Anyone feeling like there having an existential crisis?

[[Me...]]

It feel like I have no meaning left in life.  I don't care about anything, It all seems so pointless.  I can't feel much of anything exept depression and fear.  Its like i'm living in a pit.

[Guest [...]]

I'm pretty much feeling the same today, if that's any consolation.  :'(

[[Me...]]

sighhhhhh.....I feel for you

[Guest [...]]

Thanks. Also the pit gets very boring, don't you find?

[[Me...]]

ya,  and lonley.  I hate it so much.  I don't want to be depressed and hurting so much any more.  I know from my experience if i can change my attitude i'll be better off.  I'll be far from 100% but at least i'll be able to get out of bed.  Its so usless to act like this.  Its like I get fed up and try to 'make a stand' or show other people how much I hurt by making sure I hurt more and more.  I hope I'm coming out of it abit at least. 

 

I hope you can pop out of it somewhat, make withdrawl alittle less painful,  keep me posted

[Guest [...]]

I know from my experience if i can change my attitude i'll be better off.

 

This is probably true but easier said than done. I am up and about (sort of - haven't actually done any jobs at all today). Keep drifting back to the computer.

 

I see you are on quite a decent dose of Valium. Has the switch to that made depression worse?

 

Xana

[[...]]

I was just talking about this tonight. I think regardless of where anyone finds value in life one thing that is consistent is that people normally have a sense of their inner potential. I feel like when you don't have this you really start to wonder what the point of life is.

I feel like this drug in part eats away at what makes a person valuable, unique etc. So it's hard to feel your potential after all that.

So but hey.. that's just to say I relate. And hopefully stuff comes back. There is lots of evidence for the fact that it does and the fact that you're even working this hard to get off shows how much determination you have and that is a very unique attribute. Not sure everyone in your spot could do that.. and you are. So that's determination.

[[Ch...]]

I think it's hard not to fall into an existential crises when you lose everything you've ever had or known.  Rather then trying to avoid these questions of meaning and purpose, I began to read about it.  So many great authors have written about this subject since it's something everyone experiences when they endure suffering.  Adding to what Goto said, it's not the suffering that's important but the way we handle ourselves during it.  At least that is what I believe now.   

 

Don't discount the fact that the valium may be playing a bigger role in your depression then you think.  I was depressed the entire period that I was on it.  Xanax simply did not have that effect on me.  The depression you feel is chemical in nature but the thoughts don't know the difference.  Hang in there, it gets better. 

[Guest [...]]

Hey Metheral

 

hows it going?  I really didnt need to ask that did I because I know the answer.  However I have a job for you.  Do you own a spade dig the pit a little deeper please I need to jump in to Im sick of my own pit of misery.  It so sucks hey.  Im going to c/t the last bit of valium so im in hospital will probably be one of the last times I actually make sense.  I definately think the valium makes you depressed I was depressed on the x as well but am very depressed on the v.  Have you any energy at all.  Remember depression feeds on itself its really quite dreadful its horrible actually. Just keep posting.  Are you able to get out much at all?  I find the withdrawal process so horrible thats why ive chosen to do it this way.  Take care we are all here for you.

 

Lizzy

[[os...]]

Hang in there, withdrawal sucks almost every ounce of good out... but it is withdrawal, not you... it is NOT how life really is at all, it is a temporary pit and you will feel good again... we are all in the same boat but it ain´t gonna sink, we´ll all make it to the shore by keeping close to here... we get this and we have your back whenever you need us OK?

 

Oscar

[Guest [...]]

Well said Oscar love it.

 

[Guest [...]]

What she said!

[[Me...]]

Thanks guys

 

Ya the valium i'm sure has a lot to do with my depression.  I'm living in a rehab/mental health facility.  I went home for the weekend and there was no one around, so I spent 3 days in isolation.  Which is nothing compaired to the 8 months of isolation I went through the last attempt.  I just can't handel isolation at all anymore.  My mind starts to really wonder.  I think about philosphy and try to figure out life until i feel like i'm going mad, and I think screw it, whats the point.  I'm a recovering alcoholic too so my mind immidiatly goes to "lets have a drink or 10". 

 

Thanks Oscar, it is a relief to know i'm not alone.  I wish you could all be here with me.  I agree with you all the though the valium could be it.  I tried to come off klonopin before and I went just as insane. 

 

Lizzy, I know all to well what hospitals can be like.  All the best to you.  Keep pushing.

 

[[os...]]

Metheral, i got sober from alcohol 15 months ago... there is every point in this, even in withdrawal from benzo´s, i rarely, very rarely think of a drink these days... it gets so much better... even with this, i try and stay the course because i know that there is a life waiting for me that is meaningful and with real purpose... even on my worst days, i do not miss alcohol anymore, my life is infinitely better without it... to me that is a miracle but it happens, if you say what is the point, the point is we were not born to drink or drug, we can get back our lives and be so much more, i have seen old timers in recovery and they have an aura about them of gratitude, humility and love and it is a wonderful thing... these things do pass and then we have a true sense of just how precious life is, because it is... you will find your peace and serenity as will i, do not lose hope or faith that it gets better because it does, life gets good again... just keep doing what you are doing and you will find it does too.

 

Oscar

[[Me...]]

thanks oscar

 

it sure dose get hard though to stay sober, but i'm trying.  its a spiritual program and because of my dp/dr as soon as i think spiritual my mind wonders.  i had a bad experience with meditation many years ago, i ended up having a  series of panic attacks, thats why they put me on benzo's in the first place.  so it feels like its coming back.  i guess its like people who take benzo's after a loved one dies, and they never go through the mourning process, and when they come off benzo's they start to mourn even if its decades later.  maybe my problem with my meditation experience is like that.  i just don't know how to deal with it..........so frusterating

 

anyways thanks again oscar