I have structural brain damage.

[[Ho...]]

Last night proved this to me. That is the only reasonable explanation.

 

I didn't take trazodone last night because I feel like it is poisoning me. I got zero sleep. Not a wink. I didn't even get anything close to sleep. The feeling of laying there for hours and hours, completely exhausted and yet your brain absolutely does NOT know what to do cannot simply be the result of not having enough gaba in my defective receptors or whatever. There has to be something structurally wrong with the center of my brain that controls sleep, because that center is absolutely positively not working.

 

In all honesty I can say I have not made any progress whatsoever since 3 or 4 months. I'm now 9.5 months. Is it something  I'm doing? I had been taking NSAIDs almost every day. Has this been preventing my healing?  I have been on every AD under the sun, and even at least one antipsychotic (risperdal) in the past 6 years. I only mention the antipsychotic because they do cause structural brain damage. I don't know what to do. I cannot just keep taking trazodone every night because it's bad for me, I  do NOT want to be on ANY more psych drugs, and it makes me gain weight, etc. etc. But I obviously cannot sleep without it.

 

This is ridiculous, I'm sick of this. I'm not doing anything wrong to deserve this. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm in agony.

 

 

[[ar...]]

So sorry Holly.  Just wanted you to know you're not alone.  I am 13 months off and haven't had much improvement for several months myself.  I truly believe, at this point, that this is as good as it is going to get for me.  I think I have permanent brain damage.  I am going to have to learn to live with this balance problem that has plagued me from the beginning.  I also never get any restorative sleep.  I don't think I've slept longer than 5 hours at a time for over a year.  My arms also still tingle and feel numb once in awhile.  I have been to more doctors than I can count with few results.  The last one I went to did confirm I had CNS damage but wouldn't confirm benzos as the culprit.  So, hang in there.  That's all we can do. 

 

[[re...]]

I doubt the antipsychotics are to blame. From what I understand the damage they do is more along the causing TD.

 

Hang in there, you ARE healing, it just takes time. And a lot of it!!

If you can stop the over the counter pain pills it may help. Worth a try.

[[ba...]]

Congradulations not wanting' to take ,more.otc, supplements, A/D  etc. Etc. Sleep  will come when it comes ooto  putting more posion pills in your body will upyreally screw it up! Give your body  a chance to heal, which it will do, more pills is not the answer, I have not sleep right in 10 years, you will be fine

You do not have structural brain damage just a bad case of ocd

 

ome when

[[Ho...]]

armslynd, I am so sorry to hear that. That is very discouraging. I was under the impression that everyone will heal from benzos sooner or later. I pray with all my heart that that is the case for me and you.

 

 

Bando, I will be the first to admit I have an obsessive personality. I don't know why I am so terrified of not sleeping. Is that a sx in itself? I have no idea... but all I know is that I feel like if I don't sleep I will die or something  It's a very horrible feeling. A lot of people do better with no sleep than I do, and they don't seem to understand why it's so hard for me. But it's that feeling that makes it so painful for me.

 

[[ba...]]

Try saying to yourself it will end when it ends bliss an ashton both state that worry hinders healing just accept your symtoms as symptoms nothing more

 

 

[[ba...]]

I have bad ocd myself  and feel like shit from lack of sleep you will heal just no more pills for your sake

[[Ga...]]

armslynd, I am so sorry to hear that. That is very discouraging. I was under the impression that everyone will heal from benzos sooner or later. I pray with all my heart that that is the case for me and you.

 

 

Bando, I will be the first to admit I have an obsessive personality. I don't know why I am so terrified of not sleeping. Is that a sx in itself? I have no idea... but all I know is that I feel like if I don't sleep I will die or something  It's a very horrible feeling. A lot of people do better with no sleep than I do, and they don't seem to understand why it's so hard for me. But it's that feeling that makes it so painful for me.

 

Holly I am the same way, convinced I cannot function with out 8 hr of sleep. I usually sleep with help of unisom but now I am afraid it will dry out my eyes really bad and theyre a mess already or worse, will get too used to it. Youre not alone with this obsession.

