Unpleasant flashbacks/memories from out of the blue. Is this W/D too?

[[su...]]

I've recently started having intense, clear memories of things that happened a long time ago and usually accompanied by an adrenaline surge with that icky feeling in your stomach and an emotional feeling of regret, sadness, shame, or some other negative emotion.  Not the happy memories...  Things I thought I had resolved. 

 

Is this withdrawal, too?

 

Honestly, I don't know where this is coming from.

[Guest [...]]

hey Sunny there is a thread going around somewhere on this.  Im having the same things looking back and pondering htf i came to be at this stage in my life looking back at old boyfriends etc old memories its really weird so im guessing its normal withdrawal.

 

Very much the regret im doing it daily.  if only this if only that blah blah blah. 

 

Lizzy

[[fi...]]

That is a possible w/d sxs.  Janice Dickenson had in on Celebrity Rehab when she came off of Ativan.  I know it's not pleasant, but hang in there.  I hope you have a speedy recovery.

 

Sincerely,

 

fg

[[On...]]

sunnyside,

 

I have them too. I feel like I'm on the outside looking into my whole life, even as a child. They also manifest into my dreams too, mostly very disturbing ones almost nightmarish. I was raised in a dysfunctional household with my parents being alcoholics by night and weekends. I thought I had pretty much resolved this and apparently I had not. I'm seeing a psychologist about these issues that have really changed my life and molded my personality into what it is today.

 

I also see people in my dreams I haven't thought of in years, it's really bizarre. This benzodiazepine really "digs deep" into the very depths of your closeted brain and brings them out for you to see in a short span of time. It brings up the most ridiculous thoughts and dreams and some of the most scary, mostly the latter.

 

I'll be glad when I can go back into living in denial! 

[Guest [...]]

hey Fishing how you going

 

I didnt know this about Janice thats blown my mind wish i would have seen that episode i bet a lot of celebs are on it.  im off to google it and see if i can see it.

 

Lizzy

[[su...]]

ld1,fishingguy, and on the mend, thanks for responses.  I looked for the threads, see others have experienced the same,  and also found a link to Ashton who talks about "Intrusive Memories."  That pretty much summed it up in one short paragraph.  I can't believe the stuff that has come flooding back....

 

 

As always, thanks for your support.  I'm still gobsmacked at the total package of benzo withdrawal.

[Guest [...]]

hey Sunny

 

what more can it dish up really i dont know how to cope with half of it.  im so scared to drop even a ml at the moment for fear of more crap starting.  what other symptoms are u having along with it please tell me i havent asked you this before lol.

 

Lizzy

[[On...]]

hey Sunny

 

what more can it dish up really i dont know how to cope with half of it.  im so scared to drop even a ml at the moment for fear of more crap starting.  what other symptoms are u having along with it please tell me i havent asked you this before lol.

 

Lizzy

 

Considering what and where this drug "plays around" with inside our heads, they should just make a shortlist on "What Symptoms Benzodiazepine Doesn't Cause" and there'd be about 10 items in the booklet!

[Guest [...]]

ahahah on the mend

 

true do you want to write the book im to messed up to help really but will be your co-author haha.

 

hey Im so resenting ever marrying my husband and im thinking why the hell did i marry you blah blah blah its crazy stuff.

 

Its not like i can go back and change things cant i?  so why even think about it i just do.

 

Lizzy

[[On...]]

ahahah on the mend

 

true do you want to write the book im to messed up to help really but will be your co-author haha.

 

hey Im so resenting ever marrying my husband and im thinking why the hell did i marry you blah blah blah its crazy stuff.

 

Its not like i can go back and change things cant i?  so why even think about it i just do.

 

Lizzy

 

I really hope for that when your benzo days are all behind you you will be able to look at your husband and see him for the Prince that you saw in him the day when you first fell in love.  It's all still there inside of all of us, I mean the light is still there, it's all the other things in life that get in the way. 

 

BTW, I'm not writing the short-list booklet either!!

[Guest [...]]

haha On the Mend

 

mmmm dont know if i will but im not going to make any rash benzo decisions.  I mean sometimes you have to reflect on your life and wonder how i got here and i do think that my marriage had a lot to do with my demise ie high blood pressure etc anyway not to worry ill get there we all will.  yeah lets scrap the book noone would want to buy it anyway.  I need to take away something from this experience and i hope its not the damn depression which really sux.

 

Lizzy

[[gi...]]

The intrusive memories were one of my worst symptoms for a very long time.  It started while tapering and lasted forever.  Just looking at a object would bring back a memory from years ago.  I was assailed with all kinds of awful feeling, guilt, anger etc.  These thoughts would not stop and were about issues that I thought I had long ago dealt with.  I believe I have analyzed my life and these situtations a million times in my head.  I realized it might be withdrawl and told myself that once withdrawl was over that I would probably need intensive therapy of sorts to deal with these memories.  I was right and it was withdrawl.  These intrusive thoughts just stopped.  Now whenever I think of any of the thoughts or memories that brought me such pain and agony there is no negative emotions associated with the thoughts anymore.  Just like I thought, I had dealt with them in the past but the withdrawl wouldn't let them go.  Just try to ignore the thoughts as much as possible and watch them go away eventually.

