I need support like I've never needed it before (no worries, not an emergency)

[[WT...]]

Don't worry, I'm not in any type of physical danger but... 

 

I've been doing much better over the past month, as I've turned a small corner, even made a positive post last night.  Well, I went to bed after that, and I got hit so hard with terror that I haven't experienced since early w/d (maybe in some ways worse!)  I had such a disturbing realistic dream, and I kept getting hit with immense horror and I'm devastated at how bad I feel right now.. I can't even speak I'm so horrified (I've never had such an evil feeling come over me.)  Please someone talk sense to me, I keep dreaming while awake, and it's beyond horror.. the feeling my brain is giving me.. I feel like a horrible bad force has hit me.. I thought this had passed.  But look, I'm in no danger of self harm.. I'm just completely paralyzed with terror and I don't know what to do.. I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight.. I'm afraid..  Could this be a last minute wave, or just another bad wave.. I don't know, I'm mortified.  I'm so sorry for this, but please know I just need your support. 

 

My baseline has improved so much, and this wave of terror has just knocked me. I need support.

[[mc...]]

I like someone else's quote about Benzos:  - there effect on a person cannot be exaggerated.  Keep in mind that your baseline has improved and that this is just a hard knock thrown at you -- isn't the first - won't be the last - but they will end - I have seen tremendous healing to be thrown back hard and I am 19 months out - but I know that I am getting better - you are too.... you are strong - just let the logic portion of you brain be the captain of your ship.

 

Good luck!

[[WT...]]

Thank you McDuck.  This fear is unlike anything.. thank you for your kind words.

[[pa...]]

WT- I know exactly how you feel.  It was so hard to shake this when it happened to me. A few weeks ago, I had a sickening dream - I did something in the dream that was grostesque - something my normal brain couldn't even make up if it tried - and I couldn't shake that for days.

 

Then, last week, I had a dream that I didn't put my childrens' seat belts on, and the gas pedal got stuck and I was flying at 120mph - then I put the car in park - and injured everyone terribly. It was also so awful and real, but not as bad as the first dream, which I cannot even mention.

 

These things aren't real, but I think that behind the d/r, we can't shake them and get into reality to "shake it off" like we did before benzos.  But when the d/r leaves, we will be able to do this.

 

The only thing that helped me with this was to let a few days pass and to let that wash away the memory. I can hardly recall it now or put myself in that place, but I know how sick and scary it all felt. 

 

In a few days, I think it will be a distant memory. I am so sorry you're enduring it.  It was really hard for me and tough to explain to anyone that I was really out of it because of a bad dream. But I was.

 

:)Parker

[[WT...]]

Thanks, Parker.  Your words are always comforting.  I'm hoping nothing like this happens again, as it feels like early days.  My teeth are chattering.

[[be...]]

WTBNA,

 

I remember these night terrors very well.  I would often scream in my sleep waking my son and not even know that I did it.  The lingering emotions from the dreams would stay with me for hours.

 

How I handled it was telling myself that it was like watching a scary movie.  I would distance myself by telling myself it was not real, cant hurt me, and the biggy (revisiting the dream while awake and critiquing it.  I would make fun of how it was stupid, badly portrayed, etc.)  It seemed to take away the creditability of the dream in my mind.  Kinda like what you would do if you saw a bad stupid scary movie. 

 

This technique also works while traveling on a plane.  If we get nervous we critique the pilot on take off and landing as if we were his teachers.  We always give him a grade.  LOL  It empowers us and takes away the fear which usually comes from the deception that we have no control.

[[WT...]]

Believe, thank you too for chiming in.  This dream was like an out of body experience, and I won't mention what it was, but my mind is telling me it's real --  I can't make myself get rid of it.  What you, and the others say above makes sense.  I'll be laying here on my bed awake, it it'll start to come back while I'm awake.  Such a feeling of doom -- not about w/d, but about the experience, and if it was real.  I cannot believe my mind is still doing this crap.

[[we...]]

I'm sorry you got hit with the toxic sleep, when we wish we would sleep and feel rested. I have seen it reported so many times, it is awful.  Even in our recovery, that you were able to sleep, even nap, only to have your success drowned out by fear, this is so cruel.

 

Just know that if believe can heal, we all can.

[[WT...]]

Thank you, Wellness. 

[[ma...]]

WTBNA,

Terror & dread are the worst symptoms I have been hit with, so I completely

understand how horrific & devasting this is.

I got to the point where I had to ask my husband to grab me & tell me in no uncertain terms that

"This is Benzo Withdrawal- not reality!"- whenever I was seized with terror.

I have also put up post-it notes saying "The Terror is just Benzo Withdrawal".

 

It is awful & horrendous, but "It is just benzo withdrawal & it will pass."

Hang in there -& know you are not alone,

 

margaretisabel

 

[[WT...]]

Thank you, Margaretisabel.  It is indeed hard to distinguish what is real, and what is w/d at times.  I'm confused at this point.

[[os...]]

F.E.A.R  False Evidence Appearing Real.

 

It´s not real... it is fake, false, i hope you feel better soon.

 

It cannot hurt you.

 

Oscar

[[WT...]]

Thanks, Oscar.  I need to tape this to my fridge.

[[os...]]

That one helps me with fear... it really puts it in the nonsense box. 

 

Oscar

[[sw...]]

Hey, well, I'm glad to hear of your recent progress.  When I am hit by symptoms I do try to keep it in mind that I am definitely going to heal 100%, the symptom is temporary, and enduring the symptom is just something I have to do to get to where I am going.  I hope you feel well, soon.

 

[[no...]]

I'm just reading this, but wanted to send my support and total understanding. I, too had improved to get hit at 6 1/2 months with utter terror. Thought I was past that stage, but no, another round . I at first got it at night, and then during the day it would pop up. Really awesome having it at work, when I also have class later in the day, and then my 50 mile commute home.

i have the post it notes around. One right here on my laptop.

What I do. major distraction. Telling myself aloud its not real, its my head, its not me. I say it aloud cause it gets me out of my head, and forces me to speak..when I get this terror i find talking hard. I talk, I walk around stamping my feet. Yeah, I know. Someday this will all seem so absurd.

Hope you get back quickly to that better space,

north

[[...]]

So sorry twin brain.  I've had major issues with nightmares lately...I've been waking up 4-5 times at night and having a hard time telling what is a dream vs. what is real (when I'm awake)...I'm so afraid because every time I wake up I feel like I have to get up from bed and run into the woods (thank God I sleep with my clothes on--- LOL!).  I'm afraid that I might run away thinking that I'm dreaming...It just started happening about 4 days ago.