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Back from my regular doctor - he made me feel absolutely awful


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I have never been treated like such a piece of crud by a doctor in all my life. I went in hoping that maybe the blood results I got back would explain something, and when they didn't (everything is 'normal') I expressed feeling so awful about it, and my doctor then asked me why I didn't just go back on the ativan since it seemed to be helping me at the time, and then he even mentioned that it's perfectly safe to take for years and years and it helps so many people.

 

When I told him I did not see how that was a solution and I wanted to look at changing my HIV meds instead to something potentially less problematic, he just looked at me and huffed and said he was tired of going around and around with me about it and feeling like we were getting nowhere. He has seen me all of 3-4 times in the last year, and I only started seeing him after I went on the ativan and buspar etc., so in truth he has never seen me pre-benzos to know what I was like before all this.

 

I just can't believe my life has come to this. Now I am at a place where I may lose my job, have no access to medical treatment, and I am completely back to square 1. I seriously am having major suicidal thoughts tonight.

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I'm sorry your doctor visit went so poorly. In my experience it's hard to find a sympathetic doctor. If you're really feeling suicidal you need to go to the hospital ASAP and get help. Suicidal feelings are nothing to take lightly and no one can help you through a computer monitor.
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That is terrible. One tries to do what one thinks is the solution, and gets no help. Try to rise above it though. Is it really not possible to change your doctor?

 

Good luck, and DON'T give up.

 

 

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So so sorry wylidas!  Please get help for your suicidal thoughts...and maybe you can find another doctor...I swear some people are made of stone like that doctor of yours :(
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I am so sorry.  I had a doctor who wasn't very supportive at the beginning of all of this. He said some horrible, callous things to me.  I switched. I am now with a supportive doctor who was willing to read the benzo information and is supportive. 

 

Please know you don't have to put up with people that treat you this way.  It is not your fault you are going through this.

Please leave it behind and/or just don't make the benzo thing an issue with him. He doesnt' sound like he is going to come around or care enough to listen.  Many doctors are scientists but not compassionate.  If you can't switch, then just see him as a means to an end with the meds you DO need.  It is not your fault he acted this way. It is a reflection on him - not on you.

 

xoxo

So many hugs coming your way.

:)Parker

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Thanks. I just can't imagine ever coming back from any of this. I don't see how it's possible. 6 months off and I still feel like absolute hell, and the fact nobody believes me is infuriating.

 

 

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I know...we do believe you here!  And even though I don't believe it for myself I think you'll soon see some improvements...many people do at 1/2 to 1 yr off.
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Wylidias, I am so sorry you have had to go through such a negative experience with that doctor.  I swear, many doctors forget the Hippocratic oath, it goes slap out of their heads once they get that MD after their name.  The first tenant being "First, do no harm"  If they can't cure you with a pill and three visits or less, its the patient's fault!  Bull hocky!  I don't have advice to offer, just reaching out a caring hand to another soul suffering in the wreckage of benzo madness prescribed by doctors who swore to do no harm.  There ARE kind, compassionate and COMPETENT doctors out there and I hope you keep looking until you find one.  I am concerned about your serious suicidal thoughts.  Can you reach out to friends and family in real life?  Please go to the ER or urgent care for help.  I care about you and I want you to be around here on this forum as we both celebrate our 100% healing.  Cause we will you know!  {{{{{Wylidas}}}}}

 

:smitten:

MiniMinnie

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wylidas,

 

There seems to be a huge disconnect with doctors and the use of benzodiazepines. I have run into the same ignorance about the withdrawals. The fact that I was previously ignorant of them is one thing, but doctors and other medical personnel have little excuse to be so ignorant, especially since the drug family has been around since the mid-1970's.

 

If you can, see if you can find another doctor. Just know that you are doing the right thing trying to get off of benzo's, especially since they effect peoples immune system, not something you need right now while on HIV treatment. Try to break these issues down to pieces that can be taken care of "one at a time", everything is just a methodical process of "whittling away" the negative things in our life, again, "one at a time".

 

You will get through this as we always do get through tough issues, we just have to try not to turn it into a "giant ball" and let it overwhelm us. Just think of all the past times that you had worried and stressed over something and had it turn out to be nothing or much less than you anticipated.

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I haven't jumped yet, but I would really like to offer you some encouragement.  The last time I went to see my doctor about crossing over to valium, he laughed when I told him I was experiencing withdrawal from clonazepam.

 

I hadn't slept more than an hour at a time for the previous week.  I had tapered too fast down to .125, and had just suffered a bad panic attack the night before in my kitchen where all the muscles in my body were shaking involuntarily and I couldn't stop hyperventilating despite trying all the coping mechanisms we've all become too familiar with by now. 

