/d I need like 8 or so drinks to get where I speech automatically, like normal people. I have been pretty abstinent throughout w/d. but in these situations it would be or has been social embarrassment without drinks. So its a trade-off in the short run versus the long run for recovery.

 

So, the date started out with me asking Alissa to take a photo of herself in the bar (I thought I was getting catfished, which turned out to be untrue but there was a series of events before getting to the bar that led me to think that way haha.  Earlier I was texting a friend for bar ideas because she lived close to him. Around same time I saw someone that looked just like her but was very heavy. Alissa joked in a text beforehand that she had to warn me that she was 300 lbs and put on a lot of weight since the pictures in her profile were taken. I got the humor but then tied that all together when I saw this overweight girl look at me in this really strange way. She just so happened to walk in the same bar on this quiet barren night in this section of the city. Also, a girl asking me out? The fat joking comments? Alissa saw the girl so she sort of got where I was coming from. She laughed but it set things of kind of awkwardly to say the least because I didn't transition that well out of it .

Since Alissa got there first, which is a no no for guys, she already started a tab and I opened an another. I forgot to tell her to put the second drink on me, I was to busy trying to speak haha. So after the second drink she closed out. She was fidgeting and was mainly uninterested the whole time and mentioned having to wake up early. I got the hint and closed out about 5 mins later. So the date lasted about an hour.

 

After we closed out we had a relatively good convo compared to rest of night. But then I said "anytime Guns N Roses is playing is usually a good time to leave". Wasn't that smooth but I had to think of something. We leave. She's parked other direction. Says she has a certain type of car (retrospect she wanted me to walk here to her car *slaps forehead*). But my impression at the time was she wanted to escape from me as fast as possible. So an awkward hug. And I thought, well I'll never see her again as I walked away.

 

So I texted this friend about what bars to go in his area asked to see a picture of her when I told him I was getting catfished. And after seeing pic he said his girlfriend used to work with Alissa. So my friend and his gf were saying no she's fit, yada yada, that can't be true. So I went to their place afterwards for a debriefing of the night. Told them it went bad. Didn't mention my w/d issues ,his gf probably knows, but that's not something you share with people. And they thought of having my friend's girlfriend text her to get the DL on how it went saying "Are you on a date with Drake? My bf Bruce just told me his friend was going out with a girl named Alissa". So she said that I was fun to talk to (huh). And that I ended the date early (whahh?). So that got me even more confused. I clearly know when I'm on or off speech wise. My family notices it. And they are receptive when I'm in a good wave or my speech is better. I was out for St Patricks Day and I had a great time and even made a business connection. Why? Because I was drunk as a skunk. Could it be this girl doesn't mind me at my worst? Possibly. Which gets me even more perplexed that I don't want to be my around myself when I'm at my worse. Its painful just getting anything going convo wise. I have fun when I feel good and its not fun for me at this time.

 

It this dating thing all f***ing worth it? It is good for one to get my confidence up and break through all the social phobia that comes from w/d. Also, to get out of the house and speak to humans for a change. But am I just picking at scabs? For one, I have to drink more if I'm dating, which I need need to limit to get better. Another downside, its so frustrating and stressful for me to operate so poorly in these social interactions. Am I setting myself up for failure? There was no connection, good vibing or sparks on the date. In my mind I know I can do these things. But under these circumstances no. I thought, I should tell her straight up what's going on. Yea, real attractive. She ironically mentioned in a social media post not too long ago that she doesn't like guys opening up about personality and emotional problems after they start dating. Meaning keep those skeletons in your closet.

 

I feel so incompetent for dating. I do have to pat myself on the back for getting myself out on the date. I saw this coming and the reason why I quit Tinder last fall after a short stint. I didn't see the point of trying to date girls if I wasn't able to talk to them well in person. I  already walk around with that fear in any social situation regardless if its a girl I like or not. It just adds to the fear. I'm a likeable  attractive guy on paper but with w/d its not even close. I'm bummed that I have this great girl and I can't do much about it. Any ideas would be appreciated, folks.

Thanks for listening. Peace. DR

[[Fl...]]

WOW DR, YOU DID IT, AND THAT IS ONE OF THE HARDEST PARTS OF DATING.

WAY TA GO!

 

IT'S VERY EASY FOR US TO CONVERSE VIA TXTING OR EMAIL...AS YOU SAID, YOU HAVE TIME TO THINK OF A GOOD COME BACK, AND YOU DON'T FEEL ANY STRESS.

