To those who have healed more than me - please help!!!

[[pa...]]

Hi Guys,

 

This may sound too ridiculously over-thinking it, but I hope someone understands. I really need support.

 

I wake up every day with this d/r.  And I know - I've learned - that d/r is caused by anxiety.

And the more I have the d/r, the more anxiety I have about having it. Even if i'm distracting, I cannot truly shake the inner anxiety about d/r.  I am having a hard time letting it wash over me. 

 

EVERY morning, I wake up and feel just bad for a few hours. I always cry. This seems almost involuntary.  I don't cry because I"m worried. I cry because I have too much in my nervous system - I just feel like I HAVE to cry. This is all unusual for me. It only happened after benzos.  The crying helps me feel a little better- and then I make it through the day. But at this point, it feels like I am stuck at this phase.

 

I cannot decide if I am perpetuating the d/r with my own "created" anxiety - or even if my anxiety is created or not! I can't tell.  I know that shortly after I wake up, I go through a very hard phase. I think this may be actually the benzo recovery and not me. It doesn't feel like I am impacting it.

 

My question is - is all of this going to just "change" and pass on its own, regardless of my true internal fears about it ? Or are my fears about it perpetuating it? I mean, I have had worries in the past - prior to benzos -but they never led me to any type of panic or d/r. 

 

I would really love to know that others have felt this way but that it miraculously went away on its own regardless.

 

I mean  - do others go "kicking and screaming" through this like i seem to be?  Is it my fault that I"m still like this? 

 

I am a pretty normal girl - a mom - 37 y/0 - with no history of any of this. I didn't have psychiatric challenges before.  BUt I AM truly worried about the d/r. I mean - in a way -can you NOT be? Can you truly go through life and try to ignore it? 

I think it would be easier, but I have to be a mom - and I am ever concerned that I will not heal - or worse, that I am causing it to be worse or stay bad because I am worried about it!

 

I just need some big encouragement. I am crying such big tears right now. I feel I am losing my mind. And i want to believe this isn't true, but I'm just really scared.

 

I promise you - I'm a normal person. I'm not abusing anything. No drinking or smoking. Trying to do everything right.

I had the d/r lift ONE day. I can't figure out why it won't lift again.

I'm afriad I'm doing something wrong.

 

:'(Parker

[[km...]]

Rest assured this will go away with time.  I also have the same thing and at 19 months it is now coming and going.  Some days I am perfectly fine others I'm a mess and right now it's more I'm a mess but I'm hoping with time this will reverse and I will have more good than bad days.  Hang in there

Hugs

Kmarie

[[Un...]]

I had crazy DR during the last few weeks on Xanax and off.  It started when tolerance kicked in and it multiplied when I went c\t.  It does fade over time.  Those feelings you described...I been there.  It took a good month and a half for mine to fade away.  You might not even notice it.  You slowly become accustomed to the feeling and then poof.  Gone.

 

I still get DR at time of anxiety when I am in a wave.  I am in one now and battle back and forth with the DR.  I know it will let up again soon.  I just can't wait for it to happen.  Might be days...might be weeks.  But it will lift again.  It will for you as well.  Just hang in there.  I don't really have anything I can tell you to do to get rid of it.  I just had to wait it out.  Best thing is trying to not totally focus on it.  Hard to do, I know.  Try playing a video game, watch a movie, or distract yourself somehow.  I went on a vacation while in some hardcore DR.  Sad thing is, I do not remember much of the vacation as I was too busy focusing on my head playing tricks on me.  Meh!  Benzos are a terrible, terrible drug.

[[...]]

Hi all. Parker, mine has gone. I think your tears are a helpful release for you. I think the dp/dr is a phsyiological reaction due to the brain needing to readjust to a drug free enviornment. I think that you will be fine.

Bear

[[pa...]]

Thank you, Guys.  I think this Klonopin is worse for some reason - at least with d/r. 

 

Bear - you haven't been off that long - only a little ahead of me. When did yours leave?

 

[[Fl...]]

parker- I know the dr is getting you down but you need to realize that this is all the benzo wd messing with your brain. Right now you are in that illogical "what if these symptoms never go away" phase which is perfectly normal. Hell, I still have these kinds of thoughts at well over a year off. Is one thing exacerbating another? I'm sure it is, but at the end of the day you have little control over the situation so you just have to let it run its course and hope more visible signs of healing to come your way soon.

 

You probably already know this but my dr stuck around until after the one year mark. I have been living with this stuff for so long I'm not completely convinced that it is gone even at 15 months out but at least it is insignificant enough that I no longer notice it. Unfortunately the dr lifting has allowed some of the anxiety and negative emotions to creep back in, but what can you do? At least I've made lots of progress, and you will too. You already have. Just have to wait it out to see more.

[[pa...]]

Thank you, Florida.  I was okay with waiting a few months ago.  I did turn some kind of corner, too -but maybe I'm just having waves . I think I now expect some kind of new, better change, and I'm not getting one.  The impatience and the frustration are making me so sad.  It's not true depression - like in my brain. It's situational sadness about the actual situation.

 

The idea that all we can do is wait is something I kinda want to believe -and kinda don't. The part of me that wants to believe it wants to just be "okay" with the fact that there is nothing I can do.  The part of me that doesn't wants to think that if I apply certain techniques or meditation or exercise that I can impact the anxiety that might be causing at least the d/r part to linger. 