[[Ho...]]

armslynd, I am so sorry to hear that. That is very discouraging. I was under the impression that everyone will heal from benzos sooner or later. I pray with all my heart that that is the case for me and you.

 

 

Bando, I will be the first to admit I have an obsessive personality. I don't know why I am so terrified of not sleeping. Is that a sx in itself? I have no idea... but all I know is that I feel like if I don't sleep I will die or something  It's a very horrible feeling. A lot of people do better with no sleep than I do, and they don't seem to understand why it's so hard for me. But it's that feeling that makes it so painful for me.

 

Holly I am the same way, convinced I cannot function with out 8 hr of sleep. I usually sleep with help of unisom but now I am afraid it will dry out my eyes really bad and theyre a mess already or worse, will get too used to it. Youre not alone with this obsession.

 

Thanks Gardenia, it really comforts me to know that.

[[ba...]]

Dr ashton states benzos do not cause structural brain damsge damage,, furthermore she states insomia is  a w/d symptom, the only known cure is time

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Hi Holly

You will be alright. You don't have any permanent damage, but it will take some time for your brain to heal. As shitty as it sounds--9.5 months off is still early in the benzo-game.  I am positive that you will start to see NOTICEABLE healing soon. Right now we're seeing little improvements here and there. It usually seems like we take a step forward only to take 2 steps back. We're at that point now where we will start to see solid improvements very soon.  I am also struggling with the thought of the amount of time is has taken to get this far, and the amount of healing that has occurred.  I'm sick of having to isolate myself from others because I feel like crap. I sooo want to get back to my life before benzos.

[[Ho...]]

Sam, it sounds like we're in the same boat for the most part. How is your sleep at this point? Did you have sleep issues before benzos?

[[Sa...]]

I don't want to make you jealous, but I'm getting about 8 hours per night.  That's not every night though. Often it takes a while to get to sleep, and when I wake up I still feel really tired. What helps me sleep is running a mile every other day.  Aerobic exercise will help release chemicals to calm you down in the absence of gaba.  I also take benadryl and melatonin before bed.

 

I didn't have issues with sleep before this.

[[Ho...]]

Yeah... I'm getting zero because my brain has forgotten how to fall asleep. I would love to know why the insomnia issue has hit me so hard.

[[re...]]

I have sleep problems too. I fall asleep pretty easily, at night anyway, but I don't stay asleep very long.

I don't think it's brain damage. I think it's hormones out of whack. Remember, the brain wakes and sleeps in response to hormonal signals it receives. It doesn't just decide to go to sleep all on its own.

[[Pr...]]

Holly, looking at your sig, it seems like you did a very fast taper. Your body was and is probably in a state of shock, but remember even people who c/t heal up and get their sleep back eventually.

 

Personally, having talked a lot to Sunny71, I would stay on the Traz for the moment. Why do you say you feel it is poisoning you? If you're having a paradoxical rxn then by all means it needs to go. However Sunny tried to discontinue her T during her early months off and had too hard a time. Now at 18 months I believe she's getting it reduced via a compounding pharmacy.

 

I don't like extra drugs myself but I did have to wait until my 11th month to even think about stopping my Lexapro and even then I did it via a 4 month titration, not all at once.

[[Br...]]

It may be hard, but try to not taking anything for sleep and over the long time, it should hopefully come back. I have gone from no sleep, to 2-3 hours, to getting 8 - once because I haven't slept the night before. But, my body is starting to get into a pattern where I am sleeping 5 hours. I stay up later - 11 pm or so and fall asleep around 11;30 - midnight and I sleep to about 5 am. It takes awhile, but not using anything has helped even though it is a long road to get to a pattern of sleep no matter how many hours.

 

I do feel like I have brain damage to because my body won't stop tremor, twitching and buzzing. I am scared and I can't believe that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life. I have to believe that it will change, but no luck so far.

[[...]]

Yeah... I'm getting zero because my brain has forgotten how to fall asleep. I would love to know why the insomnia issue has hit me so hard.

