Can anyone who has come out of the fog describe it?

[[pa...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I might as well get over feeling sorry for myself today that I'm in the fog.  It's driving me nuts, but oh well!  It is SO very hard to be patient, but I guess I dont' have a choice. So I thought, maybe I can live vicariously through somebody on here who HAS come out of the fog and can tell me about it in detail.  I kinda think of this as "recovery lust". I am hanging in there to read about how wonderful it is to come out of the fog. And until I do, I want to read every detail of someone else who knows what I am talking about.

I am obsessing over this, but in a good way. My brain KNOWS it is coming and it can't help but to look forward to it in every way.

Will someone please indulge me?  I'm sure other people on here would love to read it, too.

 

Thank you so much.  I hang on every word.

Parker

[[WT...]]

I'm getting some popcorn, kicking back, and am ready to hear some wonderful "defogging" stories too. 

[[...]]

Just one morning I woke up and that feeling of a cotton ball on my forehead was gone and I could think more clearly and faster....I noticed too that my visual DR had gone away and that my long term memory had improved. It happened literally overnight...they still pop up on occasion (like when I have too much stimulation or stress), but not 24/7 like they used to be...

 

Now if someone can explain to me how intrusive thoughts go away...that is one sx that I don't see an end to it...just by the nature of it...

[[Ho...]]

This is what I'm most desperate for. Healing from the brain fog. I cannot BELIEVE it is still so incredibly bad this far out. It's still hard to drive at times, and impossible to do my homework a lot of times too.

[[...]]

This may seem weird, I know, but it is the best way that I can describe my foggy days, and how I felt when that fog lifted.  I was very fortunate, in  that I had to deal with the fog issue for only about two, and a half months, although it did seem much longer.

 

The sea was angry for many days, and so was I.  The waves were tossing me from side to side, but I did not notice, for my mind was consumed by a fog, far more dense, and darker than any fog upon the sea.

 

I drifted aimlessly, not knowing if it was day or night.  I did not care.  Suddenly, a tiny hole appeared in the darkened sky, and a ray of warm, invogorating sunshine, tapped me on my shoulder, and I began to feel alive again.  The dark cloud that had enshrouded me, got smaller, and smaller.  The bright sunshine got brighter, and brighter.  My mind got clearer, and clearer.  I was me again.  Life was beautiful again.

 

It took 15 months for me to completely heal from an Ativan, and Ambien cold turkey, but I did heal, and I have never felt so happy, and alive than I do now.  Do not give up.  Your day will come

[[cn...]]

Parker, I remember you saying you were changing your diet a while back. Eating good things.

 

Are you still eating lots of salmon or fish? I remember when i was eating lots of salmon I felt like my brain fog/fatigue was clear. I hear the omega oils in fish are great brain food.

 

Just curious. Hang in there bud. =)

[[pa...]]

Yes - I'm still taking the omegas. I sure wish it was the answer to things for me. This is definitely one of those times I wish I could buy "time in a bottle".  I'd buy the store out and then rob another one.  hehe

[Guest [...]]

hey Parker

 

Just saying how much i appreciate all the help and wisdom you give others.  Must say i cant believe you are in such a fog with your excellent way of explaining things it blows my mind that you are foggy.  Can you explain your definition to what your fog feels like so i can understand.

 

Lizzy

[[pa...]]

Hi Lizzy,

 

Thank you. That makes me feel warm.  

 

I do have to say, as much as I'm still in a fog, I have come a long way from a few months ago where I pondered up and down as to how to write a one-line email. No kidding. I couldnt' put a sentence together in thought OR in spelling. 

 

My fog changed at 5 months.  Before then, I didn't feel like I was even in this time.  I couldn't tell if it was night or day or whether or not it "felt like" a weekday or a weekend.  A lot of that changed at 5 months.  But the worst part was that i couldnt' feel the love for my own kids. I mean I LOVED them, but I couldn't feel it. That was the HARDEST THING I have ever been through because who I am is a VERY nurturing mother.  I used to be a teacher and I love children. I was disconnected from everything - and this was the hardest part. But, through the grace of God, that has improved.