And then -I'm too tired to think about it and just want to sleep.

 

I appreciate ALL of you letting me just go on and on about this stupid symptom. I know you must be so tired of me. I love you all so much, as I dont' really have anyone else friend-wise that I can go through this with.  My family is helpful, but they just can't understand.

 

I think I am going to try to take a nap. 

I think I might need one.

I love you all - thank you for bothering.

Parker

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi Parker.  I just wanted to let you know that I used those exact words ("fight them kicking and screaming") to describe my reaction to my symptoms a few days ago on this forum.  I know we are supposed to "accept" our symptoms and try to act as "passive observers."  However, this is not my personality by nature and I don't know how anyone can truly accept these symptoms.  They are way to debilitating and all consuming.  They almost seem to haunt me. 

 

I also want you to know that I am just over 7 months off and I still suffer from daily DP/DR.  It is one of my most consistent and bothersome symptoms.  I suppose we just have to trust those ahead of us that all of the symptoms will eventually go.  I too cry on a daily basis (sometimes multiple times) and I was never a crier before.  I think if it helps you to feel better, go for it!

 

Hang in there!  You can do this!

 

Hope

[[bb...]]

i hope you feel better soon.d/r does happen due to anxiety,but when people go through benzodiazepine withrawal,its very common,you'll be amazed by the number of people who'll tell you that they've had it at some point,or for some time during their withrawal.

i dont think you are influencing this d/r in any way,it'll stay while you're getting better,but when your brain realizes its just not going to get any more benzodiazepines,you'll be surprised how the neurotransmitters will balance again and run the troubles out of your mind.sometimes it can be hard to believe that we can recover through any of this,because its affecting the very emotional parts of the brain,and they motivate us to realize that it'll be better.you have to remember each morning when you get up,that its your benzodiazepine starved brain thats making you fee hopeless and in this particular state,please remember that the very proof that its going to lift is that u had a d/r free day.im not well educated in benzodiazepine withrawal,the stuff i know i do from personal experiences and googling everything i can think of,but i believe its almost a bit characteristic of the benzodiazepine d/r to come and go at irregular intervals during withrawal.

i pray you'll be fine,and just try to believe that your present or underlying anxiety isnt making the d/r stay,because almost all of us are anxious

[[pa...]]

Thank you Hope and bb. 

 

I know what you mean, Hope. I have a hard time with acceptance. And then I wonder if maybe that is what I should be working on throughout all of this.  Just acceptance.  Not of the situation as it is, but as it will progress.  Accepting that I WILL heal. I am not sure I have ever truly accepted that. I mean, I hear myself say it. But do I believe it?  The only thing I have to base it on is others' stories.

 

I just ordered a book that Bryan had recommended by Dr. Claire Weekes who wrote a lot about anxiety.

I am so excited to get back to the "old me".  But maybe in the interim, I have to do some work in the way of coping.

I never had to really "cope" with anything before.  I am not a "coper". I am a DOER. If somethign is wrong, I work to fix it.  I have never just waited around for anything to happen.  I dont' think ever.  Maybe - working on coping IS all I can "do".

 

Thank you both for what you said. 

Hope -will you promise to write me when you get a relief from the d/p/r?  I want to know it happened for you - if only for a moment.

:)P

 

[[ba...]]

There are 2 proven things that have helped my dp/dr by 80 percent , time and acceptance once you accept , dp/dr go down re you have less anxiety, we all heal different can not put time frames on when it will go away

[[...]]

Hi all. Parker, mine left a few weeks ago. You WILL be ok.

Bear

[[pa...]]

Hi Bear - Thank you  I have that happens for me, too.

 

Bando - the one time my d/r went away completely was after 2 weeks of exercising almost every day.  Do you think this might be a way to help?

[[ba...]]

Parker I do think it will help,it has foor me when iam to do it,right now have chronic fatique,and jelly legs, I have follow your posts you are doing better than you give yourself credit for,  you will be fine take care bando

[[...]]

Hi all. Parker   

Bear

[[Ho...]]

Absolutely!  I promise! 

[[ve...]]

Hi. If you have sleep issues alone, Silenor in 3 and 6mg doses specifically for insomnia (supposedly not as an a/d in those low doses) is a remake of the old a/d doxepin. Unfortunately "Silenor" is very expensive at about $3 per pill but it is really a remake of doxepin so one could theoretically take a 10mg capsule of doxepin and cut in half ($4 a month for 30 pills on Walmart plan). Problem is it can't be cut in half as it's not a tablet. One would have to open the capsule up and take out half of the contents.

 

It might be a viable alternative to remeron for sleep if there is a point you wish to taper remeron and if still having sleep issues. If experiencing depression and sleep trouble, your doctor might prescribe larger doses of doxepin. It is an a/d that does not impact GABA as far as I read, more of antihistamine... I'm thinking about trying Silenor sample on my next trip to see if it helps with jet lag. OOps. sorry Parker. I meant to post this on another thread!

 

Vertigo

[[Wa...]]

Sorry everyone but I keep hearing about this d/r but have no idea what it is!!! What is it and how dose it effect you?

 

Thanks

Watchman

 

 

[[pa...]]

Watchman - D/r is short for "derealization". It can feel like there is a hazy-looking veil over everything - and there is some kind of separation between me and my environment. I feel like myself, but my environment looks half-here.  Colin explains it here:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=10320.0