Sexual activity

[[cr...]]

I get the sense there is a certain level of sensitivity or a type of political correctness i.e. social correctness on the forum. Anyways, I hope people are open to discuss in a healthy manner their struggles fulfilling their needs in their sexual life during taper and w/d. I'm sure there are many of us who do not have an adequate sexual outlet both physiologically and emotionally because of w/d symptoms. I'm not talking about loss of libido but emotional loneliness. Sex and love from someone of your preference is healthy in so many ways as we all know.

 

I'm a male in my 20's and the absence of sexual interaction even playful flirting is wreaking havoc on my psyche. Yes, I can look at it as one of the other symptoms that I just have to deal until things turn for the better. With w/d, talking with potential mates is extremely difficult because of cog fog and severe social anxiety. Masturbation is ok if in control for a sexual outlet but I have had problems in the past related to a dopamine deficiency which led to an unhealthy addiction. Before posting, I also read people having problems with masturbation and its ties to depression and anxiety while in w/d.

 

My morale is fragile during w/d and it takes an added hit when my natural impulses are being suppressed. I don't mean to sound whiny. Its just that I have literally no one to talk to regarding this. I don't want to make things awkward with my female therapist and friends, especially guys are not keen to lending an ear to sexual woes. Its emasculating. I have enough going on in my social support circle where my reputation isn't all that great because I've been a ghost for a better part of the year. Most people would say, well then go to a bar. Use an online dating service. Tried both. Hard to be likable when you're stuttering over your words and lose what you're trying to say mid sentence.

 

Thanks,

DR

[[Be...]]

Thanks for writing this with sincere candor. I'm supposing that the majority of people on these boards have their sexual intimacy needs eclipsed by the sheer struggle of managing taper and withdrawal symptoms. As is for me. I'm compartmentalizing my issues because I can only deal with one thing at a time. Lending support to taper and withdrawal trumps talking about sexual intimacy. Which is not to say that issues don't exist. It's a given that withdrawal effects every area of our lives. I've read some pretty honest stuff here about sex. It does exist. We share what were comfortable with, with people who become friends for other reasons.

 

There's a support group on BB for those who want to share their recovery with like-minded spiritual/Christian folks. It's a closed community that you need to agree to the code of conduct before joining. Maybe something like that is worth perusing here for sexual intimacy issues. Or, better yet, see where this thread goes.

 

I imagine you understand the way therapy works, that if the patient is afraid of making the therapist uncomfortable, it's really the patient who is uncomfortable. I have been rigorously honest with my psychiatrist about everything regarding my sexuality, as is relevant, and he is male. And if the therapist is uncomfortable, then maybe a better fit is needed?

 

 

[[cr...]]

Thanks for the advice Benniejets. I guess I have to do more digging to see people past posts on how they are dealing with their frustrations. I'm interested in the support groups. Funny you say that, I stumbled upon those for the first time after attempting to find a proper home for my thread.

 

I have discussed my loneliness issues with my therapist regarding both friends and dating. My therapist is great and has helped a lot during my w/d period. After building a relationship with her, I got to know not her limits and gauge her response is to certain things. She has suggested reaching out for dates, talked about the importance of healthy relationships and problems with my past in destructive ones. To a certain point, it would come down to dating advice. And I don't need that. I'm looking for support and someone who can relate which is pretty impossible for someone who has never experienced benzo w/d. But you are right, Benniejets, that I probably would need a better fit. Could I find a more open therapist? Perhaps. I've had many therapists in the past. Its been time consuming to go shopping for the right therapist and right now the one I have is the best I will get because were like-minded. It is a thought that I will entertain.

[[Si...]]

