Wanted to stop in and say YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!!

[[Ja...]]

Well hello there. 

I don't consider myself a success story yet but I do KNOW I'm healing and wanted to give everyone some HOPE for the future.  When you feel down, afraid, anxious, and like no one understands, maybe this will help you!    Not knowing anything about benzo withdrawals, I stopped taking high doses of prescribed benzos cold turkey last October 2011.  I'd taken the prescription for about a year and had no clue what was in store for me...I just knew I could not take them any longer. 

I suffered paranoia, violent body jerking, no sleep for a 3-4 weeks (still having trouble here but it's getting better), debilitating fear, ringing in the ears,perception distortion, agitation, weight loss, weight gain, and the list goes on and on. 

It's been almost 6 months now and I can say today that I am starting to feel so much better!  I know it takes forever for our bodies to heal and every moment seems like an eternity when you're in this state, but time does pass and your body WILL HEAL!  For the longest time I thought I wouldn't ever be the same.  I searched desperately for information over the course of the last 5 months but finally found a book that helped me immensely.  It helped me relax and realize that although I wanted to be healed immediately, it would take time.  The book is called "Benzo-wise" by Bliss Johns.  I read it in a day and it helped me to realize all these ridiculous symptoms that were ruling my life were just a sign that the body was healing.  I am going to give this book to my doctor who told me repeatedly I needed a psychiatrist because the benzo-withdrawal isn't readily understood and the symptoms of withdrawal resemble mental illness.  I'm hoping she can help any other patients who come in with the knowledge this book provides. 

Just know, I'm almost 6 months out, feeling better and better every single day and I see a bright future once again!  The time will pass and you will be you again!  Stay strong.  Relax as much as you can- knowing you will be better in time, and observe your body healing.

I turned to this forum many many times searching for HOPE.  I hope this message can provide that for you. One day, perhaps a year or less from now, I will write again stating I am completely me, 100%.  You will get there too.  Your body is meant to regenerate and heal.  Visualization, deep breathing, listening to affirmations while going to sleep, water, sunlight, and amazing friends helped me get through the toughest time in my entire life and I see the light at the end of that very long tunnel now.  You will too.  You'll get better.  Have faith!  I struggled with that, partly because I couldn't feel much of anything.  My emotions were non existent.  A close friend would pray with me every day and while I couldn't feel much emotionally, she could.  Part of me wishes I'd journaled through this but another part of me didn't want to remember those very frightening days. I am actually happy, looking towards the future with gentle expectancy, and I know, based on what I've been through, that if you've made it this far, you will also get through it.  Trust you will, know you will.  You're going to be just fine.  The Lord has his hand on you at this very moment. 

 

Sincerely,

J

[[Ly...]]

I am soooooooo happy for you!!  Healing truly Does happen!! Can't wait for the success story.

 

[[ho...]]

J Thank you for posting your story and offering hope! 

 

I am just about 5.5 months out and starting to feel better too.  I am cautiously optimistic as I've been slammed hard before when I started to feel better.

 

All the best to you for your continued healing.

[[ho...]]

oops -- meant 4.5 months out  (wish 5.5!!)

[[pa...]]

I never post on this forum, but read success stories from time to time.

 

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am just over 4 months off and am also starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

My good days are turning into good weeks and my bad bad weeks are turning into 1-2 bad days here and there. It is amazing to see the progress, but I too am still cautiously optimistic. I have not felt 100% yet and my bad days (although get fewer) still knock down my confidence.

 

I will go from one day saying "I am healing, this is almost over!" to the next day (if I am having a bad day) saying "When will this ever end? Will I ever be completely healed?"

 

When I stop having the bad days, and my confidence completely returns- I look forward to posting my success story! I haven't updated my signature line in a very long time- so just to let everyone know, I was on clonazepam for 1-2 months at 1.5mg and then tapered for over 9 months. I finished November 2011.

[[it...]]

J-

 

That was SO eloquently written.  It did give me hope.  It also helped me estimate when I may have gotten better without any medication.  I've always wondered that.  Like you, I knew nothing about wd from substances that affect GABA-A receptors.  I just knew something was wrong and, after several months of violent jerking, accepted the doctor's offer of klonopin and keppra.  (I'm off the klonopin now.)  Please do write again when you hit the 1 year mark.

[[os...]]

Thank you for spreading such a hopeful message, what an ordeal but hopefully much better days ahead, this is really encouraging for so many, a wonderful message, please go easy and may far more healing happen for you now, it seems you are over the worst, so very happy for you.

 

Oscar

[[...]]

hii jane,thank you for ur post its really help iam now almost 5 monthes off benzo and most of the symptoms gone but isteel have sensitiveness from the light and when ithink about it or what ihad iget like little anxiety idoono why and is that mean iam almost heald or no ? iam sorry but ireally need help couz no body understand u unless who suffer what udid

[[jr...]]

Jane, You Are Such A Sweetheart. 

 

Your post is so positive.  I am happy you are doing so well.  I can't help but wonder if your success is, in part, attributed to how very active you are.  I can't imagine having your responsibilities in this w/d, but you have continued to carry them out regardless.  You are a role model for me, so perhaps I will get off my butt and accomplish something!  I feel I have spent way too much time wallowing in self-pity.  I made a promise I would do some cross-stitching for a friend's new home (akmom), and I plan to carry it out.

 

You are such an inspiration to me, and I am happy to call you my friend.

 

Love & Hugs,

 

Jenn

[Guest [ma...]]