 

I'M CURIOUS...DID BEING IN A CROWDED BAR CAUSE YOU ANY STRESS OR ANXIETY?  I UNDERSTAND ALISSA WANTING TO HAVE THE FIRST MEETING IN A SAFE PLACE.  DR, SPEAKING FROM A WOMANS PRESPECTIVE...I LIKE HAVING A GUY WALK ME TO MY CAR OR HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME...NOT ENOUGH OF THAT GOING ON THESE DAYS.  IT DOES MAKE AN IMPRESSION.

 

HAVE YOU ALL TEXTED SINCE YOUR DATE?

 

YES, DATING IS WORTH IT...YOU HAVE BEEN THRU A LOT AND ARE STILL IN THE THROWS OF SX'S AND ALL THAT THEY DO TO US.

 

I'M SUPER PROUD OF YOU FOR TXTING...LETTING YOURSELF BE FUNNY AND WHO YOU ARE, AND THAN...TO GO ON THE DATE TO...WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC.

 

I HOPE WE HEAR MORE FROM YOU AND HOW THINGS ARE GOING.

 

KEEP THE FAITH!

 

FLUTER

[[Mo...]]

DR....not easy is it ? but it will change... i know it....!

same thoughts as Flut and hoping to hear more from you.....

success is on its way, I am sure .....keep the Faith.

[[va...]]

today is his B day,,,

i won't send him pm...

he HURT ME MORE THAN ALL PSYCHS, my 2 CT, Benzo misery AND PSYCH POISONS...

 

God knows when i will be able to have some sexual activity...

i imagine all the time them furnicating

and it just disgust my soul at the very core....

[[Te...]]

DR,

  THANK YOU for being so up front about your experience with this, as it has been a somewhat secret worry of mine...i feel/felt a lot of the insecurities you so aptly put into words...i do find myself inadequate in ways i never used to be...and the inability to speak as well in person as opposed to being able to come across well online is a huge fear of mine. I can hope that the other person would take into account what i am experienceing, but i also feel that being up front up front is required for any successful relationship. I am currently learning, rather awkwardly at times, that honesty is really a valuable tool in navigating a relationship...hell, after exchanging photos, i was so nervous i thought i might even pee my pants...well, not really, but i said that to emphasize just how worried I was...i am awestruck that you actually went through with a meeting...that took more than just a brass pair!!! Maybe you could tell me how you got that trick roped and tied...imhave let myself trust online like I never have, before, and it's scary...good scary, but scary...i like to make folks smile at me, themselves, a situation...anything...but i don't know if I can bring to front the spontanaeity of this with my current...uhm...disability...social disability...but, there really IS only one way to find out...GULP!!!

  I also find it interesting that you had a wrong take on her take of you...i can see that happening so clearly, since it isn't happening to me...yet... Drinking, for me, would be out of the question, as I'm an alcoholic in recovery, and alcohol tickles the same receptors as benzos...so I drink...coffee??? Go figure!!! I think you crossed the big hurdle, and it sounds like you did much better than you thought. Hell, the worst can happen is she will say "no", and if it's because you are having social quivers and qualms due to w/d, then maybe "no" is the best thing for you, but you won't know if you don't step up to find out...and ya know, she just might say "yes"...boggles the mind, doesn't it? 

I do congratulate you on pushing the envelope...i think it's(lord, help me) AWESOME!!! Not my favorite word, but i use it on occasion, when it's apt.

I think you can do a lot more than you give yourself credit for, and I look forward to hearing about your next venture...

By the way, did ya ever think your thread would blossom like it has? Pretty cool, hey? tex

[[Fl...]]

http://quotesfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Funny-Quotes-About-Life-27.jpg

 

:heybabe: FB :heybabe:

[[va...]]

:laugh:

 

 

 

[[Te...]]

http://quotesfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Funny-Quotes-About-Life-27.jpg

 

:heybabe: FB :heybabe:

 

Now Fl

NOW FLUTER, I JUST LOVE GETTING EMPTY PIC BOXES AS MUCH AS THE NEXT BUDDIE, BUT I NOTED THAT YOU SENT SOME TO ANOTHER THREAD, TOO...IS THIS A NEW FAD??? 

[[va...]]

i love those empty boxes ...

so much space for your imagination :laugh: :laugh:

 

 

don't click on it....

i dare you!!!!

 

 

I'm serious , DONT

 

http://meetville.com/quotes/quote/j-d-salinger/174665

[[cr...]]

Hi Flutter, Texas and the rest of y'all,

 

It is funny, Tex, that this thread blew up haha. My struggles turned into at one point a playground.