Hi, Cryptalhatter. I can relate to your problem, but unfortunately, I don't think I can offer you any helpful advice. I was in a relationship till October, and although it was a bad and emotionally abusive one, I had a hard time putting an end to it, partly because I was afraid to lose the intimacy and the little support I got. I feel so much better without my abusive ex, but I can't help but often wonder that due to my withdrawal issues my chances to build a relationship with someone are basically nill in the foreseeable future. Since I'm mostly housebound and occasionally bedridden with a myriad of mental and physical symptoms and I'm struggling with every social situation, I don't make very good impressions and dating (online or not) is out of the question.

 

It's not just about sex, but it's a big part of the problem. I'm a female in my 20s, and yes, long sexual abstinence is frustrating for women too.

 

[[hu...]]

I'm feeling the same way Cryptalhatter, you're not alone in feeling like this.

Not being able to go out and talk to women is taking a heavy toll on my psyche, I've never been this isolated and disconnected from the outside world.

At the same time going out for a date with this much physical pain and other weird physical and mental symptoms seems like a lot of stress, especially if the outcome is not what I expect it to be. I don't even think therapy might help me, if it helps you cope please do share. Having a loving partner would be a much healthier distraction than sitting alone.

 

The pain and other symptoms are hard enough during this w/d, and not having a proper emotional and physical outlet feels like a whole different misery of it's own.

[[Be...]]

What about posting for a Meet Up in your area for Post Benzo Withdrawal Social outings for singles? It's not sex, but establishing healthy relationships with others. And isn't that the first step anyway?

[[Ra...]]

I get the sense there is a certain level of sensitivity or a type of political correctness i.e. social correctness on the forum. Anyways, I hope people are open to discuss in a healthy manner their struggles fulfilling their needs in their sexual life during taper and w/d. I'm sure there are many of us who do not have an adequate sexual outlet both physiologically and emotionally because of w/d symptoms. I'm not talking about loss of libido but emotional loneliness. Sex and love from someone of your preference is healthy in so many ways as we all know.

 

I'm a male in my 20's and the absence of sexual interaction even playful flirting is wreaking havoc on my psyche. Yes, I can look at it as one of the other symptoms that I just have to deal until things turn for the better. With w/d, talking with potential mates is extremely difficult because of cog fog and severe social anxiety. Masturbation is ok if in control for a sexual outlet but I have had problems in the past related to a dopamine deficiency which led to an unhealthy addiction. Before posting, I also read people having problems with masturbation and its ties to depression and anxiety while in w/d.

 

My morale is fragile during w/d and it takes an added hit when my natural impulses are being suppressed. I don't mean to sound whiny. Its just that I have literally no one to talk to regarding this. I don't want to make things awkward with my female therapist and friends, especially guys are not keen to lending an ear to sexual woes. Its emasculating. I have enough going on in my social support circle where my reputation isn't all that great because I've been a ghost for a better part of the year. Most people would say, well then go to a bar. Use an online dating service. Tried both. Hard to be likable when you're stuttering over your words and lose what you're trying to say mid sentence.

 

Thanks,

DR

 

What benzos do to your sexual nature is suppress it HEAVILY. As I came off these meds I found myself getting over-aroused and needing to masturbate constantly... It's something I have to do because if I do not do it I will go INSANE. I don't like doing it. It's disgusting and embarrassing (to me), but I AM NOT perfect. I have to do it. When it comes to sexual partners, DON'T BOTHER YET. Your brain is not in the right place. Enjoy some pornography for the time being... I pretended I was an angelic being, a GOD, but no. I am just a man with physical needs. We are not Gods, only men.

[[cr...]]

I'm feeling the same way Cryptalhatter, you're not alone in feeling like this.

Not being able to go out and talk to women is taking a heavy toll on my psyche, I've never been this isolated and disconnected from the outside world.

At the same time going out for a date with this much physical pain and other weird physical and mental symptoms seems like a lot of stress, especially if the outcome is not what I expect it to be. I don't even think therapy might help me, if it helps you cope please do share. Having a loving partner would be a much healthier distraction than sitting alone.

 

The pain and other symptoms are hard enough during this w/d, and not having a proper emotional and physical outlet feels like a whole different misery of it's own.