 

I was so discouraged after hearing him basically say it's all in my head, but he wrote me the script I needed which will allow me to keep going from here.  At that moment, I felt exactly how you do now.  "How could my life have possibly come to this?"  "I'm so far from where I wanted to be, I can't imagine being whole and well again."  I still struggle with these thoughts every day. 

 

I guess I just want you to know you're not alone, and everyone here wants you to be ok.  Please try to see past how you feel today and look towards the future which will inevitably bring healing.  If you don't believe that, try to imagine yourself believing it and maybe eventually you will.  You could turn that corner any day now.  I hope it comes soon.

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Thank you all so much for the overwhelming support.

I want to first say that I do not plan to actually go through with any sort of suicidal ideas. I realize now when I wrote that it can seem very alarming to people, and it was not my intention.

I wanted to be honest and say that I do have thought of suicide because I keep pretending with my  friends and family and coworkers that this isn't the case, but it's just not true. I have thoughts of suicide more than I would care to, but realistically I am just too strong to actually do it. So I want to make it clear that if I actually ever got to a point where I started planning how I would carry it out, I will seek emergency help right away.

 

Second, I want to say I appreciate all the responses from people who agree that my doctor was out of line. I am to the point now where I believe I do need to find another doctor. This doctor was one I tried last year when all the crud hit the fan, and he has honestly never seen me or knows my personality prior to benzos, so his limited experience plus his lack of empathy or compassion are enough to make me seek treatment elsewhere. I have decided to go back to my original primary doc who is all the way south of the town I live in, but he was a great doctor and it will be worth it to drive to him.

 

Lastly, I want to say to anyone out there stuggling or who knows someone struggling with this horrific recovery process, be thankful for BenzoBuddies, because without it, I don't know that I would be able to go on day to day. <hugs>

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Wylidas,

 

That is great news. It will be worth the journey, and now you sound so positive compared to your first post. Bravo.  :)

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Hello wylidas,

 

I am so sorry your doctor was not understanding about the pain and suffering we endure to become benzo free. There is even a code for this.  I put together some information that may be helpful. I am the type of person who seeks to know what is happening and why, it brings comfort to me. I hope it does the same for you.

 

 

Why is there a Denial of Withdrawal Reactions?

 

 

“Your Drug May Be Your Problem, How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications” by Peter R. Breggin, M.D. Fully revised and updated edition, 2007 (a Psychiatrist)

 

Denial of Withdrawal Reactions. “When you talk to your doctor about problems stopping or reducing the dose of your psychiatric drug, keep in mind that your doctor may not know much about the problem or may even be irrationally denying its existence. Withdrawal reactions have been repeatedly documented. Yet some doctors seem completely unaware of the existence of these reactions.”

 

“Your doctor may also mistakenly attribute your withdrawal reactions to you “mental Illness”. Especially if you have unsuccessfully tried to withdraw from the drug previously, your doctor may try to convince you that you have a “chronic Illness” requiring lifetime drug use. The irony is that the longer you stay on the drug, the more likely you are to suffer something beyond a mild reaction when you attempt to withdraw. Your unsuspecting doctor, and even you, might see this as a sign that you “really need” your drug. In reality, what you really need is help in gradually withdrawing.”

 

 

Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Reactions.  “Withdrawal reactions from benzodiazepines are extremely well documented. Tranquilizers can produce withdrawal reactions often only a few weeks of use. The longer you take a tranquilizer, the higher the doses, and the more abrupt the withdrawal—the more serious your withdrawal reactions are likely to be.”

 

 

 

"Your Drug May Be Your Problem...How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications”, Fully Revised and Updated Edition" by Peter Breggin, M.D. 2007 (a Psychiatrist)

 

Withdrawal Reactions Can Cause “Significant Distress”

 

“Psychiatry’s official diagnostic manual, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition, or DSM-IV, contains a diagnostic category entitled “Substance Withdrawal”, described as “the development of a substance-specific maladaptive behavioral change, with physiological and cognitive concomitants, that is due to the cessation of or reduction in, heavy and prolonged substance use. On the following page, DSM-IV emphasizes the discomfort of withdrawal, stating that the “syndrome causes significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” 

 

“This definition appears to be describing withdrawal from illicit or disapproved substances. Yet much prescribed, medically approved psychiatric drug use is also “heavy and prolonged”. As we document later in this chapter, withdrawal reactions that can cause severe and long-lasting distress and impairment have been specified for all classes of psychiatric drugs. Two panels of experts have also identified a distinct, complex, and sometimes severe withdrawal syndrome for SSRI antidepressants. However, DSM-IV “recognizes” such reactions for only two currently used classes of psychiatric drug: stimulants and tranquilizers.”

 

Love to you,

Summer

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Today must be doctors day to treat their patients like crap. I was given a cocktail that was supposed to calm my stomach. It buckled me over in pain so bad that it even scared my wife. I was looked at like I was having some kind of a panic attack and then offered Diazepam. My guts still hurt like hell and I can't stop shaking.

