Couple of questions for anyone willing to answer them

[[Le...]]

So over the past couple of days I have noticed a few things and come up with some questions. My withdrawl symptoms have finally shown me how I feel when I am having them. I feel like every sense I have is overwhelmed. Here are my questions.

 

Do you all feel like your senses being super sensitive tend to react to everything?

 

For example my partner parked in the street last night and when I opened the garage and didn't see his car I felt under attack mentally.

 

What are tremors?

 

I keep getting the shakes but don't know if that is what people are referring to when taking about tremors?

 

 

Does anyone feel like if they got some sort of bad news they would snap?

 

 

I often feel like if someone were to die or if I was to lose my house or something like that I would blackout or snap.

 

 

Are morning's the hardest for everyone?

 

 

 

My symptoms are at their most severe in the morning and at night I tend to get hit with waves so its less present and then BOOM then it goes away and comes back like that during the night.

 

 

If you are longer out then 2 months what were your ratio of good days to bad?

 

 

Will I continue to get the waves more or less and what new symptoms showed up later?

 

 

Thanks a bunch guys for those of you who help out. I know each of us is suffering but we won't enjoy the sweet taste of victory if we don't continue this path. I have to go sit in a room full of people for training today and I am already feeling icky. Good luck to me but I will not let this stop my life.

 

 

[[pa...]]

So over the past couple of days I have noticed a few things and come up with some questions. My withdrawl symptoms have finally shown me how I feel when I am having them. I feel like every sense I have is overwhelmed. Here are my questions.

 

Do you all feel like your senses being super sensitive tend to react to everything?

 

Yes.  In actuality, you are right. Your senses ARE in overdrive. There's not enough GABA yet to calm the neurons, so everything registers as "too much".  Lights bright.  Sounds loud or just "different".  Not always able to gauge temperature on the skin.  Things don't "seem right". Yes. The senses are off. But I've found as GABA starts to heal, these things correct themselves slowly over time.

 

For example my partner parked in the street last night and when I opened the garage and didn't see his car I felt under attack mentally.

 

What are tremors?

 

I keep getting the shakes but don't know if that is what people are referring to when taking about tremors?

 

There are literal "shakes" you can see - as if the person is shaking - like an arm or leg shaking, and then there are "internal tremors" which can't be seen, but can be felt. Some people describe it as feeling like a cell phone is vibrating inside that part of the body. Sometimes you can get this just in your CNS and you can feel it when you sleep. Hard to explain. I've never had the shakes - only the internal vibrations.

 

 

Does anyone feel like if they got some sort of bad news they would snap?

 

Yes.  My grandpa died last week.I cried and cried, but I was unable to go to his funeral. I just coudln't handle it right now. I will make amends at his gravesite when I am well.  It's not easy to endure withdrawal, and life continues while we recover.  But I hold fast to the TRUTH that we heal. I'm much better than I was already.

 

 

I often feel like if someone were to die or if I was to lose my house or something like that I would blackout or snap.

 

 

Are morning's the hardest for everyone?

 

I dont' know if mornings are hardest for absolutely everyone, but they seem to be hardest for the majority on here.  Morning is when you get a spike in cortisol. Cortisol is the "stress hormone", but it's also normally responsible for waking us up.  Cortisol is the reason we have energy to get out of bed. In our cases, we have not enough GABA to buffer this cortisol response. So we can have symptoms rev during this time of day for this reason.  It lessens over time until it goes away altogether.

 

 

My symptoms are at their most severe in the morning and at night I tend to get hit with waves so its less present and then BOOM then it goes away and comes back like that during the night.

 

 

If you are longer out then 2 months what were your ratio of good days to bad?

 

This is completely dependent on the individual. Some folks just heal up! There are lots of success stories to show for this.  Others have a hard time somewhere in the 3-6 month range and turn a huge corner at 6 month or around then.  My personal experience is that month 3 was all bad days.  Month 4 was half and half. Month 5 I had a complete improvement in my baseline. And now, many days, I feel close to being healed. And sometimes, during waves, I dont' . It all improves slowly, no matter who you are.  It does improve though. That's the key. 

 

 

Will I continue to get the waves more or less and what new symptoms showed up later?