 

Thanks everyone for your input. Hearing how others can relate reminds me of my limitations. I tend to focus on what I don't have and usually put less emphasis on the fact that I can't do much about it. Yes, I would be put myself in stressful situation if I went out on dates. I'm not at a level where I want to be in terms of confidence and sociability so I again have to remind myself that it would do more harm even attempting. And like hurtbrain said, the outcome will most likely not be what I want it to be. I think this is another thing in a sense out of my control and another mountain of acceptance I have to tackle in this healing process.

[[...]]

here about online dating

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201407/what-you-need-know-you-try-online-dating

 

[nobbc]http://www.spring.org.uk/2010/09/online-dating-10-psychological-insights.php[/nobbc]

 

 

p.s. just wonder if people ever on those websites put in their profile info this quote:

 

seduce my mind and you can have my body

 

 

 

 

 

 

edit: deactivated commercial link

[[Ch...]]

I liked the second link, Eva.  Interesting article on online dating. 

There were some ads on the page so I had to deactivate it but it can still

be pasted into a browser as it is.

 

[[...]]

I liked the second link, Eva.  Interesting article on online dating. 

There were some ads on the page so I had to deactivate it but it can still

be pasted into a browser as it is.

 

 

no problem...

 

romantic relationships can begin anywhere

 

i met my husband at the church

[[Si...]]

What benzos do to your sexual nature is suppress it HEAVILY. As I came off these meds I found myself getting over-aroused and needing to masturbate constantly... It's something I have to do because if I do not do it I will go INSANE. I don't like doing it. It's disgusting and embarrassing (to me), but I AM NOT perfect. I have to do it. When it comes to sexual partners, DON'T BOTHER YET. Your brain is not in the right place. Enjoy some pornography for the time being... I pretended I was an angelic being, a GOD, but no. I am just a man with physical needs. We are not Gods, only men.

 

Ditto. I've just started to realize recently how much the meds had suppressed my sexual nature. I also had that over-arousal period for a few weeks. Boy, was that horrible or what

[[Ra...]]

I find my urge to kill dwindles after a good nut. LOL, do whatever the hell you want. Enjoy YOURSELF. Literally. You know what's right and what's wrong.

[[Cl...]]

I find my urge to kill dwindles after a good nut.

 

Winning

[[Si...]]

I find my urge to kill dwindles after a good nut. LOL, do whatever the hell you want. Enjoy YOURSELF. Literally. You know what's right and what's wrong.

 

Hell, thank YOU for your kind ADVICE!

[[Cl...]]

I'd like to get in on this if it's still active.

 

@Cryptal, first, PBR, nice.

 

Second, I'm a dude who got smashed into the ground by this at his absolute sexual prime. I just turned 30 but was 27 when I took ativan and was on top of the world. I was a very well known personal trainer who had just released a successful, national fitness video and was partnered up with some high level athletes and celebs. My confidence was through the roof and a large side effect of that was I did really well with women.

It felt like instantly that all vanished when w/d hit. I was dating a girl at the time who was really there for me in the beginning (both of us were so shocked that this was happening) but as time went on and it became apparent that this was going to be a long term problem she changed. A lot. She became so intolerant of "the new" me and just genuinely angry. Even though she was very understanding at first, after a while she was not so understanding as to why I wasn't the same dude anymore- why I wasn't fun to hang out with anymore, didn't go dancing at the club with her, give her piggyback rides, stay up all night talking or surprise her with things. The reality is that I WASNT that guy, I was using 100% of my effort trying to survive the next minute and keep myself from having a psychotic breakdown. The pain and suffering were just too much for me to be able to push aside and put someone else first.

 

Long story short is after a while she couldn't take it anymore and it ended. Quite negatively.

 

As hurt and upset as I was with her I also had to look at myself. I had become a total social recluse. My entire life prior I was a complete fucking socialite and a good person at that. I pride myself on not being a douche. I always had a great group of phenomenal friends around. Socializing and meeting new people were always the favorite part of my life and now I chose to avoid everything and wanted nothing but solitude.

