cold turkey for 4 weeks, need a friend

[[le...]]

Hi everyone, I am scared to post here. I am crying as I write this. I was put on Clonazepam about 3 1/2 years ago for insomnia. Started off at 1/2 tablet at night. Was later increased to 1/2 tablet during the day and 1 1/2 half at night. The tablets are 1MG so I guess that is a pretty big dose of this drug. During the last year, I realized the drug was no longer effective for insomnia, so I began taking both pills at night. Around November I decided to cut back so I did only took the pills as needed, which was still too much. On February 20th, I quit cold turkey. It has been 4 weeks of weirdness and hard times. I went to my new and younger family doctor who told me last week to stay the course and not look back.  We discussed a few symptoms and I could tell generally he was more worried about me complaining about his colleague (my former doctor) who introduced me to the drug and defending him than anything else. I don't feel hard at the doctor who got me addicted in the first place. I should have done my research, and I have no one to blame but myself. I am going to stay the course, but of course it has been hard.

My main problem is anxiety, thank God for this website, the articles and people on here. I have read for probably days on here. I have always been a worrier, and had fear issues,  like many of the people I read about in the forum. Moreover, I have always been more sensitive throughout my life than most people, which I thought made me a little crazy, but I have learned that just makes me... well me.

Oh I have had symptoms like crazy, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, metallic taste  in my mouth, insomnia. But the 3 most worrisome symptoms through out the whole ordeal, and I don't even pretend that I am out of the woods yet, are burning in my legs (on the muscle that runs in front of the leg, from the knee cap to the middle of my upper leg), trouble swallowing and my knee caps hurt and feel weak. I am convinced I have ALS or MS which throws me in a tizzy. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced such things.

Please don't scold me for going cold turkey; I am not being self righteous. I had no choice, my former doctor only wanted to put me on something else instead of helping me to come off of this med. I have always taken plenty of supplements such as cod liver oil, a B complex, fresh flax seed, and vitamin C. I am 45 years old, married, and a mother of 2 children. I also own a business.

Thank you all for your posts and for sharing your stories; they have kept me going. I just long for some one to reach out to me and tell me it is going to be okay, and that I am not going to die.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

trying to quit 2mg of Clonazepam cold turkey taken at night; it has been 4 weeks of symptoms and hell. I am functioning

[[Bi...]]

leannlivesonahill,

 

Welcoming you to BenzoBuddies.

You will find plenty of support here, if you have any questions.. let us know.

 

To add a signature: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9432.0

 

Others will be around to weigh in soon.

 

Billy.

 

 

[[...]]

Hi there,

 

I won't scold you, because I also went cold turkey.  The burning muscles in my legs were also one of my most painful withdrawals.  If what you are experiencing is withdrawlas, you will not die.

 

I am fully healed from my c/t, and one day you will be too.

 

Keep asking questions, and we will do our best to answer them.  You will find many friends here.

 

the best to you

 

pj

[Guest [...]]

Hello new friend

 

definately no scolding here.  We all do what we do at the time for whatever reason.  The reasons simply dont matter.  You are in the right place.  say what you want and feel it will do you good.

 

And its not your fault the reason why we go to doctors is to get help why should we have to research its not something i even thought about i just went with what the good doctor says.  I read its perfectly normal to be angry as well its just how it is.  However anger only gets us so far.  Its only the sensitive people that are on here otherwise they would be just living there lives.  so welcome aboard the benzo bus.

 

Lizzy

[[su...]]

Hi Leann,

 

How are you?    It is scary to post at first, but it does get easier and I found it really helped me to get support and learn about what was happening to my body.  I too took Klonapin/clonazepam and came off the drugs cold turkey.  Crying is perfectly natural.  The emotional stuff can be symptoms too.  I'm considering buying stock in Kleenex. 