 

Now - I feel like it's my house, my family, I feel the love for my kids again. I just feel that there is this higher plane of reality that I have yet to reach. I've popped through it like 3 times ever, with the last time being 2 weeks ago when I woke up out of it. But it's hard to explain.  Mornings are definitely my hardest time and I begin to feel better as the day goes on. But the fog is like - just like a hazy veil over all my senses - vision, hearing, and cognitive awarness. I feel like I need this blanket that is sitting on my entire brain to push BACK and away. It's like I feel there is an onion skin that i want to grab from my eyeballs and just pull off! It's so hard to explain!!! I also cannot feel pain when I have the fog. I know because I got a bad ant bite and stubbed my toe and days later, the fog lifted, and BOTH of those small injuries HURT! But I didn't really feel them when they happened days ago!  But when it's gone, Oh BOY I know it.

 

:)Parker

[Guest [...]]

oh Parker i dont know you from a bar of soap but already love you.

 

Cannot believe what you have just said about the kid thing.  Im the same omg cant believe someone else is having those feelings.  Like my children have been my life and I look at them and know i love them but cant feel anything.  This is going to sound really terrible but before the benzos i was given other drugs for anxiety and it did the same thing.  My eldest son was involved in a serious car accident and i was at the scene looking at him and saying the right things but the whole time i was so detached and i was like thinking why cant i feel anything it truly was one of my worst nightmares coming true and i couldnt feel a thing. (hate even telling you this)  Im not sure why this happens isnt it called (see i cant even think of the word) not numbing but you may be able to think of it.  Before all of this i was so overprotective and worried about them in every way.  Im glad to see for you its coming back they know we love them.  My son turned 21 yesterday supposed to be the happiest day and i was looking at him trying to remember all of the fantastic times and all i could be was in this fog.  Must be exactly the same thing.

 

Do you think its the bodies way of protecting us of further trauma just a thought there??

 

I wrote to you the other day after your fantastic post of how benzos work on the brain etc and asked you if at all the same would apply to the horrific reactions that the antidepressants had on my nervous system.  Does it all repair in time.  Interesting about the ant bite and your toe still my claim that the body has shut down to protect could be valid?  interested to know your thoughts and so glad for you that some of the stuff especially the love for the kids is coming back.  Its very unfair and cruel especially because of the parents out there who dont care at all for their children why are we the ones to suffer.  Dont worry about answering that Life isnt always fair thats the answer.  Great to meet you.  Hope that fog continues to lift.

 

Lizzy

[[ja...]]

Parker...Hi.

 

I know what you mean the fog is so bad. For me it was nonstop everyday for 7 months.I swear I felt like I couldn't see straight ,Think straight. I felt like There was a haze over me. I was so not well with in my mind and body. Then one morning in month 7. I woke. and something was diff.I knew it but it wasn't great just diff. But then by 11am..Omg The Fog lifted. I felt like I woke from a Coma.For real.That's what it felt like. As the day went on. I started ripping my house apart cleaning and rearranging.Like I was asleep for months.. It was so good. Omg that day was amazing Ill never forget. I was like O yes. There I am!!! Hang in you gonna get there to..)

 

~Jenny

[[Ho...]]

oh Parker i dont know you from a bar of soap but already love you.

 

Cannot believe what you have just said about the kid thing.  Im the same omg cant believe someone else is having those feelings.  Like my children have been my life and I look at them and know i love them but cant feel anything.  This is going to sound really terrible but before the benzos i was given other drugs for anxiety and it did the same thing.  My eldest son was involved in a serious car accident and i was at the scene looking at him and saying the right things but the whole time i was so detached and i was like thinking why cant i feel anything it truly was one of my worst nightmares coming true and i couldnt feel a thing. (hate even telling you this)  Im not sure why this happens isnt it called (see i cant even think of the word) not numbing but you may be able to think of it.  Before all of this i was so overprotective and worried about them in every way.  Im glad to see for you its coming back they know we love them.  My son turned 21 yesterday supposed to be the happiest day and i was looking at him trying to remember all of the fantastic times and all i could be was in this fog.  Must be exactly the same thing.

 

Do you think its the bodies way of protecting us of further trauma just a thought there??

 

I wrote to you the other day after your fantastic post of how benzos work on the brain etc and asked you if at all the same would apply to the horrific reactions that the antidepressants had on my nervous system.  Does it all repair in time.  Interesting about the ant bite and your toe still my claim that the body has shut down to protect could be valid?  interested to know your thoughts and so glad for you that some of the stuff especially the love for the kids is coming back.  Its very unfair and cruel especially because of the parents out there who dont care at all for their children why are we the ones to suffer.  Dont worry about answering that Life isnt always fair thats the answer.  Great to meet you.  Hope that fog continues to lift.