 

Your brain has forgotten how to fall asleep naturally...what if you taper off the Trazadone very slowly and let your brain slowly get used to sleeping by itself?  Just a suggestion.

[[we...]]

Dear Holly,

structural damage is like lesions, what we have is functional brain damage, where our brain chemistry has been altered. The good news is that it will come back, with time…

 

If you were going to go off trazodone cold turkey, of course you're not going to sleep one wink.

 

Not only are you in withdrawal from the benzodiazepines, you're also in withdrawal from the trazodone, that is a double whammy for sleep.

 

I had horrible insomnia, it's now downgraded to lousy insomnia. After 14 months of not taking anything, I can pretty much guarantee 5 hours of sleep most nights, it's still not enough, but it sure beats 2 to 3 hours. I definitely see improvement but it's very slow. Your choices are to stay on the drug and sleep, or to try to taper and expect sleeplessness. Until you are off the drugs, your brain cannot regain its natural ability to sleep. It has very little to do with learning, and more to do with up regulation.

 

I don't think you are anymore broken than any of us, just in the same pickle, time time time (and patience).

[[Fr...]]

Hi Holly, We do not have brain damage we are just in benzo withdrawal. I did a very slow wean and I'm still taking my trazodone which I was on before I started withdrawing from my benzo. You wean off your benzo was so fast it was almost a CT, so don't dispare, you will recover, it just takes time.

 

Frannie

[[re...]]

Yeah... I'm getting zero because my brain has forgotten how to fall asleep. I would love to know why the insomnia issue has hit me so hard.

 

Its crazy how we all get hit with different things. I am not having issues with falling asleep. I wake up maybe once or twice and I go back to sleep. I sleep 6-7 hours usually. I got hit with obsessive thoughts about death and dying. Just cant shake it.   I didnt obsess about it pre benzo or at least I dont remember and I think I would remember.

 

I hope you get some sleep very soon!

[[Ho...]]

Thank you all for the replies. I've kind of done a taper of the trazodone, but it's been weird since my CNS sensitivity keeps waxing and waning and so that determines how much I can tolerate. For example, when I first jumped and took my usual dose of traz (100mg I believe it was), I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was more than a panic attack, it was actually one of those "serious adverse side effects" reactions that they say you should go to the ER for. Before I jumped, my body was perfectly fine with that dose.

 

So long story short, right now I can't tolerate much more than 50mg, which is what I had been taking for about 3 months. This past month I cut it back to 25mg and that's where I've been having tons of trouble sleeping again. I know that's still a high dose and I should keep cutting it lower.

 

Another thing... I guess I am technically in wd from Yaz too. I've been off it for about 3 months, but there's a different forum of people supporting each other for many months coming off that stuff, so  I guess that would explain some more of my sxs. I don't know why I feel the need to get off everything so quickly. I think my body is still in "it's life or death" mode, and I still equate pills with death. I've learned it was these drugs that were killing me so subconsciously I cannot STAND to take them. Seriously, whenever I swallow a pill now, I get this horrible gut reaction that courses through me.  It feels like my intuition still hasn't settled down from the assault that benzos gave to my body. It's still trying to protect me. I always said I knew all along while I was taking benzos that they were the problem... deep down I knew it, but I ignored it.

[[ve...]]

Check out "The emotional Life of your Brain" by Richard Davidson.  It's not too late to reverse brain "damage".  It's hot off the press in March, 2012.  Research shows that you can change your behavior and thinking and this can change structure and function of the brain.  I have not read it yet but this is what I gathered from the review I saw.

 

Vertigo

[[Ju...]]

Yaz affects hormones right? You're in w/d from a lot of meds but it isn't permanent. Do you think you can handle the Traz for a bit then slowly taper off as your cns heals? So sorry about sleep issues and hormones do affect sleep.

[[Ch...]]

Fear is our worst enemy in this healing process.  Understanding, knowledge and acceptance is most helpful.  Everything I've read, which is a lot,

indicates no long term brain damage.  Long healing times, yes, permanent damage, no...eventually this will pass.

Challis