 

I apologize in retrospect for sounding so damning.  I laugh at myself for some of this. But losing many of my speaking abilities is just so bizarre to me. This turned into me sounding off about my speech problems more so than dating. But big thanks to the buddies out there  . I tried to vent to others but they just didn't get it (or care!).

-------

Well for me, being in a crowded places has never been that big of an issue. Before benzo use I was somewhat insecure in public places. This like other issues got worse in w/d. I noticed this and have been focusing on overcoming the fear of judgement of others. Stimuli wise. I'm ok. I like being around people. But in w/d, if I have to talk or if there's someone I know, you'll see me sneaking out to the exit.

 

I know, it was a big no no on my part to at least walk her to her car!  The date went so relatively poorly that I just thought I'd be being a creep by walking her to her car. My mind kept telling me to get away and get back to your hermit hole! Duly noted about car 

 

I have texted her. I texted a video then a really lame earnest straight forward "it was great seeing you...yada yada...". She didn't respond to it and texted about the video instead and then switched the convey topic entirely. She likes wit, sarcasm, teasing in her texts. Being earnest, I've seen it from others girls, kills the vibe and is lame. Instead I could have related something funny from the night. She would've received it better. So it went from like a 9 via text to 3 after the date  to after that text a 1. I kinda saw it in her face that she was let down with the date. She really fell for me quick. I could tell she was pumped going in. I mean, she asked me out. Its unheard of. She was chasing me. Now it would be the opposite and I think a big part of her attraction to me is gone.

 

If I did pursue her going forward, for one, I wouldn't manage being with her sober. Which after a couple times would seem weird and obvious something was up with me. Also, I simply lack the longevity to talk about things. Like I said before, she shared interests in some of my favorite topics. I just couldn't get the words or remember what to say. I really wasn't nervous. Its just stupid dystharia.

-------

I really don't have much to say about my life or stories either (I've been mostly antisocial for 2 1/2 years). Not much going on. Also, my memory is still shoddy with details from the past. And say I do recall a funny event, I don't have the mental agility to slide in a funny remark or raise my inflexion to bring levity to what I was saying. / I attend bipolar meetings frequently and its sort of the same way. I can tell my story but there's no emotion behind it. There's no flow or craft. Its sound like I'm declaring. People at the meeting eyes slowly sinking down. But hey, its teaching me a very important lesson to care less of what others think of you. \

 

Before all this I could calibrate and change my tone, inflexion, go on the fly about things. So from a dating perspective, its nearly impossible to convey my personality. Quick banter skills for me has been gone for so long now. My brain can't think that quick. (I have been practicing some skills to improve this though, work with what I've got). Plus, humor for me during w/d is really difficult to convey at length. Humor requires more thinking, is a bit more abstract. Yeah, I can talk about the complication of the Middle East. But its like a lecture. I'm stating facts. What I've noticed too, I can't think or there isn't automatic thought for what I want to say next.

 

So, its really hard to build chemistry with a girl when it takes an extra 3 pauses to say something, and its not something to add to the conversation but a boring question. Yea, let the other person talk. If its 95-5 the whole time, people notice. And that 5% while I'm talking is a serious, nauseating, staggering, boring me. I'm watching all this and its like I'm driving a car and I know I have to take a left turn, but some how the car goes right. I know I shouldn't be speeding, but the pedal floors it. Its a straight up disconnect.

 

I do think it was a big step for me. Its really really difficult to be in an ok conversation even to my best friends and family. Unless its about my feeling, w/d, or self development, which everyone is tired of hearing. Yea I follow sports, news and politics, but the delivery is poor. With 8 beers in, sure, I can manage decently. So, I put out feelers with the dating scene. I know where I am unfortunately. And I have to move on. Although I'm a stinkin ruminator 

 

I would encourage people to go out and see how you do. I definitely did a nice mental workout for getting over any anticipatory anxiety. Plus, it was a good barometer to see where I stand socially. And it didn't hurt to have a very cute girl think I was attractive. My self-image has been in trash for these past few years. And I know my ghostly w/d looks are also receding 

 

P.S. she just deleted me from our match on Tinder which is an indicator that she's not interested. Which if true means I won't feel as bad never texting her again. I know its not necessary, but I feel like I should tell her simply what's going on with me. But what would that do?? I'm torn.

 

WOW DR, YOU DID IT, AND THAT IS ONE OF THE HARDEST PARTS OF DATING.

WAY TA GO!

