Confused, Discouraged.........feel misunderstood...no one is listening

[[2w...]]

I was feeling pretty bad after starting to taper off of the lamictal, but I know it has to be done. After cutting it down by 50 mg and still feeling poorly last week....I stopped taking it all together. I know........another c/t. I seemed to be feeling rather sickly but it wasn't too bad, so I have been trying to just stay on the path. 

 

Last Wed. I went to my gyno appt, a new doc and he gave me 4 rx's and when I tried to explain benzo w/d & a/d w/d to him.........he had no idea what I was talking about. It is so infuriating when doc's don't have a clue about what they are doing. I've never felt more alone during this time..........it feels like I'm fighting just to be heard......to be understood....to

be listened to. I started 2 of the rx's my new gyno gave me and by Sat. evening I was a mess. He gave me a pill called Vagifem 10 mcg to take 3 times a week and a cream to use twice a day called nystatin.

 

I'm so confused...I don't know if it's the lamictal getting out of my body or if it's the hormones I started or everything a long with the benzo w/d. I feel like my family is starting to think this will never end.......like I'm a hypochondriac. I felt so bad yesterday I couldn't even get out of bed. I was crying, had head pain/pressure, fogginess, back ache. I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling anymore.

 

I so wish I had a doc who understood this process. The last couple of days I have felt so bad that I would probably have gone to the ER under normal circumstances, but I know that they will not know what to do w/ me so I am just hanging on by a thread.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.....

[[...]]

   

 

I'm sorry you're suffering.  I understand how frustrating it is when doctors don't understand.

 

You're not alone.

 

Hang in there.

 

   

[Guest [...]]

Sorry to hear this Lou. Thought you were starting to improve. What sort of new medications are you having now (the 4 prescribed by the gynaecologist)? Do you think they might be affecting you at all? 'Nystatin' is a yeast fighting med isn't it? I think I had a course of it many moons ago by someone trying to help the fibro.

 

It's never bloody ending is it?

 

Thinking of you.

 

Xana x

[[2w...]]

Thank you for your posts mmgc and Xanax.........sometimes I feel like know one is listening or knows what I'm talking about........thanks for reading my post..

 

Xana,

 

Things were really improving........I feel like I screwed things up by going to the gyno unless it's the lamictal......I'm not sure what's going on at this point.

 

I know that since I had a total hysterectomy about 4 yrs ago I've been concerned about being in menopause and feeling like I needed to have my hormones more balanced. I was on the pill for many, many years and it caused me a great deal of depression. I know that the pill he gave me......vagifem is estrogen so that may be why I am feeling so strangely.

 

My husband thinks it's the hormones but we are also concerned because I stopped the lamictal so quickly and that can cause suicidal thought/behaviors if you stop it too quickly, but I just don't want to have to restart it. It was making the mornings so bad....I just couldn't take it.

 

Yes, Nystatin is a yeast fighting med. He thinks that may be why I have to go to the bathroom so much, but I've also read that a lot of women in benzo w/d get yeast infections and are put on this med.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to believe anymore. My culture came back normal from my gyno visit so I don't know if that means I don't need the Nystatin or what. I have the new gyno's email and he said I could email him w/ any questions. I'm so confused, feel like I've gone backwards. This does seem like it's never going to end............It feels like we are all just hanging on and no one really understands how desperate we all feel and how much we are having to do this on our own. I wish things would get clearer........this all feels like a big conspiracy.

[[Pr...]]

Hi Lou,

I hope you don't mind me stepping in.  I have been on Vagifem 3 times a

week for about 3 years.  Because it isn't taken orally and is low dose I don't

know that it should cause you problems with withdrawal.  I do wonder why

the Doctor would have you use the Nystatin if your test was negative.  Yes,

withdrawal can cause yeast infections.  I drink 1 tbls of Apple Cider Vinegar

(Must be organic with the "Mother") in a glass of water every day and have

not had a yeast infection in the last 6 months and I was prone to them all

the time.  I wish you could find a Doctor who knows about withdrawal.  That

alone would help you since the stress you have right now can make it worse.

Please know that you are in my prayers!  If I can help I will be happy to.

Blessings to you!  Pam

[Guest [...]]