Take care,  Ginia

[[su...]]

On The Mend:  LOL to the short list.  Plays right to my old sarcastic sense of humor.  Standup comics would have a hayday with that one.  Or, we can! 

 

Lizzy:  Current symptoms that wax/wane throughout the day, some worse than others:

1.  Anxiety - I obsess about my physical symptoms and worry that this is not withdrawal, that I'm in the midst of a life-limiting disease, or that this will never end and my life as I once knew it is over, forever.  I think I do this every day.

2.  Agoraphobia -  I rarely go out without my husband anymore.  I do manage to go in the yard to tend to plants, carry out the garbage, walk to the mailbox.  On a really good day I can muster up the courage to drive to a local fruit/veggie outdoor market or to the drive-in window at the bank.  But I plan my trip to avoid the worst traffic and follow the back roads.  When he has a day off we do go to the beach and I can walk up and down shelling, have no problem in the water, but when it's time to go and walk through the people to the parking lot, I feel anxious.  We moved here in the midst of my interdose withdrawal...so I was already limiting my activities when we moved here.  I've made no friends..have met people only through AA meetings that I attend with my husband.  When I was still on Ativan, I was able to go to AA meetings women's group without him....and I was driving to the supermarket and pet food store, but as the W/D got worse, so did my anxiety/agoraphobia.  So it really started in the spring/early summer of 2010.  This was, however, a huge change from the way I was in my pre-benzo life.  I was an R.N....making visits to people in their homes....at all hours of the day/night when I was also on-call.  Worked over 40 hours a week.  I gave presentations to groups of people to educate them on whatever.  Had a group of friends.  Could drive myself 2-3 hours anywhere on any road in any traffic, alone.  No problem.  That started changing within weeks of starting Ativan.  I noticed I felt uncomfortable on the interstate, then I started having feelings of being anxious, off-balance when I would walk down the halls at the extended care facilities....and in large meetings.  It just got worse and worse.

3.  I have tingling in my feet, legs, and, not so much now, hands.  For awhile I had it in my tongue-tip but that seems to be getting better.  My feet sometimes get really cold and sometimes I feel like they are mushy.  Not totally numb, but like I'm walking on a mattress or something.  That started later on after I used Klonopin, then switched back to Ativan...

4.  I feel like I'm off-balance, but I don't stagger or fall.  I get sensations like I'm lurching, but I'm not.  It's not true vertigo like when the room spins.  It's like walking on a small boat-type feeling.

5.  Muscles  tight in my head, neck, traps, and sometimes across my shins.

6.  D/R

7.  Oversensitivity to stimuli.  Heightened startle response, intolerant of fluorescent lighting, large crowds, multiple persons speaking at the same time, sound.  Like everything is magnified.

8.  Lousy sleep.  Although, I recently started back on Magnesium, and it seems to have helped. 

9.  Hypoglycemia, if I don't really work at 6 small meals a day.  Occasionally slightly queasy. 

10.  Internal buzzing.  Occasionally mild hand tremors.

11.  Flashbacks/Intrusive Memories....this just started about a week ago.  Lovely.

 

Those are the worst.

 

If you guys decide to write a book, like, "Benzo-Magic," or something, let me know.  I'd love to contribute.

 

As I was waiting for blissful sleep last night, I conjured up a huge resentment towards the medical community/pharmaceuticals.  Not the first time, but since this is personal, it was big.  There are enough regulations/warnings out there for other drugs.  There REALLY should be limitations on these.  I know the docs would love it. 

 

 

[[WT...]]

Flashbacks have been a HUGE issue for me throughout my entire w/d.  Primarily, the flashbacks involve traumatic events around the time of my c/t, but..  I have have also had ancient flashbacks.  Last month, I actually relived my own birth (as a c-section), I know that's a huge claim, but it happened, and was horrifying.

[[sc...]]

Hey Sunny,

            I had lots of "intrusive memories" myself. They were pretty regular for a while but have now subsided. Disturbing to say the least! I can relate to the sick feelings that they bring up.  They do pass, as does all this misery, though!  Onward and upward!!

                                                                                                                                                        Scott

[Guest [...]]

Wow Sunny

 

you could be my twin sister for sure.  I have a lot if not all of those things no so much the physical side of it though for some reason.  But the anxiety is ovewhelming cant describe it oh and the  tears i didnt see you mention that do you cry like a sense of such grief.  Im not a nurse but a social welfare worker I also worked in peoples homes teaching them how to live their lives and also ran groups for self esteem etc.  now i cant get out in society really.  Ive lots most of my friends, just do the basics can go for a walk.  I dont talk to anyone outside the family.  get lots of flashbacks about regret and grief etc. the list goes on and on and oh especially the anger at the medical profession this is one of my main ones along with the i have permanent damage from this.  must go but will chat later

 

Lizzy

[[re...]]

I had this really bad in months 4-6. I even went to sierra tucson to cope with my old memories/flashbacks. I got through it. I can now think of those things with no intense feelings. You will to. Benzos numb our minds and when you start to thaw out, it all comes rushing back in. It can be scary but it will pass. Know that this is not your rational mind.

 

Hang in there.

It gets better.