Has anyone hit the three month wall?

[[sm...]]

Ok, so in month one and two it was awful don't get me wrong, but I was at least getting out more than I am now.  It was almost like you had fight in you to push through how weird you felt....but as time goes on and I get better, the symptoms seem so much worse because you can actually tell the difference.  The brain fog can be AWFUL at times, where I just can not think straight at all.  It feels like your brain just stops working.  I forget things really easy, even where did I just put my water, it makes me laugh sometimes, but sometimes I get scared that its permanent.  I know everyone will tell me its not, its just when you are in it its like aaaahhhhhh, freak out!!! I feel like its harder to get out of bed now, and harder to things and get out, I don't know why this happened??

[[Ra...]]

Yep. I'm in the thick of it right now... About a month ago I thought I was home free... now this?!

[[ja...]]

Sarah, Hi

 

I just want let you know I thought the same. When I hit month 3 I was worse. I couldn't get my brain to fire off any rt info. I couldn't tie my shoes ,Didn't know my name ..lol I mean I knew it I just couldn't get it from my brain to my mouth. Getting one foot in front of the other was so hard. I didn't know anyone in w/d and didn't find BB until I was in my 7th month. So I was so worried .I didn't truly know what was going on. My son just started kindergarten and I remember trying to his homework with him. I was reading the directions and was like Ummm .So sad. But really Sarah we go through such extreme sxs and its super scary. Everything will start to Flow again and you will become so good again. For me it was straight decline as my months went on.My physical sxs started to become severe and I was bedridden by month 3 .Great now I have no Brains left and My body was failing. So then I was like OK as long as I still have some amount of looks Ill be OK.LOL Well there went the looks shortly after that Now I was Pissed. lol.Now I have No more Brilliance,No more functioning Body and No Sexy... What kind of pill is this anyway ?How Mean !!! I'm teasing.. But its true we really get hit on every Human level. But as time goes on Healing does happen.Our brain know exactly how to fix this.As long as we throw nothing else into the mix to confuse our brain and CNS.. Your gonna be OK Sarah everything this Beast trys to steal from you in this w/d you will get Back.. All of it.

 

~Jenny

[[sm...]]

Radroy- Its funny that you say "into the thick of it," my daughter used to watch this show called the Backyardigans, and they sang this song called "into the thick of it." and for some reason, when month three started I would wake up hearing, into the thick of it!!! That is exactly how I feel. Looking forward to month 5, I hear its a turning point??

 

Jenny- If you don't mind me asking, were you living on your own when you went through this?  Did you have any help with your son? Thats right, I know a lot of things in my head, but to get them out of my mouth is a different story.  I know, when I read things right now, I can read them, I just don't absorb them.  RIGHT, my looks went too, everything goes, no sexy at all!!! Thank you Jenny, you are very sweet, and I appreciate all of the good advice:)

[[re...]]

sounds like you have hit the 3 month wall. It is very common. It will pass. Hold on, trust the healing process. You are doing great.

 

[[sm...]]

thank you recoveringfrom benzo:)

[[ja...]]

Hi Sarah...

 

No for me it wasn't a good situation. I have 3 small kids. Married .But was very much alone. This w/d stole alot. I lost my business of 12 years as a makeup artist, Lost almost every friend. Family kinda fell back.And my marriage was failing. This w/d was just the last straw I think for us both.After my 4 year old daughter passed from brain cancer we kinda had alot of disconnect from one another. So he was gone from 7am till 9 pm 7 days a week .I had to do everything for the kids .It was the hardest ever. Especially when I became bedridden for 3 months.I did it tho. Cryed alot but I did it.Its so hard what this w/d does.But no matter what ..We can beat it.We just need to have that strong willpower and fire to get through. It starts to subside then we can tackle all the residual effects later. Hang in Sarah your gonna be OK...

 

~Jenny

[[pa...]]

My entire baseline improved at month 5. Don't get me wrong, I'm annoyed that I'm still in the fog, but LOTS of times I have to ask myself if I still am. I have to look around the room at the lights because I'm not sure. And during months 3-4, I was a quivering mess, calling my mom and dad and husband all day every day to cry and freak out that I would be like this for 2 years and I didnt' know how I would ever make it. I cannot believe how much healing happens in those 2-3 months from 3-6.  I'm not even to 6 yet, but I can look back in my journal from 2 months ago today and see that I had such severe depression, disconnection from reality, and deep brain pain, that I couldn't do ANYTHING but lay in my bed and sob or be on the couch. This past weekend, I was at Disney with my family.  I kid you not. I was tired and still in some mild fog, but NOTHING - I mean NOTHING like 2 months ago.

Hold on - it DOES get better. I am over a big hump of some kind - and I know you will get there too.

 

:)Parker

[[sm...]]

Jenny- I am so sorry for your losses.  I mean I am so sorry you had to go through all of this plus lose a child and your business.  That makes me angry, that a drug could destroy someone's life.  I mean my life is nil at this point, but I do not have a career yet, I have no life built up yet.  I am recently divorced, but sometimes I wish I was still with him so I could at least see my daughter, but he left the state after we divorced and now he has her.  I can not imagine taking care of three children during this, I could barely take care of myself in the beginning, seriously, its better now, but that is why my daughter is not here. I almost went to school for make up, I used to do my friends and families make up because they always liked how I did mine...Is that a picture of you for your profile pic?? Can I ask if you still struggle with any symptoms or is it just a bad memory?  Did you ever reclaim your business?? Thank you for sharing I really do appreciate your advice:)

[[sm...]]

