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Hello I am new to this type of thing so please be patient.


I was prescribed 30mg of diazapam, 7.5mg of zopiclone and 150mg of dothiapin in 2001 and since then my life has turned to hell. i dont know where to turn or what to do I feel that a life like this is really not worth it. My wife and family have been so supportive but she is now in the middle of the menopause and cant cope herself I cant help here and really feel I have done myself permanent mental damage.




Help me please

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Hi Fenlander :hug: welcome to BenzoBuddies, we're glad you found us


Thanks for telling us a little about yourself, I'm sure you'll find a lot of support and friendship here.  Please make yourself at home and let us know if you have any questions.


Welcome aboard



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Fenlander you are not alone!  All of us here are in various stages of tapering, jumping off and recovering from benzo use.  Benzos can wreak havoc on your body and in your life.  We understand what you are going through.  What kind of symptoms are you having?  Have you decided you need to taper and try to discontinue your meds?  If so, do you have a doctor who can help you plan a slow and steady taper?  The good news is that our brain and nervous system does heal as we taper and discontinue these drugs.  Please keep reading and posting and ask questions and we will try to help.  I am sending positive energy your way for help and hope and healing. 



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This is so hard to admit I am an addict, I feel no self worth and so ashamed and embarrassed that I let my life get this way.


I will try to explain my situation as best I can in a hope that telling someone else may help me.


I was 1st prescribed my meds for a major breakdown caused by work stress and then over the next 5 years repeat prescriptions were given, I had a bad point in 2003 where I had 6 months as basically a zombie after being prescribed some other meds as well as my 1st prescription ( I have no recolection of this time ). In 2006 i decided that enough was enough and I wanted my life back, I tried to see a doctor to seek advice but only repeats were given so I decided to go it alone.


Over the next 2 years I conquered my addiction to the zopiclone and started to reduce my diazipam and managed to get down to 20mg a day at this point things started go bad and I tried again to get some medical help but still the repeats kept coming, I didn't understand the withdrawal process and felt so low I turned to cannabis to ease the pain ( please dont judge me ) I thought I could control a natural herb and all was going well and I managed to get down to 14mg of diazipam.


At this point a new doctor came to the practice I quite proudly told her i was down to 14mg and she instantly told me I had to reduce my diazipam no if's no buts she would not prescribe those quantities any longer and promptly dropped my dothiapin off completly and decreased my diazipam to 10mg so inevitably I increased my intake of cannabis to compensate for the reduction in my meds. The following month she left and a new doctor dropped me down to 6mg in jan. I truly didn't realise my herbal addiction was masking what I now know to be a serious situation.


At this point I gave up my herbal solution believing i had beaten my diazipam demon and within a week my life collapsed my wife to me back to the doctor ( I do not remember this ) but basically nothing was changed with my meds and my doctor will not see me for another 2 weeks and all hell has been unleashed in my mind and body my wife is finding it very hard to cope now as she is suffering herself with the menopause. So I feel alone and unable to burden her further for fear of hurting the 1 stable person in my life and I feel so guilty I am not strong enough to help her.


I have been having very dark thoughts and truly feel I may not be able to go on I have now decided that I have to do something before it is to late and as i have a bit of a sore from years of taking diazipam I have increased my daily dose to 12mg without my doctors knowledge but I really do not know what is happening to me anymore. I plan to follow prof ashtons tapering plan as soon as I feel stable again as I really want to rid my body of the poison. But now I feel a complete failure and apart from being cannais free now for 4 weeks I feel I have achieved nothing.


I Hope you all can forgive me for being so weak minded but I truly feel I may not be able to go onif I will always feel this way.


sorry for the life story and the bad spelling but my tears are preventing me from thinking straight anymore. 

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I just want to offer you hope.  It is possible to get off these meds.  Pretty much all of us on here have fallen into the phsych drug trap.


You have taken the first step in recognizing it.  It may take time but you can get out of it.  Have hope.



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You came to the right place fenlander.  There have been individuals on benzos for decades that have successfully come off of these drugs.  We are all in this together and pulling for one another.


Also, you might want to read some of the Success Stories to encourage you that you can do this.  Also, celebrate every success you have.  The fact that you have been off of cannabis for a month is a big reason to celebrate.  You are a strong person and want to come off of these drugs or you wouldn't be on here.


Hang in there and look to the future ....





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Hey Fen


You are not a failure and we do not judge others.  You are going through a really tough time and you obviously love and care about your wife as you are thinking of her needs as well.  I know what you mean about the tears I cry all the time .  dont be ashamed you are crying out for help you will get there ok.  It will just take time.


Best wishes



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