 

IT'S VERY EASY FOR US TO CONVERSE VIA TXTING OR EMAIL...AS YOU SAID, YOU HAVE TIME TO THINK OF A GOOD COME BACK, AND YOU DON'T FEEL ANY STRESS.

 

I'M CURIOUS...DID BEING IN A CROWDED BAR CAUSE YOU ANY STRESS OR ANXIETY?  I UNDERSTAND ALISSA WANTING TO HAVE THE FIRST MEETING IN A SAFE PLACE.  DR, SPEAKING FROM A WOMANS PRESPECTIVE...I LIKE HAVING A GUY WALK ME TO MY CAR OR HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME...NOT ENOUGH OF THAT GOING ON THESE DAYS.  IT DOES MAKE AN IMPRESSION.

 

HAVE YOU ALL TEXTED SINCE YOUR DATE?

 

YES, DATING IS WORTH IT...YOU HAVE BEEN THRU A LOT AND ARE STILL IN THE THROWS OF SX'S AND ALL THAT THEY DO TO US.

 

I'M SUPER PROUD OF YOU FOR TXTING...LETTING YOURSELF BE FUNNY AND WHO YOU ARE, AND THAN...TO GO ON THE DATE TO...WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC.

 

I HOPE WE HEAR MORE FROM YOU AND HOW THINGS ARE GOING.

 

KEEP THE FAITH!

 

FLUTER

[[cr...]]

I wanted to touch on some things here.

 

I hear ya. Its predicament, this speak or not to speak out in pubic. I usually lower morale because I do poorly.

 

But is honesty in my situation inappropriate? I feel skeletons should be left in closests when you start to date. Its one thing if we made a strong connection. But it was in the toilet.

 

I'm lucky that I had some photogenic pictures from the past    And all this time I've had time ind w/d, I've researched any issue I had. One being interaction with girls down to how to text them. My awareness has grown in all aspects of life. I'm grateful for that. Its funny you said you were so scared interacting. I was too when I was giving good text responses and she was liking it, I nearly froze with anxiety I have placed so many fears with girls that any bad or good sign I got from her was a shot of anxiety.

 

about her thinking it was good. I'll never really know. I may be a long poster or really hard on myself, but I'm usually on with social cues. This girl is socially savvy. I think she was just being polite to her friend (my friends gf). I don't doubt I had a bias and its skewed a little. But she definitely was head over heels to yea he was fun to talk to. I will really never know.

 

DR,

  THANK YOU for being so up front about your experience with this, as it has been a somewhat secret worry of mine...i feel/felt a lot of the insecurities you so aptly put into words...i do find myself inadequate in ways i never used to be...and the inability to speak as well in person as opposed to being able to come across well online is a huge fear of mine. I can hope that the other person would take into account what i am experienceing, but i also feel that being up front up front is required for any successful relationship. I am currently learning, rather awkwardly at times, that honesty is really a valuable tool in navigating a relationship...hell, after exchanging photos, i was so nervous i thought i might even pee my pants...well, not really, but i said that to emphasize just how worried I was...i am awestruck that you actually went through with a meeting...that took more than just a brass pair!!! Maybe you could tell me how you got that trick roped and tied...imhave let myself trust online like I never have, before, and it's scary...good scary, but scary...i like to make folks smile at me, themselves, a situation...anything...but i don't know if I can bring to front the spontanaeity of this with my current...uhm...disability...social disability...but, there really IS only one way to find out...GULP!!!

  I also find it interesting that you had a wrong take on her take of you...i can see that happening so clearly, since it isn't happening to me...yet... Drinking, for me, would be out of the question, as I'm an alcoholic in recovery, and alcohol tickles the same receptors as benzos...so I drink...coffee??? Go figure!!! I think you crossed the big hurdle, and it sounds like you did much better than you thought. Hell, the worst can happen is she will say "no", and if it's because you are having social quivers and qualms due to w/d, then maybe "no" is the best thing for you, but you won't know if you don't step up to find out...and ya know, she just might say "yes"...boggles the mind, doesn't it? 

I do congratulate you on pushing the envelope...i think it's(lord, help me) AWESOME!!! Not my favorite word, but i use it on occasion, when it's apt.

I think you can do a lot more than you give yourself credit for, and I look forward to hearing about your next venture...

By the way, did ya ever think your thread would blossom like it has? Pretty cool, hey? tex

[[Fl...]]

HEY CR,

 

I HEAR YA ON THE BEING TORN PART....