 

I have also had experience with my doctor's defensive attitude even though I haven't blamed him.  But please don't blame yourself for your situation.  It was something that happened to you.  It's is called an iatrogenic illness, you will see it mentioned on this site.  It is natural to trust your medical health professional.  The drug companies are who have kept this information from patients AND doctors.  There is currently a petition pending to the FDA that requests giving the information that has been covered up to both doctors and patients (added to the information pamphlet where it is currently not). 

 

It is good that you accept who you are!  Sensitivities and all.  I am the same.  Have you ever heard of the Four Agreements?  I have them posted on my fridge - my two favorites are "Don't take anything personally" and to "Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret."  Isn't that nice?  So when I am feeling so "sick" during this time of withdrawal (w/d), if my best is only washing my face and not showering for example, I am reminded to be okay with it.   

 

Anxiety is a BIG issue in withdrawal.  I have had many of the sx you mentioned - heart palpitations, insomnia, knee pain, joint pain, weakness, and the intense localized burning muscle pains (even in the same place you described).  I have other symptoms still but I am here to tell you that all of the above are either gone or better and infrequent.

 

Many people in w/d find that B vitamins are stimulating and rev their symptoms.  Are you still taking those supplements you mentioned?  Maybe you can search each one here to see what others have experienced.  I personally chose to come off nearly all of my supplements for now for that reason.  Now I only take inositol and magnesium/potassium which seem to be tolerated better. 

 

It will be okay.  You may feel like you are going to die but you are going to be okay.  Cold turkey can initially be very dangerous but you have made it a month.  Congratulations!  Not sure of the exact time but it seems the first 2 weeks after a c/t are the most painful and dangerous.  It is normal to feel you have diseases in w/d when you have strange and intense symptoms.  If you like to read then Benzo Wise by Bliss Johns is very good.  And have you seen or been directed you to the Ashton Manual yet?  Here is a link:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/contents.htm

 

Hope this helps.  Let me know if you need anything or just want to vent.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  We all understand.  Is your husband supporting you?  Educate him about what you learn.  You will get through this and you will feel better.  Hang in there and in the meantime be easy on yourself. 

 

Sunny

[[le...]]

Thanks for the posts, sunnygirl02, ld1, pj, and BillyF,

Funny as I was reading them, my swallowing reflex has stopped spasming and my legs have quit hurting.........at least for now. It is the Vastus medialis in my leg that burns. So glad I am not the only one.

My husband is very great and  supportive, as well as my children too, but you all know until a person has passed through this fire, he doesn't completely understand. This is why I am turning to you all.

I still take my supplements daily and try to exercise as much as possible. I have read through many post about both; I believe the supplements help and the exercise makes the symptoms worse yet serves to help me deal with things better.

My symptoms worry me because they are all listed in the not so common categories, especially the swallowing. But it has been present since the day I stopped the drug.

Did any of you have anxiety about thinking you had a terrible disease? I just can't seem to shake it. Also, greatly appreciate the comment about potassium.

Let's face it though, this is a long hard battle and no matter which road one chooses, it is difficult and at times seems like one awful day after another. If any of you were close by, I would hug him or her for taking the time to respond to me.

Some how I don't feel so alone.

[Guest [...]]

hey Leann

 

I definately do think i have developed an incurable mental illness from a variety of psych meds.  i think obsessive thinking is par for the course getting of these things.  I dont think it matters what symptoms we have we worry about them because we dont feel normal.

 

big hugs to you to i think we all understand how each other are feeling regardless of the support we have.

 

Kind regards

 

Lizzy

[[le...]]

Thank you Lizzy, you are so right, when you said, "I dont think it matters what symptoms we have we worry about them because we dont feel normal." I so appreciate a kind word and note encouragement. I am going to beat this, but thanks to you (all of those who posted) for carrying me tonigh; I am so weary in my journey.

[[su...]]

Thanks for the posts, sunnygirl02, ld1, pj, and BillyF,

Funny as I was reading them, my swallowing reflex has stopped spasming and my legs have quit hurting.........at least for now. It is the Vastus medialis in my leg that burns. So glad I am not the only one.

