Exactly 12 Weeks Today ...

[[mo...]]

Well, it's been an interesting journey, these past weeks and months. And what I am asking myself, and all of you, today is how can one go for over a week with virtually no symptoms other than d/r, and feeling like you're pretty much healed, and then BAM! you're knocked back down again?

 

I understand that this is the nature of the beast - ups and downs. But why so many days in a row does my brain appear to be firing on all cylinders and then I regress into a mini-wave? How can it be working one day and not the next? What changes? Do the receptors suddenly stop working again? I really wish I understood this.

 

What's interesting is my symptoms are different. Anxiety has returned in little mini bursts, d/r is still coming and going, and the past two mornings I've woken with "weird" feelings again. Not nearly as bad as it used to be, but it's that familiar forboding feeling.

 

I've developed an overwhelming case of brain fog & inability to focus, super dizzy, pressure in my forehead, & flushed face. And I am overwhelmingly tired. I could just sleep, and sleep. (sorry to those of you who are not sleeping).

 

I am hopeful that this change in symptoms and the need for rest and sleep are a good sign of further healing.

 

Anyone have any opinions for me???

[[...]]

Here is some information regarding windows and waves form "The Benzo Book" by Jack Hobson-Dupont.

 

DURING THE POST-BENZO PERIOD OF RECOVERY, MANY PEOPLE

REPORT HAVING ‘WINDOWS’ WHERE, USUALLY QUITE SUDDENLY, THEY WILL SIMPLY FEEL GOOD. THE WINDOW MAY BE BRIEF, JUST LASTING A FEW MINUTES OR AN HOUR OR SO, AND WILL INEVITABLY CLOSE AGAIN, WITH A RETURN OF THE PREVIOUS MALAISE. BUT THE FACT THAT IT HAS HAPPENED IS DEEPLY SIGNIFICANT: IT IS PROOF POSITIVE THAT RECOVERY CAN TAKE PLACE, THAT SOMEONE TRULY CAN FEEL GOOD AGAIN. THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED THEM USUALLY SAY THAT RECOVERY CONSISTS OF A SERIES OF THESE WINDOWS, WHERE THE TIME THAT THE WINDOW IS OPEN INCREASES IN LENGTH AND THE INTERVAL BETWEEN THEIR OCCURRENCES BECOMES SHORTER AND SHORTER UNTIL, FINALLY, THE WINDOW SIMPLY REMAINS FOR AN INDEFINITE PERIOD. VIEWED NEUROCHEMICALLY, THE PHENOMENON WOULD APPEAR TO BE AN INSTANCE WHERE THE PREPONDERANCE OF THE GABA  RECEPTORS’ ALPHA SUBUNITS IS OPERATING NORMALLY, THEIR AFFINITY FOR ATTRACTING GABA RESTORED TO ITS NORMAL LEVEL OF EFFICACY. THE WINDOW CLOSES BECAUSE THE BODY EVIDENTLY CANNOT SUSTAIN THAT STATE FOR LONG, BUT, OVER TIME, CONTINUES TO REGAIN IT AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL THE FUNCTIONALITY HAS BEEN REINSTATED.

 

Hope this helps.

[[mo...]]

Yes, it does help. thanks. It helps me to understand the physiological explanation of these windows and waves.

 

So, I guess it could be likened to a strained muscle that is healing. Little by little it can support more weight, but only so much, until it gets stronger. It just seems weird that one minute my brain functions normally and then switches off again for a while. Again, I guess it goes back to the fact that the brain does not heal in a linear pattern.

 

Good news is my mini wave only lasted hours yesterday. And I've been able to stave it off today with a long run and an hour of hot yoga. So far, so good. 

[[...]]

Hi monyd:

 

I also like to be able to understand the physiological explanations of all this.  It doesn't make it easier but at least I understand why it's happening.

 

Glad to hear that you're having a better day. 

 

Take care.

 

mmgc