Internal "tantrums"

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Does anyone have what I call internal 'tantrums'? Like I can be all normal and all of a sudden I will feel a terrible rage inside and I imagine myself screaming and breaking things and ripping my shirt just like the Hulk...but it all happens in my head a few times everyday for no reason at all...It scares the crap out of me! 

 

:tickedoff: <---This is what happens inside my head

[[Be...]]

I did have some of that for a while when I was tapering.  Actually did my very first - and hopefully, last - throwing of a dish against the wall.  It was momentarily satisfying but a mess to clean up.    (If you are thinking of doing it, don't do what I did and do it barefoot.    )

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Hi Beeper! Thanks for the suggestion not to do it barefoot   It's just in my head like an intrusive thought...I don't have the urge to do it, just the whole scenario playing up in my head  :D

 

 

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Does anyone have what I call internal 'tantrums'? Like I can be all normal and all of a sudden I will feel a terrible rage inside and I imagine myself screaming and breaking things and ripping my shirt just like the Hulk...but it all happens in my head a few times everyday for no reason at all...It scares the crap out of me! 

 

:tickedoff: <---This is what happens inside my head

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is a daily event + with those the obsessive thoughts and that VOICE...it makes for a wonderful day.

[[sm...]]

Yes in fact tonight I felt like screaming!!! Out of nowhere I will just be really pissed and have a really short fuse.... I get this every once in a while, but more lately....

[[...]]

Does anyone have what I call internal 'tantrums'? Like I can be all normal and all of a sudden I will feel a terrible rage inside and I imagine myself screaming and breaking things and ripping my shirt just like the Hulk...but it all happens in my head a few times everyday for no reason at all...It scares the crap out of me! 

 

:tickedoff: <---This is what happens inside my head

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is a daily event + with those the obsessive thoughts and that VOICE...it makes for a wonderful day.

Same here travuz does it ever end???

[[Sc...]]

My husband bought me a punching bag during my taper - and it was a great purchase.  I had this rage as well and it is so strange b/c I'm "normally" a "flower child" type.  It was a horrible feeling and I visualized breaking our tv or ripping pillows to shreds.  Instead I would go the basement and scream and punch the punching bag.  Just buy gloves as well to protect your knuckles. 

[[so...]]

This exact issue hit me at Mth 4 and was the scarriest thing I've ever endured. It hit me one day almost instantly and every day I was looking for a fight. I had no patience with anyone or anything and did put a few dents in the side of my BRAND NEW refrigerator. This will pass for you but you have to learn how to manage it.  Keep going...I promise that brighter days are ahead.

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My husband bought me a punching bag during my taper - and it was a great purchase.  I had this rage as well and it is so strange b/c I'm "normally" a "flower child" type.  It was a horrible feeling and I visualized breaking our tv or ripping pillows to shreds.  Instead I would go the basement and scream and punch the punching bag.  Just buy gloves as well to protect your knuckles. 

Good idea!  Maybe I need one! Gosh!

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This exact issue hit me at Mth 4 and was the scarriest thing I've ever endured. It hit me one day almost instantly and every day I was looking for a fight. I had no patience with anyone or anything and did put a few dents in the side of my BRAND NEW refrigerator. This will pass for you but you have to learn how to manage it.  Keep going...I promise that brighter days are ahead.

So it got better for you soonerdan? Gosh, its horrible!

[[WT...]]

I have had this too.  I believe it's a step up from actually having the rage -- it's kind of a fantasy the brain is playing out to relieve stress.  It's kind of like you are very angry at someone normally, and you day dream about slashing their vehicle's tires. 

 

Just to add:  I actually did rip my shirt like the hulk last month in extreme rage.

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I have had this too.  I believe it's a step up from actually having the rage -- it's kind of a fantasy the brain is playing out to relieve stress.  It's kind of like you are very angry at someone normally, and you day dream about slashing their vehicle's tires. 

 

Just to add:  I actually did rip my shirt like the hulk last month in extreme rage.

I do hope it is a step up from the actual rage   It's WEIRD and it comes out of nowhere and for no reason at all...ughhh!!!!

 

It's ok if you rip your shirt since you're a man...but in my case some would find it sexy

[[WT...]]

I have had this too.  I believe it's a step up from actually having the rage -- it's kind of a fantasy the brain is playing out to relieve stress.  It's kind of like you are very angry at someone normally, and you day dream about slashing their vehicle's tires. 

 

Just to add:  I actually did rip my shirt like the hulk last month in extreme rage.

I do hope it is a step up from the actual rage   It's WEIRD and it comes out of nowhere and for no reason at all...ughhh!!!!

 

It's ok if you rip your shirt since you're a man...but in my case some would find it sexy

 

That is a very positive way to look at it, mmir.  

 

I also remember a few months back having these horrible visualizations of me being old, raggedy, and crazy -- walking the streets and people making fun of the old man who lost his mind years ago.  At the time, I believed it was possible; I was so bad. lol

[[Me...]]

YESSSSSSSS

 

I find its like inner conflict or irrational thoughts, ideas and fears

I just want to scream until I passout

 

I AM SO CONFUSED ALL THE TIME.    I dont what to think, how to feel, if I have this or that, disease,  what I beleive in, who am I?

 

Its like a constent debate in my head!

 

I hate the conflict but the meditation and relaxation just make me feel more strange

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Same here Methereal, exactly the same here...

 

I fear a relaxed mind...because when my mind relaxes the subconscious and the irrational thoughts take over...Distraction is what sometimes works for me...

[[tr...]]

Does anyone have what I call internal 'tantrums'? Like I can be all normal and all of a sudden I will feel a terrible rage inside and I imagine myself screaming and breaking things and ripping my shirt just like the Hulk...but it all happens in my head a few times everyday for no reason at all...It scares the crap out of me! 

 

:tickedoff: <---This is what happens inside my head

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is a daily event + with those the obsessive thoughts and that VOICE...it makes for a wonderful day.

Same here travuz does it ever end???

 

mmir

 

I hope that it does end. I have lost enough of my life to this toxin. This morning I woke up feeling this unfathomable rage, but by the afternoon, this calmness washed over me. Even those angry thoughts were just minor, distant rumblings. If I have more days like today...I would probably say, there is a chance it will end.

 

I do not know what tomorrow will bring me, but today, I stood behind a misted window. The sun was obscured by a shaded veil. The sky was blue grey. I still could envision, the horror which my life is...but I accepted it today...for what it is. I did not rage nor feel pity for myself, like I normally have done, since this nightmare began. I was filled with this quiet calm, and I was all right with that.

 

Maybe there is an end to this afterall. Keep pushing and be strong.

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That is awesome travuz! I am so glad for you!!! Hope you get many more.