What keeps me from being able to even have a conversation? Anyone else?

[[...]]

I used to always be the one to carry the conversation and have things to talk about. Now I hardly want to be around people because it makes me sad and I just sit there quietly. Is it the brain fog, depression, the fact the I have no life anymore and nothing to talk about? I feel like I'm losing every bit of my personality and just turning into shell of a human being stuck with pain and fear and the inability to enjoy, relax, or be comfortable. Is this really going to stop? I can't keep taking all this. What the hell has happened to me? Everything is so much pain, discomfort, and weakness. My brain and body feel like they're dying.

[[KR...]]

Coop... Maybe you cant hold a conversation because your smoking to much weed. I only bring this up because you stated in thread that you were. LOL. I know when I use to smoke weed I would just sit there and stare at people and eat Taco Bell all day. Something to think about. Keep up the good work Coop.

 

Rock

[[...]]

You're a piece of **** man. Please do not respond to my posts anymore. You have no idea what's going on with me and you just put people down. I was never like this before withdrawal when I smoked and went months without smoking when this started and have felt the same way the whole time. You do not help me in any way and I'd just prefer to never speak to you again. You have no idea how to approach or comfort people or discuss things. Please don't respond back to me.

 

Edit: profanity

[[Kl...]]

Good Morning Coop,

 

Sending you loving thoughts. What are you doing right now?  Love, Klonkers.

[[...]]

Hey klonkers,

 

I'm sitting here with my dad. Just completely out of it. Unable to enjoy anything or distract to pass time. It's hard to be stuck in so much fog and be so upset that I can't do anything anymore but feel this way and wait.

[[Kl...]]

Hi Coop,

 

Have you taken your walk today? 

[[...]]

No, it's raining here. Hopefully it will let up soon and I'll get out there.

[[KR...]]

Coop... Sorry, I didn't mean for you to get so upset about your marijuana use. I would of never of known about it if you wouldn't of posted a thread about it. I was just trying to be helpfull and point out that smoking weed can make you spaced out whether your in withdrawl or not. There are numerous members on here that have had bad reactions from it while in withdrawl. Sometimes were better off keeping the things we do in our private lives to ourselves. This is a forum open to public opinion ya know. Your doing great Coop. Keep putting the days behind you. 

 

Rock

[[re...]]

Coop

it is just a part of healing. I went through it to. My kids would come visit but it just made me sad as I could not connect with them on a normal level. I wanted to see them but I had very little ability to be present with them. It is SO much better now. I enjoy them and can even laugh once in a while.

 

You will get there too. It just takes time. You will be back to your old self one day. It will happen for you just as it is happening for others who are further out than you are.

 

Hang in there. You are doing great. You are healing.

[[Me...]]

Your doing great

 

Everything you discibed is completly normal. 

 

As far as covetsation, I remember when I attempted to tapper in 2010.

I was completly isolated for 8 months.  It was amazing how hard it becameto convets again,  but it does come back

[[th...]]

I feel your pain, I'm in the same boat.  It's hard because at least for me all I can think about is myself and how crappy I feel.  I get nervous and anxious even around people I've known for years.  It has to be part of the withdrawal process and getting back to normal.

[[pa...]]

Hi Coop, Just read your post.  I'm sorry these are rough, I know its really hard going through this.  I can only say it will leave.  I know you are fighting as best you can.  Just stay close to only the ones that support you.  A big hug to you.  Patty

[[sm...]]

coop- I know how "not normal" this feels right now, but apparently for what our brains have been through, it is normal.  I feel the exact same way, I used to carry the conversation, have really in depth convos with my bf, and my family, now I don't even want to talk on the phone, or try to have conversation with anyone, its sooooo trying and exhausting.  As much as I miss my daughter and wish I could see her, I am glad she doesn't have to see me like this, and glad because I think it would be so painful to be around her not feeling anything or being able to think straight.  I know this seems like forever but its just not.  Can you think of any improvement you have seen over the past month?  You are just so early on its hard to tell right now I am sure.  Don't worry, keep reminding yourself of the positive...did you listen to the song I put on your last thread? Just enjoy the fact that your dad is there, don't think about the rest, just be happy to sit with him.

[[Be...]]

Don't even trip OP.  It's normal.  It get's better, trust me.  I used to be very outgoing before all of this.  I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self.  But i still have days where I'd much rather suffer physical pain than have a conversation with you.  During my darkest days in withdrawl when people would try to start a conversation with me,  i'd just stand there with a blank stare on my face, while thinking, "are you seriously trying to converse with me"?  lol.  Not sure what causes it.  but hang in there man, it does get better, i have no need to lie to you. 

[[pa...]]

Coop -- it's funny that you're with your dad. My dad just retired and he came over EVERY DAY when I was in acute w/d until about 3 1/2 months. I WAs A WRECK.  And I couldn't follow conversation either!!! But I can now.  I couldn't type a one-line email - seriously - without wondering "How is this sounding? Is it too blunt?" I couldn't think. My auditory comprehension was totally off when it came to listening to what people said to me. I couldn't process that fast.  I couldn't hold a conversation either.  Verbal memory was shot.  All of it.  I was very visual and could do "that" but if you said it to me, I was like WHAH??

 

 

It's all changing.  Coop - you are in that acute period - and it is SO hard. YOu need so much compassion and big hugs.

I am so glad you have a loving wife and family.  I know you are going to make it through. You just gotta hang in during these of the hardest months. 

Love you,

:)Parker

[Guest [de...]]

You're a piece of shit man. Please do not respond to my posts anymore. You have no idea what's going on with me and you just put people down. I was never like this before withdrawal when I smoked and went months without smoking when this started and have felt the same way the whole time. You do not help me in any way and I'd just prefer to never speak to you again. You have no idea how to approach or comfort people or discuss things. Please don't respond back to me.