 

Lizzy

 

Lizzy, I have always thought that this may be the case. My fog feels like it comes on whenever I'm too overloaded with information or emotions and I can't handle anything else. My brain just seems to shut down, kind of feeling like it's trying to protect me. It sure does work, too, becuase when I can't think of anything I can't stress myself out so much!! I don't know if that's scientifically sound, but it's what it feels like to me.

 

Holly

[[WT...]]

Parker...Hi.

 

I know what you mean the fog is so bad. For me it was nonstop everyday for 7 months.I swear I felt like I couldn't see straight ,Think straight. I felt like There was a haze over me. I was so not well with in my mind and body. Then one morning in month 7. I woke. and something was diff.I knew it but it wasn't great just diff. But then by 11am..Omg The Fog lifted. I felt like I woke from a Coma.For real.That's what it felt like. As the day went on. I started ripping my house apart cleaning and rearranging.Like I was asleep for months.. It was so good. Omg that day was amazing Ill never forget. I was like O yes. There I am!!! Hang in you gonna get there to..)

 

~Jenny

 

Hi, Jaso.  Did the fog stay lifted for good?

[Guest [...]]

hey Holly

 

Based on no scientific evidence whatsoever lets just go with it hey.  Im really think its true and not the benzo me the real me lol.

 

Lizzy

[[ja...]]

Hi WTBNA..

 

That day it lifted as the days went bye I felt better. I did have bouts with mental sxs again but never had the Fog again ..

 

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

That is awesome Jenny

 

hey if your up to housework come see me lol.

 

Lizzy

[[Iw...]]

I was in acute w/d for only a few weeks and then only a few months to almost totally heal. Right now I am only having some problems with insomnia and at times panic attacks when driving and I am about 6 months out. All I can say is that I can't believe how good I feel. When I think about where I have been and where i am at right now I can't help but to be very grateful to God. I didn't realize it but I was not doing that great even before the w/d and I was only taking K about once a month for sleep. Life totally benzo free is great. Things are so much clearer and my mood is more up and optimistic. I saw a rainbow this morning and almost cried because of the beauty of it. A few months ago I would have barely noticed it.  As you heal you will start thinking you are close to being healed but then as the days pass you will feel even better and think wow I am so much better I can't believe I thought I was healed. I guess we just forget what it is like to be normal. The fog is one of the worst symptoms but you will heal and life will be so beautiful again.

[[pa...]]

oh Parker i dont know you from a bar of soap but already love you.

 

Cannot believe what you have just said about the kid thing.  Im the same omg cant believe someone else is having those feelings.  Like my children have been my life and I look at them and know i love them but cant feel anything.  This is going to sound really terrible but before the benzos i was given other drugs for anxiety and it did the same thing.  My eldest son was involved in a serious car accident and i was at the scene looking at him and saying the right things but the whole time i was so detached and i was like thinking why cant i feel anything it truly was one of my worst nightmares coming true and i couldnt feel a thing. (hate even telling you this)  Im not sure why this happens isnt it called (see i cant even think of the word) not numbing but you may be able to think of it.

 

Lizzy - I think this is the derealization we experience. In normal life, I think it happens in a high state of anxiety- like with your son's car accident. People just go into a state of shock during times like this.  It's so rattling that you can't absorb it. I think the same thing might happen when a close loved one dies and you go through the stages of grief, but at first it's just a state of high panic.  In our case, I think we are living in this state for weeks and months.  It's enough to make me go batty.  The part where I couldnt' feel any love for my kis was at 3 months off. By 4 months off it was starting to improve and now it's gone.  I think I read that derealization can occur after discontinuing antidepressants, too.  But I have never experienced that personally.  I'm sure it is no fun.

 

Before all of this i was so overprotective and worried about them in every way.  Im glad to see for you its coming back they know we love them.  My son turned 21 yesterday supposed to be the happiest day and i was looking at him trying to remember all of the fantastic times and all i could be was in this fog.  Must be exactly the same thing.

 

I'm a very overprotective mom, too.  I'm still cut off from a lot of that because I can't think straight enough to imagine the possiblities of what might happen. Maybe that is a good thing right now. Every now and then though, I get an anxious thought about the kids and it sends adrenaline to my body. It doesn't feel good.

 

Do you think its the bodies way of protecting us of further trauma just a thought there??