 

This is individual, too. Most of us get relative windows and waves back and forth before we're completely healed. This represents the brain attempting proper function and revising as it goes along.  It may seem to achieve relative balance for a short time, but be unable to sustain that yet - so it may "window" and then "wave" until balance can be achieved again. This can be frustrating for many, but it represents healing taking place, so it's actually a good sign, although most of us dont' welcome the waves! Some do find that symptoms change as time goes on.  Many symptoms that were bothersome completely disappear or lessen in intensity while other symptoms may show up. There doesn't seem to be a real rhyme or reason to it - it all depends on what the brain and CNS are doing at any one time. But overally, everything lessens with time before going away.  And sometimes, symptmos just "go" overnight.  People do report this!

 

Thanks a bunch guys for those of you who help out. I know each of us is suffering but we won't enjoy the sweet taste of victory if we don't continue this path. I have to go sit in a room full of people for training today and I am already feeling icky. Good luck to me but I will not let this stop my life.

[[Pe...]]

Parker,

 

You have a real gift for putting what is happening physiologically into easy to understand terms.  I have been trying to explain much of what is happening in scientific terms on my blog and on various threads...but many said they had trouble wrapping their heads around it (probably partly due to benzo induced cognative impairments).  You explained the Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR) beautifully...and your analogies on other threads are wonderful.  You are a real asset to this forum.

[[ve...]]

In the first six months off, I had a lot of stressful things going on, mostly regarding a sick parent.  I didn't snap but I ended up with shingles virus instead. I believe the nervous system (CNS) is much more sensitive and vulnerable to stress in the first year, even two,  so it's a good idea to try and minimize stress where you can and learn some ways to cope in case something "bad" happens, as you put it. 

 

I don't think I would have snapped had my dad died from his cancer or other cause, but it would have been rough for sure. 

 

Also in the first year, I had (off and on) that revved up high morning "cortisol" anxiety.  Eventually it calmed down some but mornings are still rougher than other parts of the day for me, even two years out, maybe 15% more anxiety than before benzos.  That being said, I did have morning anxiety before benzos. 

 

Hard to say what new symptoms might show up later.  I can say that at about 6 months, I was feeling about 80% and prematurely decided I was ready to drink alcohol moderately and resume caffeinated sodas along with some other less healthy diet choices.  I ended up having a bit of a relapse plus elevated blood pressure, cog fog, GI symptoms came back and so forth.  It's normal the first couple months off to be in a more acute phase but I'd also caution that as you start to feel much better by 3-6 months out, be careful about resuming too quickly whatever lifestyle you may have had before, it backfired on me!

 

Cheers (or not ),

 

Vertigo

[[so...]]

Yes to everything!  I'm just over 6 mths off and mornings are the worst for me but much improved over mths 3-5.  Rage was my biggest concern during this time as it was out of control and I am not that way. I'm usually the life of the party, real easy going and could roll with the punches but detox changed all that. It's much better now but still have work to do.

 

At least for me....the "6 Mth corner" that is often described as when people notice improvement had been true.  It's kinda scary actually as almost to the day I noticed a huge improvement in my baseline and overall symps. I still get mini panic attacks but they only last an hour or so and the mental issues are much better but I've read many posts of others saying they got hit pretty hard around Mth 8 do I'm proceeding with caution.

 

Best of luck to you. You can do this but it won't be easy. Stay connected here as there are many compassionate people tvat will be able to guide you through the rough spots. There were many nights I went to bed hoping I would not wake up...but I did only to struggle through another day of Mizzou and torture. Had it not been for the people in this forum I can honestly say that I don't think I would have made it. Not because I was not strong enough but because I had no idea as to what was happening to me and was scared.

 

Doctors were less than useless and when I would post a question about a specific symptom I ALWAYS received a response. Over time everything I was told on this board happened so I began to trust those helping which gave me the added strength to endure the torture knowing that one day this would all be over.

 

Keep fighting!  This is for your very life and don't give this monster the satisfaction of winning.

[[pa...]]

Perseverence, thank you for what you wrote.  That was very kind. 

:)Parker

[[Le...]]

I so appreciate you Parker, Soonerdean, and Vertigo. This information really does help me know that I am not losing my mind. If any of you ever need anything please let me know because you being here for me and answering my questions is giving me the strength to continue fighting another day.

[[cn...]]

Here's my input, even though Parker pretty much nailed it on the head. =)

 

 

Do you all feel like your senses being super sensitive tend to react to everything? - In the beginning YES. Pretty much! It is not that bad now at all. I'm actually able to take on tasks and issues with little to no little problem.

