Help--losing it

[[AN...]]

I hope Im not taking advantage of this board, but hey--I'm freaking out!  My husband just slammed himself into the bedroom because he got angry about my pacing and doesn't understand my agoraphobia--thinks I should just "get over it" or "force myself past it."  Im really hurting right now, because of the withdrawal and the lack of understandingg..  I'm trying--I really am!

[[...]]

Maybe when he calms down, he would look at some of the posts here so he can see how difficult this is.  Maybe look at the Ashton's manual and see the symptoms of benzo withdrawal.  Let him see how real this is.  It is a world wide problem.....

 

In the mean time, you do what you need to do.  I paced or rocked and did what ever I could to keep myself distracted.  So many times, family and friends have no idea what we are going through.  They believe that we can control this.  We all know how impossible this can be.

 

I am sending you a big hug and please know you are not alone.

 

XOXO Skyy

[[sc...]]

Sorry you are not able to get the support you need right now.  I think if there is one harsh reality that I had to face was that noone (outside this forum) will really be able to understand this.  I try as much as possible not to let my symptoms effect those around me.  It is very hard and can make for a lonely experience, but we might not have many other choices.  Try talking to your husband tomorrow after he has calmed and try to empathize how difficult this is for him too.  Men are typically "doers" and it is very hard for some men to see suffering when there is nothing that can be done to "fix it".  My father (who I'm currently staying with) is this way.  Perhaps if you can let him know exactly what he can do that is helpful he might not feel so helpless and therefore frustrated.  Hang in there, I know this feels very lonely going through but you can still get to the other side.

Scott. 

[[Sc...]]

I'm so sorry.  This experience is already difficult enough to work through...it's even more difficult when are left trying to help those who love us understand benzo withdrawal. 

 

Skyy gave amazing advice.  Having your husband read through online information could help - or browsing the boards to see that you are NOT alone.  I paced like crazy MANY times throughout this experience.  Like Skyy, I paced, rocked, even screamed!  I had horrible panic attacks that would last hours during my taper, and my husband had no choice but to accept and educate - which is what he did.

 

Just know that what you are feeling is VERY common during benzo w/d.  Many of us talk about the anxiety/restlessness and pacing.  I found that it was next to impossible to control the kind of restlessness and/or anxiety that comes with benzo withdrawal.  It's in a league of its own.  Agoraphobia is also extremely common.  Perhaps using the search function at the top and entering in "agoraphobia" will help you find some good threads that perhaps your husband can read through?  Or the Anxiety board would be a great place to look. 

 

I'm so sorry again and I hope it gets resolved for BOTH of you.  This can be a long process, and it's so much easier when the people who love us are on board. 

 

Thinking of you and sending hugs,

Schatje

[[pa...]]

Hi, sorry about what occurred with your hubby.  I am a spouse and have been at my hubby,s side, 10.5 months on lorazepam, including taper, then 14 months of wds.  It's been rough, for him number one and me number two.  The most important for the partner is they must educate themselves about this, as they are blind bout everything.  He needs to read Ashton manuel, Benzo wise, the site recovery-road.org - the section for family.  The support and understanding is so needed.  Though, he must have space from it, as his life is wrecked like yours is,  though, this is temporary.  Family do need to educate themselves and try to understand why they need to be there.  It's black and white ith NO gray!  My best to you.  Tell your husband he can pm anytime if he needs to talk to a spouse going through this.  Best to you, Patty

[[AN...]]

You're right.  Usually my husband is supportive, but he probably gets tired of this crap too.  But it seems like almost nobody gets it.  Today my best friend wanted me to meet her partner's grand-daughter.  They are very fashion-conscious people who wear makeup and high heels around the house, and here is me in my dirty t shirt and baggy camo pants.  I just couldn't do it, and I told her why, but whe was disappointed in me and said, "well, okay."  I just can't seem to get it together enough to count on myself to deal with anything!

[[su...]]

Hi, ANewOne,

 

I'm so sorry you are having this lashback. My husband has lived with my interdose withdrawal, progressive symptoms, including agoraphobia, for 2 years.  It's been hard for both of us.  We didn't know what was wrong with me.  The docs just kept saying I was anxious and to take more Ativan. 

 

After I found this forum and learned about the Ashton material, I asked him if he would read it and got a knee-jerk, "No. I don't care anything about it."  I gave it a couple of days and tried again, and this time he read it.  We hate what has happened, but there are times, now, when I get impatient/down...he says to me..., "You can't hurry time....it just takes time....you will be OK.  We will be O.K."  That's huge.  Not to say he's always 100%, but it's polar opposite from his original stance.

 

I'll be thinking of you....

 

[[se...]]

Hang in there... It's so sad that the people around us going through withdrawals just don't understand. My father is a psychologist and he still didn't seem to really get it either..... he believed it was just me. It's not it is the medication and you will get back to normal, it just takes time. Print out some of the posts on this site and let him read them and see if that helps. If not you just have to do the best you can, focus on allowing yourself time to get better, and those around you will just have to deal with their own issues until you are healed. It sounds selfish but it's really not, they are being selfish but they don't mean to be. They just don't understand. I'm not sure anybody who hasn't experienced can understand completely. Stay connected to people on this site, call upon God for help, and don't give up! You will get better. My husband became very very frustrated at times, but now that I am better he sees that it really was just the meds that did it!

[[cn...]]

Tell him you need him more now than ever. Your vows were through sickness and health. Tell him that. Tell him this will pass soon but you need his support. Take care. It used to be hard on my wife and she was sick of me. Now she has a new hubby and is grateful. that hubby is still me by the way. Lol.

[Guest [...]]

hey A new one

 

Im hearing you girlfriend.  My husband used to be amazing when i was well like truly out to lunch out to dinner blah blah.  Now the in sickness and in health bit seems to have slipped his mind.  Yesterday he said to me (mind you it was only 10 weeks ago i went from 45mg of valium down to 2.5) and after being c/t of 4mg of xanax in the october reinstated for a few weeks could not get stable on it. anyway this is what he said YOU ONLY HAVE OCD AND BENZO withdrawal this is going to sound mean but im always truthful i felt like over the next couple of months popping some pills in his dinner and then i would just stop them and see how he felt (DONT WORRY EVERYONE IM ONLY JOKING) but seriously it drives me even more crazy the lack of understanding.  However my doctor said some men cope and some men dont thats just how it is doesnt matter what illness we have.  anyway im here for you sending a virtual hug your way.  I showed my husband some stuff on benzo withdrawal and he said i already knew that ok did you really and off he went to watch the football.  im seriously considering reevaluating things because if this is how it is what happens if i ever got sick again interesting concept.  will deal with that later.

 

here for you

 

Lizzy

[[pa...]]

You're right.  Usually my husband is supportive, but he probably gets tired of this crap too.  But it seems like almost nobody gets it.  Today my best friend wanted me to meet her partner's grand-daughter.  They are very fashion-conscious people who wear makeup and high heels around the house, and here is me in my dirty t shirt and baggy camo pants.  I just couldn't do it, and I told her why, but whe was disappointed in me and said, "well, okay."  I just can't seem to get it together enough to count on myself to deal with anything!

 

Hey, don't feel bad about the above.  Benzo wd teaches a big lesson... What and who is a true friend.  You are going through enough, without having to explain.  You took control for yourself and made the right decision for you!!  Take good care, thoughts are with you. Patty