Torbjorn is leaving BB for forseeable future

[Guest [to...]]

I won't be on the forums here at BenzoBuddies for any time soon, and I just want to let people know this, so that if you want to contact me about anything, send me a PM -- I'll check them for a while. Otherwise, I plan to come back only when I'm off the clonazepam, to post a success story.

 

In case you're wondering, why I won't be around, the short answer is: This environment here has been negative for me, overall, and has only created tension in my life where there previously wasn't any.  After leaving for about a week, I have noticed an actual improvement in my life, because instead of using my internet free-time getting dragged into petty arguments on here (something which I never intended, but always ended up in, since I voice things as I see them and/or consider alternative ways of looking at things, and a few people apparently don't get that), instead I would read up on something interesting and non-benzo-related online, which then lead to me feeling good about learning something. I used to be connect to BB at any bored moment due to having it up on my phone, but I am no longer going to do that, because I am happier with my post-BB life. I'll check PMs occasionally, at least for now.

 

Longer explanation: Some nonsense occured with other members; who is not important, as there are several, and some situations specifically involve me, and others don't. Nonetheless, for a while I've been feeling that this place has become too negative, and petty.

 

While it's not the system that I, myself, would have set up, I have tried to work within the moderated system here. In other words, I've attempted to comply with BB culture and ideals. However, this too has failed me. During one time when I thought things actually got out of line enough to warrant mentioning to a moderator (since they are here), I called out to a certain member, respectfully, asking for action to be taken (since that's what we do here) and the only thing that resulted of this, is that I myself had moderation action put on me. Since, in this particular issue, literally all that I did was respectfully and rightfully state my concern over an issue, this action confused and bothered me.  I do not appreciate having others censor my words at their whim by causing my posts to require approval; I don't appreciate it in general, really, but I especially don't for cases in where one is only voicing a valid concern.

 

That was the last straw, but not the first one.  Since first coming here in Feb of this year, I've witnessed a great deal of pettiness on the boards. I've also been branded, so I feel, as a "bad person," and I don't feel welcome here. I feel that it's a misunderstanding on most people's part, but that is difficult to get across here, though I've tried very recently.  The people who think so badly about me are clearly not at a time in their life where they can appreciate, or understand, logical debate, because if they could, they would see the heart of the misunderstandings, as I can. Also, you might not think it (particularly if you're of the "Torbjorn is a bad person" philosophy), but the truth is, I've stayed out of many conflicts, lurking and not saying a word, but being disgusted by them nonetheless. I'm also put off by the lack of objective, logical approaches to conflicts here, whether they involve me or not.

 

I had remained here for 6 months or so, with the idea of reaching out to others in need of help, but I see that my outlook on life is misunderstood by most people here, and so I am giving up on this idea.

 

For those who wonder, about how I'm doing currently, as I leave here: For the first time in a long time, I'm doing well. This is because I've been learning to control my thought processes when they get scary, and am successful at it most of the time now. I've started a few projects recently, and they have given me forward momemtum to continue doing more things! I'm back to learning Icelandic, reading in German again, and I'm also learning a lot of history, which is new to me. Although I still feel cog fog when it comes to my mathematical side, my brain is working more like itself again, at languages. I'm thinking of learning Old English for fun.  I've painted most of my house, planted 3 trees and 3 berry bushes, have been cooking and taking care of myself, sleeping mostly regularly, etc.  I also have been getting more contracts for work (I'm self-employed, since < 1year) so sometimes I'm busy with that, enough for pay that works for my lifestyle, but not so much that I'm pulling my hair out over work.  So, all in all, I'm in a pretty good situation, mostly.  Thus, all I'm concerned with is moving forward right now. I'm at 1mg of clonazepam, and I will probably stay there for another month before tapering again.

 

I wish everyone luck with their benzo w/d, and other mental health issues i.e. DP/DR, depression, anxiety...

(and yes, I do mean everyone).

 

-Tor

[[be...]]

Tor, you mentioned you were disgusted....i hope it wasn't anything i said or did....if so, please stay and i will do my part in ''cleaning things up.''

 

[[Ch...]]

I've always enjoyed your posts, Tor.  But I understand the need to take the most positive course and I wish you the very best.

Challis 

[[Fl...]]

Hi Torbjorn,

 

I'm sorry that you feel you need to leave in order to heal!  Is there anything I can do to help?

 

I'm curious...how many more will have to leave or voice there concern about the negativity or changes that are occurring within the forum...before something is done to help change them back?

 

I too have not been getting on like I was...due to what I see as disruptive and unnecessary behaviors within this setting which should be promoting health, well being, healing, comfort, compassion, forgiveness, and all that falls under this category.

 

This is not directed toward anyone (It is just my personal opinion). 

 

I wish you all the best, and as far a chatting or needing someone to listen...the PMing works both ways.  Should you need an ear...and you don't feel like posting...you know where to find me.  I'm always willing to listen

 

Happy, Healthy Healing,

FluterByee

[[ba...]]

Hi Tor, i feel sad  i liked talking to you im restricted from  sending  private messgaes on here i hope i never upset you in the past i like to come here to see when i can help someone that i can give advice on i need to tell others on here in the insomnia board how i slept 9 hours last night i had my hair in a ponytail after i showered i'll miss you and ill miss seeing maggie on here too *hugs to you* bye

katie

[[lo...]]

Hi Tor

 

I am sorry you are leaving BB. I am glad you are making so much progress and it is probably better for to do other things. Like you, I find the negativity and petty squabbling upsetting but feel the positivity and support provided here outweighs that. Moderators are also unwell so may not always get it right.