 

My confidence was gone because all of the things I had worked so hard for to earn which created my confidence had been stripped in literally hours when w/d hit. People who saw me were blown away at what a drastic change had happened, but none more than me. I didn't want to be seen like that or have anyone associate "the new" me with the person I was before w/d. This wasn't ME, it was a drug addled, damaged and embarrassed version. I wanted nothing more than to just fade away into obscurity without anyone hearing a peep.

 

Don't feel like you are an anomaly or anything, i think you are probably right on par with most of us. One thing that I think we need to realize though, and it's the toughest pill to swallow, is that as of now, until this torture heals, we aren't the same people. You just can't be. You can't put someone else first and be as outgoing and giving as you were before. It's going to be very very hard to put someone else first and frankly, not many girls are going to go for that. A man's role (I believe) is to take care of his woman, show her she's loved and protect her. Make her feel comfortable whenever she's with you and even when she's not because she knows you will be by her side at a moment's notice; and never give her a shred of reason not to believe that. How can u be that right now?  You probably lost most of the things that gave you confidence and the ability to provide those. Its not a knock on anyone personally, it's just the unfortunate reality of having this physical illness and the restrictions it brings wheather we like it or not.

 

As much as it sucks I can't really blame a girl for that. I'm sure you're a great guy but who would want to jump into such a sticky situation? I have found that throughout the worst of this the ONLY people who gave me the strength I needed and understood the torment were the other benzobuddies here. Un-friekin-believable how helpful and available everyone was for me, and I hope you too. That's because we know the torment that each of us goes through and understands it, and ONLY the people who have experienced it can understand it.

 

Let this experience make you a better person and learn more about who you are from it. That way, when you recover you will be a force to be reckoned with because very, very few people will ever endure a struggle like this in their lives and get an opportunity to grow from it. I think while it's happening though it's best to keep a social circle of people who understand and can maybe relate to you. If you had a lady who has been there you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed or worry about if you're putting out enough- you could be yourself as who you are now. You won't be this way forever, you will come out even better but I think in the short term we need to make our goals realistic to our capabilities. That will make the entire recovery process much, much smoother.

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

I haven't had a sex drive in over 12 years! Thanks paxil and then valium. I didn't think anything could kill my hugely uncomfortable at times,  sex drive!

[[ma...]]

Losing my sex drive was one of the primary reasons I came off valium, I just became completely disinterested in sex and it was scary. I'm still having problems but it's slowly coming back

[[cr...]]

 

 

I didn't want to be seen like that or have anyone associate "the new" me with the person I was before w/d. This wasn't ME, it was a drug addled, damaged and embarrassed version.

 

Don't feel like you are an anomaly or anything, i think you are probably right on par with most of us. One thing that I think we need to realize though, and it's the toughest pill to swallow, is that as of now, until this torture heals, we aren't the same people. You just can't be. You can't put someone else first and be as outgoing and giving as you were before. It's going to be very very hard to put someone else first and frankly, not many girls are going to go for that. A man's role (I believe) is to take care of his woman, show her she's loved and protect her. Make her feel comfortable whenever she's with you and even when she's not because she knows you will be by her side at a moment's notice; and never give her a shred of reason not to believe that. How can u be that right now?  You probably lost most of the things that gave you confidence and the ability to provide those. Its not a knock on anyone personally, it's just the unfortunate reality of having this physical illness and the restrictions it brings wheather we like it or not.

 

As much as it sucks I can't really blame a girl for that. I'm sure you're a great guy but who would want to jump into such a sticky situation?

 

Let this experience make you a better person and learn more about who you are from it. That way, when you recover you will be a force to be reckoned with because very, very few people will ever endure a struggle like this in their lives and get an opportunity to grow from it.

 

You won't be this way forever, you will come out even better but I think in the short term we need to make our goals realistic to our capabilities. That will make the entire recovery process much, much smoother.