Parker- I know what you mean....I feel lucky that in month three I am having good windows where the brain fog lets up for a short bit, but even when it lets up I ask myself is it still there or not??  What this drug does is messes with your baseline so much that even when you start to get better you are like whats good and whats not anymore?  How can you tell??Parker are you able to take any vitamins at this point?? I suffer through taking my vitamin because in the long run I feel better.  Good for you for going to Disney!!!Thats a lot, I don't know if I could even do that for a while!!My situation is complicated because I found out I have candida, which causes brain fog as well, and gluten intolerance which causes brain fog, and low blood sugar which also causes brain fog!!!!I am working with a dr to heal all of these things, but even when the wd is over I still have a lot to heal physically, which holds me back from functioning.  Which are the things that held me back before I took the benzo.  Can you imagine, I came to this dr for health problems and because he couldn't figure it out, he put me on a benzo to shut me up!  Now I have to come out of wd, and heal the health issues too.  I feel like if I could overcome those things I would handle the anxiety and stress much better, sheesh I have a long ways to go! Thanks for the advice:)

Sarah

[[ja...]]

Jenny- I am so sorry for your losses.  I mean I am so sorry you had to go through all of this plus lose a child and your business.  That makes me angry, that a drug could destroy someones life.  I mean my life is nil at this point, but I do not have a career yet, I have no life built up yet.  I am recently divorced, but sometimes I wish I was still with him so I could at least see my daughter, but he left the state after we divorced and now he has her.  I can not imagine taking care of three children during this, I could barely take care of myself in the beginning, seriously, its better now, but that is why my daughter is not here. I almost went to school for make up, I used to do my friends and families make up because they always liked how I did mine...Is that a picture of you for your profile pic?? Can I ask if you still struggle with any symptoms or is it just a bad memory?  Did you ever reclaim your business?? Thank you for sharing I really do appreciate your advice:)

Sarah....

 

Your very sweet thank you for the kind words.I don't struggle with much anymore.But my  friend here has seen how I still struggle with allowing my friends back into my life. He has seen how this w/d has played out for me and now that I'm healed.Connecting seems to be the hardest for me. I may be a bit tuff when comes to friends. I'm all about how you gonna be when the chips are down? I'm really huge on being the best friend I can be when someones hurting..So when friends disappear .I remove myself from them.Then find it hard to let them back in my life.Its a very Vivid memory Sarah I remember everything so clearly.I took such a mental note on how this was going down. But whats the coolest is. I don't have any Raw Emotion to it anymore. No PTSD .No Fear. No Trauma at all. Its really OK. I thought for sure I would be traumatized this was the most extreme experience ever. But NO. I just started to Jump back into work the last few weeks. Lack of Interest was hovering over me for long time.

I am so sad for you about your little girl. I know how your missing her. But remember this is the Best Gift you can ever give her Ever ..YOU..100% YOU. So you just know shes safe and she will be back in your arms when your Healthy.Keep moving towards that .That's going to get you all the way through this.

 

~Jenny

[[sm...]]

Thank you Jenny- Its nice to have your perspective, most people who are better don't come on here anymore, so I am grateful you are getting back to me:) I am looking forward to the end of all of this, thank you for your perspective:)  I hope life is sooo much better for you and your family now...I always wonder about if I will ever meet someone again, and then I think how will he ever relate to what I have been through, how will anyone who hasn't been through this?  Again isolating you more.  I wonder what life will look like after this is all over.....I don't have many friends right now, even before I took the benzo, so no one can turn their back on me haha.  My bf is young and overwhelmed with this, so he tries to be there for me, but I do not expect much from him, he's like 6 years younger than me and I am only 27, so ya he doesn't quiet know what to do for me.  But anyways I appreciate your help, thank you!

[[ja...]]

Sarah... 

 

Aww I know what you mean about .How will you ever be with anyone who hasn't been through this. How will they relate? Best advise I can tell you is. This w/d has the ability to break us down .Bring us to our knees and humble us in ways not many can. So when this is all over. Your rebuilt into the best woman you can be Ever. Blessings in disguise. So you wont need anyone to relate .Your gonna be Confident,Strong,. Beautiful .And filled with such a compassion there just gonna love you from your top to your bottom. . And new friends will flood in..Pure and loyal ones. I understand ur BF doesn't understand. You know what .I don't even think his age is the only reason. Most Cant .Not really anyone can unless the walk it. My Husband couldn't understand. We don't have a cast to show how broken we are. We look normal. So they just think were Over the top complaining. lol I'm doing well now. I have alot of things that need some work but nothing that cant be fixed now ..

 

If we lived close you'd be my friend for sure .I think ur my kind of people

~Jenny

[[sm...]]

Jenny- You are so my kind of people:)Thank you thank you, for now we can just be internet buddies:)

Sarah

[[ja...]]

Jenny- You are so my kind of people:)Thank you thank you, for now we can just be internet buddies:)

Sarah

Lmao... Yes cyber friends for sure...