 

I totally understood your aims when posting in some of the more contentious threads. However, some Buddies are in a fragile emotional state and can't necessarily be logical and detached which you and I are able to be at the present time.

 

I really wish you all the best in life and hope you continue to do well in your battle to get off benzos.  I am sure you well for the future.

 

LF 

 

 

 

[[La...]]

Tor:

 

I've observed (at a distance) some of the conflicts you mention. Sorry to see you leave, I've enjoyed your posts/discussions. You've got to do what is best for your recovery, even if that means leaving BB. Hopefuuly, youve picked up some helpful nuggets of information here that will facilitate your healing.

 

I look forward to reading your success story when that day comes. Until then, peace be with you. 

 

laser

[[ba...]]

torbjorn Buddie

 

 

Personal Text:

    Khajiit got your back...

Gender:

    Female

 

Date Registered:

    February 18, 2014, 03:16:32 pm

Local Time:

    September 03, 2014, 04:12:51 am

Last Active:

    September 02, 2014, 04:30:14 pm

 

 

take a GOOD look at the "last active date" she changed her mind about leaving just like i did

[Guest [to...]]

Hi baby Angel. Good to see you here. Yes I stop by, though Less frequently.

[[ba...]]

hi tor, nice to hear from you again i hope that you and maggie have been ok ive had some mild tinittus the last 2 days i had a late nap so im not too tired right now even though its like close to 3am when im writting this   i dont spend as much time here as i did a few months ago i dont feel welcome here  and i have been treated bad

[Guest [to...]]

I'm  up late tonight too, BabyAngel.  It's becoming rare for me, but still happens.  I understand how you feel.  I appreciate you, though.

 

Reading anything interesting online?  I'm trying to be productive and read some articles on something I studied a few years ago and forgot about.

[[ba...]]

i finally went to bed around 5am this morning i think i acomplished some stuff i washed dishes cleaned the kitchen well italked to a few online friends i hadnt talked to in awhile from Australia i like to read news stories and the obituaries each morning so i did that i hope your enjoying your saturday so far Mrs Tor i need to get back to some work im cleaning out a shed its really nice so far ! i feel a good sense of accomplishment

[[be...]]

Hi:

 

And good luck to you. You'll do just fine. I hope it wasn't anything I said. If so, I'm really sorry. You have to remember most of us are sick people here. Our thoughts are all haywire and many here are supersensitive to mundane remarks and take them personally. But I catch your drift Buddy.  I do indeed. ~~ Bets

[[ba...]]

im worried if this LONG horrible xanax withdrawals i have may cause any pernament damage ;(

[[...]]

im worried if this LONG horrible xanax withdrawals i have may cause any pernament damage ;(

 

Hey Katie,

 

I'm happy that you were able to stop taking xanax, that's really good. As for long term damage, you should be fine, the first year of being off benzos is the worst. You'll have more anxiety than usual, but if you were able to go a week without taking it, without having any REALLY REALLY bad side effects, that's a good sign.

 

Just try to stay active, it helps keep your mind off of things. If you have any friends near you go spend as much time as possible with them, they'll keep you preoccupied. Or find yourself a nice boyfriend  Wishing you the best. 

[[ba...]]

Hii Ntt thanks for the kind words  yup today is 1 week of quiting xanax after 30 months ! i feel alright im thankfull for finding some good advice from reading how some xanax takers were successfull in quitting xanax 165hours to be exact since my last xanax dose , Adios xanax ! \

I really hope to make this 30 difficult months of my life just a past memory that i wont have to go through again what got me taking them was i used to binge drink often like a WHOLE 12pack of budweiser several times a week . i quit drinking after having a seizure caused by a bad hangover in 2/2012 it took me a month to see a dr i told the dr i dont want to take phenytoin (dilantin) it have me horrible side affects when i took that in the past from 11/2004- 10 -2005 i had a grandmal seizure from stress seeing mom in hospital a month (shes ok now)  after my long health crisis ordeal i appreciate life much more now

and yes i do like to occupy myself i think thats the key to feeling ok in withdrawals during my worst days coming off i pushed a lawnmower for over an hour for several days and i saw some friends of mine nearby and i felt fine . i just need to quit smoking i always tell myself im gonna quit after i finish that pack of smokes , i got a E-cigarette/pipe i used that thing only a few times i didnt like it

 

thanks again NTT i hope your doing well too,

[[br...]]

I just have a break for anywhere from 1- 8 weeks then come back when I feel bb is having a negative effect on me. Maybe just have say a 2 week break. See how you feel.

 

Btw, I don't follow any drama on here. Life is too short.

 

Good healing.

 

b

[[be...]]

im worried if this LONG horrible xanax withdrawals i have may cause any pernament damage ;(

 

i highly doubt you have any pernament damage, Katie....

[[ba...]]

aww thanks jim ! , i feel alot of improvement the last few days seems like the main thing that works good getting me thru this is activating plenty !! , i just got home i saw a firend of mine earier i bought something new today called "relax and sleep" from the dolar tree ,  it has 75mg valerian root, 25mg chamomille and 200mcg melatonin i took this stuff from 3-5 years ago ocasionally

[[be...]]

im worried if this LONG horrible xanax withdrawals i have may cause any pernament damage ;(

 

i highly doubt you have any pernament damage, Katie....

 

Katie, if anyone has pernament drain bamage, it's me......