 

Thanks a whole lot for sharing your story, Clark. Lot of that are things I haven't quite been able to put into words. A great deal of quotables too and that's the attitude we all should be having through this. I do feel like an anomaly. I didn't have a great social life before this but it was good enough for me with the ignorance and naivete I had before all this started two years ago. And I have taken this as an opportunity to look at my flaws and step back and look at the world and my life in the most objective way. I am growing tremendously through this despite the fact that my family and other people close to me are fed up as hell with me because I'm not the same guy I once was. To the sex life point, a girl I tried for before reached out and gave me a sign of interest yesterday. I have been seeing a nice (relatively) steady improvement in past two weeks. But I had a feeling to let it slip away and all the things Clark said about being confident, putting the girl first and being steady are certainly things I can't handle right now. It sucks that I can't even see her but I have to respect my limitations. I know that all the tedious internal groundwork I'm doing with pay off when the time comes.

[[pr...]]

sad to say that it's been a very very long time of sexual abstinence that i absolutely did not choose for myself. but by being in tolerance withdrawal for 9 years and now feeling absolutely massacred from this last cold turkey, and being house and couch bound for the last 28 months. i sure hope it will be fantastic to be with someone again. i still wouldn't want him to see my like this since i still walk around hunched over and like a little old lady. but then, i also hope for a chance miraculous meeting with someone who doesn't care about my past or current circumstances. just likes me for the soul that i am.

 

if it would only be for me to have enough confidence to hold it together but this withdrawal is so unpredictable most times that would scare me so. but i hope it's going to be really good this next time. i've waited a long time. really sad what happened here. and i wish it wasn't so.

[[Co...]]

Definitely no way to be if you're in a relationship. You just dont realize how important sex is. It creates a lot of tension.

[[Cl...]]

Definitely no way to be if you're in a relationship. You just dont realize how important sex is. It creates a lot of tension.

 

I would agree with this. With a sexual relationship comes at least some degree of expectation and that's not unreasonable.

[[Cl...]]

To the sex life point, a girl I tried for before reached out and gave me a sign of interest yesterday. I have been seeing a nice (relatively) steady improvement in past two weeks. But I had a feeling to let it slip away and all the things Clark said about being confident, putting the girl first and being steady are certainly things I can't handle right now. It sucks that I can't even see her but I have to respect my limitations. I know that all the tedious internal groundwork I'm doing with pay off when the time comes.

 

I think you have a great attitude about the experience as a whole and it will pay off for you in the long run, it can just never come soon enough.

 

Myself personally- I'm a "both feet in or not at all" kinda guy- and that goes for relationships, too. I know how good of a companion I'm capable of being and how well I can treat a girl, so if I can't provide that I'm not going to half-ass it. However, there's nothing wrong with telling someone honestly (as detailed or undetailed as you want to tell them) about your restrictions tions and that you're not capable of a full-blown relationship but you are still interested in her and enjoy spending time etc. I have done that many times and some times a girl may leave and some times she may say it's cool and we casually date. I think as long as you're clear about your situation in the beginning you have done the right thing and hopefully you can have at least some type of relationship. If that girl surfaced for you don't think that you just need to push her aside, be honest with her and tell her that you'd still like to see her some times and she may very well respond positively. Maybe once she gets a taste she will anxiously await the Phoenix to rise from the ashes of benzo withdrawal, lol.

[[Be...]]

I can relate too. Also after being left in this mess by my bf.

 

I can't say much at the moment, I am far too angry.

[[...]]

im technically on post taper thread , because I'm jumping in 1 week....

 

since my first MF xanax tablet in 2013 july 7.....im not living NORMAL married life anymore!!!!! there is 0 interaction!!!!!!

 

Thanks to MF psychiatrists and Big pharma!!!!!!

 

p.s. i hope I'm not being nasty :idiot:

 

take care everybody......

 

eva :smitten: