~~The Bedridden Club~~

[[pr...]]

I am in bed everyday until 4-6pm. I do not sleep while in bed I just lay there and suffer. I do not stay up that late either so Im in bed for 16-18 hrs a day. This began when I went into tolerance wd and I didnt know why I was getting so lethargic. Cant eat much so very weak also from lack of nutrition and the wd. Im going to try to make a cut tonight. I have to move forward on it I really cant imagine being much worse when I jump than I am right now. Spring and summer are coming and Im so depressed already. Assuming I wont be able to enjoy the warm weather really bums me out.

 

groovejuice,

 

i'm in bed about the same exact times that you are too. and that started for me at the end of my tolerance wd and still after the c/t. i just starting getting up between 2-5pm to do some errands and walking but otherwise there is a permanent dent in my couch (bed) where i sleep and lay for most of the day

[[pr...]]

sorry your feeling badly again mama! seems like your weak spot during this w/d is your tummy.

 

i am still in a bad revving burning squeezing wave and feel like everything is worse again. i'm having a very difficult time hanging in and just heard bad news that i have to find a new home for myself. my parents are out of money and in a wave that is the scariest thing i think i've ever heard. i just wish these waves would end.

 

i really don't think there is any else wrong with your stomach other than w/d but good that you're getting things checked out. remember that there are millions more GABA receptor's in the stomach and the burning really does mean that it's healing. i have to tell myself all the time as i've been having severe burning all over my body -- on the inside --burning away. horrible feeling but when it lifts i can feel that there has been healing.

 

Hi Pretty,

 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I'm sending support, prayers and healing thoughts your way. I hope today finds you a little better.

 

I saw my gi doctor today.  Of course, he wants to do another scope.  He said the withdrawal should be only confined to the head and the receptors in the gut should have come back by now.  We know better.  Anyway, I just don't know weather to put my self through another scope or not, but this weakness is frightening.  Something else that is freaking me out is my family is starting to believe it isn't benzo withdrawal, because every doctor I see says so. 

 

Mama

 

thanks for your support and prayers mama!

 

i'm sorry you're around people who are believing this is all benzo wd and it can take longer than other things. i can't believe a doctor would say that the gut should have come back by now and that withdrawal is confined to the head. that is their training and that really is too bad. doesn't he know that the gut is the "second brain" and that everything occurs in the gut also occurs in the brain? that just erks me

 

i fear sometimes that my family won't believe that i am still having such severe symptoms of benzo wd this far out. but thank God they do understand. if they didn't, i would just say "well whatever it is that's happening to me -- i am still not functional" or something to that affect. it's a hard thing when the people around you don't get it. i don't know why we have to go through this on top of all the horrible symptoms?

[[gr...]]

Pretty sometimes the bed feels like a prison, I cant even run errands I am so lethargic. So sick of it its terrible. Sounds like when we hit our tolerance wall the same thing happened. I fear going to sleep. Wake up feeling like hell and do it all over again. If I feel like I have any kind of window I try to stay up, but it never lasts long enough to actually stay away from the bed. Its like there is a magnet just pulling me in. Take care...hope for better days!

[[mr...]]

How are my brother and sisters doing here?  I hope you are all feeling better and better, friends.  Thinking of you.

 

Mrs.

[[pr...]]

How are my brother and sisters doing here?  I hope you are all feeling better and better, friends.  Thinking of you.

 

Mrs.

 

hello Mrs.

 

well, still bed ridden

 

today has been a little bit better for the first time in 11 days very deep "holding on for dear life" wave. not quite a window though. maybe baseline is just a smidgeon better.

 

how are you?

 

and everyone else?

[[...]]

Hi everyone,

 

This is Fonz reporting live from the prison like confines of my bedroom, more specifically my bed which is arguably comfortable in yet a place of pain suffering.   

 

Just in the middle of a wave.

 

 

Anyone remember using their beds as a boat as a child ? Dip your toes in and lose them to a ferocious alligator? Please tell me it was not just me 

 

 

Hope everyone is doing alright, im headed back to dream land... I was woken up to shouting, screaming and what sounded like a marathon... turns out the puppy dog we have living here stole my 90 year old fathers teeth, Haha.. im serious lol.. Dad being forgetful layed them down and the little guy snagged them. Imagine paying 1500$ for a set of teeth and having a dog chew them up    I'm told the way the dog had them in his mouth made it look like his own giant teeth   To think I missed it!

 

 

 

All the best! 

 

 

Fonz

[[Ks...]]

I've been spending the past few days sleeping/resting 12 hours a day in my bed. I think this wellbutrin is somehow knocking me out. I wonder if that means I have ADD? Isn't it supposed to be a stimulant? Ugh

[[gr...]]

KS I had the same experience with the Wellbutrin, no stimulation at all and right back into bed. Told my Pdoc and she just said "take more". Forget it. I had some type of window yesterday where I was not in bed all day and not so depressed. Today has been the flip side. Major depression and in bed. I woke up dizzy and just draggin my feet as I walked.

 

Do others seem to have a terrible day after a day of some type of window? Always for me. I dont mean my window was great, just marginally better meaning not in bed ALL day.

[[os...]]

 

 

Hey bedriddens 

 

I am also mostly in or on my bed, in my first year at tapering, by month 5 I could barely bath or dress, I was just completely overcome by chronic fatigue, I felt like I was 100 years old...

 

These days the fatigue is better, I can do stuff and not be wiped out after 10 minute of being on my feet, sometimes I even get some proper chores done but rarely, overall I am way, way better than I used to be.

 

All that said, my bed is still my location for 80% of my day, I am on the laptop and watch the TV which is a 40" screen at the foot of my bed, I even have a "Aquarium" blu ray disc which makes my TV look like a fish tank, it's quite nice.

 

I realize bed is unhealthy and that I need to get moving, some days I am up and down the stairs all day long and on my feet quite a bit, other days I don't want to do much at all but rest but I am not incapacitated by this fatigue any more, I will be going for short walks soon.

 

I think that the next three quarters of this year will see some return of energy, maybe not a lot but some, to think that there was a time when I could barely make the stairs in my house and even being on my feet for 10 minutes was too much goes to show it has gotten so much better and I anticipate that an improvement in fatigue will happen over the next months but I will have to kick start the walking, at this point I think it will help as long as I go slow and a little at a time to start off with.

 

When I get stable, bed can be so comfortable, it is also my "safe" place.

 

I get super sick of my bedroom sometimes, usually a bit of a spring clean makes me feel better about it but I admit, these four walls can reallt get to me sometimes...

 

Hang in there everyone.

[[mr...]]

Hey buddies, just stopping by Thinking about you

 

I am chilling on my couch, on the verge of my next window, amen

 

Pretty, I'm thinking about how much you've healed already, and how much you're healing everyday even now as we speak We are getting there, each day

 

Thank you for being here with me through this Feel better soon

 

Mrs.

[[pr...]]

Pretty, I'm thinking about how much you've healed already, and how much you're healing everyday even now as we speak We are getting there, each day

 

Thank you for being here with me through this Feel better soon

 

Mrs.

 

thanks Mrs!

 

since i'm approaching the 2 year mark at the end of April, i was thinking of how i was right when i got home from the detox on May 3rd 2012 and my brain started bouncing down on itself and i thought it was the end of me.

 

well, my brain still does that and it's quite annoying. but it has subsided for brief moments once in awhile. i'm just waiting for those moments to become longer and longer.

 

my point is: i'm so much better than i was after that brutal c/t. but i still have a ways to go.

 

we are healing every single day

 

take care,

 

pretty

 

[[os...]]

 

 

In bed right now too.  :'(

 

In a BAD wave right now, stomach is doing flips and I have dreadful diarrhoea, I have only had waves like this about 5 times since getting under 4 mgs but it's still really hard to get through.

 

I woke this morning to the phone ringing and I felt really shaky and bad, God I hate this so much.

 

This too shall pass.

 

I hope everyone is hanging in there, this is no fun.

 

Oscar

[[mr...]]

I thought I'd join here for my mom since she has been couch ridden ever since tapering her too fast last Dec.

I am on her 3rd updose with little improvement.

It has become so discouraging.

 

[[mr...]]

I thought I'd join here for my mom since she has been couch ridden ever since tapering her too fast last Dec.

I am on her 3rd updose with little improvement.

It has become so discouraging.

 

Don't be too down on yourself about it, Mr. I believe you (& she) are doing just fine, IMO. Its just a goofy drug, and tapering is not a perfect science. It has been challenging figuring out my tapering path at each step, so I'd imagine trying to do this for someone else would be more of a challenge. I think you're a blessing to your mother. And I'm sure she feels the same way

 

Tell her that Mrs understands Tell her that when I hit 1.20mg valium equivalent in December, it was challenging. But, with some holds and some very gentle & tiny dosage reductions along the way, things have begun to improve this past month. Its almost May and I'm now approaching 0.80mg valium equivalent, so I haven't moved fast to get here, but with patience, prayer, God's grace & guidance, Jesus' blood, and lots of success stories, we get through our journey. Discouragement is simply the enemy's tool of trying to get us to stop doing the things we're supposed to, so that our dreams don't come into fruition. So tell her Mrs says to dig her heels in, every day, and don't quit. Keep planting good seeds for divine healing and health, every day, and they will eventually start to come up -- they have no choice, and its a promise It can be tricky to be consistent in doing this, day in and day out for an extended period of time, but. We can do it I believe Winston Churchill said, "Success is moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." What a training ground we've been given in benzo withdrawal. 

 

And, just as the price we've had to pay to become med-free and healthy was much greater and longer than we could've ever imagined, so much will the payoff be so much better than anything we could've ever imagined

 

Those are just my thoughts & ramblings, Mr Of course, don't feel obligated to share with your mother if you don't want to or don't think it would help her; no expectations on my end or anything of course Enjoy the remainder of your night, and take care,

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

I thought I'd join here for my mom since she has been couch ridden ever since tapering her too fast last Dec.

I am on her 3rd updose with little improvement.

It has become so discouraging.

 

Don't be too down on yourself about it, Mr. I believe you (& she) are doing just fine, IMO. Its just a goofy drug, and tapering is not a perfect science. It has been challenging figuring out my tapering path at each step, so I'd imagine trying to do this for someone else would be more of a challenge. I think you're a blessing to your mother. And I'm sure she feels the same way

 

Tell her that Mrs understands Tell her that when I hit 1.20mg valium equivalent in December, it was challenging. But, with some holds and some very gentle & tiny dosage reductions along the way, things have begun to improve this past month. Its almost May and I'm now approaching 0.80mg valium equivalent, so I haven't moved fast to get here, but with patience, prayer, God's grace & guidance, Jesus' blood, and lots of success stories, we get through our journey. Discouragement is simply the enemy's tool of trying to get us to stop doing the things we're supposed to, so that our dreams don't come into fruition. So tell her Mrs says to dig her heels in, every day, and don't quit. Keep planting good seeds for divine healing and health, every day, and they will eventually start to come up -- they have no choice, and its a promise It can be tricky to be consistent in doing this, day in and day out for an extended period of time, but. We can do it I believe Winston Churchill said, "Success is moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." What a training ground we've been given in benzo withdrawal. 

 

And, just as the price we've had to pay to become med-free and healthy was much greater and longer than we could've ever imagined, so much will the payoff be so much better than anything we could've ever imagined

 

Those are just my thoughts & ramblings, Mr Of course, don't feel obligated to share with your mother if you don't want to or don't think it would help her; no expectations on my end or anything of course Enjoy the remainder of your night, and take care,

 

Mrs.

Hi mrs,

Thanks for the encouragement.

It sure seemed much easier the first time she tapered compared to this time.

[[mr...]]

That's understandable, Mr. From what it sounds like, the more times withdrawn, the goofier it possibly could be. Not for everyone, of course. So I'm not saying that's your moms case, of course

 

She will get there I believe in you two Thank you for being there for her (and here for us)

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

That's understandable, Mr. From what it sounds like, the more times withdrawn, the goofier it possibly could be. Not for everyone, of course. So I'm not saying that's your moms case, of course

 

She will get there I believe in you two Thank you for being there for her (and here for us)

 

Mrs.

Hi mrs,

My mom is in her 10th month of tapering and I thought things would be better, but nothing has improved.

I see you have been tapering for 16 months, so my mom must have a long way to go.

When were your worst months?

[[mr...]]

Mr.,

 

I believe my worst timeframe was from the end of December through somewhere in March of this year. From 76% free until about 81% free. I know I still have more to go, but I'm believing for the best and on faith, it will get easier and better from here on

 

She's doing great I'm a strong believer that slow growth is still growth I've said a prayer for you two for wisdom & guidance in your next step for her Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[Al...]]

I think I will join in as well if you guys don't mind. I had a rough night and need some bed time today.

 

Mrtmeo, I up dosed about 6-7 days ago and not feeling much better either, maybe it takes longer!

 

My forearms are burning and last night was one of those where you lie there in anxiety and sweat like a city water works. 

 

ATU

[[mr...]]

I think I will join in as well if you guys don't mind. I had a rough night and need some bed time today.

 

Mrtmeo, I up dosed about 6-7 days ago and not feeling much better either, maybe it takes longer!

 

My forearms are burning and last night was one of those where you lie there in anxiety and sweat like a city water works. 