 

That was pretty funny. You jumped ugly on Krock, but he kinda deserved it. Forgive him.  Another classic sign of w/d. Flash anger. You were provoked obviously. I have a massive bruise on my right hand from punching a wall yesterday.

 

Your difficulty "connecting " conversationally is a  depersonalization symptom. It can be hard to see people as you normally do. It can almost feel like they are cartoon character or mannequins. And you find yourself wondering "what would I normally say in this situation". It is also hard to actually form complete sentences. You almost fell like an actor playing a role. This is a classic benzo w/d symptom. Also the indifference to companionionship and general ahedonia. This is temporary.

 

But I partially agree with Krock. Avoid the doobage. But I disagree about the taco bell stuff. Find gasrtonomic pleasure when you can. Of course I make my own deer tacos.

 

 

 

[[Iw...]]

LOL coop, anyways its not the WEED, thats for sure. Benzos make you outgoing and very friendly and when ur coming off them like everything else it has the opposite efeect. Its just w/d u will be able to  get more interest in life once it clears up. your doing a good job. 

[[re...]]

Coop, you are preoccupied with your symptoms and your recovery. You find it hard to think about anything else. So of course, you're not going to have a lot to say about anything else. Does that make sense? You're in a bad mood, and you're not going to be the life of the party for a while. It's ok. Let someone else move the ball. We're not here just to entertain others.

Take care.

Evan

[[Bi...]]

Coop... Maybe you cant hold a conversation because your smoking to much weed. I only bring this up because you stated in thread that you were. LOL. I know when I use to smoke weed I would just sit there and stare at people and eat Taco Bell all day. Something to think about. Keep up the good work Coop.

 

Rock

 

It was KFC for me. 

 

coop,

 

Hang in there.. it will go, just hang in there.

 

Billy.

[[WT...]]

Coop, you are preoccupied with your symptoms and your recovery. You find it hard to think about anything else. So of course, you're not going to have a lot to say about anything else. Does that make sense? You're in a bad mood, and you're not going to be the life of the party for a while. It's ok. Let someone else move the ball. We're not here just to entertain others.

Take care.

Evan

 

My thoughts exactly.

[[...]]

It makes sense guys. I really appreciate it. I just felt like he was jumping to conclusions without actually knowing all the facts and it rubbed me the wrong way. It's all good. It does make sense that my mind is preoccupied. I think I just have a hard time because this withdrawal is basically taking away everything I used to do or enjoy to get thru the day. It can be very depressing and I just want it all back. I feel like I'll never be able to work, watch tv, be with friends, workout, read, enjoy time with wife and family, and so on because my brain is too weak to handle any of it. I just need to wake up from this fog and be able to cope through this all instead of having false anxiety, fear, and such a week mind. I need those things to get through this and live. It's all so depressing but I don't want an antidepressant if I don't have to. I'm sleeping and eating and feel this depression will lift when I have the ability to do things again and continue to get better. The monotony and feeling like you're stuck this way can be very scary though. Thank u all.

[[Iw...]]

coop i see u just jumped not too long ago . The first month can be very rough, but u know about 50% of my anxiety lifted after the first month n half. I was the same way everything i did for distraction i cant do. Im slowly starting to get that back in my windows. im in a wave these past days but in my window i was able to go out to a sports bar and hang out wit a couple friends. I feel like im coming back to myself its just waves n windows till it settles. It will all come back eventually. Take care bud.

[[On...]]

It makes sense guys. I really appreciate it. I just felt like he was jumping to conclusions without actually knowing all the facts and it rubbed me the wrong way. It's all good. It does make sense that my mind is preoccupied. I think I just have a hard time because this withdrawal is basically taking away everything I used to do or enjoy to get thru the day. It can be very depressing and I just want it all back. I feel like I'll never be able to work, watch tv, be with friends, workout, read, enjoy time with wife and family, and so on because my brain is too weak to handle any of it. I just need to wake up from this fog and be able to cope through this all instead of having false anxiety, fear, and such a week mind. I need those things to get through this and live. It's all so depressing but I don't want an antidepressant if I don't have to. I'm sleeping and eating and feel this depression will lift when I have the ability to do things again and continue to get better. The monotony and feeling like you're stuck this way can be very scary though. Thank u all.

 

Hi coop,

 

I totally understand where your coming from. I had almost the same defensive reaction you did when I read the "ribbing" post. As a past cannibis smoker, and as an attempted medical use smoker as of lately(didn't work out as well as I had hoped), I felt he went a little too far out on the limb by taking liberty with an assumption, even if in jest. This really needs to be a place where people can feel safe and without judgement, especially when we constantly feel like someone used a "backscratching" on the inside of our skull.

 

BTW, I just posted to a question of the same subject and there's no doubt these benzo's can create a "catatonic state", I get it often and it's more noticeable when I "have to perform" in social situations. I just assume to just let the "World Go By" since I know I'm not up for the challenge of keeping up with everyone else. I don't like it, but at least I know what it is, and that it will go away.

 

Take care coop!

 

On The Mend

 

 

[[Ho...]]

While going through a taper we often don't feel ourselves. Coop, you've been having such a rough go. I'm sorry and I hope things do get better very soon. I know it seem that this will never end..and that's frightening.

 

Perhaps KRock's remarks struck you the wrong way. I think he was trying to help in his own way.

 

In any event, please treat your fellow BB members with respect. Name calling doesn't help anything and can cause a lot of hard feelings.

 

Let me remind you of our policy regarding respecting other members:

 

Be polite towards, and respectful of, your fellow Buddies. We do not tolerate attacks upon fellow members.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9681.msg124366#post_rules-forum