My husband is very great and  supportive, as well as my children too, but you all know until a person has passed through this fire, he doesn't completely understand. This is why I am turning to you all.

I still take my supplements daily and try to exercise as much as possible. I have read through many post about both; I believe the supplements help and the exercise makes the symptoms worse yet serves to help me deal with things better.

My symptoms worry me because they are all listed in the not so common categories, especially the swallowing. But it has been present since the day I stopped the drug.

Did any of you have anxiety about thinking you had a terrible disease? I just can't seem to shake it. Also, greatly appreciate the comment about potassium.

Let's face it though, this is a long hard battle and no matter which road one chooses, it is difficult and at times seems like one awful day after another. If any of you were close by, I would hug him or her for taking the time to respond to me.

Some how I don't feel so alone.

 

Leann,

 

It's nice to have the kind of support you can get on this forum from people who are going through the same, isn't it?  Others in your personal life don't need to understand, it's just good to have your loved ones be there for you and I'm glad your family has been.  I have found many friends here though and feel very comforted and cared about.  It's the first forum I joined.  I never knew I could feel such love for strangers! 

 

I'm glad you are reading through the forum.  Hard exercise makes me feel pretty bad and revs my symptoms too.  You probably read that intense exercise makes your symptoms worse because of the adrenal fatigue we experience during w/d.  I'm hoping to do something gentler, like yoga.

 

You found a list of common and not common w/d symptoms?  I wasn't aware of that.  Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing) IS noted as a w/d symptom no matter how many people have or don't have it.  If no one else had it, it wouldn't be listed.  I have also worried about having diseases other than w/d but have been assured there is no basis and the symptoms I'm having ARE in fact w/d.  This is normal.  Try to remember the mental things like worrying if you have a disease are symptoms too and those thoughts will also go away.  However if you are really suffering from the inability to swallow you could always get it checked out. 

 

I know it doesn't feel like it but I think you are doing great for just a month out of a c/t.    We all will get better and feel normal again. 

 

Sunny 

[[fl...]]

Hi Leann,

Congratulations on being off of this stuff!  So sorry to hear that you are hurting.  In Jan. I done a cold turkey that lasted 6 days before I reinstated and was doing a rather fast taper to begin with.  I have had a hard time swallowing in cold turkey AND tapering along with a hot metallic taste and tongue feels slimey at times (don't know any other way to explain).  The taste and slimey tongue comes and goes however the swallowing aspect has stuck with me ...sometimes feels like a lump in my throat.  Other symptoms to boot but I seen where you had asked about the swallowing part.  It has to be from withdrawal, I never had trouble swallowing before taking this medication nor on it.  Did you?

It's great that your family is supportive of you, it can make all the difference in the world.  However, as you stated ...they truly can not understand to what extent you are suffering, folks here can though and you're not alone.

Take care and Best wishes to you!

[Guest [de...]]

One suggestion

 

It may not make much of a difference, but many of the B vitamins are stimulants and can worsen w/d. I agree with your doc that staying the course  is probable the best plan now that it has been 1 month. Just prepare yourself psychologically for a surprisingly long healing time, while hoping for a fast heal. Your symptoms may persist for several months abating. This does not mean that you are "broken".

[[le...]]

thank you flutter2yz3. You are so right I have never had a swallowing problem before until I went c/t and it started immediately. I appreciate you reminding me of that.

 

And sunnygirl02 I am grateful you reminded me symptoms are symptoms no matter if they are common or uncommon. Others have had them or they would not be listed.

 

I don't mean to sound clique or insincere because my personality is anything but insincere. But THANK YOU All for responding. I slept like a baby last night and am symptom free this morning... Oh HAPPY DAY.... I hope. How ever long it lasts, 2, 5 or 24 hours I will take it. It feels good to have a window that every one talks about.

I love you all for taking the time to respond to this hurting soul and I mean that. 

[[...]]