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Hi wylidas,

 

Try not let the comments of an unsympathetic doctor distress you so. It is unfortunate that some doctors are such poor communicators and incapable of understanding the needs and problems of their patients. If you had not already suggested it yourself, I was about to propose that you seek out another doctor. It seems that your old doctor will be well worth the longer journey.

 

Although I (and all of us) understand that you were writing out of frustration when you made your earlier comments, this forum is not a suitable venue to discuss such feelings (I'm sure you already understand this). You know, of course, that if you ever contemplate acting upon such feelings, you must call the emergency services. Obviously, BenzoBuddies cannot provide such support - we are just not qualified.

 

Anyway, I'm glad that you are already looking into solutions. Good luck with old doctor.

 

Take care,

 

Colin.

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Sorry to read your situation with your doctor. I think it's worth it to drive farther to have a proper doctor.  I have a great ENT and I will wait hours if I have to.  Sometimes I have to wait weeks to even see him, but if you find one who is a gem, stick with it.  By the same token, if you have a gut feeling that you have a bad egg of a doctor, I wouldn't hesitate to say so long.  There are unfortunately quite a few bad eggs out there, from what I've seen, but I've been lucky to find a few decent ones in the last couple years.  Hope you will find the same.

 

Vertigo

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I have never been treated like such a piece of crud by a doctor in all my life. I went in hoping that maybe the blood results I got back would explain something, and when they didn't (everything is 'normal') I expressed feeling so awful about it, and my doctor then asked me why I didn't just go back on the ativan since it seemed to be helping me at the time, and then he even mentioned that it's perfectly safe to take for years and years and it helps so many people.

 

When I told him I did not see how that was a solution and I wanted to look at changing my HIV meds instead to something potentially less problematic, he just looked at me and huffed and said he was tired of going around and around with me about it and feeling like we were getting nowhere. He has seen me all of 3-4 times in the last year, and I only started seeing him after I went on the ativan and buspar etc., so in truth he has never seen me pre-benzos to know what I was like before all this.

 

I just can't believe my life has come to this. Now I am at a place where I may lose my job, have no access to medical treatment, and I am completely back to square 1. I seriously am having major suicidal thoughts tonight.

Yeah my doctor was a ding bat too until I told them to look it up on the internet. Finally they agreed with me and they have been really cool about it and helpful too.

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What makes this situation even worse is yiu are vunerable and it is hard to make a stand when you are in such discomfort. I had to switch docs myself, the first one was in such a hurry he may as well had a drive-thru window. Yal, find a doc you like, the guy I found is cool as can be and feels like one of my friends when we talk. When your self-esteem is low it is easy to take unkind people to heart, before all this my attitude was, well half the people I meet are not going to like me. So I will meet twice as many to make up the difference. Stay strong
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I have been through similar experiences, Wylida (even recently).  I'm thinking of writing the doctor a letter.  At any rate, I finally found a good doctor who is working with me and is very kind.  I hope you find the right one.

 

Don't give up!

 

Sincerely,

 

fg

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I also agree with the above posters - it really is worth the time and energy to find a good doctor. Look, this guy may be great at treating other conditions, and completely shitty at dealing with benzos - whatever. He's still not a good doctor for YOU.

 

I had a fun one last week - the place I go to I'm always seeing different docs, luckily my taper plan is in writing so they're just writing the scripts. This guy actually had the nerve to say to me, "Why would you take half miligram cuts from 5mg down? That amount doesn't make any difference." I told him I'd been having a really hard time with withdrawal symptoms and this was actually faster than was recommended by most experts (since it's more than 10% most fortnights), and he said, and I quote, "It's all in your head." Took every ounce of strength in my body to just take my prescription calmly and walk away... broke down into tears in the street afterwards, of course. There are many, many words I would like to use here, and none of them are forum appropriate. Use your imagination.

 

Wylidas, stick in there, we're all here for you.

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Hi wylidas,

 

I just want to say that I'm sorry about the problem you had with your doctor. Everyone needs compassion when they are going through difficulties and don't take it personally when you run across uncaring people, that is their problem, not yours. I think finding caring compassionate people that you can reach out to will really help and please don't be hard on yourself either. There are caring people out there and even though you are hurting, please try to reach out and you will find them, they are there.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Nic :smitten::hug:

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Hello wylidas,

 

I am so sorry about the experience you had at the doctors appointment. I think sometimes we have to develop really thick skin so that we can let things like this just roll off of us like water.  You had the right to be treated respectfully and honor your wishes to remain benzo free.  There are doctors out there that will be caring and kind and supportive. I am glad you are going back to someone you know has these qualities. I had to wait for 6 weeks for my initial appointment with my new doctor but it was worth the wait.

 

Come here for support from your buddies, we care about you and will be here for you.  You are going to get through this and be even stronger for it.

 

pianogirl 

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