Hey Lou,

 

I'm sure people read your posts but sometimes don't know how to respond. I always check on you but I sometimes have no clue. 

 

Don't feel alone. As someone said on your blog - you have a loving husband who has stayed the distance and has always helped you. I have the same and don't know how I would cope alone. It makes me feel guilty when I see how the stress of it all physically affects him too. He says not to worry about him but I do. I hate that I get irritated by small things he does. I do not like myself any more.

 

I'm sure hormones can affect the mood too. A friend of mine who probably shouldn't even be on them any more, upped the dose because she was so crabby. Can't say I've seen an improvement! Be good if you could find a super doctor to advise on all the drugs etc. It's good that you can email this latest one. Haven't heard of that. I'd love to be able to do that! 

 

Xana x

[[2w...]]

Hi Lou,

I hope you don't mind me stepping in.  I have been on Vagifem 3 times a

week for about 3 years.  Because it isn't taken orally and is low dose I don't

know that it should cause you problems with withdrawal.  I do wonder why

the Doctor would have you use the Nystatin if your test was negative.  Yes,

withdrawal can cause yeast infections.  I drink 1 tbls of Apple Cider Vinegar

(Must be organic with the "Mother") in a glass of water every day and have

not had a yeast infection in the last 6 months and I was prone to them all

the time.  I wish you could find a Doctor who knows about withdrawal.  That

alone would help you since the stress you have right now can make it worse.

Please know that you are in my prayers!  If I can help I will be happy to.

Blessings to you!  Pam

Hello Pam,

 

I appreciate you stepping in. I just found out that my results were negative.....I guess he prescribed it as a precaution. I think I need to email my new gyno and ask him about these symptoms. My husband is thinking that I came off of the lamictal too quicky... so tonight I had to take 50 mg and see how it goes. I'm not sure if I should keep taking the vagifem or not.....maybe my hormones are just balancing out.........who knows.

 

I was wondering how long you took the vagifem before you noticed a difference? I will try the apple cider........I would much rather do something natural than take another pill.

 

Thank you so much for your prayers Pam......

 

Love,

Lou

[[2w...]]

Hey Lou,

 

I'm sure people read your posts but sometimes don't know how to respond. I always check on you but I sometimes have no clue. 

 

Don't feel alone. As someone said on your blog - you have a loving husband who has stayed the distance and has always helped you. I have the same and don't know how I would cope alone. It makes me feel guilty when I see how the stress of it all physically affects him too. He says not to worry about him but I do. I hate that I get irritated by small things he does. I do not like myself any more.

 

I'm sure hormones can affect the mood too. A friend of mine who probably shouldn't even be on them any more, upped the dose because she was so crabby. Can't say I've seen an improvement! Be good if you could find a super doctor to advise on all the drugs etc. It's good that you can email this latest one. Haven't heard of that. I'd love to be able to do that! 

 

Xana x

Hey Xana,

 

Thanks for checking on me.......just knowing someone is out there who can relate to what I am going through brings me some comfort. I too feel guilty about putting my husband and my parents through this. I often wonder how he has been able to put up w/ my moodiness....my outburst....my irrational thoughts.......my hideous attitude. I don't like myself either......I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. I feel so out of shape....I look so tired all of the time and I feel like I'm so sensitive about everything everyone says. If someone makes one comment, it seems to stick in my head and I ruminate on it for days and days. I worry that I am losing it or that my brain is not able to repair itself. I think the hardest part of this process is being alone. It's feeling like no one......not even a medical professional can understand what you are going through. I've become so paranoid about asking for help now because I don't want people to think I'm mentally unstable or that I really need to be put back on meds so I've found myself simply shutting down, being quiet, not expressing myself and then wanting to lash out......the anger and frustration I feel sometimes is very scary. I some times wonder if I will not snap if someone says the wrong thing. I hate not being able to be myself.....but I guess I really don't know who that is anyway. I can't believe it's been over 8 months now........I really believed I would be healed by now.

 

Thanks Xana for just talking to me.........it means a lot to me. Some times I wish I could just hop on a plane or jump in my car and visit the people on bb.

 

Sending you lots of hugs Xana....

Love,

Lou

[Guest [...]]

Hello Lou

 

Im here girlfriend from a big distance but here nonetheless.