I have read this in the Ashton manual - what you say makes a lot of sense.  I dont' know if it's purposeful or just the inevitable outcome when there is too much overwhelming activity in the brain and it just shuts off a part of itself.  I don't know why the brain is designed this way, but it certainly seems like the fog is maybe easier on us than extreme, extreme anxiety might be. But then, I had THAT too at one point.    I have no idea. God only knows why things are designed the way they are.  I just ask that He fixes this old brain because i don't know why it works when it does and is broken at other times!

 

I wrote to you the other day after your fantastic post of how benzos work on the brain etc and asked you if at all the same would apply to the horrific reactions that the antidepressants had on my nervous system.  Does it all repair in time.  Interesting about the ant bite and your toe still my claim that the body has shut down to protect could be valid?  interested to know your thoughts and so glad for you that some of the stuff especially the love for the kids is coming back.  Its very unfair and cruel especially because of the parents out there who dont care at all for their children why are we the ones to suffer.  Dont worry about answering that Life isnt always fair thats the answer.  Great to meet you.  Hope that fog continues to lift.

 

I think that NO MATTER WHAT - the more time we put between these drugs and our bodies, healing is inevitable. I think that no matter what, YES, WE HEAL. I just like to complain a lot along the way.  Even though I KNOW this, I don't want to walk this path.  I just dont'.  I believe Zoe and Jenny and Mike and all the others when they say they have healed. If they did, I know we will. But I don't like the time in the meantime, and so I gripe and cry and pray and bargain with God and write emails and ask for support - and I get up tomorrow and do it ALL over again. But you know what, Lizzy? In no more than about 700 tomorrows, we'll be there no matter what.  If it takes 700 tomorrows, that's still better than cancer and no tomorrows or a car accident and no legs.  It's not like we want anything bad to happen.  It's so hard when it does. But God has directed me so many times to the book of Job . Job was a loyal servan of God.  And Satan says to God, "Sure Job worships you.  He's wealthy and you give him everything, but take it all away and he will curse your name." Well, God allowed Job to lose everything - his children, his wealth, and even his health. Job cursed his own birth, and he cried and cried. All through the book of Job he cried.  He asked God "WHY?"  He hadn't done anything to deserve this.  He didnt' do anything wrong. WHY did he have to walk this path?  Job's friends tried to tell him to repent, because surely he must have done something to deserve this.  But no - he didn't do anything wrong. God simply allowed it to happen for reasons we don't understand. And in the end, God answered Job and asked him, "Did YOU make the heavens and earth? Do YOU understand how everything is meant to fit together?"  Job didn't know what to say. Finally, he admitted to God that he was sorry to ever question God's ways.  And God said , basically, that "It is more important to know ME than to know all the answers." And Job understood. And God restored him and all of his wealth and his health and his family. 

 

Sometimes there are no obvious reasons for suffering. In Job's case, I guess God had to use somebody as an example to show others. In our case, I know that God has a purpose in this.I dont' know what it is, but I believe it is part of His plan - that He will do amazing works through us.  I know that in this, God is teaching me to really gain perspective on what is really "a problem" in life and what is not. I always took things so seriously.  Now, I have TRUE perspective on what is really important and what is just fine the way it is.  I will no longer have "typical" anxiety when this is all over. I will be so overjoyed to be restored. And I Hope I get to help others.  I am a teacher and a writer and I feel that in some way, there must be a meaning to this suffering that I can't know yet.  All in His time. It is so hard. I don't like it. And if I could end it right now, I would! But I know we will make it.  And I believe there must be some purpose that will come of it. 

 

In time, this suffering will end. And we will understand it in some way. God shows us that, and I believe it.

 

I love you, Lizzy.

:)Parker

[[ja...]]

LOL Lizzy..

 

For real it was like 7 months I could only do the necessary .But I have 3 kids and like come on. Do they really need clean cloths?Do they have to eat? Who said not taking a bath for days was bad? Lmao Kidding .But when the fog lifted I was me again ... 

 

~Jenny

[[pa...]]

Jenny - I am SO glad to hear that fog lifted.  I would feel "healed enough" if this fog would just go. I feel like i could work with ANYTHING else if it would just go. I am SO thankful that you explained how it went away. I am going to print out your post and put it on my wall and read it everday next to my recovery calendar. Thank you, Jenny.  Love you so much!!!

 

Parker

[[...]]

Same here...an extremely caring, sweet and overprotective mom, who feels detachwd from her kids at times It kills me inside! I measure all my healing progress by how m.uch love I can feel for them...give me panic, fear, pain, jerks, adrenaline...everything...I can take it all but the anhedonia (lack of feelings)...This is the cruelest thing that could happen to a mom...