I'm happy for you, leann.  I hope your window lasts a long, long time.

 

 

pj

[[le...]]

Dear Deerslayer, thank you for the comment about B complex. I thought they were helping me have energy, but you could be right. I have been taking them so long, I almost hate to quit. I might try going with out them for a while and see if I feel differently. Wow you don't know how much I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I also drink wheat grass juice. Any thoughts on that?

I have read many of your posts on other threads and found them to be wise. Like everyone on this forum who has walked through this fire before me, I appreciate you gently reminding me that my symptoms may continue for a long time. I really needed to be reminded of that because after I have say muscle burning or knee cap pain, I immediately have anxiety that I am dying or have a dreadful disease. I cannot control such emotions, but just knowing the symptoms of withdrawal and that they are long lasting help me cope with mental anguish. 

Bless you and all of my new friends; you will never know how good it feels to have validation.

 

[Guest [de...]]

The only thing that I know about wheat grass juice is that I would never drink it.

 

I think that eating healthy foods is good enough. I even stopped taking multivitamins when feeling w/d.

 

I think Omega 3's are OK, but not necessarily helpful with w/d.

 

The one exception is Magnesium. Magnesium is well known to be a muscle relaxant and for some it has sleep inducing qualities. The one downside is it is a bit of a laxative, great if you suffer constipation, not so great if you suffer the runs, which is more common in benzo w/d. I take 400 mg around bedtime.

[[le...]]

Deer Slayer, wheat grass is not so bad  It tastes sweet to me. You are right though, a healthy diet is the best medicine. I really try every day to do both. Thanks for the advice about magnesium. In all my years of reading about supplements I had not read that. 

[[le...]]

For PJ. Thank you for the post about the burning in your top leg muscles and the other encouragement. I so appreciate you.

[[Ca...]]

I really needed to be reminded of that because after I have say muscle burning or knee cap pain, I immediately have anxiety that I am dying or have a dreadful disease. I cannot control such emotions, but just knowing the symptoms of withdrawal and that they are long lasting help me cope with mental anguish. 

 

Hi Leanne,

 

You're doing great!

 

I've learned something in a mindfulness course. It is supposed to help chronic pain patients and I've found it helpful myself: when in pain or when you feel anxious acknowledge that as a fact. Don't fight the pain or your feelings. Say to yourself: this is pain - this is a thought - this is a feeling. It is not really accepting the pain but acknowledging it. Try to describe the pain. The idea is that pain cannot be helped but suffering is optional. Just watch small children. They fall and have pain but almost immediately get up and continue playing. We, adults, somehow dwell on our pain and then suffering begins. Accepting the pain and your feelings as signals of healing might also be helpful. I know... it isn't easy ...

[[le...]]

Dear Camille1,

Loved your advice of  Don't fight the pain or your feelings. Say to yourself: this is pain - this is a thought - this is a feeling. It is not really accepting the pain but acknowledging it. Try to describe the pain. The idea is that pain cannot be helped but suffering is optional. . Thank you, thank you! Such a great thought I am going to adopt that.

I have had a big window of almost 24 hours, I feel alive and easy in my skin today. This gives me hope, tomorrow may be bad, but I have days like this to look forward to ahead!!!

I so appreciate you taking time to give me that advice. 

With much Gratitude!

Leann

[[lo...]]

Hi Leanne,

 

I agree with sunnygirl and others that you might want to discontinue the supplements for now. I found that flaxseed or fish oil made my anxiety and leg electrocution much worse. I had read that vitamins could make things worse but had also read that they could heal me up more quickly so I tested each one. I found that almost anything made things worse, including, fish oil, flaxseed, all vitamin Bs, magnesium and potassium. I even noticed that if I ate salmon it seemed to set off a 48-hour crying jag.

 

You'll make it! You're on your way and you will get through this. I have two daughters too and whenever I get discouraged I think about how important it is to them for me to get better. I cried for hours at a time several times a day for months. I cried so much I didn't think it was possible to cry that much. It gets better. Time goes by. You will heal. Everyone here understands and they are so sweet and nice and helpful. We know exactly how you feel.