Thanks so much Jane for the lovely post. Im so glad for you that you are filled with so much hope and seeing progress. Your story has helped me a lot today. 

[Guest [...]]

love you Jane and i love your story im gunna bump for others to read this because its inspirational.

 

Lizzyxxx

[[je...]]

Jane, you helped me soo much in the beginning of this and I now here you are doing it again...Thanks and YAY, Jess

[[Ja...]]

Hello everyone!  Lizzy and Jess I hope you are feeling so much better and out there living your lives.

I wrote that initial message here during a window about five months ago?? Now, that another five months have passed I'm feeling so good. I still have tinnitus and sleeping problems but I'm coping with life, working, and my symptoms aren't revving like they used to. In fact, I've been in a window, or perhaps it's just a partial window but I'll take it any day, for about 10 weeks now. I feel I've healed significantly and while I'm not 100 percent I can live with the progress I've made so far. But, the good news is, I know based on other wonderful success stories that I will continue to improve every week and month post ct. Hallelujah and amen!  I'm so thankful for those who took the time to tell their stories of healing so we all can understand that time factor.

 

Life is returning to normalcy and I've even gone out a couple evenings and partaken in several glasses of wine without a hint of a symptom. I've recently started going to the gym again too. For most of the past ten months, I was in bed most of the time when i didnt have to work and I have thus, lost most of my muscle and become very weak.  So, as hard as it is to go, i do feel better after i go burn some calories and use the weight machines.  I remember friends telling me to work out many months ago.  But, i just couldnt at that time.  Now, i can!  Progress!

 

I've got a ways to go and I understand that it will just take time and patience. Those first 6-8 months seemed to go by at snail speed. I prayed and prayed for the strength , courage, and patience to make it through those long hours.  But, and this is good news, after those first terrible months are over, time begins to move more quickly.

 

For those of you struggling terribly, I can sincerely tell you time will heal you. You will rise again.  It's going to be alright and you will be back to living your life. I don't know how long it will be for you but have faith as it will happen for you.  I know it's easy to lose faith as I lost it many times in the throws of agony, but there will come a beautiful day when you feel good again! 

 

Love and prayers,

J

 

[[St...]]

Hi Jane,

 

It is wonderful to see this post from you.  I am thrilled to see how well you are doing.  You had disappeared from the forum for awhile, am so glad it was from your doing real life again and not needing the support from the forum anymore.

 

I'm adding my voice here that yes there is healing for all.  I am just a week short of being one year out after a c/t myself.  I am not there yet, but I am over 80% there if not more.  So much of my physical sxs have disappeared this past month, or decreased in intensity.  I feel better than I have in years, years and years.  I just can't believe how sick Xanax had made me - I started on it 16 yrs prior to my c/t, with the last almost 2 years of that time being switched around to various benzos where things just escalated til I c/t.  I wouldn't advise anyone to c/t but sometimes with a Dr's care it can be necessary.  It does throw you into the pits of Hell real fast, but I'm here to say that there is healing for us c/t also.  I know I was so afraid for many months that I had ruined my life from my c/t but that isn't true.

 

Enjoy your life Jane, I'm really happy for you.

May you have continued healing still to come,

love,

Sally 

[[De...]]

Hi Jane,

 

Delighted that you are doing so well. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us, it gives us all hope. Wishing you continued healing 

 

Debbie   

 

 

Sally,

 

I'm so pleased for you too 

 

Wishing you continued healing and many happy drug free days !

 

Debbie 

 

 

[[tu...]]

Jane:  Loved your honest (almost) success story.  I can relate all too well.  I am about 6.5 months off and while feeling a lot better I still have some symptoms that need additional healing (dizziness/anxiety).  I like you try to remember on the tough days that I will be okay and I can heal 100%.  This is such a scary experience with very little medical validation that it makes hope difficult sometimes.  Keep returning every few months to let us know your progress.  People ahead of us that are healing are like lights inside this dark tunnel of w/d.  We need your reassurance to light the way so we can keep pushing forward. 

 

Beautiful post!

 

Best wishes to you and your continued healing 

[[wi...]]

Hi Sweet Jane

I love reading your posts! Always charming and inspirational. I too am almost there...wasn't sure it would really happen. But it does! Healing is a marvelous thing. Miss you! 

check ur PM's.

Love you!

w1

[[Ja...]]

Turtle, Sally, wishful y, and Deborah,

Thank you for reading and replying. I hope this helps you all to keep gripping that inner faith.

 

Faith that you are healing is really the only thing that keeps you going through all of this.

 

Sally and Wishful Y.... I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better too!  Yes! I love to hear that!!

I picture you living your lives, smiling, laughing, and knowing your getting better and better..

Just think, you've been through the absolute worst and now it's just those nagging annoying issues left to shake free from. This is wonderful news!  The worst of it is behind us all!!

 

Love,

J

[[je...]]

Jane... I just love your optimism.  Even my worst day now is nothing in comparison to that first few days after the ct.  I hold onto that with both hands.  I could not be happier for you and you are  right...it gets sooooo much better.  Jess

[[Ja...]]

Jane... I just love your optimism.  Even my worst day now is nothing in comparison to that first few days after the ct.  I hold onto that with both hands.  I could not be happier for you and you are  right...it gets sooooo much better.  Jess

 

Aww Jess,

You've been through so much luv. I'm so happy to hear that you are doing better!  You're a survivor and also an inspiration for others. One day my friend...one day, we'll both be back to 100%!  It's on it's way.

 

Love,

J