MY MEMORY IS SHOT, AND I OFTEN HAVE THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME HAVING A SIMPLE CONVERSATION. I FEEL DENSE, AND I WILL END UP SAYING "OH NEVERMIND" OR "I TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT I WAS FIXING TO SAY". IT'S SO ANNOYING!

 

I WILL TELL YOU THIS.  I TRIED KEEPING MY BENZO USE AND TAPER A SECRET. I FELT SHAME, AND FELT THAT I WOULD BE JUDGED.  THAN ONE DAY ...I THOUGHT TO MYSELF...FLUTER WHAT THE HECK DO YOU HAVE TO FEEL SHAME ABOUT.  SO, I GOT REAL HONEST....I DISCLOSED WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME.  IT FELT FREEING, AND I WAS REALLY SURPRISED AT HOW OTHERS TOOK IT. THEY WERE SUPPORTIVE AND ACCEPTING.

 

NOW, WHEN I'M OUT, AND I GET IN THAT BENZO FRAME OF MIND...EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME.  IT HAS TAKEN SOME OF THE STRESS FACTOR OUT OF THE PICTURE.

 

WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER TO TELL THIS GIRL WHAT YOUR SITUATION IS?  LIKE YOU SAID...EVEN IF THE TWO OF YOU DIDN'T TXT AGAIN...WOULD YOU FEEL A SENSE OF RELIEF TELLING HER THE TRUTH?

 

MAYBE GOING FORWARD...BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON. IT KINDA TAKES THE ELEPHANT OUT OF THE ROOM.  SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN SURPRISE YOU, AND BE MORE UNDERSTANDING THAN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE.

 

WISHING YOU ALL THINGS GOOD.  DON'T GIVE UP...YOUR STILL HEALING, AND YOUR WILLING TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE...WHICH IS MORE THAN ALOT OF US ARE ABLE TO DO.

 

KEEP THE FAITH CR...ONE DAY AT A TIME...YOUR GETTING THERE

 

YOUR FLUTER FRIEND 

 

P.S. I'LL BE CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT TEX HAS TO SAY. HE'S GOT SOME GREAT ADVICE!

 

 

[[Te...]]

Great...shine a spotlight on a fool, and he'll talk yer ear off...

Actually, i'm having to regroup...i just finished a lengthy response here, hit one importune key, and it all. Just.  Went.  Away.      I do that a lot, so it probably isn't the iPad...and every time i do it, i hear the advice given me many text-losses ago to type it in word, save frequently, and copy/paste when done...and i have done that...well...never...yet...but I sure have lost some fine writing...

  I gotta go with honesty up front...it's a relatively new concept to me...a work in progress.

I recently came out of a very painful(to me) relationship in which i tried very hard not to be the ugly person i was told i was...and it was a miserable time for me. I did something I hadn't done before...i wrote about it, and the anguish i lived through was apparent. I received several PMs  about it, and and some of them were a bit painful at first, BECAUSE THEY WERE HONEST!!! But I also began to develop a sense of being stupid, naive, and perfectly acceptable despite that. I got burned, hurt badly(I thought), and my ol pride took a hefty wallop in the nether regions...and I'm thinkin maybe it needed that. I have been getting lessons on honesty, and I'm finding out that it's pretty cool. I don't have to try to make myself sound better or worse, i don't have to try to remember what oddball story I concocted to explain away 'incidents', and the truth is gonna be the same today, tomorrow, and next year...what a delightful concept! To one who has always taken a few liberties with the language, it was a refreshing change. I am in a developing personal relationship in which honesty has been there from the beginning, and it leaves me breathless at times...GOOD breathless...

  I used to worry about the stigma of alcoholism, benzo mania, and my social ineptness, but have found that i can and have been accepted because of what i am doing with them now, not what i did with them before. Just like that...i can express my feelings, lack of feelings, fears, frustrations...and i can be funny, little-boy cute, and self-deprecating in a nice way...just be me...who/what/where/why/when/how...and there's a boatload of folks on these forums that accept me that way...no overt judgement. There are a lot of folks out there who just haven't yet learned to listen. The folks who are gonna socially snub me for using the wrong word, or fork, or improper dress are folks i don't want to be around anyway...never got a broken bone for social impropriety...JUST WHAT THE HELL THEY GONNA DO TO ME THAT WILL HURT ME? Well, yeah, force-feeding me benzos comes to my twisted mind, but other than that...