[[Bi...]]

Well, how can one describe the fog?

 

It's like no emotion, memory deficits, lack of feelings, and just depressing.

 

I don't know of any medication that can cure it either, not one prescription out there. When I'm in a window, I can def. feel emotion and what was missing. When the fog lifts, it just does.

 

Billy.~

 

 

[[pa...]]

Mmir - I totally agree with what you said. I judge my healing by how I am for my kids, too. In fact, if I didn't have kids, I would just ride this out on the couch and watch  re-runs all day long without complaining. But because I don't want to miss a minute of their childhood, I have the biggest hard time with this! But Mmir - mine has gotten MUCH better in the past 2 months.  I am still on a very low dose (less than 3mg or 1/4 of a pill) of a Remeron pill. I think this is helping me still. It is so little, that I am not worried about it. I used to have to take a full 15mg a few months ago to feel this way, but it worked. On that Remeron, I got all my love feelings back. I was only taking it for sleep, but I noticed how much it really made my mood amazing. But as time went on, I kept reducing it because I needed less to sleep and didn't want to add another med eventually to the mix. But man, if I were really bad again, I'd use it again.

I cried a LOT over the past few months over this, Mmir. So bad that I have 2 sets of contact lenses I alternate through the day because one gets so full of tears that they get foggy!  So I switch out pairs of lenses! The crying has helped me for some reason. Maybe endorphins. I don't know.

 

Billy - I hear you. If I take 11mg pr more of Remeron (3/4 of a pill), the fog actually lifts for me. But I am so resistant to taking it now that I dont' absolutely need it for sleep. If I didn't feel closer to the fog lifting, I would still be on it.  But I am thankful the fog has lifted this much.

 

We just gotta hang in there, guys.

Ugh. So hard.

:)Parker

[[...]]

I cry a lot too parker...I have two little kids and do not want to miss their first years either...I sometimes just have to fake it with them and I hate doing it but I want them to have as normal a childhood as possible...but when the feelings pop up on occasion poor babies!!! I want to eat them all with kisses and hugs!

 

Honestly if I did not have kids I would not be here today...they are the reason I survive...

[Guest [...]]

hey Parker

 

lovely reply im going to give it some thought and hopefully know that someone has a greater plan in place for me.  I got something through the other day from a friend and it went along the line of with bad endings come new beginnings i can only home that this is true and im not being punished from you know who for my bad life choices.

 

One thing I do know is that I was the extreme worrier from hell before worried about everything i really wasnt living a life.  If my child was late i thought he was dead, every siren was a member of my family in it etc etc and i know now that im letting my youngest go to the movies with friends and am not thinking that he is being kidnapped however i now counteract that with the thought well the reason why you are letting him go is you just dont care about him anymore blah blah and more negative blah.

 

I think as human beings we are crying with the grief the painful wail of times lost.  Tell you a little story i was in the car with my eldest son who had the car accident he sustained a compound fracture of the tib and fib the police at the scene said it was the worst injury he has seen on someone that hadnt died.  so you can understand the magnitude sometimes i think that maybe god protected me from all of this by making me sick first because seriously if this had happened before i reckon i would have lost the plot and i could not have been the calm person i was at the scene of the accident.  He said mum you know how you behaved at the accident you made me realise that i wasnt going to die.  There you go if one good thing has come from this thats enough.  anyway what i was saying he has only just been able to walk unaided he is in the middle of his trade so has not been able to work go out or really do anything and has had a sick mum as well.  Today on the way to the doctors he said ive lost a year of my life and i said mate i understand i feel the same way and he looked at me and said YES MUM BUT YOU ARE NOT IN THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE hahaha i said im only 46 mate im not dead your life doesnt end when you are this age.  Just funny the perspective of youth.  anyway im sure ive rambled along long enough.  Love your contact lens story you need some windscreen wipers on them.  Parker the remeron sent me crazy i slept like a dog but had really weird thoughts on it.

 

love talking to you.

 

Jenny you are very funny food what food who can find their way around the supermarket and the kids someone please feed the kids hard thing is if we had broken backs legs or anything else that people can see they would be bringing us food.  Because our injuries cant be seen people hardly offer a thing.  Actually it is really bad ive lost friends because either because im not the life of the party anymore im rendered useless i dont know.

 

Have a lovely day

 

Lizzy