Nearing three months benzo free, feeling awful

[[Pa...]]

I've seen some improvements but overall I still feel awful. I'm weak, I have no energy or vitality, my GI system is ultra sensitive , feels like my intestines are being pushed out and I sometimes have this pinching sensation in my lower abdomen. Still got a whole slew of mental sx as well. It's still hard to recall the previous days, I feel like the way I perceive myself,  the world and everyone in it has changed. Still feel like a stranger to myself and my family. Still have short term and long term memory loss. I was able to work out twice last week. Though I gotta admit it was kinda depressing struggling on 135lb flat barbell bench press. Before all this I was repping 100lb dumbbells on flat bench. Ive gotten considerably weaker. I wanna be me again so bad, but it just doesn't feel possible. Before all this I was able to lift 2 hours a day six to seven days a week and now I struggle with 2 45 minute workouts. I don't know what happened. Feeling really down today.

[[sm...]]

Panicattackzak- I know how you feel.  I am at month three, I have heard this is a rough patch that will pass.  Month three and four are the worst I guess....I used to work out all the time too, I was doing p90x for a while before this happened, now I am lucky to get in 20 minutes maybe 45minutes.  My energy has come up, but some days I get knocked down completely. I can hardly eat anything I am so sensitive to food right now.  On top of that I am starving because I have to eat so clean.  I know people say stay away from vitamins right now....but I have to say, I am willing to feel like crap for a couple of hours to feel better faster in the long run.  It helped give me my energy back.  This is such a shit time for all of us, but from what I hear we all come out of it......keep doing what you are doing, you will get there:)

[[Pa...]]

It's so hard to stay positive. I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck like this forever.

[[sm...]]

Zak- Don't worry- I think you will see a common theme on here, everyone "thinks" they are stuck like this forever....when you feel this bad, its only natural to think how is it even possible to go from feeling this bad, to better again?  But you will also see a common theme on here too, everyone comes out of it.  Read the success stories, it will be good hope for you.  How long were you on it?  Regardless, I think everyone suffers through this, I was only on it for two and half months and still struggling almost three months out.  I try to take my lessons from all of this, and hold out for a better future....just keep reminding yourself you will come out of this. 

Sarah

[[Pa...]]

I took Xanax everyday for more than three years. Think I started around age 19.

[[Pa...]]

Somehow I think I'm the exception to the "everybody heals" rule. I don't understand, I always exercised, ate right and took care of myself. My biggest mistake was trusting doctors and taking Xanax everyday which they assured me was perfectly safe. Now I feel like my life is ruined. I barely even made it outa the gate.

[[re...]]

I was on for 19 years. I am far from healed but better than at 3 months out. Hold on. Healing is happening. It is just slow.

You are going to recover your former self and feel fabulous!! Just give it time.

 

[[WT...]]

It's completely common to suffer at the three month point.  I was only on a low dose for 2 months, and I'm suffering at 7 months out.  Trust me though, month 7 is far better than month 3, for me.

[[sm...]]

I think everyone feels like they are the exception when they are in it.  I know even I feel like that some days, well a lot of days.  But there is just no proof that benzo permanently damage you.  And as long as you keep fighting the fight you are going to make it.  No one is ever perfect or in immaculate health, we would be the buddha if we were perfect right?  Strive to feel good again and do your best to keep moving with life, it will take you there, you just have to believe it.  Tell yourself you are healing and will be well, even if you don't believe it:)

[[Pa...]]

I try and stay positive. Somedays its harder than others. Today I'm really struggling. Feeling much worse than my normal baseline.

[[sm...]]

zak- are you young?  You said you were 19 when you started taking benzo's?  Do not worry, you will get there, its ups and downs through this process, so I tell myself on my bad days, that a good day is to follow.  It comes in waves and windows, so just know that a window is right around the corner for you!

[[Pa...]]

I just celebrated my 23rd birthday this month. Unfortunately I haven't had a window since I jumped. I had several windows during my taper. I'll have minor improvements but no real windows. During paxil wd I had the stereotypical waves and windows. Xanax has been completely different. Makes me worry that I'm not healing.

[[sm...]]

So you just jumped off the benzo in January?  Not to worry, you are early on, and it will take some time to see windows.  I wanted to speed up the process so I am doing acupuncture and taking a vitamin even though it makes me feel awful.  The acupuncture was very hard in the beginning, but I pushed through because I wanted to heal those nerves faster.  Just do one thing a day that will promote healing whether it is working out or taking a vitamin or trying some kind of energy healing, it will do you some good:)

[[pa...]]

Oh my - this is the 3-month day on the boards! I totally understand where you are coming from Zak - and TRUST ME - I was so otherworldly awful at 3 months that I didn't think I was going to live. I didnt' really think I would make it.  My dad was over here every day just holding me while I sobbed and shook. I was restless, as deep depressed as anyone could ever be (I can't even explain how terrible it was - there is not a comparison - it was like EVERYTHING in my being hurt.)  Plus - just physical symptoms, intenal tremoring that was so pronounced.. it goes on and on...

 

IF you look at my signature -it's only been 8-10 weeks and it's all gone. I have cog fog and some issue with lighting and sleeping stuff of course - but ALL THAT HELL is gone - and it left at exactly 5 months off.

 

It gets SOOOO much better.  I PROMISE you - you are NOT the only one. Everybody feels that way because the magnitdue of intensity of symptoms is so bad, we dont' think anyone else could be as bad. But it ALL passes.

 

xoxo

:)Parker

[[re...]]

Don't worry Zak. Everything heals faster when you're young. You'll be fine in a couple months. Then, tell your friends, and don't ever do this again!

[[Pa...]]

Thanks for all the support. Helps to know there are others who understand.

[Guest [de...]]

PA

 

Look at the positives. You are still able to drag yourself to the gym. And you are feeling some improvement. In about 4 months you will be back to putting 2 plates on each side ( I am a gym rat too, so you know what I am talking about).

 

DS