 

ATU

Hi ATU,

When my mom first up dosed, she was calmer that day, but things got bad again until around day 18 when all the physical sx's either went away or got really low. Her wellness hold calculation is 19.2 days.

Your's might be around 16 days looking at your wellness hold calculation, but not sure.

[[Al...]]

Hey metmeo,

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence and I hope your right. I noticed the second day after up dosing I was feeling better, actually I am much better in general terms but I still get some shakiness and night sweats. Ya know now that I think of it and I don't know why but at the start of the up dose I seem to more susceptible to stressors, thing can sett these SXS off more easily.

 

Did you notice that by chance?

 

Thanks again ATU. 

[[mr...]]

Hey metmeo,

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence and I hope your right. I noticed the second day after up dosing I was feeling better, actually I am much better in general terms but I still get some shakiness and night sweats. Ya know now that I think of it and I don't know why but at the start of the up dose I seem to more susceptible to stressors, thing can sett these SXS off more easily.

 

Did you notice that by chance?

 

Thanks again ATU. 

Hi Atu,

I don't know if my mom got more sensitive, but she got a couple new sx's she didn't have before.

She seemed to get more mental sx's as the physical ones went down.

Her dosing has been too wrong for too long and this maybe why she can't get that perfect stablized state.

I sure hope you stabilize to that sweet spot before tapering.

[[Al...]]

mrtmeo,

 

Thanks and I hope your Mom is good to go soon as well! 

 

ATU

[[mr...]]

Mr.,

 

I believe my worst timeframe was from the end of December through somewhere in March of this year. From 76% free until about 81% free. I know I still have more to go, but I'm believing for the best and on faith, it will get easier and better from here on

 

She's doing great I'm a strong believer that slow growth is still growth I've said a prayer for you two for wisdom & guidance in your next step for her Take care,

 

Mrs.

Hi Mrs,

Thanks for the prayers.

Yeah, it looks like once u hit .07mg you had to slow down and this is typical.

Bart had to slow down taper to .0025mg per day with holds once he got below 1mg valium.

[[He...]]

Hi Everyone!

Well I'd like to join this thread. I've only posted a bit on BB as some of the posts scare me and I also get scattered. Like, I either come on here and spend a great deal of time or don't come at all. I'm sure some folks understand. Unfortunately I haven't really felt part of the group either. Well, you can read my sig for an idea of where I'm still at.

 

I spend a great deal of time in my bed because it's the most comfortable place for my back and also I only have a room to live out of right now. No, I'm not tapering because I continue to seek a job and want to get that going and settled before beginning. However. I have had a recent series of challenges, ending with a job that lasted only one week (long story short, it was a screw-up on the part of the employer and temp agency). I had to say good-bye to my beloved horse about a month ago, his death was a relief and yet the grief is there. I am on the verge of being destitute. Unemployment, of which I was getting only a little, is cutting me off as I refused (was unable but they dont' care)  to shuttle cars one day. I am stuck now on an island where I thought I would live my whole life, due to inability to get work in my field because of budget cuts and racism. I do have a place to stay in California but no money to move and I'm really stressed out from all these things happening. I don't even want to relate all the ridiculous jobs I've started and succeeded at learning, which for bizarre reasons have ended. This stresses me out terribly.

 

I get a lot of depression and have difficulty going out, nausea, fear, anxiety. It's getting worse. I even thought of seeking mental heath help but I'm afraid they will put me on drugs I don't want (antidepressants) or mess with my benzo dosage. Also I worked in the mental health system here and am afraid of it.

 

The "funny" thing is, if I could just get a job in my field (ha ha licensed substance abuse counselor; yes I had no idea about benzos how embarrassing) I know I could cope. Even shuttling cars, I was surprised to find that getting out was mostly good for me although very tiring. My big problem is finances. I can't afford gas to go places. All my life until 2008 I've been a worker and seem to have been able to click in for the job. I have a few friends who try to understand but you know how that is. It's hard to plan an outing when you don't know how you will feel from day to day or even during the outing. One time I was out and I started feeling quite bad, had something like a migraine aura, weak, pale and had to go home and....back to bed. I feel my bed is a safe place but I worry what will happen to me with these finances. As I read BB forum, I wonder about the people who don't have the ability to live, survive like we are, to stay in. Well thanks for reading my post. I will be checking in more often. I got lost on the "who has to work" thread after that last job did not pan out. I was just too depressed to go back there. For those who are suffering worse than I am, you have my empathy. I've been through a lot of the sx when I dropped dosage pretty suddenly last year.

Take care, Healingme