The fear thing is huge for most of us, and perhaps irrational, but my first quote  will be "When yer up to yer ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that the original intent was to drain the swamp"

The other one is"what other people think about you is none of your business". If folks don't like me for what they think i am or represent, i probably shouldn't be hanging around with them, and i damn sure wouldn't date one of them...but I would have to know that...up front...

I have a hard time telling a joke...i can compose them on the typeboard, but when i hear myself 'telling' one, it sounds like I'm reading a paragraph out of a Briggs and Stratton repair manual...

I have serious apprehension about meeting a person in my life for the first time, but it is softened a lot by being honest up front...i can be whiny, and this is not a secret. I like to think i can be charming, but i have the mental time to compose 'charming'...i think this is understood. I have learned to laugh at myself and others in real appreciation of just how odd we can behave and react...we really are an amusing species...so ya want to be SERIOUS??? Her's my remedy for feeling too serious:

Follow my directions. Go into your bathroom. Close and lock the door. Take off all your clothes...all of them. Turn around and look at yourself in the mirror, and try to look serious...

This has been, and apparently will be for awhile, a strange and awfully uncomfortable ride in territory I could have gone all my life not seeing...but at least when i see or feel things i don't want to, I know others are out there in the same carnival...and that gives me comfort. Gonna post this before i hit another wrong key...tex

[[va...]]

the scariest part about sex...

its that everybody thinks about it,,,

but those that try to block it,,,

get disgusted with people who talk about it openly...

i used to was like that  :angel:

till benzo shit hit me\

 

then i woke up:

shit, i missed on sex HUGE!!!!!

http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/wp-content/uploads/blogger/_A39cgxoHN64/S-2SoV4_V-I/AAAAAAAAE6M/u8B7kOGU_ps/s1600/strawberries%2Band%2Bwhipcream.jpg

 

http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Salted-Dark-Chocolate-Cupcakes-1-576.jpg

http://robbwolf.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/sexy-food.jpg

:laugh:

[[pe...]]

Hi cryptalhatter,

 

I just wanted you to know that I read everything that you wrote as well as the responses.  Thank you for sharing so openly.  You are an excellent writer and express your thoughts well.  If you don't mind sharing, I was wondering how old you are.  I very much agree with Fluter.  I think it's best to be honest about yourself and where you are in life.  People will either accept you for who you are...or they won't.  And the ones who won't, you don't really want in your life anyway.  I think that it's great that you are getting out there and stretching yourself a bit beyond your comfort zone.   Being social and connecting with others, whether or not it's in a dating situation, has a lot of benefits.  I can tell you have a lot to offer...get out there and let your light shine!

 

PD 

[[no...]]

Hi cryptalhatter,

 

I just wanted you to know that I read everything that you wrote as well as the responses.  Thank you for sharing so openly.  You are an excellent writer and express your thoughts well.  If you don't mind sharing, I was wondering how old you are.  I very much agree with Fluter.  I think it's best to be honest about yourself and where you are in life.  People will either accept you for who you are...or they won't.  And the ones who won't, you don't really want in your life anyway.  I think that it's great that you are getting out there and stretching yourself a bit beyond your comfort zone.   Being social and connecting with others, whether or not it's in a dating situation, has a lot of benefits. I can tell you have a lot to offer...get out there and let your light shine!

 

 

 

 

A big AGREE !!!! With everything on PD's post,  Nice  post PD

Nova xxxx  :smitten:

 

 

[[pe...]]

Hi cryptalhatter,

 

I just wanted you to know that I read everything that you wrote as well as the responses.  Thank you for sharing so openly.  You are an excellent writer and express your thoughts well.  If you don't mind sharing, I was wondering how old you are.  I very much agree with Fluter.  I think it's best to be honest about yourself and where you are in life.  People will either accept you for who you are...or they won't.  And the ones who won't, you don't really want in your life anyway.  I think that it's great that you are getting out there and stretching yourself a bit beyond your comfort zone.   Being social and connecting with others, whether or not it's in a dating situation, has a lot of benefits. I can tell you have a lot to offer...get out there and let your light shine!

 

 

 

 

A big AGREE !!!! With everything on PD's post,  Nice  post PD

Nova xxxx  :smitten:

 

Thank you Nova!   

[[Fl...]]

get out there and let your light shine!

 

PD, I LOVE THIS!

ISN'T THAT WHAT WE ARE ALL STRIVING FOR? 

THE ABILITY TO LET OUR LIGHTS SHINE!

HOW WONDERFUL...TO SHINE AND BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO WE REALLY ARE!

 

BRILLIANT!

 

HUGS,

FLUTER