[[sa...]]

Hi Leanne,

 

Not sure if this is where you get your "Benzo Mail" but I thought I would post here and perhaps you have this thread on "notify". How are you doing? I see you got some good advice about your suppliments. You have probably read around that they do tend to interfer more than they help right now. I, however, am of the addage unless you are deficient, not necessary to take them. Our bodies can only process what it needs anyway. In addition the dosages are difficult to maintain.

 

However, I have read that magnesium, does offer some relief and is easy to take.

 

Speaking of pills, I take ibuprofin for that pain. Any and all pain. lol. It seems to be well tolerated by most bb's that were able to tolerate it  prior to withdrawl. I did not worry about my health much before withdrawl. I enjoyed pretty good health. Had I not had this forum to read that everything that is going haywire is simply erract messages from my compromised CNS to my body, I would have freaked out! Here's how I know for sure, too. The pain moves around. That is a sign that it is nervous issue. I am dealing with hypoglycemia issues, so I try to eat like someone with that would. I know it will come and go, but its a healthy diet anyway, so why risk it, you know. I try to use some common sense about this. This a whole other health issue.

 

Heres the good news. Everyone gets well! I love that. You too. It will take time, but it will happen. Little by little, like that window you spoke of will become more often and the pain and bizare symptoms less and less. It came upon us like a veil, it will likely leave the same way.

 

Someone posted some logic surrounding getting tested. She said if you are concerned have blood tests done every 6 mos. Personally I just do mine every year. Stress is the biggest Benzo Enemy! Peacefulness is our aly.

 

I practice yoga. Not ridiculously so, but in moderation with reasonable poses. I get the off of youtube now, and it is like magic for my body that is achy AND my mind. It is the one true thing that is easy, no side effects and offers me the greatest relief. When I don't do it, I can tell the day is markedly harder.

 

This is a simple practice that I do every day and is sometimes thee only one I do. You can do it at your desk and it takes only 4 minutes. That's powerful.

 

 

HOpe you are finding some comfort tonight. II applaud you for finding your way to getting well. This is not an easy journey and not for the faint of heart. YOu seem such a gentle soul and I like that about people.

 

Warm hug,

Sarah

[[le...]]

Thank you for the post. I enjoy getting replies. I guess this where I get my mail, still learning my way around the site.

I have stopped taking all supplements except krill oil and sea vegetables. Krill oil helps tremendously with moods. I stopped it and depression set in. I started back and it left. Maybe coincidence, but just in case, I am staying on it. Have researched it and it helps women especially with mood elevation. The sea vegetables seem to help my hair loss. I noticed that after taking them my hair loss slowed a lot. Again, may be coincidence, but I am staying on it as I keep reading on here how most benzo buddies have screwed up thyroid glands.

Thank you for your advice on yoga. I always enjoy hearing from friends. I am entering month 5 and feeling better and more like my old self all the time. I do have set back days, still have swallowing issues that plague me, almost daily, but I am healing.

Blessings to you.

[Guest [...]]

leann

 

that is wonderful news you are doing so well considering how you were feeling.  Im that happy for you.  thanks for dropping by and letting us know recovery brightens everyones day.

 

Lizzy

[[to...]]

I tried a fast taper and had horrible side effects, was in and out of the ER,  finally reinstated and did a slow taper and had wayyyyyyyyy fewer side effects. 

 

All the experts agree that a slow taper is best, talk to your Dr.

 

Good luck.

[[le...]]

thanks Lizzy, you are right; I have come a long way. Just reading over my first post makes appreciate how strong I am and I have made it this far. I will survive! But......thanks, thanks, thanks, for the encouragement! I really mean that and hearing from you really makes me smile. If you were here, I would offer you a piece of cheesecake and some warm conversation.

Have a great evening.