 

sounds to me like you need to stay clear of other things.  you know how they say supplements etc complicate these things do you think that is what is happening to u.

 

I just read what you wrote to Xana and i think all those actions are total withdrawal behaviours you know that deep down although it doesnt take away the fear does it.  wish there was a benzo house for us to visit would be great to hug in real life instead of virtual but you guys are great its like life support for me.  Take care and know we are thinking of you.

 

love lizzy

[[2w...]]

Hi Lizzy,

 

Thanks for finding and reading my posts.....that means so much to me just knowing you're out there. I thought the same thing about how supplements complicate things. It seems like any change I make just causes more, severe waves. I feel like I'm stuck but I know I need to remember that these feelings are w/d and that I can't let the fear take control of me.

 

I wish there was a benzo house too......it would be great to be able to sit and chat w/ you guys. This is a life line for me too..........sometimes I worry that it will be gone but I'm sure that is a w/d thought too.

 

Thanks for thinking of me....... I will let you know how tonight and tomorrow goes. It feels so good to know you guys at bb are out there.......

 

I hope you have a good night.

Love you and so appreciate your posts.

Hugs,

Lou

[[sm...]]

2writerlou- Do not worry about the lamictal.  I was on it as well as clonazepam.  I was only on 25mg, and I did taper slowly, and I was not on it for very long, but what it sounds like to me is wd of a benzo.  Sorry to say but no matter how slow you taper off either one you are going to experience wd.  I am having the double whammy of coming off two drugs, but I think a lot of people on here had to come off a lot too, so that will be good support for you.  And coming off of a benzo can cause really dark thoughts.  Plus if our hormones are off, which they usually are from taking this stuff, it can cause us to feel worse.  Our systems are really sensitive right now, so anything you take could make you feel awful, even a vitamin.  So be careful with what you take, and I wouldn't worry as much about the lamictal as the benzo:)  Some people stay on lamictal during wd and say it helps, but I wanted off both immediately so I did them both at the same time.  Besides I think any side effects from stopping lamitcal ends pretty quickly, like maybe a couple weeks of a few weeks, the benzo sx last a while though, so just keep talking to us and we will help you through:)   Just hang in there:)

[[pa...]]

Hi, we haven't met, but read your post.  Oh dear one, you will be ok.  I agree with Lizzy, stay away from everything, let your system heal itself, and it truly does.  Hugs to you, Pattylu

[[2w...]]

2writerlou- Do not worry about the lamictal.  I was on it as well as clonazepam.  I was only on 25mg, and I did taper slowly, and I was not on it for very long, but what it sounds like to me is wd of a benzo.  Sorry to say but no matter how slow you taper off either one you are going to experience wd.  I am having the double whammy of coming off two drugs, but I think a lot of people on here had to come off a lot too, so that will be good support for you.  And coming off of a benzo can cause really dark thoughts.  Plus if our hormones are off, which they usually are from taking this stuff, it can cause us to feel worse.  Our systems are really sensitive right now, so anything you take could make you feel awful, even a vitamin.  So be careful with what you take, and I wouldn't worry as much about the lamictal as the benzo:)  Some people stay on lamictal during wd and say it helps, but I wanted off both immediately so I did them both at the same time.  Besides I think any side effects from stopping lamitcal ends pretty quickly, like maybe a couple weeks of a few weeks, the benzo sx last a while though, so just keep talking to us and we will help you through:)   Just hang in there:)

Hi Smuel,

 

So far I'm staying off of the Lamictal and hoping that I don't have to reinstate it. As far as the hormones, I'm just not going to add anything new until I am more stable. I'm just hoping I

can ride out the Lamictal s/x's and get past it....I feel it's a very toxic drug for me and I want off of it too.

 

Thanks for your post and your encouragement !!

Take care,

Lou

[[2w...]]

Hi, we haven't met, but read your post.  Oh dear one, you will be ok.  I agree with Lizzy, stay away from everything, let your system heal itself, and it truly does.  Hugs to you, Pattylu

It's so nice to meet you pattylu ! I never thought my system would be so sensitive to so many things..........I'm hoping I've learned my lesson this time and that I won't have to change

up anything for a while. Thanks for you support !!

 

Love,

Lou