 

For example my partner parked in the street last night and when I opened the garage and didn't see his car I felt under attack mentally. I can somewhat relate. Mine was a little different. I remember I got asked to film/edit a huge Michael Jackson Thriller event last October. I ALMOST turned it down! Why? B/c my crazy sensitive CNS was making me think of people dressed up like zombies etc. and it would send adrenaline rushes into my body etc. It was weird. Then I thought to myself "There's no way in HELL I'm gonna give up this opportunity." I ended up doing it, and it was great! But it's crazy how the CNS can make us so hypersensitive to things it normally wouldnt. I remember a TV being too loud would shoot me full of adrenaline and heart palps. Crazy stuff. Luckily it only lasted for about a month maybe? Then pretty much stopped.

 

What are tremors?

 

I keep getting the shakes but don't know if that is what people are referring to when taking about tremors? I have my own personal definition with tremors. I don't get a INNER VIBRATION or anything. I think a lot of people have this sensation? When I think of tremors... I think of the night I woke up in the middle of my sleep, and just started shaking uncontrollably, like I was freezing cold, but I wasn't cold. I would say my body was technically tremoring then. But I don't know if that's what people are talking about when they talk about tremoring.

 

 

Does anyone feel like if they got some sort of bad news they would snap? I think there were times if something more stressful came on my plate, I had that feeling at times. But not really. Just being honest. But I can see how someone could feel that way.

 

 

I often feel like if someone were to die or if I was to lose my house or something like that I would blackout or snap.

 

 

Are morning's the hardest for everyone? I never had a specific issue with mornings. I have actually had a lucky ride and w/d from benzos I would say. My 1st month was kind of hard. Hit with some hard stuff from time to time, but had a lot of good days too. It was more psychological in the beginning for me... them more physical as I got out I'd say. There was a time last month, where I practically went my entire 3rd month off where it was one huge long window for the most part. Then at the end of my 3rd month, I had a 4 day streak of BAD anxiety from hell. But it left. Then I was left with tight throat muscles for a few days after that. That was no fun. Felt like gagging a lot. But it left. And a big window to follow from that. Then a week ago I got hit with more physical, stiff muscles, pinched nerves feelings... its been not fun, but I can handle it.

 

 

 

My symptoms are at their most severe in the morning and at night I tend to get hit with waves so its less present and then BOOM then it goes away and comes back like that during the night. everyone is so different in this process. I had mornings where I'd wake up feeling great, then it slowly came on throughout the day, then at night it faded. Nothing surprises me in this w/d game.

 

 

If you are longer out then 2 months what were your ratio of good days to bad? I have been lucky I think, and have had more GOOD WEEKS and sometimes almost an entire month without anything too much besides muscle twitching. I'd say once about every 3 weeks I could get hit with a little something like anxiety or something slightly physical... or fatigue. But that's about it. Then a window to follow pretty much.

 

 

Will I continue to get the waves more or less and what new symptoms showed up later? it's a guessing game. but I recommend you just keeping your head up, focusing on the positive, b/c positive thinking makes this so much easier in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, it can be very hard sometimes to be positive. But I even joke around about my benzo w/d... making light of it seems to help in MY own personal experience.

 

I want to end my response with JUST HANG IN THERE. It WILL be okay. God will never give us any more than we can handle. I promise that. It's the word. =) There are things you will probably find that will help you cope through some issues if any appear. For me some simple coping skills are, getting enough reassurance, not letting things get to my head too much, writing down irrational thoughts that benzo brain likes us to think of... then write down rational thoughts next to it. It's a very healthy thing to do. =) Get plenty of rest, relax in bed as much as you can. I play tetris in bed with the wife everynight lol. Helps us wind down a bit. Then I read a book... and that puts me to sleep. I usually take a hot shower or bath before bed everynight... play music in there. Listen to music. Jam out to that stuff. Dance! Keep a journal and write write write. Get out and do something, go to the mall and treat yourself to some new clothes... or take a walk somewhere cool. Hang in there. It'll be all gravy baby soon. ha. =)

[[Le...]]

CNOTR,.

  That was great reading and I thank you for taking the time to respond. Wether you and Parkers are the same it means alot that you stopped to even reply. It helps a great deal to know there are others who will take the time to make one person or several people they don't know to hold on. Thank you all again. You make this withdraw more barable by sharing your experience.