Big window, best day in years, but.....

[[Fl...]]

Saturday was the best day I have had in a long, long time.

 

Woke up early and met some friends at Starbucks. Got on our bikes and headed to Daytona for bike week. This is something I have been planning for months.

 

I had to get up early for this, and to complicate things further I woke up a couple of hours before I actually had to be up which meant that I only got about 3.5 hours of sleep. Wasn't sure how things were going to go having only gotten half a nights sleep, but I made it through the morning, and by the time I had been on the bike for about an hour I realized that I was starting to smile, and for no particular reason. At that point I realized it was going to be a good day 

 

Another hour on the bike and we arrived at our destination. Grabbed some lunch and hit the street to check out some bikes. It was hot, there were thousands of people, and the noise from the exhaust was deafening, but I was in the zone. I was right on point with my conversational skills. I was cracking jokes and being witty. I was smiling. My social anxiety was non-existent. It's hard for me to even recall how I was in the past but as far as I can remember I haven't performed that well socially since the early days of being on the benzo. Maybe even before. Hell, I don't know if there was ever a time in my life where I was so relaxed and able to lead a social interaction the way I did on Saturday.

 

I was there with a friend of mine, a girl I have been seeing, and one of her friends. Eventually the girls had to leave so it was just my buddy and I. We rested at the condo for an hour or so and then headed back out to check out the action.

 

We must have walked at least 7 miles that day. We hit the main drag again then walked over to an Irish pub in another part of town to check out the St. Patricks's day celebration. We made it there just before they were closing. My back and feet were killing me by this time so I sat down on the curb.

 

A minute later a gorgeous girl walks by and looks my way. I locked eyes with her for several seconds. I said hello and got a warm greeting in return. That was a HUUUUUUGE accomplishment for me, who until recently had to deal with some pretty severe social anxiety issues and a complete lack of confidence and self esteem. A couple of months ago I would not have been able to imagine being able to get back out there and interact with women again, so I take this as a pretty good sign.

 

Before I get to the "but" in this story, I just want to say that although I am sure that my overall condition did play a part in the way I felt on Saturday, I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I am finally at a point where the withdrawal has let up enough that I have the ability to actually do things that have a significant effect on how I feel at any given moment. I think the adrenaline from the bike ride started it (you have to be SUPER aware of everything when on a motorcycle and it definitely does release some feel good chemicals in the brain). Being a part of an event like this and getting a one day vacation also helped contribute to the way I was feeling. Walking for miles and being outdoors probably had a lot to do with it. I'm sure that being there with a girl I am interested in didn't hurt either  In other words, I think that Saturday was less of a withdrawal window and more of a temporary high that was created by the situation I put myself in and the people who were around me.

 

Which brings me to the "but".

 

We left the St Patrick's Day festivities at about 1am and made our way back to the condo. I was exhausted,  hot, sticky, and sore so I took a shower and fell into a deep sleep. We got up at 9:30 and jumped on the bikes for the two hour ride home. The ride back was nice but I was happy to be home. I was still pretty tired from the day before so I took a two hour nap.

 

When I got up from my nap I realized that I wasn't feeling as good as I had been the previous past 24 hours. I didn't feel particularly bad, but I certainly wasn't the same happy and relaxed guy I was the day before. I started thinking negative thoughts. I didn't have motivation to do much of anything besides sit in my chair and play solitaire on my phone. I grabbed something to eat and sat in front of the tv the rest of the day.

 

All of this made me realize that although I am doing well in my recovery it is probably going to be awhile before I am fully healed. It also made me realize, as I mentioned above, that I now have some degree of control over how I am feeling at any given time. The down side to this is that it seems that I have to be careful not to overdo it to avoid getting the "happiness hangover" that seems to have come from a day full of positive stimulation. Oh well....I guess it's a small price to pay for having such an awesome day.

 

Wishing everyone healing 

 

[[re...]]

Thanks for sharing your great day with us!! You are healing nicely!!

Keep going.

[[...]]

Glad you had such a good day.

 

Wishing you continued healing.

[[...]]

Souds encouraging!!! Congrats! Maybe you just used up the good stuff in your brain and need to recharge. Maybe this will cheer you up as your story about locking eyes with that babe brought this only could happen to me story. Was in Niagara Falls with this girl, another came down the sidewalk, flashed me a big smile and I tripped and fell down. Smooth move, exlax!!!

[[sm...]]

flea- tooooo good, thats stinkin cute! At least you were out at Niagra Falls!

[[ed...]]

thats awsome! glad you are having better days!

[[WT...]]

Wonderful news!  You are going to see more and more days like this in the future. 

[[...]]

Good for you FG! I think it is normal to feel tired, lazy and down after a very intense day even when not in w/d so do not be too hard on yourself. Even normal people have down days.

 

[[Fl...]]

Good for you FG! I think it is normal to feel tired, lazy and down after a very intense day even when not in w/d so do not be too hard on yourself. Even normal people have down days.

 

Very true. I'm sure my CNS is still pretty sensitive, and it was an INTENSE day. Lack of sleep, 2 hours on the motorcycle, an ocean of people, heat, LOUD noises, tons of walking......that's enough to make anyone crash the next day.

 

Last night I managed to get a decent amount of sleep and today I feel pretty good. Starting to get some anxiety creeping in about life situations but it isn't the nasty benzo anxiety so it's probably a good thing. My life is a wreck and if I'm not able to get things on track soon I will just keep digging myself deeper and deeper.

 

Thanks for the replies everyone!

[[Sa...]]

Way to go, FloridaGuy. You're soooo close!

[[pa...]]

Hi Floridaguy...  This really put a smile on my face.   I'm grateful that you had such a wonderful day!!   Patty